I don't know how to describe it
This thing I am holding on to
It's so complete in itself, a single truth
But at the same time it is so many things
I hold it so carefully, a crystal ball perfectly fitting my hand
And when I gaze through the absolute clarity
I witness a thousand stars within
Lights of hope that one day will illuminate our skies again
Little ***** of fire burning
So immortal as my love for you is
A universe that is always within reach
That I offer to all to gaze upon freely.

If I can hold onto unnumbered heavens
Surely we can lift up the one we already have

Could have brought my heart back
So it was once again mine to lose
I muffled my voice in hesitation
And I gave you the chance to choose

You didn't try to even reach out
As I gave you opportunity to do
Instead you used your words to woo me
And in wooing make me the obedient fool

I told you so many times before
That from your words I am immune
They only disrespected me
When you expected too much too soon

And now you start to hold your tongue
But it is too late as it was before
Your promise of trying and dealing with the pain
Is a lie I shall be a fool of no more

When I closed my eyes I saw the pupils of another
Staring deeply back within the darkness
So deep they penetrated my own as if I were gazing upon a mirror
My vision slowly pulled out in fear
Yet it did not try to pull focus once more
So unlike the usual eyes that haunt my every slumber
With a face full in colour and strangely familiar
And a breath that I could hear and feel
As if a tide caressing a wave back to the embrace of the open sea
His breath captured me as it touched my skin
Into his waters was I carried
Yet kept there I was not
For when I pulled out there was no ransom
I was freed upon my surrender

Come, come, sweet slumber of mine
Wash me away with your calm tides
So that I may bathe upon blissful tides
And basque in glorious light

Make haste your arrival, long awaited
No need to pause behind closed door
Your invitation to my company is open as always
And your presence is sorely yearned

Bring nothing with you, nothing at all
No need to pack peaceful dreams
All I ask for are your soft waters
To wash upon this awakened being

I wonder what you do everyday
I make believe that I have special powers
I cast projections out of nowhere behind glazed eyes
One shadow puppet that would dance at my will
But I let the strings loose and abandon role of director
I've been in this one man audience ever since
And it's enough for me.

I stare at the puppet as it remains still
So hypnotized illusions transform what I see
Sleeping silently and motionless, it's you now on the stage
I pause the show in fear of intermission
In a trance while watching you sleep
Dissatisfied ghosts urge the show to go on
But it's enough for me.

Uninvited imaginations tell me it's a waste of my powers
But I pay no attention nor move focus
I study your body and daydreams run free
Immersing myself in my dream's illusion
For fear of waking you from your sleep I use powers once in apparition
Slipping my hand into yours and laying beside you
Every night it is enough for me
To sleep alone and dream beside you.

We're in court, or so it seems
But who is the judge and who is the jury I'm yet to find out
Stuck in a nightmare that flirts as if a dream
Beckoning me with whispers that bombard my ears in shouts

In confusion a mirage appears so holy as if the Mother
Words of comfort and guidance ensue
Yet their meaning is without clarity and their message undiscovered
Rendering me with doubts that parade as if true

The fog eclipsing clarity washed away with the sunrise
To reveal evidence and proof of my unconfirmed assumptions
Yet still the spectators lean towards my demise
Grabbing at any morsel overruled for their personal consumption

I apologise to you in sincerity
For the way I have behaved
I must admit that my austerity
May have your certainty caved

It is nothing to do with you
At least not completely
For it is my weakness of but a few
That has lured my attention so sweetly

I want to tell you from my heart
That my feelings are unchanged
But if my distance has you wishing to part
Your mind I will not try to change

I ask you for another shot
I know it may be too late
But I believe if you put your coins in the ***
Your gamble will have winnings great

So predictable a being am I
That my internal quarrels and debates
Are no more unexpected than a beat of heart
Nor unnatural as breathing.
A choice unmade is an intake of breath-
A silent gasp in apprehension
A choice made, an exhaled sigh of relief

My words must be chosen more carefully
Or rather the wording of the words I choose
I have to practise what you preach this time admittedly
Take a leaf from your book I have avoided and left recluse

Although questions grow tired from uncooperative interrogation
The aggravation gives fuel to my firing questions
So, no, I'm not yet throwing my hands up in resignation
For there is an infinity of other variations

So I'm not giving in quite yet as I said in frustration
And no lessons from our disagreement were learnt
Yet still I in truth have found elevation
And from the fires I was not burnt

My methods may remain unsuccessful
The conclusion always the same
So I speak in a language more celestial
To end our fight by taking all the blame

I miss you
I cry because I want to be by your warm skin
But I'm not
I beat myself trying to draw you to me
But you never see
I reminisce the good times we had together
But I forget the even greater ones we've yet to have
I'm stuck remembering how you taste and smell
My thoughts glue me down more
I watch my love grow every moment
But I feel the sadness at its heel
I write so many words but say so much to you in thought
My mouth is paralysed
My body numb
My heart is weak, and weakening with growing love
I love you
But I need your love for me because I have none.

To you, who sits awaiting a sign
Yes you, searching for meaning or worth
I have a message just for you alone
That has been awaiting you since birth

You can be worthy even though you doubt
But the way you don't choose to be holds you back
Although your actions indeed seem respectful at first
Your ignorance towards others you do not lack

If you can see such wondrous things
And catch the deceit of others all around
Think for a moment that what you can do so well
Is a gift that in others can also be found

They all can read your most private opinions
They all can see your deepest desires
So they choose not to see your  actions of good nature
For their attention is on the internal liar

Slow down just a little bit
I'm not even asking for a break
Nor secretly hoping for a slight pause
No matter how little time you take

Breathe a little deeper if you can
No need to fight for breath
I want you to remember you are alive for once
We already know you're at peace with death

Stop justifying your transgressions
Even if you have good reason
For your words form chains about your feet
Ironically you trap yourself in freedom

I know your hands better than my own
Their touch, their script, their sensation
My skin an open book to be filled by your words alone
Words of care and incomparable adoration
Their form is unsolid
Yet their touch I can feel
Their movements in silence
Yet the silence I hear
The ink fades upon my skin
As soon as the words are written
I strive to catch the fading script
Before they are gone and forgotten

Just a word
No not even that
A mere gesture to convey your open ear
Or even a breath to show your consciousness as I speak
Not much
Not a lot I ask for to feel my words still hold worth
Still remain spoken
To be heard and then understood
Rather than inscribed to only be manipulated
So many have met such a fate
Consumed by the carnivorous mind
Chewed up by the sharp teeth of darkness
And spat out in bullets by the trigger of your own tongue
Guns don't **** people
Nor the shooter who takes life into their hand
I bear so many wounds
And still I remain a target to the never ceasing attacks
Which in ending still manage to keep injuries accumulating
No shooter to be proclaimed murderer
No gun found to cause death
Guns don't **** people
Thoughts however do

I sit here, exhausted from a night of doing nothing
But for me, stillness is the hardest endeavor
The exertion of mental strength so uncontrollable
The tire overflows mind and is expelled through body
My body is weary from thought

I distract myself with mediocre activities
In hopes of dulling down my thought process
Which is more a rebellion in fact
As the thoughts rebel chaotically
With no apparent process to their stream

As I try to tell myself to focus
The commands mix into the storm already there
A whirl of letters pass my eyes in a haze
As if a speed game of scrabble completely injust
I attempt to forfeit but in vain

So stupidity comes to my rescue
With idle games and ample liquor
To lull mind into a dazed state
Vocabulary escapes and knowledge takes rest
Tonight I am a desperate fool

The chill engulfs me in a warm embrace
Encapsulating me entirely in an explosion from my core
Brings tears of mourning to my eyes that sparkle with joy
Fueling my blood and bone in waves of soothing water
Filling my eyes with sights so ******
So blinding the light burns brightly as hope
Your love although its flavour so scarcely offered
I savour and cherish all the more.

You present yourself as a man reborn
Shedding your past as if it were as natural as leaves falling from a tree
You seemed to have uplifted your roots to replant them in higher grounds
Far higher than all of us, apparently

What you don't realize though is that the grounds you raise yourself upon
They are no richer in nutrient, no greater in worth
In fact they are far from the streams below
So far your veins are starved- leaving you a shallow shadow of a man

You place yourself higher than the rest
But so high the sun beams fires in your eyes
You have blindly added flame to your already raging fire
And your branches and life itself are withering in your pride

Sorry for not sleeping
I guess I should realize now that no matter how silent I move
You still hear everything that passes through my mind
I guess I want to believe that you're able to cut me out
And get some sleep for yourself
We can both agree that's not the case
I could see from your face as you fled my company

You know me- I'm a optimistic pessimist
Realizing all too well the ****** situations
Then unintentionally uncovering the good too come
I wish you could see through my eyes
Just like they do
Then you'd see although we're no better than zombies
Our love has not only connected us, but made us one

We feel the same things
And though your words oppose my own
I know now they don't come from your lips
Their taste is flavorless
As their sound is foreign
They don't caress me upon hearing with breaks of cooling breath.
Baby, I'm sorry, we'll sleep tonight.

So relaxed I laze about with you
What would usually drive a self destructive routine has broken its course
Allowing me, i believe, to give my attention and mind (most of the time) to the moment I am in
Time sees to fly by, and this euphoria does not come about as if frozen
But moves faithfully with the ticking clock
As if carried by the hands of time

I like you, I love all, and alike I do love you
But you are different
In a way I cannot define, nor have much urge to uncover
I thought about locating your tree of soul
But I knew within seconds, maybe minutes that I would not be able to
Unless I paid a loving price
And right now that love is moving as a tide
Seeping through us both and filling the air around us
The euphoric moment that embraces us has spread to space from mind
We're doing it- I hope
Without body or mind we are creating what was lost(maybe forgotten)
Heaven.
Nirvana
Home

I waited for something to happen when the ticking stopped
My body was frozen as if a time bomb
Waiting for something. For anything
Every bone ticking away like a timer
Waiting for something after the final seconds had passed
Not nothing. No it wasn't nothing
It wasn't an explosion
I wasn't broken apart with my shattered pieces falling away in teardrops
For it ****** me dry leaving no tears to be wept
Yet I was not ****** in an implosion
Not taken to another galaxy of a new life
No, it was a vacuum within myself, leaving me empty, leaving my body whole
To take in whatever was closest, which as it was, was sadness.
The bomb destroyed all around me
Leaving me nothing
No, not nothing.
Grief

They stole it
And they're not giving it back
Like children they parade their toy for all to see
But selfishly keep it to themselves

They're tricksters
Fooling people to believe they share their stolen prize
Like the sandman they bestow fictional fantasies
But demand humanity in exchange.

They're parasites
Unable to find satisfaction in their timeless space
Like gluttons they lure craved emotions and feast
But never do they lose hunger.

They're killers
Deserting me here in loneliness unable to keep you near
Like poison they have ruined an ability man once mastered nobly
But in cruelty, they do not destroy it.

They're nothing
Envious of form, feeling and life that we once cherished
Like addicts they devote all of their nothingness to watch us
But they're too far to save.

They're not able to love
Bitter about my love for him they wage a war that I don't want to fight
Like vampires they try to drain me until I am one of them
But they will not succeed.

If the world were simply black and white
Our skin would divide you and I
And obediently we would take our place
Face to face across the board we'd be
Behind kings and queens of material man made

I guess the world, despite it being full of color and life
Still allows space to imagine that monochromatic daydream
And our feet, being fixed firmly to the earth beneath
Are unable to escape the clutches of the worlds slumber

So, I sometimes do see your color fade
When memory brings mortalises your image in mind
But I turn always before you march across the board
And I remain on earth as you are handed your weapon
You're still my brother, you're still a friend, and you stay my light

I say sorry when fault is not mine
And speak thanks when not deserved
But now I come to think of it
Apologies and gratitude are to my ears never heard

Too quick to claim responsibility
Even if I have played no part
And not once do I point accusingly
Awaiting any confessions of the heart

So swift do they call me weak
To apparently bow down so far below
But in truth it is them who are trapped
By their weeds that continue to grow

I can't say that I still love you
Love is timeless, without a limit for me to love you still
I am not still in love with you
For still I love you
Nor do I miss you, miss us
We'd have to be apart for me to say so
You are away but at night you still embrace me
You're out of view since long ago yet I see you always
You're always on my mind in sleep and awakening
Although you do not allow me to love the person you are
I am forever loving the man you are meant to be

I've loved a man much
So much we bore children in dreams
More alive than they were real
-But-
I loved this man much
Too much our children were killed without my knowing
Death was delivered before they were delivered themselves
I loved my children much
Before his fire burnt them to ashes
I loved my children much
And much more do I love them still

I loved a man much
No more since he exchanged their lives for gold
Their  death was at his doing and my love kept me blind
Too late I saw them no more, too late to still hope for life
Yet with the heart I had once given to him I keep them half alive
Never shall I hold my children in these arms that feel
Yet forever will I embrace them as they eternally embrace me
I mourn their unliving with every tear I cry
A dream our future will always remain
But a paradise our lives will be

I fell in love with you
Whether or not we were in love
or that you were able to love me completely
It doesn't matter, so much
You still loved me with your heart
And I still fell

And as I fell, I clung to your heart that was mine
Hitting the earth expecting your safe landing at my side
But I never saw the cord strapped on that pulled you back
I know the heart I gave is tucked secretly in your pocket still
And I still hold yours, no matter how many falls I take
They don't matter, so much

It doesn't matter how many deeds you have to do to me
I don't scream in pain as the imagined is made physical, not any more
But, I cry, and I don't care how many more the tears bring
I have your heart, Your good heart
I will return it again one day
To be given back with thoughts that count.

We didn't speak yesterday
And last night you didn't pass me your usual wishes
Sending sweet dreams at a normal hour of rest
Normally I would go about my routine just as I always do
Secure and unaffected by your absence

But last night was different
Instead of using distractions to ward off thoughts of doubt
I used them to stop myself from thinking about you
I was scared from the night before
When I assumed that I could speak to you

I guess I was wrong
No, from your response and wooden reactions, I know I was wrong
The love I have for you misled me
Let me believe that we, deep in love, are free
And free to talk about things unspoken

Please don't turn away
Don't let the fear get to you and the love be forgotten
Don't sacrifice us, because of what they might say
Baby, I'm sorry if my words put you in a difficult position
Stay with me, I need your hands to cover my mouth

That night I lay down with eyes wide shut
My mind awakening in exchange for body’s rest
-That's the way it has always been
Always one or the other Never the two as one
Yet always in unity they valiantly stay
For it is in sacrifice for one another they part.

That night swept across the sky as a blanket
Covering the burning glow of day
As the Sun was laying to rest just as I
So similarly did its slumber seem
For her eyes alike mine stayed slightly open
Her small specks of starlight could be seen

The darkness covered me apologetically
His covering more a warm embrace
Hands guided me to nestle in its armour
So gloriously did he the light of stars reflect
My eyes so weary looked upon his terrain
Finally finding comfort in the never ending pain

I think about you. A lot.
But that's not to say I want to return to your side
I get weak, I admit, and my subconscious calls out your name
But the sight of you before me brings memories along with it
And nostalgia is suppressed by haunting recollections of you

I do replay our conversations in my head
And smile still to the loveless banter we shared
But I can't picture that future we talked about in detail
I never could envision it actually

I remember our "perfect children"
But they have never come to me in times of need
Like those I have seen since we parted
Nor have I daydreamed to see their faces
Or been able to mesh our faces in mere assumption

- I guess imagination does exist
somewhere in my mind
Because the future you promised me is nothing more than a thought.

Another person stands by your side
Another space for you to lose yourself inside
But my outline still imprinted on your bed
Just with a different body in my stead

You have moved on, or so you say
Your grin apparently growing more each day
But I know her reflection of you is of no compare
To the mirror we held with our smile forever shared

When I am able to control my daydreams
If only for a second
I grab the opportunity to think of you, to envision us
I capture the moment as it fades into the darkness
And save the file securely in my brain.

Reminiscing about my self-controlled journeys always lifts me up
Keeps me at ease
They can force their blurred negatives into the slideshow
But, inside me, I am smiling
I push their visions away, turn back the page
And continue.

I will never know if it is your own doing
But you save me.
Our wave of love and happiness washes me clean of doubt and fear
Rendering their attempts pointless
Keeping my spirit high
Keeping the rope safe in my hands.

You save me.
In need of joy, I think to you
And you save me.
When I need no joy, I think of you
You are my savior.

Maybe it was me
Maybe I crowned you my hero
But either way my love,
Illusions are temporary, images are forever,
You have saved me.

Sometimes i choose to be away
Even if by your side is where I long to go
And the reason why by your side I cannot stay
Is that my love for you continues to grow

Do not worry if I am absent at times
And do not fear I am in doubt
For it is for you my spirit chimes
And your name my heart proclaims in shout

My mind is a target for treacherous things
Who see love only for destruction
So to save the man I adore
I move myself in hopes of distraction

My face looks young yet
With lines upon skin you can barely see
That deepen and spread as time passes
Yet these roots do not ground me

No, these lines cannot be compared to roots
Nor this skin be likened to the soil of trees
For they are more wire to hold and restrain
The fighting attempts of freedom beneath

I'm sorry boys
Maybe I don't speak for all women
But I put myself forward to speak on their behalf
Maybe they would say the same thing, if they could
But they've somehow lost connection of words to lips
And their legs are shackled as are their arms
So bodies are silenced from language

This game we've all been thrown into
Is so grand we believe it the only way to live
They've gotten into their characters
And progressed in levels of cunning and conniving
So, excuse them from responding using to your abusing
But it's the only way they know on this chessboard
So I put it to you to prove otherwise

Show compassion when your hand is dealt with pain
Give sunlight to warm their cold breezes
Yes, the love is scarce, but love still remains
Tend to their broken hearts when they bring chisel to your own
This is a mans world, is it not
Take your throne, and look to the seat that is rendered nothing
-nothing, without a woman or a girl

Do you still check my page to keep me a part of your life?
I haven't written wholeheartedly as you can tell
I don't even pick up a pen the same way I did
I have tried. You know I have
I know you watch me now and again
But you hide and keep away from me
Never touching my skin to let me know you're there
I'm just hot. No longer cold at night being warmed by your fingertips
Numb
Your fire melted my ice
And you left me here, water
Evaporating to nothing but dead air

That moment the bass drops in a favorite song
Submerging your body from the core inside the musical trance
The first few strides in the open air after days of isolation
Open eyes opening once more as the daylight kisses them
A smile appearing where your lips were caressed by another's
Blossoming as your fingertips trace the fresh tracks of a kiss
The soothing heat that spreads through your body
Bringing a cool breeze gushing from your core within
You didn't have a drop to drink to feel this drunkeness
You sit in silence yet the music is still felt
You were never imprisoned to feel the freedom of open spaces
And your lips have been untouched for days unnumbered
But the memory is still there, fresh as the grass beneath your dreaming feet
As refreshing as the waters of a forgotten stream lightly touching your palms
Bringing a sorely missed kindred spirit back to its other life
Complete in it's entirety and clear in view
Without lacking in touch, smell or others alike
Oh love, it's real, more real than we could ever fantasize.

I told my selves to cut you off
To sever the link I tied to our hearts
Apparently without your consent
Disconnect the chord from my mind to yours
So you can't haunt me anymore
And do those bad things as you're told

I'm sure you're well aware of what I've done
As my voice no longer keeps you awake
And no more does my crossing your mind have effect
Gluing you as a fly on the wall watching my every move
Unable to stop me from my downward spiral
Silenced from speaking words of comfort and care
Saving me from killing myself unintentionally

It you did or do truly love me
I have a secret to tell
For that voice you now have complete intimacy with
Is no temptress nor loan shark keeping you imprisoned
It's me, we'll one of me, and its her you chose
You gave up the whole of me, to grasp at my ghost

You thought something, didn't you?

It came to mind as you looked upon my smile
Honesty gave passage to your silent confession
And it travelled quick through currents between us
Electrically sparking and revealing itself in my head.

I heard the words that deceived your secrecy
Your poker face faltered, despite plenty of practice
And my eyes, making most of the sight of you before me
Cast its net to savor everything about you.

But the net pulled fish never seen before
And witnessed guilt unfamiliar, as it fled through batting eyelids
These fish, saved deep in memory, are alive, jumping still
And each time they fall, my heart skips a beat.

Hello unfaithfulness, I see you've made yourself at home.

Remember me when I have finally gone away
Gone far away into a similar land
Where you can still hold my ghostly hand
And for eternity upon my image will your gaze stay

Remember me when you for once need not say
That the future I envisioned is close at hand
Only remember your words, so befitting my demand
Will be too late to take back from your tongues betray

Yet, should you forget your words cruelly said
And forgiveness impossible, do not grieve
For if the darkness and guilt leave
I will still remain in light and shade

Better, perhaps, to forget my cries of pain
Than remember and be afraid

Dream away sweet dreamer
For your visions in deep slumber are all that we see
A distant candlelight upon the horizon
Bringing a tranquil shimmer of light to the all consuming darkness of closed eyes

Your flame burns bright, lifting the blanket of shadow
Revealing the ruins of the land once rich and imperishable
Bringing regret and shame to the forgetful eyes
Yet giving vision and promise of restoration to those of hope

Look up with eyes wide open, but in the ruins I urge look down
Upon the ground, beneath dirt and dust
For still there remains rich soil to sow seeds and a vast land to rebuild
And in the distance, ever shining, ever lightening, the dreamer dreams forever

I don't know why I do this
But I know I have to
No- I know I choose to
There isn't any evidence
No scientific proof
But we all know it exists
And I choose to recognize it
Though so many deny it
The world isn't black and white
So I don't understand why
When I choose my way
And you choose yours
The two of us can't be on the same side
Fighting to save what we have
Instead of fighting what can only be a war
She may say imagination is just black and white
So this is the only way
But can't you see
In times where thought leads the way
That white light and black shadow
Is in fact just as colorful as the moment you awaken
There is no either/or
She doesn't have a reason to make you choose
To make you stay
To start enjoying life
To start loving

A well accomplished woman, I choose to be
Despite my apparent inadequacy
But remove the tainted spectacles you wear
And regard my advancement beneath despair

A smile I decide to wear to war
For  my crossing the battlefield is no chore
But instead a duty to which I am adept
And under my dancing feet are foes to be swept

As I waltz my way past bullet and boom
Fear I do not my awaiting tomb
For should I die, shall I die in bliss
Having danced my dance through a life well lived

I came to your side as you lay down to rest
Without unwillingness nor hesitation planned
I obeyed your command disguised as question in caress
And resisted not your tight gripping hand

You may have thought me a pet well trained
Rewarding me with a silence from heavy breathing
So often used in attempt to keep me detained
And distracted from all you are concealing

But my eyes cannot rest, not yet
Even in this abnormal freedom
And look they did upon the set
And see did they your undefended imaginary proceeding

I watched as you tore his hand from me
And felt it all the same
Attempting to pose yourself as he
Was a venture with no question in vain

I did not cry when your grip held too tight
Nor act in defense or retaliation
I simply kept you in my sight
As you lost all in desperation

Our tie was withered only just so recently
And I hoped for its salvation
Yet calling upon her to infect me with jealousy
The tie broke itself in self preservation

An exit for expression
An admittance with no fee
A mind free from excluding
An exhibition without end

The centerpiece- an installation
Ever moving within its frame
Its contents constantly disappearing
To reveal a blank canvas to be filled once more

The artist turns out to be me, and me alone
Leaving my post is an improbability
As the gallery holding me hostage is my own mind
Yet in truth, I find happiness in this prison cell

Without sleep I find energy from passers by
Who refuel my passion with their coins
Thrown into my hat beside me
Tokens of positivity that they cannot directly give

The door is always open
Even to those who find fault with the artist
Who tease me in my chained feet
And hurl their abuse with intent to delay completion

Yet still, I welcome companionship of viewers
Without noticing the deviants who scratch away at my painting
My selflessness renders me unable to notice evils
Blinding me with the future I paint before my eyes

My piece is never mastered
For I am distracted by evils constant approach
Presenting me with gifts of seeds, that grow in my soils
Only to blossom as weeds, and eat away at all goodness

But my grounds are open, and my job demands time
Rarely do I have the time to look upon works accomplished
But I steal a moment as sun and moon change shifts
Only to be met a view that gives no happiness as before

My stubborn positivity keeps defences up
Protecting myself from taunters and ghosts who take refuge in corners
I am distracted by my own optimism, the joy of what I do
But it hinders me, in ways I cannot defeat

My ability to seek vengeance was never yielded nor encouraged
So instinctively as always, I turn not to the voices behind me
And paint upon the canvas once more
The doors still open

I'm still here!
You're looking the wrong way
-by accident, I presume
I see your looks to surfaces and material
-I suppose it's me you're looking for
Because you've stared so many times

All you have to do is look up to the skies
But, you know that
-you've probably strained your neck, right?
I guess the trees and earth will do
But you never look, why is that?
I've sent winds and storms so trees wave to you
I'm here! Why don't you believe in me?

I know I am difficult
Yet you take me with such ease
I have never quite made it up to you
But your patience has yet to cease

I feel your presence ready at hand
Even if I shut you out
As is my love forever your shadow
That, you need never doubt

I have a night secret
That I cannot seem to hide
When dwellings in my toxic habitat
My face shows a darker side

It is still me I must admit
This monster by whom I am possessed
Its words that contradict how I feel
Is my fault I must confess

I'm waiting for you to save me.
Because I am falling more than I fly
Because I pull harder instead of standing strong
Because they try to provoke doubt more often than I can retain happiness
Because their play keeps me on stage without any intermission
Because you watch my every move rather than ready hands to catch my fall
Because my love for you brings more attacks than angels
Because their air is more suffocating than breathable
Because
I'm falling
I'm tired
I'm restless
I'm crashing
I'm bruising
I'm choking

Because I need you to revive me.
I'm waiting for you to save me.

Hey people who use their brains
Not only their minds

I am writing a story type thing. It's personal, in the sense that it is from memory- or rather flashes of images that come from nowhere

Should I upload it in parts here? I don't know who else would read it, and I take you few who take the time to read my words' opinions/understanding the most truthful
Let me know

Love and truth from a single being
Alice

I never thought I would get it again
I thought it came only once
But here you are and you're proving to me
That I am getting another chance

You give me silence to sound my words within
And lay yours on my tracks unfinished
You show me that even if the cup is bare
The water is never diminished