Loving you is a choice made
And the only choice I have
There were no other boxes to tick
And I have let go of that pen
To replace it with your hand

I hold on, no matter what may come
Like thise magpies ever  circling around my head
Beady eyed and adamant to steal it away
But I take it wherever I go
Unable to let go if I even desired

Your hand occupies mine completely
Leaving no space for anything else
I can't pick up sword or shield
To defend and scare away those who attack
But in truth, I don't care

Our contours merge into one never ending road
That only we can embark upon
And our fingers entwine, as vines climbing towards sky
So naturally they connect without force or direction
With your warmth insulating pores from easy entry

This jigsaw is no puzzle
Just two pieces  
One solution
Placing your hand in mine completes me
And the picture we make is perfection.

I've told you that I love you a thousand times or more
But you always replied in doubt and disbelief
I was always been convinced my words were nothing but honesty
But I was wrong, you were right
I lied

I fooled myself each time those three words slipped out
My punishments have already been given unsparingly
But these wounds are not all from battle as I see many injuries dealt by my own hand
Carrying the sentence for my dishonesty
Branding me a liar

You judged me well I give you that
And for once you did not lie as you do
My plea is guilty but I choose to appeal my case
My crime of not loving you was not my fault alone
For it was you, the mastermind, who did not let me love you at all

Yesterday I was consumed in manic thought
Trapped amongst the ruins of the kingdom lost
Spiraling without direction in turbulent cyclones of an even greater hurricane
I've ridden so many possessed winds before
But these gusts were more than tumultuous airy waves
They were furious fireballs scorching past my cool skin
So fast I could not make out their purpose
I could not decipher the reason I was so lost in these thoughts
But I didn't want to escape this storm
I wanted to weather it

You watched me from the observatory
And although you read the forecast as clearly as I
You refrained from offering shelter, even if my refusal was certain
I grabbed at the lettered sparks trailing the flames flying past
And collected incomplete sentences that burnt into my cupped hands
Enough to fill the blanks and grasp a vague understanding
Enough to finally speak what was heavy on my mind
To break the silence of feeling your loud eyes upon my troubled thought
And to voice words you already knew were coming

We listened to a song the previous day
Lyrics already  retained gave way for her spoken words to be remembered
And I remembered them, and in mind they echoed calling my attention
Encouraging my comprehension to  call upon understanding
To push speculation in order to pull out thought in a single thread
My mindful spinning wheel kept turning as the threads emerged
And rolled of my tongue in woven sentences
Yet you didn't pick up the ends to help me fold my tapestry of fate
Truthfully it grew and your unmoving feet bore down upon it
You had to go before you trampled all of our future

Once again I pass the night sleeplessly
This repetition is almost military
They crack their whip and I attempt rebellion
Unable to keep me in the line they have me running laps
Chasing me, feigning amusement with cheers of excitement
But I know I tire them as much as they taunt me
These mindless shadows never break from routine
Unable to forget, incapable to remember
They start their terrorizing each night with inhuman enthusiasm
Commenting on my actions and thoughts with shock and surprise
Do they not remember I have heard this all before?
The fear within me grows as each day starts and repeats
Fear that they will never tire, that I will never rest
But I can choose to forget
And in memory I remind myself this-
Though my mind grows weary in their communist regime
And there is yet a hero to overthrow their ghost king
I learn in repetition, and will continue every night
Maybe I will become worthy one day
And call all to revolution.

I have been shallow, I realize that now
Considering my impact on others first
Leaving the concerns of materialistic importance for myself.
In this double life I have been leading I have fooled myself
Trying to find reason to believe in others
I ignored that it is myself that needs believing in.

My critical eyes have become my enemy
Rendering me blind to obvious faults
Without knowing, I have trapped myself  deeper in their clutches
Focusing on disconnecting from my mind
Backfiring because I'm back in their world
Unintentionally, it's all I think about.

It's time to rethink my strategy
Take a refresher course on my mission.
Attempts to suspend the command unwanted have been countless,
And unknowingly, I have deserted control of the living, breathing, me.
I blindfolded myself, but still peered through the gaps
So I'm closing my eyes, and pray sleep stays for a while.

Keeping finger and thumb apart
That is the one connection we shall still share
But no longer will i try to believe in my two selves
No, I will start believing in the person
The being that my movements and choices will give effect and reward to.
Me, out here. Living and breathing.

The ghost of me will never cease to exist
She will float, and I will let her continue for a while.
Don't fret, my beloved enemy, I'll be back soon
A Wendy to this Peter Pan story
Returning with needle and thread to sew my old shadow to my feet.
But now, I'm flying, no, walking back home.
Farewell.

I am still trying to find words that will effect you
I left my corpse-like projection in that space
Playbacks at night, illustrating fulfilled sordid desires of your necromancy  
Even when the show is over I feel your presence
Clinging to me and my surroundings
You egotistical ghosts
I guess you're expecting a rerun
Yet still, I strive to enlighten you to true happiness.

I've yet to question my selfless acts
Despite the wounds you have cut, the scars do not deter my cause
The thickening skin strengthens me
But calls upon more, and the voices have grown by numbers incalculable
Every night I am haunted
You leeches feast on me in gluttony
Draining me of whatever it is that feeds your lust.
Are you satisfied yet?

Even when the sun is absent to cast it's light
Still some shadow remains close in sight
Moving as I do just at slightly different time
And to my feet does it not align
It is no shadow but an echo of maybe
Unsure for its presence is so hard to see
Perhaps a spirit following my every stride
Nonetheless a friend in who I so often confide

Together we roam both night and day
And not too long is it ever away
For in my sight does it choose to be
Together as one in serene unity
Though at times torches come a blaring
And fear overcomes this spirit ever caring
So whilst out in public does its body remain
Within my thought does its life remain

That night it was you who light upon me did give
To show others how much you could get away with
As if to your mischief not only an eye did I blind
But care not for how much you did me undermine
And though your sins did I forgive so hastily
Your gloating did my friend and I effect most angrily
And though I could not your presence abandon
My companion fled with all speed it could fathom

I always welcomed you no matter the consequence
And fight did I always your fights too intense
But that night as you shared space with my soul
You took on a rather monstrous looking role
As if expecting me to do your every chore
Your egotistical rantings sent it right out the door
So now if my kindness is once more disrespected
Will your requests forever be rejected

Now I walk almost with ease through these nightly rituals
Disconnecting as much as I can from this frenzically speeding mind
Always the same.
Monotonously I wade through the murky waters of this devilish playground
Just enough energy to swim to the top now and again to gasp for air
Their seas of haunting chants is suffocating
Always deceitfully encouraging me into states of panic and despair
Always the same.

I have danced this dance many times before
Yet their persistancy makes it feel infinitely longer
My body aches from their puppet strings, holding me up before slumber
And my thoughts are disheveled from their constant trespassing.
But look here in my mind, that despite inconveniences still prospers, unstoppable.
Their manipulation, you see, although practiced in the mind, only hinders my brain and body
And is shrugged off every day as I wake from sleep,
No, no, it is not the same.

I remember a vision I once had
In the dark of night, after a darkness of day
Laying there, struggling to grasp truth and reality
I felt helpless and afraid,
I panicked in that moment
Only to their enjoyment and sick pleasures
But my gut continued its chant
Calling me to the truth I already knew.

This night, I recall the devilish ghouls surrounding my formless shape
I remember my voiceless cries to you
My breathless screaming of your name
And their shouting whispers, he is coming, he is coming!
Maybe, it was more trickery as they announced your arrival
If so, it was still in vain
My heart regarded your radiant outline in the ever darkening surfaces
My eyes focussing reassuringly as my stare continued.

You are a turned agent
And for that I am eternally grateful, eternally blessed
You were and will always be my savior in dark times,
Everytime you come to me, my love
I feel my body relax in your illustrated presence
Your soft words tickling my skin, inscribed with our love and honesty
Finishing with a spiraling full stop,
Encasing your message, and me, in protection.

Once in fear yourself
You were unable to show your feelings in this world
Where their eyes could see
And where their minds could envision,
But, my love, I found your notes
Concealed in my hairs, that you had recently brushed aside
Etched lightly across my palms, that your hands had just held
Glazed across my lips, that you had just caressed with yours.

Yes, I remember, my love
And with the strength each word helped me attain, I tell you now-
I need no more.
For you and I wrote one that they cannot erase,
Forever it glows, embedded in my everything
Beneath that butterfly tattoo that misses your kiss
The words of incalculable happiness pumping at every heartbeat...
I love you.

I'm borrowing the hand of God for a moment
-don't worry, I'll give it straight back when I'm done
I just need to make an adjustment
My body needs attending
My mouth to be precise
-don't worry, it will remain as it is
I just want to be able to close it completely
And silence words from escaping through breath
-don't worry, my voice won't be muted
Ill just fasten a zip to open and close
So that I can stop Urge from stealing conversation
And placing the words in unwanting ears
I was just seeking understanding
Instead, negative reactions overcrowded listeners' faces
But I kept on trying to lure response
-Unsuccessful every time, as Effort occurred absent
Having fled before giving me choice to give it up
So, don't worry anymore
I would rather not be met with discomfort
-maybe, when unease leaves enough space upon your face
I will once again ask to borrow that same hand
-don't worry, I won't change anything else
But instead, I will remove what I sewed down before
And allow those words to ride on breath
Giving seat for lips travel to a smile
Where it leaves its seat and steps off the carrying words
Passing Happiness, the next passenger, as it gets on from the smile
Taking the free seat, and starting its journey
Stopping at destinations of many and all
Offering its seat to every spirit in need of lifting
And sharing itself, for everyone to enjoy.

You should just say goodbye
Try to forget me instead of pretending to
Move on by walking away. Physically, geographically
Not just sexually I know that's easy for you
But it's impossible for me

We are meant to be
Our bodies perfectly fit together as our tree branches entwine
I found a triangle marking on my back just as on yours
It's as if we were created just for each other
And I'm reminded with every heart beat that calls your name

I love you
With the purest and truest love ever imaginable
You know that wont die
And I know you can feel it too, because you want me to stop
But you know I can't, and won't

I gave you my heart and my all
It's not meant for anyone else
I cannot take it back for it would just rot by my side as a corpse, unliving
One day becoming another ghost that kills me, when now it is the one thing that keeps me alive.

Nick warned me of my overconfidence as I said the words
"Pass me your panic, Matthieu, that's what I'm here for"
Apparently I was calling on too much from the Frenchman
More than Nick believed me capable of bearing
But his words were too late to spur any moment of deliberation
-not that consideration would ever cross my mind

In just a few sentences exchanged between us alone
I spotted a glimpse of something in Matthieu's eyes
Naturally, I pulled at the gleaming thread, the traces unravelling within my hands
But the shimmer I saw, was merely a reflection
What i held was cold, a lump of misery and surrender
This man had given in to a sadness so toxic it had nestled itself into his very core

And I took it
Telling him to relax for this night, i have your back
But, Nick was right in his warnings, this burden is the heaviest I've yet carried
Though, I can bear it, and I choose to wear it
This is my duty, Matthieu, and yours is another
You are meant for light, heart and joy
Keep walking to your destiny, the happy man.

I don't know if you waited for his heart to break
Knowing your time would come one day
Understanding that only I was the one to cut the bond
Hoping that I would realise the rope was tethered all the way

Or maybe you didn't have a clue what was going on
Didn't even know that I was on the other side of the world
Just had a feeling that something was coming your way
The same feeling I had when I was a little girl

Both ways make my life more worth living
After time spent a wandering ghost
And so undeterred was your openness that I gave myself  willingly
My essence even more completed by the welcoming host

I knew our love was always destined to be completed
But I didn't know you would keep me in the end
I thank him for surrendering his half of who I love
To the man waiting patiently with the other half ready to mend

You have the title of a love
With more claim than all the others I may called before
Not only deserving due to the five year past
Nor for the fact that you held my body first
But because you are truly, my love

We've never picked sides, nor loved for victory
Yet our love has played out as if a game
We sit apart yet our cards are hearts the same
Still we are always too afraid to call the game

Five years I've known you, a lifetime I have loved you
Gamblers have come and gone with bets unfair in love and war
Winning games through slight of hand
And using my chips to play their games

You are my partner although we sit apart
Always there to win back my losses stolen unfairly by others
When they leave, you're always there
Always ready to save me once more

You were my first love
Always were and always will be
So when I'm deep in thought don't seek shelter amongst the others
Your place is at home, your home forever in my heart

Happy birthday x

My life is not going to last that long
This body of mine will wither quite soon
My heart though it loves forever strong
Will be a distant echo as the unheard beating that once came from my womb

My mind can be occupied still
And withstand the time impeding
Yet do not rely so proudly upon assumed will
For time to your bidding is unheeding

Patience I have and more do I gather
For you I have foreseen are worth the wait
Yet as my death approaches the less I can fathom
And so too deceases our predestined fate

Peace of mind.
What is peace of mind?
-Peace within my mind can only now be temporary
-My mind...
No-
Thatmind that I possess is locked away

Was I wrong to seek vengeance?
Should I have first sought the Keyholder?
- I saw the key,
It was flying through hands
Like a childish game,
With me apparently their piggy

The fool in the middle
Jumping high and crawling on all fours
-As if I were the dog
... Was I barking mad...?
Did I choose to be the chaser?
Did I *start the game?

Oh, peace of mind
It *is possible
Take a moment- call for time out
Realise you are the Keyholder
Stop juggling and hold your key in your hand
Unlock yourself and you'll have your peace of mind.

You branded me unfaithful when all I had was my faith
Accused me of not loving you when all I have is love to give
You blamed me for being idle when all I've done is fight the war
And you believe you left me because I'd changed when all I've done is matured

Your fingers pointed at me so often whilst your words judged only you
And called out my so called wrongdoings whilst all your doings were wrong
You ran away from where I am now yet it is I who remains ahead
You believe you left me but all you did was fall behind

You did all the things you denied and denied all the things I did
You took the love I gave completely but rejected it all the same
You cut my wounds whilst healing them and never let my blood run dry
And here I stand still bleeding with nothing but love to give

I watched a video today
About a boy of 17 meeting his fate too soon
The doctors said the cause was cancer
And millions mourned his passing
But close your eyes, and bring about your smile
He was not just a boy
He was a light
A star burning, outshining so many
His glow rippling continuously
A breeze cooling and bringing joy to all
He never wanted payment
He never needed thanks.

Bitterness possesses so many,
Crowds gathered and teamed their jealousy
So much that it grew uncontrollably
Overflowing into his well kept gardens
But he was good
He did not kick them off his land
Instead he swept them to one side
Possibly in hope that they may appreciate the sun once more.
But, their poisons gathered in darkness and shadow
And only few were gently released in the softness of his breath.
Others remained attacking his lungs
Yet still he smiled.

The papers spoke of tragedy
I too, have felt the loss
But dropped small gifts behind him through his journey
That echo infinitely as streams, gracing all.
His words of kindness
His smile so infectious.
His fight without fighting.
His currents still travel, as tides never tire
I felt his glow wash upon me and say to you this-
I strive to shine as bright as you did,
And with your glow clasped tightly in my hands, I know,
One day, I will.

Standing firm on my chosen path, I cannot help but look to the desolate fields outside
Despite no wall between, I feel alone
Others glide past with ease, and share only brief interaction
I admit I sometimes yearn for the company
But I do not crave such connections displayed in this dense population.

But a man caught my eye
With movements so fast, he seemed motionless and calm
Beneath the heavy shadow he remained at peace
No ropes laid out for escape nor comfort
And the dark sun was not quick enough to cast a shadow on his image.

This man spoke words of honesty
Although they may have been from cunning I could not see
I chose to wear this blindfold and open my hands long ago
I wonder if in the exchange of good for moments of pleasure
Did this man conceal treasures from those bodiless tax collectors?

As we spoke, I felt him offload words into my ears
Words with slight glimmers that brought more light to my own
This honestly deceiving man was not lost
He stayed hidden, concealed
Secretly passing his light to my torch, to carry forward in my journey.
Perhaps all is not lost, perhaps, we will wait and see, perhaps we will see.

They stole it
And they're not giving it back
Like children they parade their toy for all to see
But selfishly keep it to themselves

They're tricksters
Fooling people to believe they share their stolen prize
Like the sandman they grace man and woman with fictional fantasies
But demand humanity in exchange.

They're parasites
Unable to find satisfaction in their timeless space
Like gluttons they lure craved emotions and feast
But never do they lose hunger.

They're killers
Deserting me here in loneliness unable to keep you near
Like poison they have ruined an ability man once mastered nobly
But in cruelty, they do not destroy it.

They're nothing
Envious of form, feeling and life that we once cherished
Like addicts they devote all of their nothingness to watch us
But they're too far to save.

They're not able to love
Bitter about my love for him they wage a war that I don't want to fight
Like vampires they try to drain me until I am one of them
But they will not succeed.

I stayed up all night yesterday,
And when the rain began to pour,
I began to float weightlessly, resting on the rising waters.
Forever skyward I was lifted,
Yet still remained in contact with the sea
Gazing down to watch the ghouls below.

At times, they accumulated enough energy
And clambered through the tides towards my side.
Yet the weight of their unrecognized guilt disabled them,
Again they spiraled back down like wisps of smoke.
I was prepared for my persistent pleas of mercy
But the heroic current swiftly pulled them away.
So I basked in the light, Often looking back in caution.
Meeting eager eyes, and visible minds
That jumped excitedly with plans of attack.

But the waters then deeper, absorbed their shocks,
So much that all i felt was a mere nudge.
Their impatient eyes always on me,
Rendered them blind to their inevitable failures.
It was only upon entering my mind, freely as always
Did they hear my silenced voice repeat-
better luck next time, better luck tomorrow.

I loved you most of all
I admired all you were
Your greatness was unachievable
That there was no one I preferred

I was a child back then
And as a child were you loved
But now I am a woman with love renewed
And so I let you go, a Love unbegrudged

Laugh, why don't you?
At my weakest of times
Rush to my side and kick me.
At times of loneliness
Take advantage of what I hold dear.
It is in the mind
But it is more evil and sickening than any crime.
You violate my essence
I do feel it physically.
I gag as you invade my privacy.
I burn as you enter my once believed to be own mind.
I cry
I cry.
You believe it to be only in the mind?
You're wrong.

As always, I'm laying on my bed
That is not yet used the way it is supposed to be
Instead of sleep, it supports my unsettling weight during nightly activities
And even though it appears unliving, I feel the need to apologize for my actions

Despite my repetitiveness
And insanity, that others would perceive uncontrollable
My motions, although unchanged and just as chaotic
Are now paired with a head more secure in its place

And I went out, a shock, isn't it?
The company of voices didn't win my attention completely tonight
Opposing their guidelines, I found others to interact with
And in returning, i was met with long faced whispers

Why the invisible frown, I would ask, if question would receive answer
But I know fully well that conversation in their dictionary is commenting or narration
And I know well the gist of their answer
From insults jealously thrown, in attempt to dim my replenished glow

They can't give me that happiness
Even worse, they can't possess it for themselves
So they try to distract me by provoking emotions, sadder in impact
Hoping that I disembark this roller coaster of pure delight

But tonight, as I said before
My head is secure, holding mind safe within
No tricks or reverse psychology can prevail
I'm enjoying the ride, and I'm not getting off.

I hate the way you laugh at me
When you witness my insecurity
Knowing how much I love you gives you freedom
And unfathomable security

I hate the way you went away
When you could have easily stayed
And how you pretend you never see my ghost
Being victim to cruel games played

I hate how much I love, sometimes
And lying here on the earth
Sinking deeper with every foot upon me
I need you to pull me up and show my worth

I love you more than words can say
And I survive from futures I dream
But that doesn't mean the games you play
Go unnoticed, unfelt or unseen.

It's like we have an understanding
But there was no agreement made
We pass each other with intentional casualness
With discreet looks and unseen gestures
And our mouths twitch for a split second
Revealing a secret smile no one else sees

My true identity is out in the open
But there was never a mask to begin with, for them to unveil
Still I stand as their captive, tied to what appears to be a tree
With their executioners aiming at an apple upon my head
A jest before whatever sentence I've been dealt
But the dumb fools' game will never end

I rest against the made up tree
Still tied, but their rope loosens with reality
And behind, hidden in shadow is the mole
Apples in hand, ready to replace the one before
The shooters eyes unable to see anything but words
And possess no brain to comprehend our fooling

It's dark here in this desolate space
Only flashes of copied light allow localization
Glimpses of ghosts drifting mindlessly
Deprived of empathy, they pass me without care
Never sharing happiness to reignite my dimming torch

But you, come to my rescue
And have countless times before
Digging into your pockets
Filled from raids of the two realities
And you pull out unseen smiles
And blow joyful breezes through my prison bars

As our bodies pass, you add flame to my torch, unseen
And the light fills what was once concealed
I look around with eyes and thought
And what i found within these shadows of daydreams is this-
Even hidden beauty can be discovered in darkness
Such as small treasures are found in life
But remember those in dream are to be forgotten
And those in life, to be kept.

I'm not going to say anything this time
I'm not even going to let the thoughts unravel
They did before and the thread was more than I expected
Unwinding into a string too thin to be within my grip protected

So I won't let go of this ball of yarn so soon
Even if it is never to be woven into the loom
I shall cherish the bundle and hold it tight
And let my dreams unravel its wonders in the night

I've said what I had to say
-or rather- I've typed it
I did it while you were sleeping
But I know you felt the words as they trailed behind fingertips
I only told you to read the poem to avoid ruining your game

We both know the words are immortally indented in your skin
Because whilst typing it was you who was on my mind
Allowing you to see and hear all in that moment
Even if you don't like what it is
Even if you won't do anything about it

Did I ever tell you that I saw you?
Did you ever hear my breath as you journeyed through the darkness with your pleasures?
Did you sense my body feeling the covers move in unisons with your misconducts?
Did I ever tell you what I saw?

My vision was possessed with the shadowed illustrations of your daytime dreaming
And the flashing lights revealing your silent movements while you lay to rest
I was in my own private screening of your devilish fantasies
Yet, I was pulled into the canvas, and subjected to a catatonic state, feeling everything, but limited to just witness.

I saw her in red, as she slid in between the streams of light
And she melted into the floor and ****** up onto the bed
I heard her pleasure, and I saw your lust
All I could do was lock myself away, trying to cover my inner eye.

Did I ever mention that I caught you?
Did you see my gaze read you like a children's book?
We're my cries enjoyable to you and your ever changing company?
Will you ever empathize?

Your words, so deep and loving in direct meaning
We're squashed I between your finger and thumb
Your eyes always looked through me, as if in search of another in my reflection
I was transparent, I was water.

I flowed continuously, swept away with love and distractions,
Yet, as water, so did I flow, never broken by your rocks and twigs place in my way
You pushed me over the waterfall, but I was not hurt,
With the tide I grew stronger, and I crash down upon your rock and sticks

And now, I am far out in the vast ocean,
where your rocks sink, and your twigs break down.
I take in the warmth and love of the sunshine, I sparkle incomparably under the bright moon
And I spread this, honestly, without need of a finger and thumb to hide.
I am real.

Everyone is awake now
-or asleep
Either way they're in some kind of state
If one were to spectate there'd be no need for narration
If one chose to read the book would need no pages
Without any lines to read between
Their story would be but one sentence
Subject, adjective, verb
Full stop

I am in no state
-or rather I have no state
Never quite sleeping, never fully awake
Like an opera in an unknown language
Like a unfinished book
The storyline impossible to follow
With spaces so large in between the lines
Silence, stillness, thought
Question mark.

You don't have to remember me
Or mourn my departure from this world
In fact, don't even think back fondly to moments shared
Just let the memories come naturally as those with the living
Because I too, can just as easily come

Don't pick up a photograph and let go of a tear
This ritual brings about nothing but ghosts to feed on sorrows
I appreciate the sentiment, but really there's no need
Because I'm here still and quite fully alive- maybe more so than you
And that's not how it should be

Although your cries show that love is still within
I get quite insulted from time to time
Because I stand before you, and sometimes call out your name
But you ignore me and denounce me non existent
I have no eyes, yet it is you who is blinded

Why don't you come anymore?
Because I've been waiting for so long
We used to play by the stream and climb the trees
Our joy nurturing roots of others who are mourned
Don't you want to visit the crop we together tended

You remember how to get here
Yet you never make the journey
This place is more beautiful than I remember
And I've saved my branches just for you
I'm still here, still waiting, to lift you from where you stand

You sit beside your furnace frozen
Stoking the fire as it slowly burns out
You don't see that the ashes glow more glorious beneath
More bright is their light than the flames before
So you stoke

Your body is colder than it once was
A frostbite burn now is a soothing warmth
Yet you still seek the fires for the heat they once gave
But it's here within me still from your touches before
Yet still, you stoke

I'm sorry if I'm playing my music too loud
But it's just as deafening for me as it is for you
Blasting these songs is all I can do
Hoping you find appreciation for lyric and tune
In compensation for the overbearing volume

My cornea is attacked just as my ear
Plastered with posters, a billboard under my name
The adverts are printed boldly and unavoidable
And speakers heckling what is written
Directing responsibility to me

The shouts echo and never cease
And my vision is obstructed by the swarm of papers
Leaving no gaps for light to lift veil
The words glowing in darkness, stealing all attention
And so I sing, finding company and comfort

The words restart my weakened imagination
And soon instrument and soul come back to life
The vibrant music makes my passion overflow
Erupting in streams  of light dancing in tune-
I choose the soundtrack to my life

The rays of light flow freely
Dancing past the extent of my mind
Carrying the music hidden in their glow
Traveling innocently through your ears and minds
I admit I sing selfishly, seeking freedom to sing selflessly
And shine the light it creates for all to bask in.







The music brings brings color to imagination
Dancing to song in streams of light

A finger, a thumb
All it takes to cage a soul.
Who would believe this world so full
Would be in the end so flat?

A canvas like playground for all two dimensional captives ,
Becoming lines that are drawn as if unwinding threads
Wound so tightly before that release is received with superfluous gratitude
Such freedom never felt before is cherished and held onto

Trapping minds, one within the other.
Unable to see the real world yet recognised
Will that freedom be enough
Never knowing what it is to be free

Will hands reach out to hold my hand hot with life?
Will they let the fire flow through?
Burning the canvas
Breaking the threads
Freeing the mind.

I am not a circle, I walk at will
Yet they howl as if I am a globe spinning still
In daylight they wait patiently, the hours they count
For night to fall, their moon to surmount

Yet its presence wavers without warning still
Despite its light an element none can ****
The clouds halt unforgivingly before it and silences their song
Disconnecting the lovers from their tradition lifelong

Yet I gave myself liquefying as water of some sort
And the great light was what was in thought
Reflecting the Sun in the moons place
Giving the song back undisgraced

I step aside without hesitation, veil removed
And I seek no acknowledgement for a Faith long proved

These schizophrenic thoughts, become more foreign to me everyday
As i cut myself off from the world once honestly embraced, I voluntarily deemed myself vulnerable
Defenseless against vicious words they insert in what was once my territory
All I could do was speak silent apologies, denying ownership of the insults.

But now, I accept their looks of disdain as words are inscribed on my behalf
I sit back as shadows pass me, leaving evil trails behind
I relax as I begin to understand, to hope...
And start to see that it really is possible.

There are those who still use their eyes to see, and leave their mind for thought, not action
And as they cast their glances on my honest, open body, I know they will see it. All in the flesh.
They will feel the cool breeze as it flows past me
Forever dancing through the gaps between my fingers that hold no pen to write masked words.

I understand there are no blessings to be counted, Nor thanks to be given for others being good
The waves of happiness that pass to and from one another is our nature, pure and simple.
Our minds are vessels in which our wisdom grows,
And this earth is for our bodies to walk upon.

My friends! Your bodies are out here!
Why do you force them onto that lifeless canvas,
Suffocating and abusing all in your wake whilst unable to empathize or care for their feelings?
Your bodies are out here! Come join the living!

Your endeavors to prove yourself were not in vain
I saw you
I saw you stand in the light my mortal eyes could see
But you thought me at ease
Satisfied with your performance
So relaxed you believed me to look away unknowingly
Convinced
Secure
But I am cursed with a curious eye
And your glow so bright in that moment intrigued me
I waited for more wonders
I watched
I watched you treasure the purity of friendship we share
Just a moment
Just a moment we held it
Then as shadows dance and disappear with the suns ever changing gaze
I watched as you so naturally dissolved back into the darkness
The suffocating, timeless space

I understand now
As much as my unfaithful, treacherous mind allows
I understand how strong a grip the minute pleasures can maintain
But our minds constant tie and enemy was your savior
You brain locked away the remnants of nostalgia
The memories of mountains once conquered
The visions of a hand outstretched
The feelings of a rope ever strong
You remembered
That rope
As I
Is ever present
As I
Let them keep their conjured grip
The mountains are firm in their place
The rope secure in its place
My hand
My mortal hand
Will forever be outstretched
For you
My friend.

I guess I haven't been waiting
Because to do so means you have something to wait for
It's ironic
The one place I abstain from is exactly where I've been this whole time
Fantasy
Because you never told me to wait for you
You never said you were mine when I told you I was yours
Never did you proclaim our being together
So why should I have expected you to be faithful?
When I wasn't a partner all along

I'm just living up to my name
Dreaming in this wonderland-like matrix
Thinking my saving myself for you meant anything
Believing you we're doing the same
I fantasized an image of you that whispered hopes for the future
Who promised his heart would open
And let me in
To love me

She took off her mask for him
But all he saw was her making herself up for others
She let her beauty speak for itself with him
But all he saw was her dressing up for others
She let him see all of her, good and bad
But all he saw was her smiling for others
He never realised she gave her all to him alone
And looked only to what he thought she did not give
So much he never gave her any of him

Our conversations are scarce
But my love for you ever present
You respond to questions of silence unsatisfactorily
Answering in echoes of the question I just posed
You're right, I did not initiate conversation
And in an ice cold world I would feel blame for my loneliness
But, you see, or maybe you don't realize
That I am a woman who loves purely
Maybe I'm old fashioned but I have my smile to prove
That loving in its truest form gives happiness beyond belief
So I stay a woman, and you remain my man
Be a man my love, for I stand behind you always
Act first for I am busy loving.

You fill my body from within
And as soon as you touch me am I consumed where I stand
Engulfed by an effervescent eruption
Unable to wield nor withstand

You seldom reveal where you are
Guiding me by touch, and touch alone
You know a single glimpse of your face sorely missed
Would bring not only joy but aching to the bone

Your touch is more than enough for now
As I cast all other senses aside
And though hopes and wishes come haunting
In safety of mind do I reside

Your anger is long gone I can see
With pride following at the rear
And as he fought to pull me away from you
Your humanity kept you near

I bore wounds from his grip so tight
About my wrists so desperately clasped
Yet with your kisses ever soothing
Was my love he unable to grasp

I've been holding onto him too long
He has all this time in my grasp been
Unnoticed as if a glove upon my hand
So perfectly fitting as if my own skin

Never could I hold someone else's hand
For they never could within mine be held
Although our fingers were interlocked so tight
My skin by that glove was forever shelled

I could slip it off with ease
And open hand outstretched, finally bare
But before I feel that forgotten cool breeze
I ask you if the other side is kept for me to wear

I used to think I would always be
Free to love whoever I please
And I thought my loving you
Was a choice made at my own ease

But now i see when we meet again
The bars around keeping me within
I would have been alone by myself
But I was given no choice inside the prison you locked me in

And now you come whispering words through the bars
Leaving without turning 'cos I'll never escape
So much care you had to get me in
Now there's no rush 'cos you know I'll always wait

I wish I could have saved you
From whoever took you away
Your life was a pawn unknowing
That pawn was forced into play

I would have given my life for yours
And our places swapped without hesitation
Yet we've been there times before
And so this time I must not give into temptation

I want to beg you for your forgiveness
Even though I know you understand
And be there to always whisper the reminder
That its soon I shall hold you by the hand

You don't need to remind me
Don't you remember me?
That I am not one to easily forget things-
Good, or bad-
True- you did keep me off the streets
But the money you gave wasn't what I needed in the first place
I never asked for it in the beginning
-nor the many things that came along with it.

You constantly proclaim your good deeds
Which are satisfied by my genuine  thanks
As well as uncalled for honest words of appreciation
But it seems that words and memory are not enough for you
Because you continue to tally up the score
Scratching them deep into my now hardened skin
-No, I will never lose sight of that memory, my love
But the truth, will never be let go to be kept in sight

Through strengthening I've uncovered equal weakness
As foreseen I am unbreakable
But I didn't expect to be alone in my invincibility
I had hoped you would stand beside me upon the raised platform
It was our unison that completed my defenseless impenetrability
So why do I remain alone?

Although their attacks bear no injury nor effect
This heightened state also calls for heightened sensitivities
And their strikes although unsuccessful still leave a stench in the air
That no illuminating gold light can vanquish
No matter how deep a core or heavenly a space it ignites from
Their space is hollowed by their loveless attacks

Their very presence leaves black holes in their passing
Their ripples still managing to wave upon me
Despite failure I still can feel intended actions upon my every existence
Just as physically as if their fantasies were fantasized
Yet still I pick up shovel and fill natures wounds with love of my own
They cannot harm me anymore, yet still I bear injuries of their making.

I have a confession to make
I need you to act, no more hidden messages.
My body sweats every night in this cold, lonely bed
The cold sweat is rising, and I'm growing tired of treading the waters.
I'm submerged, and the air is escaping.

My eyes deceive me
Rendering me vulnerable to their pictures
Like echoing voices, their images swarm
Disfigured at first
But adapting to the waters, I am forced to spectate.

I keep fighting to stay afloat
I'm doing it alone, like you said
But I'm getting tired
And I cannot conjure your image to give me strength
I need you, I'm sorry.

I have kept up the charade with you
Never speaking of the truth
They change your words as they travel to my skin
The obstruct my imagining you with crowds of smoke.
I need you.
I need you to talk.

I knew I had something within me
But still I could never make it rain, most of the time
And when the thunder replied to my calls
I felt a thrill as its roar gave me confirmation and confidence
When instead I should have had no reaction
No doubt in expectations

Then, last night, as I lowered inhibitions and heightened awareness
My hands, correctly folded, received writings faint and soothing
Difficult to read the sensational inscriptions
I focused that usually avoided mind on the italics
Words, sometimes repeated, became clear and understood
Believe, and anything is possible
I guess knowing is nothing without belief

So now I walk the streets in my daily rituals
Giving attention and devotion to cries of any origin
But I believe now, more so than I did before
And as I exhale sighs of sympathy and comfort
Not only breath escapes my human lungs
But winds that carry those woes spoken in whispers

Sometimes I choose to be away
But fear not for my love for you continues to grow
I do not mean insult nor to provoke doubt
I am here still
Wearing your name across my heart

You may wonder what keeps me away
But don't ponder for long
As the mind is a treacherous thinker
You may read my words
Watch over me if you wish

But be aware in your watching
Don't close your eyes too long when you blink
And get caught by their conjured illusions
Nor look to mirrors in search of my image
As their reflections betray your eyes

Don't stare
Don't be hypnotized by the moving pictures
Don't watch the movements of light
Nor of shadow for neither reveal clear images of honesty
But do, do look to your heart for it is the true looking glass

As a child, I often looked up to the stars
But my eyes were often distracted by the man-made stars
Blinded for a few moments was I by these worshipped faces
Scanning them for a pure light, such as those above
But, human nature is to always seek more
More, that they were never able or willing to give
So I stopped looking.

I turned my gaze back to the vast skies
Never looking for satisfaction nor perfection
But I wait, with complete serenity
Opening myself to whatever wonders the untouched space may offer,
The little treasures that money cannot ever buy,
And constant reminders of the things I already have
But may have forgotten.

A cool breeze that embraces me, as his arms do
Endless skies are my love for him
That no eyes nor any means can ever measure
And beyond, the eternal presence of the universe
Always watching
Always ready to keep me afloat, should gravity weigh down unforgivingly
That space, those million globes of light, my family.

Our blood is fuel to the forever burning flames
And even when out of view, they are ever present
You sneer at my stupidity, stars die you whisper
And state that I am destined to fall back into your clutches.
My dear, they do not die!
They create a path for me and others to walk on
To bask in more radiance and unconditional love
With stars that glow even brighter
Shining down on all those who look up.