I waited for something to happen when the ticking stopped
My body was frozen as if a time bomb
Waiting for something. For anything
Every bone ticking away like a timer
Waiting for something after the final seconds had passed
Not nothing. No it wasn't nothing
It wasn't an explosion
I wasn't broken apart with my shattered pieces falling away in teardrops
For it ****** me dry leaving no tears to be wept
Yet I was not ****** in an implosion
Not taken to another galaxy of a new life
No, it was a vacuum within myself, leaving me empty, leaving my body whole
To take in whatever was closest, which as it was, was sadness.
The bomb destroyed all around me
Leaving me nothing
No, not nothing.
Grief

His name is William
Just a boy
A perfect stranger
Who even after meeting, I retain now knowledge of
Except for a name
And a face
Not just a stranger, but a best friend

I think of him
I feel his effect on me in an almost nostalgic euphoria
As if imbedded in memory
I experience the sentiment of moments never shared
Reminiscing our friendship never realized
I don't know him
But we know each other completely

He recognizes my ways
Adapting movements without force to mine
Being just William, for me
An individual with a head to imagine
A single body to interact
Without hesitation he considered me-
A girl with no known purpose in his life

This indescribable man, he lives honestly
And he remembers that he, first and foremost is a man
Practicing human nature
Feeling emotion
Considering others in all realities
And utilizing his mind to better understand others
Thinking before thinking

He frequents fantasies, just like many
But keeps his life amongst the living
With no imagination to smooth imperfections
But he still interacts with shadows who present themselves willingly
Looking past their movements before
And treats all equally
As their living, breathing, feeling selves

I trust William
And don't care if I am wrong doing so
He's seen inside me with glazed eyes
And opened them to look at me
Considering my thoughts and feelings voiced many times before
Never manipulating in his favor, and never dismissing my views
He sees me, Alice

He heard my words in his hand
Unvoiced scribbles spelling thoughts
If he didn't agree, he never shook the letters off
He sees me living
And with that solely in mind
He turned his head, with body not brain
And shared a smile with feelings and heart.

My tears have been free flowing since your leaving
And in moments where discretion of sobs is called upon
The droplets find other means of escape
Some evaporate, fleeing my body amidst breath breathed out
Others wait patiently for sun to open pores wide enough for exit
But despite the success of many I still have more tears to weep.

I guess I make you worry when I answer you call
And I can understand how
When eyes gaze through tired lids and words spoken with dry lips-
But, my love, I am not sad
Though troubles I do have plenty, that flood my timid heart
Overflowing as turbulent seas in teardrops so many.

My Love, remember these tears that flow so often
That are accompanied by weeps and sighs
Come from the heart in loving pain
Since our words get lost upon the breeze, just know-
I love therefore I feel sorrow
I love therefore I feel
I *love

When I closed my eyes I saw the pupils of another
Staring deeply back within the darkness
So deep they penetrated my own as if I were gazing upon a mirror
My vision slowly pulled out in fear
Yet it did not try to pull focus once more
So unlike the usual eyes that haunt my every slumber
With a face full in colour and strangely familiar
And a breath that I could hear and feel
As if a tide caressing a wave back to the embrace of the open sea
His breath captured me as it touched my skin
Into his waters was I carried
Yet kept there I was not
For when I pulled out there was no ransom
I was freed upon my surrender

Could have brought my heart back
So it was once again mine to lose
I muffled my voice in hesitation
And I gave you the chance to choose

You didn't try to even reach out
As I gave you opportunity to do
Instead you used your words to woo me
And in wooing make me the obedient fool

I told you so many times before
That from your words I am immune
They only disrespected me
When you expected too much too soon

And now you start to hold your tongue
But it is too late as it was before
Your promise of trying and dealing with the pain
Is a lie I shall be a fool of no more

We only just met
But I felt a tugging of my heart, forever in search of a friend
It was brief
Yet an unforgettable warmth still lingers after our passing
In my striving to remain honesty to myself, I always thought myself alone
Despite the eyes that casually yet constantly peer
They watch
Unknowing the truth of the damage inflicted
Yes, I am newly awakened
But the reality claws it's way with such strength
Exploding from my new found uncontainable mind
And continues its attacks on my body
My fragile and peaceful body

I am tired
It seems that the timelessness of this world I so recently discovered
Is nothing short of eternity
This battle I wish no part in has taken a toll so great
As if a lifetime
I am searching
Evreryday and night I search for comfort of a friend
I have found but a few
And their comfort teases me, as they so naturally delve in and out of light and shadow
As I lay my trusting head down on their shoulder offered
Temptation brushes it away
The tide pulling its victim back out to the treacherous sea

I am tired
No
I was exhausted
As a cool breeze washes the scorching dessert, so did you
Just a few words exchanged
A few minutes shared
And yet I have known you a lifetime
A sister, a friend, a long lost kindred spirit finally found
You understand this world
Full of hands untouchable
Graffitied with words unhearable
Parading love unattainable
So you offered no hand to hold, nor shoulder to lean on
As I have grown to understand the impersistance of form
I would never be permitted to maintain my grip
Instead you gave a piece of your tranquility
Finally
I can rest.

A finger, a thumb
All it takes to cage a soul.
Who would believe this world so full
Would be in the end so flat?

A canvas like playground for all two dimensional captives ,
Becoming lines that are drawn as if unwinding threads
Wound so tightly before that release is received with superfluous gratitude
Such freedom never felt before is cherished and held onto

Trapping minds, one within the other.
Unable to see the real world yet recognised
Will that freedom be enough
Never knowing what it is to be free

Will hands reach out to hold my hand hot with life?
Will they let the fire flow through?
Burning the canvas
Breaking the threads
Freeing the mind.

Loving you is a choice made
And the only choice I have
There were no other boxes to tick
And I have let go of that pen
To replace it with your hand

I hold on, no matter what may come
Like thise magpies ever  circling around my head
Beady eyed and adamant to steal it away
But I take it wherever I go
Unable to let go if I even desired

Your hand occupies mine completely
Leaving no space for anything else
I can't pick up sword or shield
To defend and scare away those who attack
But in truth, I don't care

Our contours merge into one never ending road
That only we can embark upon
And our fingers entwine, as vines climbing towards sky
So naturally they connect without force or direction
With your warmth insulating pores from easy entry

This jigsaw is no puzzle
Just two pieces  
One solution
Placing your hand in mine completes me
And the picture we make is perfection.

Even when the sun is absent to cast it's light
Still some shadow remains close in sight
Moving as I do just at slightly different time
And to my feet does it not align
It is no shadow but an echo of maybe
Unsure for its presence is so hard to see
Perhaps a spirit following my every stride
Nonetheless a friend in who I so often confide

Together we roam both night and day
And not too long is it ever away
For in my sight does it choose to be
Together as one in serene unity
Though at times torches come a blaring
And fear overcomes this spirit ever caring
So whilst out in public does its body remain
Within my thought does its life remain

That night it was you who light upon me did give
To show others how much you could get away with
As if to your mischief not only an eye did I blind
But care not for how much you did me undermine
And though your sins did I forgive so hastily
Your gloating did my friend and I effect most angrily
And though I could not your presence abandon
My companion fled with all speed it could fathom

I always welcomed you no matter the consequence
And fight did I always your fights too intense
But that night as you shared space with my soul
You took on a rather monstrous looking role
As if expecting me to do your every chore
Your egotistical rantings sent it right out the door
So now if my kindness is once more disrespected
Will your requests forever be rejected

An exit for expression
An admittance with no fee
A mind free from excluding
An exhibition without end

The centerpiece- an installation
Ever moving within its frame
Its contents constantly disappearing
To reveal a blank canvas to be filled once more

The artist turns out to be me, and me alone
Leaving my post is an improbability
As the gallery holding me hostage is my own mind
Yet in truth, I find happiness in this prison cell

Without sleep I find energy from passers by
Who refuel my passion with their coins
Thrown into my hat beside me
Tokens of positivity that they cannot directly give

The door is always open
Even to those who find fault with the artist
Who tease me in my chained feet
And hurl their abuse with intent to delay completion

Yet still, I welcome companionship of viewers
Without noticing the deviants who scratch away at my painting
My selflessness renders me unable to notice evils
Blinding me with the future I paint before my eyes

My piece is never mastered
For I am distracted by evils constant approach
Presenting me with gifts of seeds, that grow in my soils
Only to blossom as weeds, and eat away at all goodness

But my grounds are open, and my job demands time
Rarely do I have the time to look upon works accomplished
But I steal a moment as sun and moon change shifts
Only to be met a view that gives no happiness as before

My stubborn positivity keeps defences up
Protecting myself from taunters and ghosts who take refuge in corners
I am distracted by my own optimism, the joy of what I do
But it hinders me, in ways I cannot defeat

My ability to seek vengeance was never yielded nor encouraged
So instinctively as always, I turn not to the voices behind me
And paint upon the canvas once more
The doors still open

The chill engulfs me in a warm embrace
Encapsulating me entirely in an explosion from my core
Brings tears of mourning to my eyes that sparkle with joy
Fueling my blood and bone in waves of soothing water
Filling my eyes with sights so ******
So blinding the light burns brightly as hope
Your love although its flavour so scarcely offered
I savour and cherish all the more.

So I don't write quite as much as before
And I've tried to, mostly in vain.
So I want to ask anyone who will reply to message me which, if any, poems they feel most personal to them- that they can relate to.

I'll write one more. For old times sake as well as new.
Thanks

I seem to pass time in a daydream,
Waiting for the hour to pass, the day to end, the night to be over
My movements drift by as smoke
My mind, is always on you.
They poster their images in the foreground
And try to distract me and my thoughts
But you're always there, always.
They feed on sadness and loneliness, and I find it hard to fight
But the never ending struggle adds beauty to our love
And perseverance to my cause.
You complete me
As if we were destined, mind mates as it were
I feel invincible when my mind allows your entering
And I save the strength of our union when they rip you from my thoughts.
In time I know we will be together
We will live out the future I have envisioned a thousand times.
I told you, mi amor, I will never stop loving you
And that is set in stone
But there is so much more to say
And I've yet to find all the words
I promise to you our future, our family
I vow to you that I will always try to be the best me
I swear to you I will never give up.
I will never give in.
They will never have me.
I love.
I am yours.

(For You, when you don't realise you could lose yourself in hiding:)

.        .          .          .           .        .

Slow down just a little bit
I'm not even asking for a break
Nor secretly hoping for a slight pause
No matter how little time you take

Breathe a little deeper if you can
No need to fight for breath
I want you to remember you are alive for once
We already know you're at peace with death

Stop justifying your transgressions
Even if you can always find good reason
For your words form chains that wrap unnoticed about your feet
Blind to irony, you trap yourself in your own freedom

Slow down just a little bit
I'm not even asking for a break
Nor secretly hoping for a slight pause
No matter how little time you take

Breathe a little deeper if you can
No need to fight for breath
I want you to remember you are alive for once
We already know you're at peace with death

Stop justifying your transgressions
Even if you have good reason
For your words form chains about your feet
Ironically you trap yourself in freedom

Remember me when I have finally gone away
Gone far away into a similar land
Where you can still hold my ghostly hand
And for eternity upon my image will your gaze stay

Remember me when you for once need not say
That the future I envisioned is close at hand
Only remember your words, so befitting my demand
Will be too late to take back from your tongues betray

Yet, should you forget your words cruelly said
And forgiveness impossible, do not grieve
For if the darkness and guilt leave
I will still remain in light and shade

Better, perhaps, to forget my cries of pain
Than remember and be afraid

I am sorry
I wish I could make it easier
This is not a test
We both know the truth
I have you in my heart, I want your loving real
I am sorry
The love we could conjure is just that-
An indescribable illusion, masterfully crafted
But
It is not grabbable
I will not spoil my mind
Only to starve my body, heart and soul
The sight of you brings light into every essence of me
But it is torture
It is pain to parade our minds in front of my lonely body
I am sorry
If your mind disallows you from understanding
I am sorry
I love you too much
I treasure our true love
Too much
Too much to denounce it to the space and time and viewing of so many
Our love is special
Our love is true
Our love is deep
Our love is wonderful
Our love is electric
Our love is illuminating
Let our love be real.

Laugh, why don't you?
At my weakest of times
Rush to my side and kick me.
At times of loneliness
Take advantage of what I hold dear.
It is in the mind
But it is more evil and sickening than any crime.
You violate my essence
I do feel it physically.
I gag as you invade my privacy.
I burn as you enter my once believed to be own mind.
I cry
I cry.
You believe it to be only in the mind?
You're wrong.

Sleep is not my friend
Yet I continue in my attempts to woo it
This unrequited love tires me
But I cannot rest for rest itself is my enemy
We remain star crossed lovers
Whilst separate we are pulled from each other
Yet when reunited our union is always bliss
Dreams are created as if children of our partnership
And hours pass watching them grow and flourish
In awakening I mourn the departure of the fully developed dreams
An emptiness flickers within that grows throughout the day
Sleep leaves me, for my longing pushes me to the verge of insanity
I am no longer attractive to its eye
And so here I lay as I do every morning
In hope that sleep comes home

I introduced myself just a few days ago
And now we've become one and the other
New friends with a history from creation
I'm told in past lives we were lovers
And reminded that we are first life soulmates
Made for each other
Designed together only to be torn apart
Each life we spend our time pulling our puzzle pieces back together
Where I end we begin
When we finish humanity is born

Now I walk almost with ease through these nightly rituals
Disconnecting as much as I can from this frenzically speeding mind
Always the same.
Monotonously I wade through the murky waters of this devilish playground
Just enough energy to swim to the top now and again to gasp for air
Their seas of haunting chants is suffocating
Always deceitfully encouraging me into states of panic and despair
Always the same.

I have danced this dance many times before
Yet their persistancy makes it feel infinitely longer
My body aches from their puppet strings, holding me up before slumber
And my thoughts are disheveled from their constant trespassing.
But look here in my mind, that despite inconveniences still prospers, unstoppable.
Their manipulation, you see, although practiced in the mind, only hinders my brain and body
And is shrugged off every day as I wake from sleep,
No, no, it is not the same.

Our conversations are scarce
But my love for you ever present
You respond to questions of silence unsatisfactorily
Answering in echoes of the question I just posed
You're right, I did not initiate conversation
And in an ice cold world I would feel blame for my loneliness
But, you see, or maybe you don't realize
That I am a woman who loves purely
Maybe I'm old fashioned but I have my smile to prove
That loving in its truest form gives happiness beyond belief
So I stay a woman, and you remain my man
Be a man my love, for I stand behind you always
Act first for I am busy loving.

I miss you
I cry because I want to be by your warm skin
But I'm not
I beat myself trying to draw you to me
But you never see
I reminisce the good times we had together
But I forget the even greater ones we've yet to have
I'm stuck remembering how you taste and smell
My thoughts glue me down more
I watch my love grow every moment
But I feel the sadness at its heel
I write so many words but say so much to you in thought
My mouth is paralysed
My body numb
My heart is weak, and weakening with growing love
I love you
But I need your love for me because I have none.

I say sorry when fault is not mine
And speak thanks when not deserved
But now I come to think of it
Apologies and gratitude are to my ears never heard

Too quick to claim responsibility
Even if I have played no part
And not once do I point accusingly
Awaiting any confessions of the heart

So swift do they call me weak
To apparently bow down so far below
But in truth it is them who are trapped
By their weeds that continue to grow

I loved you most of all
I admired all you were
Your greatness was unachievable
That there was no one I preferred

I was a child back then
And as a child were you loved
But now I am a woman with love renewed
And so I let you go, a Love unbegrudged

Come, come, sweet slumber of mine
Wash me away with your calm tides
So that I may bathe upon blissful tides
And basque in glorious light

Make haste your arrival, long awaited
No need to pause behind closed door
Your invitation to my company is open as always
And your presence is sorely yearned

Bring nothing with you, nothing at all
No need to pack peaceful dreams
All I ask for are your soft waters
To wash upon this awakened being

I have no pen in hand
-You know- the one with ink
That leaves a mark behind
Not that one

That pen
Whose existence is debated by its nonentity
So vague the pen stroke
So illegible the words
That it leaves you with nothing but questions

You question yourself
Was it memory or imagination?
Yet the tingle upon your skin still lingers
Seeming to promise letters written before

Those words were not planned nor considered were the messages
But in truth and with paranoia instilled
Although they flowed through mind so fluidly to settle upon skin
I'm sure their waters were disturbed along the way.

This pens ink is poisoned
Best throw it away

My face looks young yet
With lines upon skin you can barely see
That deepen and spread as time passes
Yet these roots do not ground me

No, these lines cannot be compared to roots
Nor this skin be likened to the soil of trees
For they are more wire to hold and restrain
The fighting attempts of freedom beneath

A well accomplished woman, I choose to be
Despite my apparent inadequacy
But remove the tainted spectacles you wear
And regard my advancement beneath despair

A smile I decide to wear to war
For  my crossing the battlefield is no chore
But instead a duty to which I am adept
And under my dancing feet are foes to be swept

As I waltz my way past bullet and boom
Fear I do not my awaiting tomb
For should I die, shall I die in bliss
Having danced my dance through a life well lived

To you, who sits awaiting a sign
Yes you, searching for meaning or worth
I have a message just for you alone
That has been awaiting you since birth

You can be worthy even though you doubt
But the way you don't choose to be holds you back
Although your actions indeed seem respectful at first
Your ignorance towards others you do not lack

If you can see such wondrous things
And catch the deceit of others all around
Think for a moment that what you can do so well
Is a gift that in others can also be found

They all can read your most private opinions
They all can see your deepest desires
So they choose not to see your  actions of good nature
For their attention is on the internal liar

I apologize for shining so brightly
It was not done to insult, nor to feed ego
I fueled the fires, too much
I wanted to blind myself-
To consume the darkness with my radiating glow
But the light meant to injure my eyes hurt your eyes too
I didn't realize you were there
Sharing my eyes and bearing my wounds
I know now
And I do fear you still, don't fret

You were always there, burning in the scorching heat
Never making yourself or your pain known
But I know now
You made sure of it yesterday
When you finally approached me
With all the evil darkness you could muster in the flames
You clouded my light and trapped me in dream
Holding me and blocking the doors to awakening
Making sure I witnessed your presence and anger
And it worked, don't fret

The terror was nothing I could ever conjure in dream
And despite loss of breath and quickening of heart
That nightmare showed  your power
And your lines that should not be crossed
But I am humbled, and grateful for that
And I see my blessings of friends and strangers who watch over me
When I looked to the clouds in desperation I found them
With the sun shining gloriously
Its rays hit the back of heads making halos
And highlighting their words...don't fret

I wont burn so brightly anymore
My fuel is low from excessive use
But, though my light alone is dimmed
There is no more darkness to brighten
Because, I know my angels are always there
Their light forever glowing with mine
I won't fret

A every stumble, thoughts of you catch me every time
But at each trip, they poison my daydreams with long gone memories.
Hauntingly, they mimick my train of thought
I apologize every time

Those thoughts are not my own, my love
I am vulnerable against their every attack
Punishment for my choice not to join,
And not to fight

The ability to love, they lack
And their bitterness enhances in the presence of my love for you
So, my love, do not believe their jealous manipulation
Which takes more form each time I call to you

I swore to you my love
I gave myself to you
Look within me, the me, that I gave to you
Don't watch the movements of my mind, as it was never truly mine

Turn away from their evil illustrations
Exhibited to invoke doubt and suspicion
Look into your heart, my love,
Feel the miracle we created together

They did the same to me my love
Attacking all senses with visions of you and disguised mistresses
In the end it was all in vain
As my heart stayed true, and steered me back

So, my beloved, look into the truth you feel inside your heart
Within is our true love, shining still
And never look to the glowing darkness before your eyes
Projected on all you see, and surrounding you in your slumber

Remember the electricity we made the first time you took my hand in yours
That hand, that sensation, is me
Don't be fooled as they warm your hand in a firm grip
And say that grasp is mine

You know my touch, you know my love
Don't look for demonstrations of me
But feel for what you know
Remember, my true love
Love is blind.

Dream away sweet dreamer
For your visions in deep slumber are all that we see
A distant candlelight upon the horizon
Bringing a tranquil shimmer of light to the all consuming darkness of closed eyes

Your flame burns bright, lifting the blanket of shadow
Revealing the ruins of the land once rich and imperishable
Bringing regret and shame to the forgetful eyes
Yet giving vision and promise of restoration to those of hope

Look up with eyes wide open, but in the ruins I urge look down
Upon the ground, beneath dirt and dust
For still there remains rich soil to sow seeds and a vast land to rebuild
And in the distance, ever shining, ever lightening, the dreamer dreams forever

Another person stands by your side
Another space for you to lose yourself inside
But my outline still imprinted on your bed
Just with a different body in my stead

You have moved on, or so you say
Your grin apparently growing more each day
But I know her reflection of you is of no compare
To the mirror we held with our smile forever shared

My encounter, although mistakingly enlightening
Leaves me more baffled than before.
Do my words inherit the glow, similar to my daydreaming movements?
As if they were prematurely made, a banner across my silhouette.
Attached before the words can escape my mouth.

I wonder tonight about the necessity of freedom of speech
Curious to understand the rate of which our minds have developed, or been manipulated.
Is it our human defect of guilt the thing that encourages us to open our mouths?
Merely to humor our lowly human selves.

But I fumble
As words escape my lips, and enter your mind,they cannot be translated.
You cannot read my genuine emotion, as the life and purpose is ****** out as they are inscribed across your palm
So I write, and I materialize these things before they are evaporated.

Yes, I am confusing, and I apologize if I am further misunderstood
But, , my friend, I do love you
Purely, true and eternally
Yet I cannot give you what you desire.

Newton was both right and wrong
Love cannot be created nor destroyed
This energy flows continuously, passed from friend to friend
youthfully and innocently as friendship is meant to be

But, what he did not consider was the love of truth and purity
Which in the end is no energy, as they would have us believe
This love is an essence, similar to that formed the blood flowing through our family
Yet has something more

This love I speak honestly of,
Is unselfish
Is no medal of achievement
It bestows upon you the drive to be the highest you
It is the essence for the creation  of the one thing that they can never offer
True love, and true love of yourself.

I don't know how it happened
Maybe I gave too high a spirit that they were unable to believe in
But, even if it gave wind to their wings and lifted them too high
It's still further away from there
I'm still trying to bring them back, even if they do all they can to bring me down
And I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong
But I can't find breaks in the connections made
No gaps for them to creep through under the of shadow
The current i channel to all still runs strong
Its light still bright
So why did the haze catch their eyes?
How did they tempt these once sweet angels down from such great heights?

How were they convinced to remove halo in favor of horns

I have been shallow, I realize that now
Considering my impact on others first
Leaving the concerns of materialistic importance for myself.
In this double life I have been leading I have fooled myself
Trying to find reason to believe in others
I ignored that it is myself that needs believing in.

My critical eyes have become my enemy
Rendering me blind to obvious faults
Without knowing, I have trapped myself  deeper in their clutches
Focusing on disconnecting from my mind
Backfiring because I'm back in their world
Unintentionally, it's all I think about.

It's time to rethink my strategy
Take a refresher course on my mission.
Attempts to suspend the command unwanted have been countless,
And unknowingly, I have deserted control of the living, breathing, me.
I blindfolded myself, but still peered through the gaps
So I'm closing my eyes, and pray sleep stays for a while.

Keeping finger and thumb apart
That is the one connection we shall still share
But no longer will i try to believe in my two selves
No, I will start believing in the person
The being that my movements and choices will give effect and reward to.
Me, out here. Living and breathing.

The ghost of me will never cease to exist
She will float, and I will let her continue for a while.
Don't fret, my beloved enemy, I'll be back soon
A Wendy to this Peter Pan story
Returning with needle and thread to sew my old shadow to my feet.
But now, I'm flying, no, walking back home.
Farewell.

I'm drawn to you but I don't know why
I don't know enough about you to reason my obsession
So I'll play along and plead insanity
Because the spell I'm under has me mesmerised

I don't feel lost in a trance
For my will still flies freely
Maybe an illusion, but I don't care
I want to be caught in your web

You are my brother, never before met
And my guards are at ease allowing you entry to guarded mind
So often alone, I am protected from what I cannot see
But now you're here, by my side, and I see you alone.

I thought I saw your glow once
Then as a storm rages
The remnants of your shadow were swept away it seemed
But only to be concealed momentarily
The reflected light of the moons of our ever-united minds cleared to reveal the truth
As does the infinite rising sun
Truths were reflected
Refracted
Opinions distorted
Distracted
My newly opened eyes
Although fresh witnesses to the cruelty of reality and surreality  
Also enabled falsities and facades to be filtered
Raindrops evaporated
I tried to pull you from your self inflicted puddle of insecurity
Your ocean of self preservation
Truth is
Self containment is but a fantasy
I see you again
I can once again sense the warmth of your hands
Finally clutching the ropes I lay before you
I see you again
Rising from the rocks once disguised as comfort
I see your mortality
Shattered looking glasses are sharp to our scarred surfaces
But the cool breeze beyond soaks through our pores
We are reborn
Yes
We are mortal
But through realization
We are immortal.

Your endeavors to prove yourself were not in vain
I saw you
I saw you stand in the light my mortal eyes could see
But you thought me at ease
Satisfied with your performance
So relaxed you believed me to look away unknowingly
Convinced
Secure
But I am cursed with a curious eye
And your glow so bright in that moment intrigued me
I waited for more wonders
I watched
I watched you treasure the purity of friendship we share
Just a moment
Just a moment we held it
Then as shadows dance and disappear with the suns ever changing gaze
I watched as you so naturally dissolved back into the darkness
The suffocating, timeless space

I understand now
As much as my unfaithful, treacherous mind allows
I understand how strong a grip the minute pleasures can maintain
But our minds constant tie and enemy was your savior
You brain locked away the remnants of nostalgia
The memories of mountains once conquered
The visions of a hand outstretched
The feelings of a rope ever strong
You remembered
That rope
As I
Is ever present
As I
Let them keep their conjured grip
The mountains are firm in their place
The rope secure in its place
My hand
My mortal hand
Will forever be outstretched
For you
My friend.

I know I am difficult
Yet you take me with such ease
I have never quite made it up to you
But your patience has yet to cease

I feel your presence ready at hand
Even if I shut you out
As is my love forever your shadow
That, you need never doubt

Slowly the sounds of my constant haunting are drowning out
As the city wakes up, irrepressible noise of life overpowers the shouting whispers of the non existent
And I strive to stay awake to have this sweet music soften the blows from the night before
Weariness grabs a hold, and starts pulling me down into slumber
The tug of war still goes on, just the opponents have tagged out
Sleep being a friend missed dearly, holds the other end
I want to go, but give me a few more moments here
Let me feel time pass obediently to the sun
Hear the chaos of people going about their daily routine
Let me see my skin glow as light hits the surface

It's seems that in the night I cross over against my will
My pure desire to live honestly and for love is the one thing that keeps me here
Holds thought in brain
Brain in head
Head above feet
And feet on earth
But my mind, is stolen away from me
I become undead trapped in a timeless limbo
That consumes me, leaving just my memory
But that's enough
Memories of who I am, what I choose to be remind me
I have reason to stand firm, I have strength take their hits

So I lie here
Invisible bruises suffocate my dreamers skin
I can feel her pain, all too real
Just as I feel all other sensations, or injuries that pass through mind
That crawl out in secrecy to find place on my uncrowned body
The wounds ache and force sleep to tug harder
I'm fading out of view
And losing sight of a life I could have
Just for one day
But they've won, as they always do
Maybe tomorrow, maybe.

My life is not going to last that long
This body of mine will wither quite soon
My heart though it loves forever strong
Will be a distant echo as the unheard beating that once came from my womb

My mind can be occupied still
And withstand the time impeding
Yet do not rely so proudly upon assumed will
For time to your bidding is unheeding

Patience I have and more do I gather
For you I have foreseen are worth the wait
Yet as my death approaches the less I can fathom
And so too deceases our predestined fate

They stole it
And they're not giving it back
Like children they parade their toy for all to see
But selfishly keep it to themselves

They're tricksters
Fooling people to believe they share their stolen prize
Like the sandman they grace man and woman with fictional fantasies
But demand humanity in exchange.

They're parasites
Unable to find satisfaction in their timeless space
Like gluttons they lure craved emotions and feast
But never do they lose hunger.

They're killers
Deserting me here in loneliness unable to keep you near
Like poison they have ruined an ability man once mastered nobly
But in cruelty, they do not destroy it.

They're nothing
Envious of form, feeling and life that we once cherished
Like addicts they devote all of their nothingness to watch us
But they're too far to save.

They're not able to love
Bitter about my love for him they wage a war that I don't want to fight
Like vampires they try to drain me until I am one of them
But they will not succeed.

That moment the bass drops in a favorite song
Submerging your body from the core inside the musical trance
The first few strides in the open air after days of isolation
Open eyes opening once more as the daylight kisses them
A smile appearing where your lips were caressed by another's
Blossoming as your fingertips trace the fresh tracks of a kiss
The soothing heat that spreads through your body
Bringing a cool breeze gushing from your core within
You didn't have a drop to drink to feel this drunkeness
You sit in silence yet the music is still felt
You were never imprisoned to feel the freedom of open spaces
And your lips have been untouched for days unnumbered
But the memory is still there, fresh as the grass beneath your dreaming feet
As refreshing as the waters of a forgotten stream lightly touching your palms
Bringing a sorely missed kindred spirit back to its other life
Complete in it's entirety and clear in view
Without lacking in touch, smell or others alike
Oh love, it's real, more real than we could ever fantasize.

That moment the bass drops in a favorite song
Submerging your body from the core inside the musical trance
The first few strides in the open air after days of isolation
Open eyes opening once more as the daylight kisses them
A smile appearing where your lips were caressed by another's
Blossoming as your fingertips trace the fresh tracks of a kiss
The soothing heat that spreads through your body
Bringing a cool breeze gushing from your core within
You didn't have a drop to drink to feel this drunkeness
You sit in silence yet the music is still felt
You were never imprisoned to feel the freedom of open spaces
And your lips have been untouched for days unnumbered
But the memory is still there, fresh as the grass beneath your dreaming feet
As refreshing as the waters of a forgotten stream lightly touching your palms
Bringing a sorely missed kindred spirit back to its other life
Complete in it's entirety and clear in view
Without lacking in touch, smell or others alike
Oh love, it's real, more real than we could ever fantasize.

You fill my body from within
And as soon as you touch me am I consumed where I stand
Engulfed by an effervescent eruption
Unable to wield nor withstand

You seldom reveal where you are
Guiding me by touch, and touch alone
You know a single glimpse of your face sorely missed
Would bring not only joy but aching to the bone

Your touch is more than enough for now
As I cast all other senses aside
And though hopes and wishes come haunting
In safety of mind do I reside

Your anger is long gone I can see
With pride following at the rear
And as he fought to pull me away from you
Your humanity kept you near

I bore wounds from his grip so tight
About my wrists so desperately clasped
Yet with your kisses ever soothing
Was my love he unable to grasp

Light from a nonexistent sun shines gloriously
Illuminating my surroundings without burning sight
Dewdrops on every blade of grass sparkle
And the treetops are crowned with halos from the bright light
A stream trickles through field and Forrest
The soft pebbles warm the soles of feet and soul of me
Nature comes to life before my very eyes
With a heart beating faithfully with my own
So melidic, the silence gesture my welcome
My time here, although a timeless place, is unlimited

The air is so pure it gives perfect clarity
Giving way for wind to reveal itself
Forming mirages in transparency
And at time taking form of those once lost
Jumping over unbreakable branches it whistles through the emerald leaves
That brush my ears as words of friends who lost voice
For once, my eyes dance at my own accord
Gliding through the panorama with speed and patience
Giving me uninterrupted time to save the images I collect
Maybe one day you'll see it for yourself, but until then I paint a picture with my words

What I see, is pure beauty
A masterpiece in itself that even in its perfection is never finished
It's artist never lifting their brushstroke
Never taking pause for paint to dry
With their brush ever flowing
Each stroke a colorful breeze that frolicks freely
Kissing my skin as I take in the view
So visible yet never obstructing
This beauty makes me beautiful for walking upon its heavenly soil.

The man I love is a great one
Though he is still destined to become a good one
I admit that times have tested my patience
Waiting for his buds to blossom I have survived a thousand storms
Lightning striking from fogs that bear his face look over me
With the thunderous roars proclaiming him their soldier
But godly vision have calmed my fears again and again
And the sight of our souls roots and branches remain unbreakably entwined
But though he is great, so too is he bad
But the heavens reassure me of how it will be
How it should have been

I know my blessings could wipe his slate clean
But it would be selfish of me to cleanse just him
It would bring consequences of a hellish nature
Devils claiming me prejudice would add fuel to their fires
Luring more innocent souls ignorantly to their side
I wish I could tell him why I seem to ignore his pleas
Trapped by fear of his response the words never escape mind
So many times truth has been met by dismissal
I am a victim of unjust rejection

I guess I haven't been waiting
Because to do so means you have something to wait for
It's ironic
The one place I abstain from is exactly where I've been this whole time
Fantasy
Because you never told me to wait for you
You never said you were mine when I told you I was yours
Never did you proclaim our being together
So why should I have expected you to be faithful?
When I wasn't a partner all along

I'm just living up to my name
Dreaming in this wonderland-like matrix
Thinking my saving myself for you meant anything
Believing you we're doing the same
I fantasized an image of you that whispered hopes for the future
Who promised his heart would open
And let me in
To love me