I swear I've seen tentacles growing
inside the places water goes out.
They are purple and blue and have suckers on
and sometimes I see them and shout:

They have my eyes and my hair in a lock!
And they are tying these ropes to my lashes!
And on my pale arms and shin bones I've seen
purple and blue pus-blood gashes!

Out of these cuts come more of them,
more sucker-filled fat coils of woe.
My father cries out for his lost girl
while my tentacles wrap round his toe...

Until I infect everyone in the world
until I have caused mass destruction,
I will not be happy, I will not be good,
so I continue my disgusting seduction!

here
i am in the kitchen and it is tidy
for once
the noticeboard is all dated last year
cats crawl around my feet

i haven't fought in a while
and you are happy

i used to think i was doomed
i thought i'd die before thirty
i thought not eating would take me

i never thought i would live
in a house half my own
with cinnamon and a chrome clean sink

i haven't fought in a while
and i am happy

in my basement i will keep them
hoards of plasma laden spawn
and at night i will sleep with them
until the radiation sickness takes me
i just wanted to be your doll
hey there baby doll gal doll princess
now i am made of iron and plasma
and the only doll i could be, well,
i thought and it made me feel sick.

geiger counter is up to 500, now
and i can feel my underknees burning
not the kind from a fire but
from a blistering heat
and i swear i could see a flash of light there.

remember the last words your father said to you
good bye love
he was never one for verbosity.

you still look so pretty
that was the killer
the cyanide pill you thought was benign
until it wasn't.

ugly things do not make people ugly.
you still look so pretty
even though you tear my insides back out
he said through his eyes.

he just looked tired,
he saw the look in my eyes, a video tape of before
the life flash by of white thighs and burning kettles.
and he looked tired.

i am sorry i am
destroying everything just to feel normal
you build all these cities and you hand me a switch
to the undetonated bomb by the doctors surgery.

you still look so pretty
when those cities burn down
you still look so pretty
with fires burning your irises

of course you didn't care about my midnight typing.
the poems i wrote on the insides of my elbows.
why would you need any more than you have?
the red folder stitched tight with verses.

teacher said "girls like that don't matter
when girls like you are in my class."
"then teacher, why do you keep that folder?
up above too high, so i can't reach?"

i hate that folder with all my lungs
i was his pet, his wonder, his daughter.
one day, a Friday, a lie-day,
the distance between us got shorter.

i grabbed that fat gross metaphorical heart
i ate its contents, i felt it digest
i choked myself once (just to see how it felt)
and dear darling old teacher did the rest

now i write poems on his bathroom mirrors
when i break in through the window at night
teacher longs for his favourite pupil, he longs
for her small legs wrapped around him tight

i feel the wrote heart
beating inside me
(my stomach lining
echoes)

with
the words
she used.

the skulls of your friends lay heavy on my dress
and when i danced in your dreams
their eyes came to life, i swear,
i counted every time they flashed,
every time you stabbed their sockets.

429 times
429 times you pierced them
you were stabbing me, too,
they were on my dress and all.

and the room in your haze was filled with coffee cups
with wine stains and dust inside.

the color of the sky was the color of my hair
you said the grass smelled like pumpkins
the guts of the eyes came out when you stabbed the skulls
they rained on the floor. they made puddles.
it made you sick in the night.

sleep well darling

i do not understand the word love,
the way it lays heavy on everyone.
it gives one party
infinite power
to destroy the other.

i do not understand
why you would want to love somebody?
i made a space for you in my ***** system!!!!
thank you. i am so grateful.
i would so rather you just remembered me.

we tried to write memories together;
imprint them on each others retinas,
so in the future
we could scan them,
and see everything and how wonderful we were.

i fought with you over nothing.
it is always over nothing.
let's break up to my favourite song.
i do not understand love,
please do not ever love me.