These schizophrenic thoughts, become more foreign to me everyday
As i cut myself off from the world once honestly embraced, I voluntarily deemed myself vulnerable
Defenseless against vicious words they insert in what was once my territory
All I could do was speak silent apologies, denying ownership of the insults.

But now, I accept their looks of disdain as words are inscribed on my behalf
I sit back as shadows pass me, leaving evil trails behind
I relax as I begin to understand, to hope...
And start to see that it really is possible.

There are those who still use their eyes to see, and leave their mind for thought, not action
And as they cast their glances on my honest, open body, I know they will see it. All in the flesh.
They will feel the cool breeze as it flows past me
Forever dancing through the gaps between my fingers that hold no pen to write masked words.

I understand there are no blessings to be counted, Nor thanks to be given for others being good
The waves of happiness that pass to and from one another is our nature, pure and simple.
Our minds are vessels in which our wisdom grows,
And this earth is for our bodies to walk upon.

My friends! Your bodies are out here!
Why do you force them onto that lifeless canvas,
Suffocating and abusing all in your wake whilst unable to empathize or care for their feelings?
Your bodies are out here! Come join the living!

We've had a turbulent journey together
And as he pushed the bike, slowly did his hand release me
Riding the crashing waves I admit my struggle
And my childish naivety gave passage to worser threats
Yet still he stands there, waving me on my way
Even to this day, despite questionable confidences, I still turn
And still he stands there

A rebel I didn't mean to be, but I am cursed with escalating emotions
Or maybe he would say a blessing, to empathize and find strength
As memories haunt me at night, teaming with those of ill will
The sensitivity he passed on to me prevails, Innocently I am slowed
But my wheels continue turning, and my heart stays true
Though my eyes and ears remain obstructed, my heart makes a turn
And yes, he still stands there

His presence unpurposefully commands attention
And his knowledge, he gives without catch
I understand the wars he must encounter, and yet he stays calm
Giving peace to the tide, he offers nothing, but gives everything
I unconditionally love him
I honestly hold respect for him,
He indirectly teaches me
And fuels me with his love

In this moment, I turn back, not for fear of falling,
But to wave back to the man who let me go
He is no longer there, standing firm in his spot
No
My friend, my father, he rides by my side.

Did I ever tell you that I saw you?
Did you ever hear my breath as you journeyed through the darkness with your pleasures?
Did you sense my body feeling the covers move in unisons with your misconducts?
Did I ever tell you what I saw?

My vision was possessed with the shadowed illustrations of your daytime dreaming
And the flashing lights revealing your silent movements while you lay to rest
I was in my own private screening of your devilish fantasies
Yet, I was pulled into the canvas, and subjected to a catatonic state, feeling everything, but limited to just witness.

I saw her in red, as she slid in between the streams of light
And she melted into the floor and ****** up onto the bed
I heard her pleasure, and I saw your lust
All I could do was lock myself away, trying to cover my inner eye.

Did I ever mention that I caught you?
Did you see my gaze read you like a children's book?
We're my cries enjoyable to you and your ever changing company?
Will you ever empathize?

Your words, so deep and loving in direct meaning
We're squashed I between your finger and thumb
Your eyes always looked through me, as if in search of another in my reflection
I was transparent, I was water.

I flowed continuously, swept away with love and distractions,
Yet, as water, so did I flow, never broken by your rocks and twigs place in my way
You pushed me over the waterfall, but I was not hurt,
With the tide I grew stronger, and I crash down upon your rock and sticks

And now, I am far out in the vast ocean,
where your rocks sink, and your twigs break down.
I take in the warmth and love of the sunshine, I sparkle incomparably under the bright moon
And I spread this, honestly, without need of a finger and thumb to hide.
I am real.

I remember a vision I once had
In the dark of night, after a darkness of day
Laying there, struggling to grasp truth and reality
I felt helpless and afraid,
I panicked in that moment
Only to their enjoyment and sick pleasures
But my gut continued its chant
Calling me to the truth I already knew.

This night, I recall the devilish ghouls surrounding my formless shape
I remember my voiceless cries to you
My breathless screaming of your name
And their shouting whispers, he is coming, he is coming!
Maybe, it was more trickery as they announced your arrival
If so, it was still in vain
My heart regarded your radiant outline in the ever darkening surfaces
My eyes focussing reassuringly as my stare continued.

You are a turned agent
And for that I am eternally grateful, eternally blessed
You were and will always be my savior in dark times,
Everytime you come to me, my love
I feel my body relax in your illustrated presence
Your soft words tickling my skin, inscribed with our love and honesty
Finishing with a spiraling full stop,
Encasing your message, and me, in protection.

Once in fear yourself
You were unable to show your feelings in this world
Where their eyes could see
And where their minds could envision,
But, my love, I found your notes
Concealed in my hairs, that you had recently brushed aside
Etched lightly across my palms, that your hands had just held
Glazed across my lips, that you had just caressed with yours.

Yes, I remember, my love
And with the strength each word helped me attain, I tell you now-
I need no more.
For you and I wrote one that they cannot erase,
Forever it glows, embedded in my everything
Beneath that butterfly tattoo that misses your kiss
The words of incalculable happiness pumping at every heartbeat...
I love you.

A every stumble, thoughts of you catch me every time
But at each trip, they poison my daydreams with long gone memories.
Hauntingly, they mimick my train of thought
I apologize every time

Those thoughts are not my own, my love
I am vulnerable against their every attack
Punishment for my choice not to join,
And not to fight

The ability to love, they lack
And their bitterness enhances in the presence of my love for you
So, my love, do not believe their jealous manipulation
Which takes more form each time I call to you

I swore to you my love
I gave myself to you
Look within me, the me, that I gave to you
Don't watch the movements of my mind, as it was never truly mine

Turn away from their evil illustrations
Exhibited to invoke doubt and suspicion
Look into your heart, my love,
Feel the miracle we created together

They did the same to me my love
Attacking all senses with visions of you and disguised mistresses
In the end it was all in vain
As my heart stayed true, and steered me back

So, my beloved, look into the truth you feel inside your heart
Within is our true love, shining still
And never look to the glowing darkness before your eyes
Projected on all you see, and surrounding you in your slumber

Remember the electricity we made the first time you took my hand in yours
That hand, that sensation, is me
Don't be fooled as they warm your hand in a firm grip
And say that grasp is mine

You know my touch, you know my love
Don't look for demonstrations of me
But feel for what you know
Remember, my true love
Love is blind.

My encounter, although mistakingly enlightening
Leaves me more baffled than before.
Do my words inherit the glow, similar to my daydreaming movements?
As if they were prematurely made, a banner across my silhouette.
Attached before the words can escape my mouth.

I wonder tonight about the necessity of freedom of speech
Curious to understand the rate of which our minds have developed, or been manipulated.
Is it our human defect of guilt the thing that encourages us to open our mouths?
Merely to humor our lowly human selves.

But I fumble
As words escape my lips, and enter your mind,they cannot be translated.
You cannot read my genuine emotion, as the life and purpose is ****** out as they are inscribed across your palm
So I write, and I materialize these things before they are evaporated.

Yes, I am confusing, and I apologize if I am further misunderstood
But, , my friend, I do love you
Purely, true and eternally
Yet I cannot give you what you desire.

Newton was both right and wrong
Love cannot be created nor destroyed
This energy flows continuously, passed from friend to friend
youthfully and innocently as friendship is meant to be

But, what he did not consider was the love of truth and purity
Which in the end is no energy, as they would have us believe
This love is an essence, similar to that formed the blood flowing through our family
Yet has something more

This love I speak honestly of,
Is unselfish
Is no medal of achievement
It bestows upon you the drive to be the highest you
It is the essence for the creation  of the one thing that they can never offer
True love, and true love of yourself.

He sits there, so comfortably, in his chosen pathway of truth and reality
This man, before me, is well nourished on the fruits of the physical world, the place time passes honestly
But, before my very eyes, I see he is struggling
He has sensed the potential that this woman and he can possess
But she is yet to join him, and yet to have the same premonition.

Should your hope dwindle, remember this
Hold on to that air between your finger and thumb,
No, it is not lifeless, it is not dead air,
It is not a vacuum for breath and life like the world we both still honour.
Remember that despite such brief encountering, we have been kindred spirits for an eternity.
Make proper use of this once beautiful connection,
Allow me, whenever you feel doubt, to do what will forever be our strength
Let me hope for you.

As answers timidly move in the light
Question of morality I ask of myself more frequently

Is my eagerness to abstain from activities of others truly virtuous?
Or, am I merely lost in translation and its is really selfishness I practice rather than virtue?
Am I hypocritical as I go forth preaching to those who revel in shadow?
Am I unknowingly crowning myself king?
Creating yet another man made god?

Yet I am reassured
My inadequacies demonstrate to me my powerless words
No, I am no self proclaimed god
No accidental hierarchy
No dictatorial government

Day by day I do not and can not offer anything
I do not tempt with visions of pleasure
All I do, all I give, all I open for public viewing is just this,
A smile
In hope that through ample, but temporary satisfactions
Man has not lost his ability to empathize

Feel my happiness
See it through nothing but my smile
Created through loving truly
Acknowledging the small things
And simply, living
Here.

I'm seeking something
But I've yet to discover what, or who it is
Do I pray each night and day for freedom of my mind?
Or is it freedom from my mind?
As I swim deeper into the labyrinth of our own making, I find my knowledge of treading water tires me more than the action

This awakening I have been hit with so suddenly
Despite burdening, gave me unbelievable reassurance
Yes
Reassurance of the memory, recognition and realization that I chose to be good...
Or maybe it is the reassurance of my choosing not to partake in the so called delights
The delights of those shadows disguised in their outlines of light
Who frolic menacingly through what should unite us
But I am lonely
It seems so far, as far as my mind allows me to see, that I am isolated
In this constant claustrophobia

My righteousness lifts me and tells me I can make a difference
But I'm yet to cut the umbilical chord of one to their facade of fantasy
So I fight on
And in times of exhaustion, disappointment, sadness
The streams flowing through me still run
Reminding me that they can carry the weight a little while
Showing me that what I seek is attainable as they flow
Feeding my body, and my heart with the only proof of what there could be
Yes, the love of parents
The love.
Love.
Remember love.

We only just met
But I felt a tugging of my heart, forever in search of a friend
It was brief
Yet an unforgettable warmth still lingers after our passing
In my striving to remain honesty to myself, I always thought myself alone
Despite the eyes that casually yet constantly peer
They watch
Unknowing the truth of the damage inflicted
Yes, I am newly awakened
But the reality claws it's way with such strength
Exploding from my new found uncontainable mind
And continues its attacks on my body
My fragile and peaceful body

I am tired
It seems that the timelessness of this world I so recently discovered
Is nothing short of eternity
This battle I wish no part in has taken a toll so great
As if a lifetime
I am searching
Evreryday and night I search for comfort of a friend
I have found but a few
And their comfort teases me, as they so naturally delve in and out of light and shadow
As I lay my trusting head down on their shoulder offered
Temptation brushes it away
The tide pulling its victim back out to the treacherous sea

I am tired
No
I was exhausted
As a cool breeze washes the scorching dessert, so did you
Just a few words exchanged
A few minutes shared
And yet I have known you a lifetime
A sister, a friend, a long lost kindred spirit finally found
You understand this world
Full of hands untouchable
Graffitied with words unhearable
Parading love unattainable
So you offered no hand to hold, nor shoulder to lean on
As I have grown to understand the impersistance of form
I would never be permitted to maintain my grip
Instead you gave a piece of your tranquility
Finally
I can rest.

Curiosity killed the cat, is that so?
Yet the cat has still eight lives at hand
Day after day I pounce mindfully into the almost fantastical battlefield they created
That is so cunningly masked as it polar opposite
An endless field of love they advertise so temptingly

Yes eight lives with eyes newborn
That forever preserve my immortal memory-
Lessons learnt. Morals understood. Choices made
My feline eyes see in my darkness
Their glow shines a constant glowing light exposing your disguises
Yes, my transient companions
I see you

Your endeavors to prove yourself were not in vain
I saw you
I saw you stand in the light my mortal eyes could see
But you thought me at ease
Satisfied with your performance
So relaxed you believed me to look away unknowingly
Convinced
Secure
But I am cursed with a curious eye
And your glow so bright in that moment intrigued me
I waited for more wonders
I watched
I watched you treasure the purity of friendship we share
Just a moment
Just a moment we held it
Then as shadows dance and disappear with the suns ever changing gaze
I watched as you so naturally dissolved back into the darkness
The suffocating, timeless space

I understand now
As much as my unfaithful, treacherous mind allows
I understand how strong a grip the minute pleasures can maintain
But our minds constant tie and enemy was your savior
You brain locked away the remnants of nostalgia
The memories of mountains once conquered
The visions of a hand outstretched
The feelings of a rope ever strong
You remembered
That rope
As I
Is ever present
As I
Let them keep their conjured grip
The mountains are firm in their place
The rope secure in its place
My hand
My mortal hand
Will forever be outstretched
For you
My friend.

I thought I saw your glow once
Then as a storm rages
The remnants of your shadow were swept away it seemed
But only to be concealed momentarily
The reflected light of the moons of our ever-united minds cleared to reveal the truth
As does the infinite rising sun
Truths were reflected
Refracted
Opinions distorted
Distracted
My newly opened eyes
Although fresh witnesses to the cruelty of reality and surreality  
Also enabled falsities and facades to be filtered
Raindrops evaporated
I tried to pull you from your self inflicted puddle of insecurity
Your ocean of self preservation
Truth is
Self containment is but a fantasy
I see you again
I can once again sense the warmth of your hands
Finally clutching the ropes I lay before you
I see you again
Rising from the rocks once disguised as comfort
I see your mortality
Shattered looking glasses are sharp to our scarred surfaces
But the cool breeze beyond soaks through our pores
We are reborn
Yes
We are mortal
But through realization
We are immortal.

I am sorry
I wish I could make it easier
This is not a test
We both know the truth
I have you in my heart, I want your loving real
I am sorry
The love we could conjure is just that-
An indescribable illusion, masterfully crafted
But
It is not grabbable
I will not spoil my mind
Only to starve my body, heart and soul
The sight of you brings light into every essence of me
But it is torture
It is pain to parade our minds in front of my lonely body
I am sorry
If your mind disallows you from understanding
I am sorry
I love you too much
I treasure our true love
Too much
Too much to denounce it to the space and time and viewing of so many
Our love is special
Our love is true
Our love is deep
Our love is wonderful
Our love is electric
Our love is illuminating
Let our love be real.

A finger, a thumb
All it takes to cage a soul.
Who would believe this world so full
Would be in the end so flat?

A canvas like playground for all two dimensional captives ,
Becoming lines that are drawn as if unwinding threads
Wound so tightly before that release is received with superfluous gratitude
Such freedom never felt before is cherished and held onto

Trapping minds, one within the other.
Unable to see the real world yet recognised
Will that freedom be enough
Never knowing what it is to be free

Will hands reach out to hold my hand hot with life?
Will they let the fire flow through?
Burning the canvas
Breaking the threads
Freeing the mind.

A thousand and one pixie eyes glare,
Always.
How do they have the time to peer and sneer
All day,
All night?
Enough
I've given you enough entertainment.
I don't care for your observations,
I don't care about your evil narrations.
You've got my mind captive,
But my body is free
My hands and heart strong.
I'll push
I'll shove .
I'm breaking the bonds that hold your matrix of lies.
Your web of rules and regulations
Under the facade of pleasure.
I may be stuck to your evil,
But I have my wings back
I am learning to fly.

Laugh, why don't you?
At my weakest of times
Rush to my side and kick me.
At times of loneliness
Take advantage of what I hold dear.
It is in the mind
But it is more evil and sickening than any crime.
You violate my essence
I do feel it physically.
I gag as you invade my privacy.
I burn as you enter my once believed to be own mind.
I cry
I cry.
You believe it to be only in the mind?
You're wrong.

Peace of mind.
What is peace of mind?
-Peace within my mind can only now be temporary
-My mind...
No-
Thatmind that I possess is locked away

Was I wrong to seek vengeance?
Should I have first sought the Keyholder?
- I saw the key,
It was flying through hands
Like a childish game,
With me apparently their piggy

The fool in the middle
Jumping high and crawling on all fours
-As if I were the dog
... Was I barking mad...?
Did I choose to be the chaser?
Did I *start the game?

Oh, peace of mind
It *is possible
Take a moment- call for time out
Realise you are the Keyholder
Stop juggling and hold your key in your hand
Unlock yourself and you'll have your peace of mind.