I don't know how it happened
Maybe I gave too high a spirit that they were unable to believe in
But, even if it gave wind to their wings and lifted them too high
It's still further away from there
I'm still trying to bring them back, even if they do all they can to bring me down
And I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong
But I can't find breaks in the connections made
No gaps for them to creep through under the of shadow
The current i channel to all still runs strong
Its light still bright
So why did the haze catch their eyes?
How did they tempt these once sweet angels down from such great heights?

How were they convinced to remove halo in favor of horns

I have no pen in hand
-You know- the one with ink
That leaves a mark behind
Not that one

That pen
Whose existence is debated by its nonentity
So vague the pen stroke
So illegible the words
That it leaves you with nothing but questions

You question yourself
Was it memory or imagination?
Yet the tingle upon your skin still lingers
Seeming to promise letters written before

Those words were not planned nor considered were the messages
But in truth and with paranoia instilled
Although they flowed through mind so fluidly to settle upon skin
I'm sure their waters were disturbed along the way.

This pens ink is poisoned
Best throw it away

My Love, I think of you tonight
More than I have thought of you before
My heart seems to pound my chest more strongly
To break free and be alone never more

My skin bears your marks as it has always
And the words your name still call
And although I have no pen with me
It seems letters still upon my skin do fall

I always knew my presence in your world would be brief
Yet I still am not only human, but a woman too
And by nature, emotions kicked in instinctively
Feeding the seeds of love with thoughts of possibility and potential
The words clouding my eyes and blinding me from my cause
And for that moment all I saw was you.

Your fear and focus jump started with these foreign feelings
Dragging you back and shrouding you in insecurity
Bombarding you with doubt without reason
Knocking you back down from where you had been before
Your fall, cutting me painfully deep was somehow as much a relief
For you were not ready to fight as I was already fighting.

I don't find myself usually
So I choose to be lost alone
Thinking no one wants to be in the company
Of someone who's attention is not their own

But now I have finally discovered
A person I want at my side
Who doesn't need to be by my attention smothered
And helps me search for what is in hide

They care not for contact of my eyes that wander
For they know I listen still
Nor do they try to my purpose plunder
And think not to question my will

It just stopped being
And in that moment it all cut out
No more did your light shine for me
Or could your jests spark electricity
I just loved you, then did not.

I did not feel the loss
Nor question my spontaneity
The jump to the opposite did not jolt me
Or even doubt wash over me
You were once ahead, now behind.

I guess I should have told you
The least give reason as to why
Your innocence to my sudden parting
Was my guilt for even starting
What I did, was finally done.

He tried to delay me with words of care
Though reassured did I not feel
His advice he gave without spare
Made anger boil from my very heel

Another swept me off my feet and held me
Promising safety in his arms
Yet the kindness he gave was not for free
Seeking my praise for all his charms

The third did not bother at all
To try to learn my name
And presumed his authority
But my heart he could never tame

So I don't write quite as much as before
And I've tried to, mostly in vain.
So I want to ask anyone who will reply to message me which, if any, poems they feel most personal to them- that they can relate to.

I'll write one more. For old times sake as well as new.
Thanks

(For You, when you don't realise you could lose yourself in hiding:)

.        .          .          .           .        .

Slow down just a little bit
I'm not even asking for a break
Nor secretly hoping for a slight pause
No matter how little time you take

Breathe a little deeper if you can
No need to fight for breath
I want you to remember you are alive for once
We already know you're at peace with death

Stop justifying your transgressions
Even if you can always find good reason
For your words form chains that wrap unnoticed about your feet
Blind to irony, you trap yourself in your own freedom

Put yourself in it
Don't try to put it in you
Give in what you can
Don't try to get out what it cannot
Shut your eyes and see all of it
Don't look for the details
For there are too many
And you'll blind yourself from it all
Let yourself be touched by it
Don't hide for it is everywhere and everything
Even you are it
It is you

I stopped giving but I still give it all
I said goodbye with no intention of leaving at all
I just bid farewell to the person I was waiting for
Who would see me and know me
Unlike this person blinding themselves from what they saw

I just hoped that maybe one day would come
To light the darkness with the morning sun
Perhaps then I would be able to see
That the person I hoped to be speaking to
Was actually listening to me

I felt contented for a while
And I admit that I felt reason to smile
Yet that lonely feeling that so briefly subsided
Appeared from behind your cloud
And the truth once again with me collided

I hope it is finally understood
What I could not say even if I knew I should
But maybe you'll accept that the time will not come
That your footprint will never even start to fill
Those that were there when time had not yet begun

My Love is eternal, infinite and imperishable
Yet alive it never has ever been
Nor has death to it been known or met by
Neither is it yet to be created
Yet my Love here remains still

So full of qualities that the living posses
A touch that can speak and hear my own words
An intuitive smell that draws upon emotion
And a breath that soothes the burning hands of man
My Love, it is not alive, yet unliving it will never be.

Left me here in your space
I felt no need to reassure you
I had no fear for your reservation
Just a word to say farewell
Knowing so soon I would again see you

You'll come back to your home
When you come I never know
But I spend no time in anticipation
Nor do I wait with baited breath
I relax for I shall only briefly be alone

Then you're back
And masks are far from thought
As is any wall that was there before
No attempt to listen and read all at once
No worry of your sincerity or fear of showing mine
No lights blinding me behind eyelids black

If I could, I would take rather than give
I wouldn't give my life to you
For I do not wish my struggles upon you to pile
Just as I would never pass these gifts into your hands
As their burdens I could never stand to watch you bear
No, I could not give anything more than what I have given before
So I would choose to take once again
-Having taken that space within you
That now holds my love I gave so long ago-
I would take your sickness and cast aside my health
I would take what pains you have and release my safety that I hold
And I would take your fate feared and uncertain
So death may never part us.

I'm thinking
Thinking about many things
Thinking too fast to know what it is
I cannot say what I am thinking

It is nearly time
The time that has already passed
Time to be where I should be
Where I should have been last time

You speak to me just that one word
A word that has no intent
Yet I am frozen not by that word
But by the voice through which it has been sent

There is something within me
A light that no one can see
But everyone can feel
It burns immortal inside me
It fills and takes form of my body
Its light shining through my pores
Its warmth pulsing out through me
As if a drumroll to who I'm yet to be
As if the beating of a heart in time with my own
There is someone within me

Come to me once more
Let's meet in that place we know so well
Where I never leave but feels so foreign
And where you arrive but seem ever present

I always seem to call out to you
Even though I know you remain with and within me
I guess I just relish the fact that for once when I call
There is always you to answer and respond

You are the shadow that stays by my side when the sun shines down
And in darkness you are the light that always finds it's way into my eyes
You are the air I breathe in that is never breathed out
You are my life that refuses to die

So happy, so at ease
But somehow I hesitate at each smile
Giving a chance for them to break
Waiting for the sides to fall
Because they will eventually
But I have no idea when

So I hold back while trying to push forward
Wanting to feel the joy
Attempting to forget the fear
Yet as much as I succeed do I fail
Every victory celebrated is ended
By a call pulling me down to the crowds

The parting was so final
But true were not the actions to the words
So here I am still happy
For that is how I was before
Believing that the farewell was a lie
Yet still fearing for the worst