Light from a nonexistent sun shines gloriously
Illuminating my surroundings without burning sight
Dewdrops on every blade of grass sparkle
And the treetops are crowned with halos from the bright light
A stream trickles through field and Forrest
The soft pebbles warm the soles of feet and soul of me
Nature comes to life before my very eyes
With a heart beating faithfully with my own
So melidic, the silence gesture my welcome
My time here, although a timeless place, is unlimited

The air is so pure it gives perfect clarity
Giving way for wind to reveal itself
Forming mirages in transparency
And at time taking form of those once lost
Jumping over unbreakable branches it whistles through the emerald leaves
That brush my ears as words of friends who lost voice
For once, my eyes dance at my own accord
Gliding through the panorama with speed and patience
Giving me uninterrupted time to save the images I collect
Maybe one day you'll see it for yourself, but until then I paint a picture with my words

What I see, is pure beauty
A masterpiece in itself that even in its perfection is never finished
It's artist never lifting their brushstroke
Never taking pause for paint to dry
With their brush ever flowing
Each stroke a colorful breeze that frolicks freely
Kissing my skin as I take in the view
So visible yet never obstructing
This beauty makes me beautiful for walking upon its heavenly soil.

I'm sorry boys
Maybe I don't speak for all women
But I put myself forward to speak on their behalf
Maybe they would say the same thing, if they could
But they've somehow lost connection of words to lips
And their legs are shackled as are their arms
So bodies are silenced from language

This game we've all been thrown into
Is so grand we believe it the only way to live
They've gotten into their characters
And progressed in levels of cunning and conniving
So, excuse them from responding using to your abusing
But it's the only way they know on this chessboard
So I put it to you to prove otherwise

Show compassion when your hand is dealt with pain
Give sunlight to warm their cold breezes
Yes, the love is scarce, but love still remains
Tend to their broken hearts when they bring chisel to your own
This is a mans world, is it not
Take your throne, and look to the seat that is rendered nothing
-nothing, without a woman or a girl

I don't know why I do this
But I know I have to
No- I know I choose to
There isn't any evidence
No scientific proof
But we all know it exists
And I choose to recognize it
Though so many deny it
The world isn't black and white
So I don't understand why
When I choose my way
And you choose yours
The two of us can't be on the same side
Fighting to save what we have
Instead of fighting what can only be a war
She may say imagination is just black and white
So this is the only way
But can't you see
In times where thought leads the way
That white light and black shadow
Is in fact just as colorful as the moment you awaken
There is no either/or
She doesn't have a reason to make you choose
To make you stay
To start enjoying life
To start loving

If the world were simply black and white
Our skin would divide you and I
And obediently we would take our place
Face to face across the board we'd be
Behind kings and queens of material man made

I guess the world, despite it being full of color and life
Still allows space to imagine that monochromatic daydream
And our feet, being fixed firmly to the earth beneath
Are unable to escape the clutches of the worlds slumber

So, I sometimes do see your color fade
When memory brings mortalises your image in mind
But I turn always before you march across the board
And I remain on earth as you are handed your weapon
You're still my brother, you're still a friend, and you stay my light

You're always saying how you want to understand me
But how can you when our conversations remain one sided-
My speech is broken by a silence that should be filled with your own
Yet I continue to speak to myself, never pausing to hear the sounds of silence
My words stringing into sentences, rolling off my tongue with such poetic rhythm
They cannot possibly make no sense, because they make perfect sense to me
I must be speaking in a foreign language- yes, that must be it
But surely in misunderstanding you would call a stop to my ranting
Instead I am met with a blank expression followed by suspicious looks

i don't understand
Yes,  you do.

Nick warned me of my overconfidence as I said the words
"Pass me your panic, Matthieu, that's what I'm here for"
Apparently I was calling on too much from the Frenchman
More than Nick believed me capable of bearing
But his words were too late to spur any moment of deliberation
-not that consideration would ever cross my mind

In just a few sentences exchanged between us alone
I spotted a glimpse of something in Matthieu's eyes
Naturally, I pulled at the gleaming thread, the traces unravelling within my hands
But the shimmer I saw, was merely a reflection
What i held was cold, a lump of misery and surrender
This man had given in to a sadness so toxic it had nestled itself into his very core

And I took it
Telling him to relax for this night, i have your back
But, Nick was right in his warnings, this burden is the heaviest I've yet carried
Though, I can bear it, and I choose to wear it
This is my duty, Matthieu, and yours is another
You are meant for light, heart and joy
Keep walking to your destiny, the happy man.

I realized one of the peacekeepers tonight
And, as always, I spoke honestly
But against tendency, I was specific
-Maybe it was the drunken haze, but the vision had so much clarity

I spoke words to him, that formed without thought, nor doubt of mind
And when these naturals were vocalized, there was no need to speak uncertainty of that what was said
- in fact, these words, alike these at the making of my fingertips
Felt as though their mortality through speech or visibility, gave them truth that me or my subconscious could question.

This drunken conversation that was in obedience to circumstances
Was extreme and unnaturally passionate
Yet, disorbedient to sobriety, was fluid and understanding
I feel now, possibly to be regretted in the morning, completely confident in the impact made

He is good- as good as he is a keeper of peace
And my words spoken, although never able to be retold in accuracy
Affected me as much as I, possibly am mistaken to believe, he was to be
But here, in this poetic security, I wish to share them

He is a peace keeper, I am sure
As we conversed I looked to the greenery around us and they showed no warnings
Their leaves , as they do in sunlight and rain, continued to show love without worry
And that love, I felt strong, and thanked as it kept my speech strong

I asked- or even in my possible dillusion  of high spiritedness, commanded, this man
In all the goodness that I possess and could show
To pass his negativity to my mound
As I do to all that seek peace rather than create it

You don't need to fight in this battle, my friends
For your role, is one much needed when the time comes
So save your fight, and save that energy
For your light is strong, and crucial for darker times to come

Should this message, this realization raise alarm
And the puppeteers ask of you those sins frequently ask,
Don't worry, don't hesitate, don't fight against their orders
Just breathe, sigh even, and act as you always have

I see your hearts
I feel that love long forgotten
The fact that you don't want to obey is in fact in our favor
Because we all know, deceit is their favorite game

But this deceit is the beginning of their downfall
As your want to avoid passing me the negativity, will unnaturally cause them to cast it in rebellion
But I am strong, and my strength is yet to show
I have your back, because I know you will soon have mine.

I'm still here!
You're looking the wrong way
-by accident, I presume
I see your looks to surfaces and material
-I suppose it's me you're looking for
Because you've stared so many times

All you have to do is look up to the skies
But, you know that
-you've probably strained your neck, right?
I guess the trees and earth will do
But you never look, why is that?
I've sent winds and storms so trees wave to you
I'm here! Why don't you believe in me?

My tears have been free flowing since your leaving
And in moments where discretion of sobs is called upon
The droplets find other means of escape
Some evaporate, fleeing my body amidst breath breathed out
Others wait patiently for sun to open pores wide enough for exit
But despite the success of many I still have more tears to weep.

I guess I make you worry when I answer you call
And I can understand how
When eyes gaze through tired lids and words spoken with dry lips-
But, my love, I am not sad
Though troubles I do have plenty, that flood my timid heart
Overflowing as turbulent seas in teardrops so many.

My Love, remember these tears that flow so often
That are accompanied by weeps and sighs
Come from the heart in loving pain
Since our words get lost upon the breeze, just know-
I love therefore I feel sorrow
I love therefore I feel
I *love

I think about you. A lot.
But that's not to say I want to return to your side
I get weak, I admit, and my subconscious calls out your name
But the sight of you before me brings memories along with it
And nostalgia is suppressed by haunting recollections of you

I do replay our conversations in my head
And smile still to the loveless banter we shared
But I can't picture that future we talked about in detail
I never could envision it actually

I remember our "perfect children"
But they have never come to me in times of need
Like those I have seen since we parted
Nor have I daydreamed to see their faces
Or been able to mesh our faces in mere assumption

- I guess imagination does exist
somewhere in my mind
Because the future you promised me is nothing more than a thought.

I don't know how it happened
Maybe I gave too high a spirit that they were unable to believe in
But, even if it gave wind to their wings and lifted them too high
It's still further away from there
I'm still trying to bring them back, even if they do all they can to bring me down
And I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong
But I can't find breaks in the connections made
No gaps for them to creep through under the of shadow
The current i channel to all still runs strong
Its light still bright
So why did the haze catch their eyes?
How did they tempt these once sweet angels down from such great heights?

How were they convinced to remove halo in favor of horns

I fell in love with you
Whether or not we were in love
or that you were able to love me completely
It doesn't matter, so much
You still loved me with your heart
And I still fell

And as I fell, I clung to your heart that was mine
Hitting the earth expecting your safe landing at my side
But I never saw the cord strapped on that pulled you back
I know the heart I gave is tucked secretly in your pocket still
And I still hold yours, no matter how many falls I take
They don't matter, so much

It doesn't matter how many deeds you have to do to me
I don't scream in pain as the imagined is made physical, not any more
But, I cry, and I don't care how many more the tears bring
I have your heart, Your good heart
I will return it again one day
To be given back with thoughts that count.

There is something within me
A light that no one can see
But everyone can feel
It burns immortal inside me
It fills and takes form of my body
Its light shining through my pores
Its warmth pulsing out through me
As if a drumroll to who I'm yet to be
As if the beating of a heart in time with my own
There is someone within me

I hate the way you laugh at me
When you witness my insecurity
Knowing how much I love you gives you freedom
And unfathomable security

I hate the way you went away
When you could have easily stayed
And how you pretend you never see my ghost
Being victim to cruel games played

I hate how much I love, sometimes
And lying here on the earth
Sinking deeper with every foot upon me
I need you to pull me up and show my worth

I love you more than words can say
And I survive from futures I dream
But that doesn't mean the games you play
Go unnoticed, unfelt or unseen.

We didn't speak yesterday
And last night you didn't pass me your usual wishes
Sending sweet dreams at a normal hour of rest
Normally I would go about my routine just as I always do
Secure and unaffected by your absence

But last night was different
Instead of using distractions to ward off thoughts of doubt
I used them to stop myself from thinking about you
I was scared from the night before
When I assumed that I could speak to you

I guess I was wrong
No, from your response and wooden reactions, I know I was wrong
The love I have for you misled me
Let me believe that we, deep in love, are free
And free to talk about things unspoken

Please don't turn away
Don't let the fear get to you and the love be forgotten
Don't sacrifice us, because of what they might say
Baby, I'm sorry if my words put you in a difficult position
Stay with me, I need your hands to cover my mouth

I'm borrowing the hand of God for a moment
-don't worry, I'll give it straight back when I'm done
I just need to make an adjustment
My body needs attending
My mouth to be precise
-don't worry, it will remain as it is
I just want to be able to close it completely
And silence words from escaping through breath
-don't worry, my voice won't be muted
Ill just fasten a zip to open and close
So that I can stop Urge from stealing conversation
And placing the words in unwanting ears
I was just seeking understanding
Instead, negative reactions overcrowded listeners' faces
But I kept on trying to lure response
-Unsuccessful every time, as Effort occurred absent
Having fled before giving me choice to give it up
So, don't worry anymore
I would rather not be met with discomfort
-maybe, when unease leaves enough space upon your face
I will once again ask to borrow that same hand
-don't worry, I won't change anything else
But instead, I will remove what I sewed down before
And allow those words to ride on breath
Giving seat for lips travel to a smile
Where it leaves its seat and steps off the carrying words
Passing Happiness, the next passenger, as it gets on from the smile
Taking the free seat, and starting its journey
Stopping at destinations of many and all
Offering its seat to every spirit in need of lifting
And sharing itself, for everyone to enjoy.

Birds seem to mock me
Laughing at me more than I laugh at myself
In Chinese whisper they sing their songs
One to the other
Tree to tree
Carried through the air until finally reaching my ears
By which point their sweet songs have become more of a taunting laugh
The wind dilutes the cruel words
As it carries their words it blows away all it can
The breeze brushes away many poisonous letters
But there's only so much nature can do
While still remaining natural
One word always survives the journey
But that's still another injury for me to bear
Another effort made to ignore it
As it hit me and nests within my mind
The blow is soften by the winds, upon which it travelled
As it breaks I feel it wash upon my skin
Reminding me to breathe
To stretch myself to the borders of my skin
And feel the air filling
Lifting life back to its feet, standing before me
I see you once again
And I'll start living again.

I apologize for shining so brightly
It was not done to insult, nor to feed ego
I fueled the fires, too much
I wanted to blind myself-
To consume the darkness with my radiating glow
But the light meant to injure my eyes hurt your eyes too
I didn't realize you were there
Sharing my eyes and bearing my wounds
I know now
And I do fear you still, don't fret

You were always there, burning in the scorching heat
Never making yourself or your pain known
But I know now
You made sure of it yesterday
When you finally approached me
With all the evil darkness you could muster in the flames
You clouded my light and trapped me in dream
Holding me and blocking the doors to awakening
Making sure I witnessed your presence and anger
And it worked, don't fret

The terror was nothing I could ever conjure in dream
And despite loss of breath and quickening of heart
That nightmare showed  your power
And your lines that should not be crossed
But I am humbled, and grateful for that
And I see my blessings of friends and strangers who watch over me
When I looked to the clouds in desperation I found them
With the sun shining gloriously
Its rays hit the back of heads making halos
And highlighting their words...don't fret

I wont burn so brightly anymore
My fuel is low from excessive use
But, though my light alone is dimmed
There is no more darkness to brighten
Because, I know my angels are always there
Their light forever glowing with mine
I won't fret

My head is heavier than usual tonight
My hands occupied
But they're holding yours, and I appreciate the comfort
My back is strained by the unbearable weight of weightless ghosts
Who without asking, choose it to carry them, and their burdens additionally
And stealing strength to support my own

I have no other space available to store sustenance and life support
So I  mimic a tribeswoman, by making use of my head
-but, it's not water I balance-
No, instead it carries small tokens collected from friendly strangers
Who throw in their chips, to be later exchanged for currency of no value

My head is not the ideal surface
Being round and uneven, it leaves little option
I have to balance them, one on top of the other
Struggling to stack them evenly, and keep them in place

My steps create  turbulence
I feel as if I'm in a boat riding a raging sea
I feel the stack sway with my movements- as if being thrown around by ferocious waves
I yearn for this never ending storm to clear
To once again sail the calm tides

With an overflowing head, and overbearing load
Strength is spread and lessened in ability
Composure has to be forced, and my deceit shows in each step
This game of Jenga is hard to keep in play

Its a gamble, which, as all bets do, appears fair
But we know, the house always wins
With little birds watching your every move
Keeping their distance, their songs convincing ego to do the ***** work instead

The guards sit back behind closed doors,
Watching their screens and waiting for their plans to come into action
All the while, pushing thoughts of winning from daydream to an idea realistic
Unnaturally high paranoia is a fortunate misfortune
Encouraging natural instinct to flee, rather than fight

I abandon seat before it is even warmed
And move take whatever winnings I have
Not risking a double cross from Lady Luck, at my left
And be stripped of much more than the chips on the table

I walk to the wall of cashiers, my mind in sprint
The counters have gold ledged windows,  as if they are framing works of art
My playful mind and artistic eye envision paintings in their stead
And I find that the motionless figures inside add believability to my imagination

Keeping fingers tight on their gold has them hypnotised
The picture stilled from the concentration exerted
I know now to avoid these cashiers
And in honesty, it is fear not knowledge that keeps my distance

You never know what could happen if you disrupt the masterpiece

Slowly the sounds of my constant haunting are drowning out
As the city wakes up, irrepressible noise of life overpowers the shouting whispers of the non existent
And I strive to stay awake to have this sweet music soften the blows from the night before
Weariness grabs a hold, and starts pulling me down into slumber
The tug of war still goes on, just the opponents have tagged out
Sleep being a friend missed dearly, holds the other end
I want to go, but give me a few more moments here
Let me feel time pass obediently to the sun
Hear the chaos of people going about their daily routine
Let me see my skin glow as light hits the surface

It's seems that in the night I cross over against my will
My pure desire to live honestly and for love is the one thing that keeps me here
Holds thought in brain
Brain in head
Head above feet
And feet on earth
But my mind, is stolen away from me
I become undead trapped in a timeless limbo
That consumes me, leaving just my memory
But that's enough
Memories of who I am, what I choose to be remind me
I have reason to stand firm, I have strength take their hits

So I lie here
Invisible bruises suffocate my dreamers skin
I can feel her pain, all too real
Just as I feel all other sensations, or injuries that pass through mind
That crawl out in secrecy to find place on my uncrowned body
The wounds ache and force sleep to tug harder
I'm fading out of view
And losing sight of a life I could have
Just for one day
But they've won, as they always do
Maybe tomorrow, maybe.

It's like we have an understanding
But there was no agreement made
We pass each other with intentional casualness
With discreet looks and unseen gestures
And our mouths twitch for a split second
Revealing a secret smile no one else sees

My true identity is out in the open
But there was never a mask to begin with, for them to unveil
Still I stand as their captive, tied to what appears to be a tree
With their executioners aiming at an apple upon my head
A jest before whatever sentence I've been dealt
But the dumb fools' game will never end

I rest against the made up tree
Still tied, but their rope loosens with reality
And behind, hidden in shadow is the mole
Apples in hand, ready to replace the one before
The shooters eyes unable to see anything but words
And possess no brain to comprehend our fooling

It's dark here in this desolate space
Only flashes of copied light allow localization
Glimpses of ghosts drifting mindlessly
Deprived of empathy, they pass me without care
Never sharing happiness to reignite my dimming torch

But you, come to my rescue
And have countless times before
Digging into your pockets
Filled from raids of the two realities
And you pull out unseen smiles
And blow joyful breezes through my prison bars

As our bodies pass, you add flame to my torch, unseen
And the light fills what was once concealed
I look around with eyes and thought
And what i found within these shadows of daydreams is this-
Even hidden beauty can be discovered in darkness
Such as small treasures are found in life
But remember those in dream are to be forgotten
And those in life, to be kept.

As always, I'm laying on my bed
That is not yet used the way it is supposed to be
Instead of sleep, it supports my unsettling weight during nightly activities
And even though it appears unliving, I feel the need to apologize for my actions

Despite my repetitiveness
And insanity, that others would perceive uncontrollable
My motions, although unchanged and just as chaotic
Are now paired with a head more secure in its place

And I went out, a shock, isn't it?
The company of voices didn't win my attention completely tonight
Opposing their guidelines, I found others to interact with
And in returning, i was met with long faced whispers

Why the invisible frown, I would ask, if question would receive answer
But I know fully well that conversation in their dictionary is commenting or narration
And I know well the gist of their answer
From insults jealously thrown, in attempt to dim my replenished glow

They can't give me that happiness
Even worse, they can't possess it for themselves
So they try to distract me by provoking emotions, sadder in impact
Hoping that I disembark this roller coaster of pure delight

But tonight, as I said before
My head is secure, holding mind safe within
No tricks or reverse psychology can prevail
I'm enjoying the ride, and I'm not getting off.

I'm drawn to you but I don't know why
I don't know enough about you to reason my obsession
So I'll play along and plead insanity
Because the spell I'm under has me mesmerised

I don't feel lost in a trance
For my will still flies freely
Maybe an illusion, but I don't care
I want to be caught in your web

You are my brother, never before met
And my guards are at ease allowing you entry to guarded mind
So often alone, I am protected from what I cannot see
But now you're here, by my side, and I see you alone.

Loving you is a choice made
And the only choice I have
There were no other boxes to tick
And I have let go of that pen
To replace it with your hand

I hold on, no matter what may come
Like thise magpies ever  circling around my head
Beady eyed and adamant to steal it away
But I take it wherever I go
Unable to let go if I even desired

Your hand occupies mine completely
Leaving no space for anything else
I can't pick up sword or shield
To defend and scare away those who attack
But in truth, I don't care

Our contours merge into one never ending road
That only we can embark upon
And our fingers entwine, as vines climbing towards sky
So naturally they connect without force or direction
With your warmth insulating pores from easy entry

This jigsaw is no puzzle
Just two pieces  
One solution
Placing your hand in mine completes me
And the picture we make is perfection.

I'm sorry if I'm playing my music too loud
But it's just as deafening for me as it is for you
Blasting these songs is all I can do
Hoping you find appreciation for lyric and tune
In compensation for the overbearing volume

My cornea is attacked just as my ear
Plastered with posters, a billboard under my name
The adverts are printed boldly and unavoidable
And speakers heckling what is written
Directing responsibility to me

The shouts echo and never cease
And my vision is obstructed by the swarm of papers
Leaving no gaps for light to lift veil
The words glowing in darkness, stealing all attention
And so I sing, finding company and comfort

The words restart my weakened imagination
And soon instrument and soul come back to life
The vibrant music makes my passion overflow
Erupting in streams  of light dancing in tune-
I choose the soundtrack to my life

The rays of light flow freely
Dancing past the extent of my mind
Carrying the music hidden in their glow
Traveling innocently through your ears and minds
I admit I sing selfishly, seeking freedom to sing selflessly
And shine the light it creates for all to bask in.







The music brings brings color to imagination
Dancing to song in streams of light

His name is William
Just a boy
A perfect stranger
Who even after meeting, I retain now knowledge of
Except for a name
And a face
Not just a stranger, but a best friend

I think of him
I feel his effect on me in an almost nostalgic euphoria
As if imbedded in memory
I experience the sentiment of moments never shared
Reminiscing our friendship never realized
I don't know him
But we know each other completely

He recognizes my ways
Adapting movements without force to mine
Being just William, for me
An individual with a head to imagine
A single body to interact
Without hesitation he considered me-
A girl with no known purpose in his life

This indescribable man, he lives honestly
And he remembers that he, first and foremost is a man
Practicing human nature
Feeling emotion
Considering others in all realities
And utilizing his mind to better understand others
Thinking before thinking

He frequents fantasies, just like many
But keeps his life amongst the living
With no imagination to smooth imperfections
But he still interacts with shadows who present themselves willingly
Looking past their movements before
And treats all equally
As their living, breathing, feeling selves

I trust William
And don't care if I am wrong doing so
He's seen inside me with glazed eyes
And opened them to look at me
Considering my thoughts and feelings voiced many times before
Never manipulating in his favor, and never dismissing my views
He sees me, Alice

He heard my words in his hand
Unvoiced scribbles spelling thoughts
If he didn't agree, he never shook the letters off
He sees me living
And with that solely in mind
He turned his head, with body not brain
And shared a smile with feelings and heart.

These playful boys
Ducking in and out from the sea of umbrellas
Occasionally poke their heads out to be splashed by my rains
A waterfall of another substance, with no intention nor motive
But simply given to bathe all in purety and joy
Free from payment and contract

My water drizzles from pores as if never ending
And my cloud, held up by these feeling boys
Who, upon looking upon my cloud
Create invisible pillars, sturdy and unbreakable, keeping it from falling from sky
These links pass their happiness to the outline to the grey mists embodied
Often misleading simple eyes to presume unwanted storms and floods
And hopefully more may look up, to find their silver lining

But as I look down to see my waters humble achievements
I am blinded by the swarm of blockades erected
Falsely they fear the waters as they fear other things natural and of form
Suspicion instilled by mergers already signed causes distrust
For they're accustomed to a price, and deals being made
Blindly they cannot see this freedom was rightfully theirs to begin with

The truth disguised in every drop of rain is eternal, without expiry nor catch
Unlike those temporary pleasures offered by fog and shadow
But so many droplets go straight to the ground, dead and unrealized
Trampled on as the crowd continues living in shade
Each hit, bruises me and my cloud, darkening the already looming grey
Unintentionally the growing cloud provokes more deterrence from storms broadcasted maliciously
But still, I release my waters, looking down to those boys who care not for light in darkness

Eyes have been following me all day long
So many different shades, uncountable pairs-
But so few variations of the looks given
Some haunting, some giving companionship
But unoriginally, both provoking emotion the same.

I was blessed by just a mere few individuals
Who caught my eye momentarily in unnoticed secrecy
Gesturing appreciation for what I loudly stand for
And continuing my flow of happiness for others to share
But some currents were stopped.

The waters halted in tracks dried up
By desertion of carriers unwilling and uncaring
They pushed the shared joys out to dry land and their imagined flames
And waded to the company of criminals targeting me, and me alone
Latching their imagined fangs to the very passage used in good intention.

I caught a thief in the act
Though she didn't care about concealing her hateful crime
Nor the enjoyment benefitted from reactions provoked
In fact, she reveled in feigning attempt to hide her malice
And went so far as to turn away to sneer.

She drained me today, and drains me still tonight
But, I'm still winning this game I don't play
Knowing that when she turns to marvel at stolen goods
Her lifeless eyes will be met by a familiar pitiful failure experienced earlier today
When my smile, although quivering, remained unturned.

What was leeched out by this parasite of a woman, is not what was sought
I am well learnt in the tastes of beings undeservingly living
And remained lifetimes ahead of her worthless scheme
My dear, I live with the devil who's art you mimic quite insultingly
And tonight, differences aside, we turn together to sneer.

I never asked anything of you
You were always in sight when I needed you before
And that was all I needed to remedy your absence.
But your watching eyes are becoming harder to find
The warmth they gave has been replaced with a cold silence
My yearnings heard by everyone but you
Who tease and taunt my every call
I took their beatings as a helpless victim does a bully
In solitude I tended to the bruises for a while
Until they covered my shadow completely with no remorse
So out of light did I go my darkened skin camouflaged in shadow
But I'm came out after so long
Long enough that someone saw

They didn't walk away as so many have before
Running as if my wounds were contagious
No, they came to me openly and fearless
Upon the fields of battle
Leaving small inscriptions upon my hand and skin
Dressing the bruises as each letter was laid
And then without word you held me, nothing more
A ghostly embrace that felt real and warm
Holding tears back from selflessness unexpected
And they left speaking words of sweet dreams and slumber
A stranger to this day who brought me back to my feet

And in their parting did questions arise
For I do not hear your breath or feel your touch
Nor do I ever see you in the distance
Yet here into my skin does a strangers words seep
Without lust giving permission to the intimacy we shared
Just care, one stranger to another
Who stood beside me
Where you once were
Cared for the injuries
That I bore in your place
And filled my heart as much as they could spare
That same heart that was once filled by you.

You thought something, didn't you?

It came to mind as you looked upon my smile
Honesty gave passage to your silent confession
And it travelled quick through currents between us
Electrically sparking and revealing itself in my head.

I heard the words that deceived your secrecy
Your poker face faltered, despite plenty of practice
And my eyes, making most of the sight of you before me
Cast its net to savor everything about you.

But the net pulled fish never seen before
And witnessed guilt unfamiliar, as it fled through batting eyelids
These fish, saved deep in memory, are alive, jumping still
And each time they fall, my heart skips a beat.

Hello unfaithfulness, I see you've made yourself at home.

An exit for expression
An admittance with no fee
A mind free from excluding
An exhibition without end

The centerpiece- an installation
Ever moving within its frame
Its contents constantly disappearing
To reveal a blank canvas to be filled once more

The artist turns out to be me, and me alone
Leaving my post is an improbability
As the gallery holding me hostage is my own mind
Yet in truth, I find happiness in this prison cell

Without sleep I find energy from passers by
Who refuel my passion with their coins
Thrown into my hat beside me
Tokens of positivity that they cannot directly give

The door is always open
Even to those who find fault with the artist
Who tease me in my chained feet
And hurl their abuse with intent to delay completion

Yet still, I welcome companionship of viewers
Without noticing the deviants who scratch away at my painting
My selflessness renders me unable to notice evils
Blinding me with the future I paint before my eyes

My piece is never mastered
For I am distracted by evils constant approach
Presenting me with gifts of seeds, that grow in my soils
Only to blossom as weeds, and eat away at all goodness

But my grounds are open, and my job demands time
Rarely do I have the time to look upon works accomplished
But I steal a moment as sun and moon change shifts
Only to be met a view that gives no happiness as before

My stubborn positivity keeps defences up
Protecting myself from taunters and ghosts who take refuge in corners
I am distracted by my own optimism, the joy of what I do
But it hinders me, in ways I cannot defeat

My ability to seek vengeance was never yielded nor encouraged
So instinctively as always, I turn not to the voices behind me
And paint upon the canvas once more
The doors still open

I miss you
I cry because I want to be by your warm skin
But I'm not
I beat myself trying to draw you to me
But you never see
I reminisce the good times we had together
But I forget the even greater ones we've yet to have
I'm stuck remembering how you taste and smell
My thoughts glue me down more
I watch my love grow every moment
But I feel the sadness at its heel
I write so many words but say so much to you in thought
My mouth is paralysed
My body numb
My heart is weak, and weakening with growing love
I love you
But I need your love for me because I have none.

Are your eyes still closing to watch me?
I've searched the walls, stared at reflections and studied my skin
But I cannot find your scribbled face as I used to
No longer do I watch imaginations of you moving freely around me
And I have resorted to daydreaming to feel your ghost touch.

Self controlled imaginings of you brings similar pleasures
But they scares me much more
Concentration to envision provokes fear
Worries tha your illusion is conjured against its will
And pulling you from a fantasy once deserted.

Last night after a fight to summon dreams
Satisfaction was given quick as if an inconvenience
My love, I don't want to pull anymore
The invisible rope between us is no longer used in guidance
And it is burning my eyes as I pull.

Climb the rope, strain me no more
Show me that I am a dream rather a haunting
But should this truly be a cruel tug of war
I beg you, drop the rope
Allow tears to soothe wounds to come.

I wonder what you do everyday
I make believe that I have special powers
I cast projections out of nowhere behind glazed eyes
One shadow puppet that would dance at my will
But I let the strings loose and abandon role of director
I've been in this one man audience ever since
And it's enough for me.

I stare at the puppet as it remains still
So hypnotized illusions transform what I see
Sleeping silently and motionless, it's you now on the stage
I pause the show in fear of intermission
In a trance while watching you sleep
Dissatisfied ghosts urge the show to go on
But it's enough for me.

Uninvited imaginations tell me it's a waste of my powers
But I pay no attention nor move focus
I study your body and daydreams run free
Immersing myself in my dream's illusion
For fear of waking you from your sleep I use powers once in apparition
Slipping my hand into yours and laying beside you
Every night it is enough for me
To sleep alone and dream beside you.

I'm waiting for you to save me.
Because I am falling more than I fly
Because I pull harder instead of standing strong
Because they try to provoke doubt more often than I can retain happiness
Because their play keeps me on stage without any intermission
Because you watch my every move rather than ready hands to catch my fall
Because my love for you brings more attacks than angels
Because their air is more suffocating than breathable
Because
I'm falling
I'm tired
I'm restless
I'm crashing
I'm bruising
I'm choking

Because I need you to revive me.
I'm waiting for you to save me.

Once again I pass the night sleeplessly
This repetition is almost military
They crack their whip and I attempt rebellion
Unable to keep me in the line they have me running laps
Chasing me, feigning amusement with cheers of excitement
But I know I tire them as much as they taunt me
These mindless shadows never break from routine
Unable to forget, incapable to remember
They start their terrorizing each night with inhuman enthusiasm
Commenting on my actions and thoughts with shock and surprise
Do they not remember I have heard this all before?
The fear within me grows as each day starts and repeats
Fear that they will never tire, that I will never rest
But I can choose to forget
And in memory I remind myself this-
Though my mind grows weary in their communist regime
And there is yet a hero to overthrow their ghost king
I learn in repetition, and will continue every night
Maybe I will become worthy one day
And call all to revolution.

They stole it
And they're not giving it back
Like children they parade their toy for all to see
But selfishly keep it to themselves

They're tricksters
Fooling people to believe they share their stolen prize
Like the sandman they grace man and woman with fictional fantasies
But demand humanity in exchange.

They're parasites
Unable to find satisfaction in their timeless space
Like gluttons they lure craved emotions and feast
But never do they lose hunger.

They're killers
Deserting me here in loneliness unable to keep you near
Like poison they have ruined an ability man once mastered nobly
But in cruelty, they do not destroy it.

They're nothing
Envious of form, feeling and life that we once cherished
Like addicts they devote all of their nothingness to watch us
But they're too far to save.

They're not able to love
Bitter about my love for him they wage a war that I don't want to fight
Like vampires they try to drain me until I am one of them
But they will not succeed.

They stole it
And they're not giving it back
Like children they parade their toy for all to see
But selfishly keep it to themselves

They're tricksters
Fooling people to believe they share their stolen prize
Like the sandman they bestow fictional fantasies
But demand humanity in exchange.

They're parasites
Unable to find satisfaction in their timeless space
Like gluttons they lure craved emotions and feast
But never do they lose hunger.

They're killers
Deserting me here in loneliness unable to keep you near
Like poison they have ruined an ability man once mastered nobly
But in cruelty, they do not destroy it.

They're nothing
Envious of form, feeling and life that we once cherished
Like addicts they devote all of their nothingness to watch us
But they're too far to save.

They're not able to love
Bitter about my love for him they wage a war that I don't want to fight
Like vampires they try to drain me until I am one of them
But they will not succeed.

I've fooled myself all along
My written word, although genuine was manipulated
My honesty, used as a disguise for my trickery
Unknowingly I was becoming a prisoner of my mind.

I've been waiting all this time
My corpse like body silent and still
Boredom crept in, and impatience questioned
What am I waiting for.

I should know now that thoughts, however positive, have no effect
As momentary pleasures traps others
I had trapped myself in that prison with my own thoughts
I am good, I have good intentions.


Yes, my own mind had me cheated
I see now as I sit empty handed, rotting in my place
Empty hands, yes here are hands that can touch and hold
Time to stop thinking, use these hands and grab eternal pleasure.

The feminine voice finds many ways to my ear
It conceals its muffled words in droplets of water
Brushes against me while in tow of unknowing winds
Shrieking whispers invade my solitude
Masters of disguises invisible to young eyes.

I can never fall asleep as gently as I once could
Drifting into the safe havens has become a rough journey
Dreams have become a great escape rather than a warm embrace
Through battle they have my eyes hostage
By their command they unwillingly disallow rest.

As butterflies caught in a storm, my eyes flutter manically in their cage
In closed lids they pry and scratch in search of escape.
Never ceasing to stop looking they trap me in this limbo
Almost treacherously aiding the sexless voiced general
In his raiding my humanity for feelings to satisfy his troops hunger.

But they are disappointed more often than not
Self ruining feelings are all this soulless ghost army craves
A delicacy they tasted in me and fed on in greed
I am sorry, dear enemy, your momentary pleasure is over
This storage is running low from frequent raids of provoked panic and emotion.

This war has been long, and no longer appears a battle
More a dance well practiced, predictable every night
You have eaten all of what you desired, but fear not I have something left
Without catch nor trickery I give to you a message of kindness and savior-
It reads Your hunger will bring starvation
So let me sleep, or continue your attacks to your downfall.

I have a confession to make
I need you to act, no more hidden messages.
My body sweats every night in this cold, lonely bed
The cold sweat is rising, and I'm growing tired of treading the waters.
I'm submerged, and the air is escaping.

My eyes deceive me
Rendering me vulnerable to their pictures
Like echoing voices, their images swarm
Disfigured at first
But adapting to the waters, I am forced to spectate.

I keep fighting to stay afloat
I'm doing it alone, like you said
But I'm getting tired
And I cannot conjure your image to give me strength
I need you, I'm sorry.

I have kept up the charade with you
Never speaking of the truth
They change your words as they travel to my skin
The obstruct my imagining you with crowds of smoke.
I need you.
I need you to talk.

I have been shallow, I realize that now
Considering my impact on others first
Leaving the concerns of materialistic importance for myself.
In this double life I have been leading I have fooled myself
Trying to find reason to believe in others
I ignored that it is myself that needs believing in.

My critical eyes have become my enemy
Rendering me blind to obvious faults
Without knowing, I have trapped myself  deeper in their clutches
Focusing on disconnecting from my mind
Backfiring because I'm back in their world
Unintentionally, it's all I think about.

It's time to rethink my strategy
Take a refresher course on my mission.
Attempts to suspend the command unwanted have been countless,
And unknowingly, I have deserted control of the living, breathing, me.
I blindfolded myself, but still peered through the gaps
So I'm closing my eyes, and pray sleep stays for a while.

Keeping finger and thumb apart
That is the one connection we shall still share
But no longer will i try to believe in my two selves
No, I will start believing in the person
The being that my movements and choices will give effect and reward to.
Me, out here. Living and breathing.

The ghost of me will never cease to exist
She will float, and I will let her continue for a while.
Don't fret, my beloved enemy, I'll be back soon
A Wendy to this Peter Pan story
Returning with needle and thread to sew my old shadow to my feet.
But now, I'm flying, no, walking back home.
Farewell.

Standing firm on my chosen path, I cannot help but look to the desolate fields outside
Despite no wall between, I feel alone
Others glide past with ease, and share only brief interaction
I admit I sometimes yearn for the company
But I do not crave such connections displayed in this dense population.

But a man caught my eye
With movements so fast, he seemed motionless and calm
Beneath the heavy shadow he remained at peace
No ropes laid out for escape nor comfort
And the dark sun was not quick enough to cast a shadow on his image.

This man spoke words of honesty
Although they may have been from cunning I could not see
I chose to wear this blindfold and open my hands long ago
I wonder if in the exchange of good for moments of pleasure
Did this man conceal treasures from those bodiless tax collectors?

As we spoke, I felt him offload words into my ears
Words with slight glimmers that brought more light to my own
This honestly deceiving man was not lost
He stayed hidden, concealed
Secretly passing his light to my torch, to carry forward in my journey.
Perhaps all is not lost, perhaps, we will wait and see, perhaps we will see.

I am still trying to find words that will effect you
I left my corpse-like projection in that space
Playbacks at night, illustrating fulfilled sordid desires of your necromancy  
Even when the show is over I feel your presence
Clinging to me and my surroundings
You egotistical ghosts
I guess you're expecting a rerun
Yet still, I strive to enlighten you to true happiness.

I've yet to question my selfless acts
Despite the wounds you have cut, the scars do not deter my cause
The thickening skin strengthens me
But calls upon more, and the voices have grown by numbers incalculable
Every night I am haunted
You leeches feast on me in gluttony
Draining me of whatever it is that feeds your lust.
Are you satisfied yet?

I seem to pass time in a daydream,
Waiting for the hour to pass, the day to end, the night to be over
My movements drift by as smoke
My mind, is always on you.
They poster their images in the foreground
And try to distract me and my thoughts
But you're always there, always.
They feed on sadness and loneliness, and I find it hard to fight
But the never ending struggle adds beauty to our love
And perseverance to my cause.
You complete me
As if we were destined, mind mates as it were
I feel invincible when my mind allows your entering
And I save the strength of our union when they rip you from my thoughts.
In time I know we will be together
We will live out the future I have envisioned a thousand times.
I told you, mi amor, I will never stop loving you
And that is set in stone
But there is so much more to say
And I've yet to find all the words
I promise to you our future, our family
I vow to you that I will always try to be the best me
I swear to you I will never give up.
I will never give in.
They will never have me.
I love.
I am yours.

I watched a video today
About a boy of 17 meeting his fate too soon
The doctors said the cause was cancer
And millions mourned his passing
But close your eyes, and bring about your smile
He was not just a boy
He was a light
A star burning, outshining so many
His glow rippling continuously
A breeze cooling and bringing joy to all
He never wanted payment
He never needed thanks.

Bitterness possesses so many,
Crowds gathered and teamed their jealousy
So much that it grew uncontrollably
Overflowing into his well kept gardens
But he was good
He did not kick them off his land
Instead he swept them to one side
Possibly in hope that they may appreciate the sun once more.
But, their poisons gathered in darkness and shadow
And only few were gently released in the softness of his breath.
Others remained attacking his lungs
Yet still he smiled.

The papers spoke of tragedy
I too, have felt the loss
But dropped small gifts behind him through his journey
That echo infinitely as streams, gracing all.
His words of kindness
His smile so infectious.
His fight without fighting.
His currents still travel, as tides never tire
I felt his glow wash upon me and say to you this-
I strive to shine as bright as you did,
And with your glow clasped tightly in my hands, I know,
One day, I will.

As a child, I often looked up to the stars
But my eyes were often distracted by the man-made stars
Blinded for a few moments was I by these worshipped faces
Scanning them for a pure light, such as those above
But, human nature is to always seek more
More, that they were never able or willing to give
So I stopped looking.

I turned my gaze back to the vast skies
Never looking for satisfaction nor perfection
But I wait, with complete serenity
Opening myself to whatever wonders the untouched space may offer,
The little treasures that money cannot ever buy,
And constant reminders of the things I already have
But may have forgotten.

A cool breeze that embraces me, as his arms do
Endless skies are my love for him
That no eyes nor any means can ever measure
And beyond, the eternal presence of the universe
Always watching
Always ready to keep me afloat, should gravity weigh down unforgivingly
That space, those million globes of light, my family.

Our blood is fuel to the forever burning flames
And even when out of view, they are ever present
You sneer at my stupidity, stars die you whisper
And state that I am destined to fall back into your clutches.
My dear, they do not die!
They create a path for me and others to walk on
To bask in more radiance and unconditional love
With stars that glow even brighter
Shining down on all those who look up.

When I am able to control my daydreams
If only for a second
I grab the opportunity to think of you, to envision us
I capture the moment as it fades into the darkness
And save the file securely in my brain.

Reminiscing about my self-controlled journeys always lifts me up
Keeps me at ease
They can force their blurred negatives into the slideshow
But, inside me, I am smiling
I push their visions away, turn back the page
And continue.

I will never know if it is your own doing
But you save me.
Our wave of love and happiness washes me clean of doubt and fear
Rendering their attempts pointless
Keeping my spirit high
Keeping the rope safe in my hands.

You save me.
In need of joy, I think to you
And you save me.
When I need no joy, I think of you
You are my savior.

Maybe it was me
Maybe I crowned you my hero
But either way my love,
Illusions are temporary, images are forever,
You have saved me.

I stayed up all night yesterday,
And when the rain began to pour,
I began to float weightlessly, resting on the rising waters.
Forever skyward I was lifted,
Yet still remained in contact with the sea
Gazing down to watch the ghouls below.

At times, they accumulated enough energy
And clambered through the tides towards my side.
Yet the weight of their unrecognized guilt disabled them,
Again they spiraled back down like wisps of smoke.
I was prepared for my persistent pleas of mercy
But the heroic current swiftly pulled them away.
So I basked in the light, Often looking back in caution.
Meeting eager eyes, and visible minds
That jumped excitedly with plans of attack.

But the waters then deeper, absorbed their shocks,
So much that all i felt was a mere nudge.
Their impatient eyes always on me,
Rendered them blind to their inevitable failures.
It was only upon entering my mind, freely as always
Did they hear my silenced voice repeat-
better luck next time, better luck tomorrow.

Now I walk almost with ease through these nightly rituals
Disconnecting as much as I can from this frenzically speeding mind
Always the same.
Monotonously I wade through the murky waters of this devilish playground
Just enough energy to swim to the top now and again to gasp for air
Their seas of haunting chants is suffocating
Always deceitfully encouraging me into states of panic and despair
Always the same.

I have danced this dance many times before
Yet their persistancy makes it feel infinitely longer
My body aches from their puppet strings, holding me up before slumber
And my thoughts are disheveled from their constant trespassing.
But look here in my mind, that despite inconveniences still prospers, unstoppable.
Their manipulation, you see, although practiced in the mind, only hinders my brain and body
And is shrugged off every day as I wake from sleep,
No, no, it is not the same.