An exit for expression
An admittance with no fee
A mind free from excluding
An exhibition without end

The centerpiece- an installation
Ever moving within its frame
Its contents constantly disappearing
To reveal a blank canvas to be filled once more

The artist turns out to be me, and me alone
Leaving my post is an improbability
As the gallery holding me hostage is my own mind
Yet in truth, I find happiness in this prison cell

Without sleep I find energy from passers by
Who refuel my passion with their coins
Thrown into my hat beside me
Tokens of positivity that they cannot directly give

The door is always open
Even to those who find fault with the artist
Who tease me in my chained feet
And hurl their abuse with intent to delay completion

Yet still, I welcome companionship of viewers
Without noticing the deviants who scratch away at my painting
My selflessness renders me unable to notice evils
Blinding me with the future I paint before my eyes

My piece is never mastered
For I am distracted by evils constant approach
Presenting me with gifts of seeds, that grow in my soils
Only to blossom as weeds, and eat away at all goodness

But my grounds are open, and my job demands time
Rarely do I have the time to look upon works accomplished
But I steal a moment as sun and moon change shifts
Only to be met a view that gives no happiness as before

My stubborn positivity keeps defences up
Protecting myself from taunters and ghosts who take refuge in corners
I am distracted by my own optimism, the joy of what I do
But it hinders me, in ways I cannot defeat

My ability to seek vengeance was never yielded nor encouraged
So instinctively as always, I turn not to the voices behind me
And paint upon the canvas once more
The doors still open

I sit here, exhausted from a night of doing nothing
But for me, stillness is the hardest endeavor
The exertion of mental strength so uncontrollable
The tire overflows mind and is expelled through body
My body is weary from thought

I distract myself with mediocre activities
In hopes of dulling down my thought process
Which is more a rebellion in fact
As the thoughts rebel chaotically
With no apparent process to their stream

As I try to tell myself to focus
The commands mix into the storm already there
A whirl of letters pass my eyes in a haze
As if a speed game of scrabble completely injust
I attempt to forfeit but in vain

So stupidity comes to my rescue
With idle games and ample liquor
To lull mind into a dazed state
Vocabulary escapes and knowledge takes rest
Tonight I am a desperate fool

I came to your side as you lay down to rest
Without unwillingness nor hesitation planned
I obeyed your command disguised as question in caress
And resisted not your tight gripping hand

You may have thought me a pet well trained
Rewarding me with a silence from heavy breathing
So often used in attempt to keep me detained
And distracted from all you are concealing

But my eyes cannot rest, not yet
Even in this abnormal freedom
And look they did upon the set
And see did they your undefended imaginary proceeding

I watched as you tore his hand from me
And felt it all the same
Attempting to pose yourself as he
Was a venture with no question in vain

I did not cry when your grip held too tight
Nor act in defense or retaliation
I simply kept you in my sight
As you lost all in desperation

Our tie was withered only just so recently
And I hoped for its salvation
Yet calling upon her to infect me with jealousy
The tie broke itself in self preservation

I have no pen in hand
-You know- the one with ink
That leaves a mark behind
Not that one

That pen
Whose existence is debated by its nonentity
So vague the pen stroke
So illegible the words
That it leaves you with nothing but questions

You question yourself
Was it memory or imagination?
Yet the tingle upon your skin still lingers
Seeming to promise letters written before

Those words were not planned nor considered were the messages
But in truth and with paranoia instilled
Although they flowed through mind so fluidly to settle upon skin
I'm sure their waters were disturbed along the way.

This pens ink is poisoned
Best throw it away

I always knew my presence in your world would be brief
Yet I still am not only human, but a woman too
And by nature, emotions kicked in instinctively
Feeding the seeds of love with thoughts of possibility and potential
The words clouding my eyes and blinding me from my cause
And for that moment all I saw was you.

Your fear and focus jump started with these foreign feelings
Dragging you back and shrouding you in insecurity
Bombarding you with doubt without reason
Knocking you back down from where you had been before
Your fall, cutting me painfully deep was somehow as much a relief
For you were not ready to fight as I was already fighting.

Dream away sweet dreamer
For your visions in deep slumber are all that we see
A distant candlelight upon the horizon
Bringing a tranquil shimmer of light to the all consuming darkness of closed eyes

Your flame burns bright, lifting the blanket of shadow
Revealing the ruins of the land once rich and imperishable
Bringing regret and shame to the forgetful eyes
Yet giving vision and promise of restoration to those of hope

Look up with eyes wide open, but in the ruins I urge look down
Upon the ground, beneath dirt and dust
For still there remains rich soil to sow seeds and a vast land to rebuild
And in the distance, ever shining, ever lightening, the dreamer dreams forever

My Love is eternal, infinite and imperishable
Yet alive it never has ever been
Nor has death to it been known or met by
Neither is it yet to be created
Yet my Love here remains still

So full of qualities that the living posses
A touch that can speak and hear my own words
An intuitive smell that draws upon emotion
And a breath that soothes the burning hands of man
My Love, it is not alive, yet unliving it will never be.

The chill engulfs me in a warm embrace
Encapsulating me entirely in an explosion from my core
Brings tears of mourning to my eyes that sparkle with joy
Fueling my blood and bone in waves of soothing water
Filling my eyes with sights so ******
So blinding the light burns brightly as hope
Your love although its flavour so scarcely offered
I savour and cherish all the more.

I have felt anger, of that I am sure
Though it came and went in gentle tides as if babbling brook
Ever-flowing through the currents of my mind eternally pure
Always a victim of the many rocks and stones thrown in jealousy and rage
Cast by those in awe of the tranquility they caught glimpse of in my honest gaze
Unreachable to their bound and broken hearts, the sight brought envy and despair
And rather seeking peace of their own, they sought only to disturb that which wasn’t theirs
Their bullets only brushed gently against the banks, never breaking upon the shore
And though they pained me as the surface was hit
As they lay to rest, the pain was no more
Always brief was the anger, as the stones sank below
Raising my waters higher, making my current more strong against their every blow

No, never have I been Angry, though Anger have I felt
But I feel the time is coming, after the injuries that Woman has dealt.

You branded me unfaithful when all I had was my faith
Accused me of not loving you when all I have is love to give
You blamed me for being idle when all I've done is fight the war
And you believe you left me because I'd changed when all I've done is matured

Your fingers pointed at me so often whilst your words judged only you
And called out my so called wrongdoings whilst all your doings were wrong
You ran away from where I am now yet it is I who remains ahead
You believe you left me but all you did was fall behind

You did all the things you denied and denied all the things I did
You took the love I gave completely but rejected it all the same
You cut my wounds whilst healing them and never let my blood run dry
And here I stand still bleeding with nothing but love to give

I slipped under her skin to live a short life before living
I wanted to give myself one last try
One last attempt to understand
A last chance before deciding
If I was wrong or right to leave you all to your own devices

Our  ideas are spoken dishonestly
Our  words are thought truthfully
sympathy is ignored
  empathy is rejected
I cut the connection shared through thought and spirit
Because you claimed yourselves being held captive
I severed the bonds that in truth united us
Because you accused them of being chains about your neck

I played along and set you free
Free to do or say as you please
But in freedom you gave  way to hypocrisy
And lovelessly enslaved your humanity  





Freedom to imprison themselves ironically once more

You sit beside your furnace frozen
Stoking the fire as it slowly burns out
You don't see that the ashes glow more glorious beneath
More bright is their light than the flames before
So you stoke

Your body is colder than it once was
A frostbite burn now is a soothing warmth
Yet you still seek the fires for the heat they once gave
But it's here within me still from your touches before
Yet still, you stoke

I've loved a man much
So much we bore children in dreams
More alive than they were real
-But-
I loved this man much
Too much our children were killed without my knowing
Death was delivered before they were delivered themselves
I loved my children much
Before his fire burnt them to ashes
I loved my children much
And much more do I love them still

I loved a man much
No more since he exchanged their lives for gold
Their  death was at his doing and my love kept me blind
Too late I saw them no more, too late to still hope for life
Yet with the heart I had once given to him I keep them half alive
Never shall I hold my children in these arms that feel
Yet forever will I embrace them as they eternally embrace me
I mourn their unliving with every tear I cry
A dream our future will always remain
But a paradise our lives will be

I've told you that I love you a thousand times or more
But you always replied in doubt and disbelief
I was always been convinced my words were nothing but honesty
But I was wrong, you were right
I lied

I fooled myself each time those three words slipped out
My punishments have already been given unsparingly
But these wounds are not all from battle as I see many injuries dealt by my own hand
Carrying the sentence for my dishonesty
Branding me a liar

You judged me well I give you that
And for once you did not lie as you do
My plea is guilty but I choose to appeal my case
My crime of not loving you was not my fault alone
For it was you, the mastermind, who did not let me love you at all

I can't say that I still love you
Love is timeless, without a limit for me to love you still
I am not still in love with you
For still I love you
Nor do I miss you, miss us
We'd have to be apart for me to say so
You are away but at night you still embrace me
You're out of view since long ago yet I see you always
You're always on my mind in sleep and awakening
Although you do not allow me to love the person you are
I am forever loving the man you are meant to be

You present yourself as a man reborn
Shedding your past as if it were as natural as leaves falling from a tree
You seemed to have uplifted your roots to replant them in higher grounds
Far higher than all of us, apparently

What you don't realize though is that the grounds you raise yourself upon
They are no richer in nutrient, no greater in worth
In fact they are far from the streams below
So far your veins are starved- leaving you a shallow shadow of a man

You place yourself higher than the rest
But so high the sun beams fires in your eyes
You have blindly added flame to your already raging fire
And your branches and life itself are withering in your pride

I told my selves to cut you off
To sever the link I tied to our hearts
Apparently without your consent
Disconnect the chord from my mind to yours
So you can't haunt me anymore
And do those bad things as you're told

I'm sure you're well aware of what I've done
As my voice no longer keeps you awake
And no more does my crossing your mind have effect
Gluing you as a fly on the wall watching my every move
Unable to stop me from my downward spiral
Silenced from speaking words of comfort and care
Saving me from killing myself unintentionally

It you did or do truly love me
I have a secret to tell
For that voice you now have complete intimacy with
Is no temptress nor loan shark keeping you imprisoned
It's me, we'll one of me, and its her you chose
You gave up the whole of me, to grasp at my ghost

Do you still check my page to keep me a part of your life?
I haven't written wholeheartedly as you can tell
I don't even pick up a pen the same way I did
I have tried. You know I have
I know you watch me now and again
But you hide and keep away from me
Never touching my skin to let me know you're there
I'm just hot. No longer cold at night being warmed by your fingertips
Numb
Your fire melted my ice
And you left me here, water
Evaporating to nothing but dead air

Hey people who use their brains
Not only their minds

I am writing a story type thing. It's personal, in the sense that it is from memory- or rather flashes of images that come from nowhere

Should I upload it in parts here? I don't know who else would read it, and I take you few who take the time to read my words' opinions/understanding the most truthful
Let me know

Love and truth from a single being
Alice

You have the title of a love
With more claim than all the others I may called before
Not only deserving due to the five year past
Nor for the fact that you held my body first
But because you are truly, my love

We've never picked sides, nor loved for victory
Yet our love has played out as if a game
We sit apart yet our cards are hearts the same
Still we are always too afraid to call the game

Five years I've known you, a lifetime I have loved you
Gamblers have come and gone with bets unfair in love and war
Winning games through slight of hand
And using my chips to play their games

You are my partner although we sit apart
Always there to win back my losses stolen unfairly by others
When they leave, you're always there
Always ready to save me once more

You were my first love
Always were and always will be
So when I'm deep in thought don't seek shelter amongst the others
Your place is at home, your home forever in my heart

Happy birthday x

When I closed my eyes I saw the pupils of another
Staring deeply back within the darkness
So deep they penetrated my own as if I were gazing upon a mirror
My vision slowly pulled out in fear
Yet it did not try to pull focus once more
So unlike the usual eyes that haunt my every slumber
With a face full in colour and strangely familiar
And a breath that I could hear and feel
As if a tide caressing a wave back to the embrace of the open sea
His breath captured me as it touched my skin
Into his waters was I carried
Yet kept there I was not
For when I pulled out there was no ransom
I was freed upon my surrender

So relaxed I laze about with you
What would usually drive a self destructive routine has broken its course
Allowing me, i believe, to give my attention and mind (most of the time) to the moment I am in
Time sees to fly by, and this euphoria does not come about as if frozen
But moves faithfully with the ticking clock
As if carried by the hands of time

I like you, I love all, and alike I do love you
But you are different
In a way I cannot define, nor have much urge to uncover
I thought about locating your tree of soul
But I knew within seconds, maybe minutes that I would not be able to
Unless I paid a loving price
And right now that love is moving as a tide
Seeping through us both and filling the air around us
The euphoric moment that embraces us has spread to space from mind
We're doing it- I hope
Without body or mind we are creating what was lost(maybe forgotten)
Heaven.
Nirvana
Home

You probably think I'm like the rest of them
A bitter broken hearted woman
Doing all I can to **** you off
Intentionally making my moves to provoke you...
To make you feel at least a bit of the pain I am in.
Oh, how wrong you are

We cut the ties with different explanations
But in thoughts we both knew the truth
You couldn't find the courage to choose me
Didn't have the ***** to take on whatever may come
I could. And I've fought the toughest battle for us both
So you wouldn't have to

I am in pain, we both can see that
As I struggle to keep hold of the threads I knew I had to cut
Keeping you close even though it burns me
Still fantasizing although you shattered the dream
But I'm not bitter, in fact the pain has stolen all sensation from me
Leaving a dry emptiness from the salt of tears free falling

Our meeting tonight was awkwardly comforting
Having you near felt right, as we are meant to be
But the air was thick with ghosts reminding me
Taunting me with whispers-  I can't win you
So I seemed cold.. But in truth I was numbing myself to the bullying
They got me

I don't want to haunt you
I love you as I did before, please believe me
I only took the thing you have tried to pull me off to keep you close
Pathetic it may be, but it's all I can do
So I press finger and thumb to what your hands have so recently held
Killing myself, only to live another life with you

I guess I haven't been waiting
Because to do so means you have something to wait for
It's ironic
The one place I abstain from is exactly where I've been this whole time
Fantasy
Because you never told me to wait for you
You never said you were mine when I told you I was yours
Never did you proclaim our being together
So why should I have expected you to be faithful?
When I wasn't a partner all along

I'm just living up to my name
Dreaming in this wonderland-like matrix
Thinking my saving myself for you meant anything
Believing you we're doing the same
I fantasized an image of you that whispered hopes for the future
Who promised his heart would open
And let me in
To love me

I haven't stopped loving you the way I always have
I haven't even looked to others for the affection you refuse me
The sustenance you starve me of

I haven't tried to change you although I'm sure you'd say otherwise
Nor have I tried to lure you with tempting bribes
In fact I was the one changing throughout these times
And if i had the choice, I wouldn't have it any other way

Because you told me time and time again of your right of choice
And though i respect this, you still find ways to accuse my words of being authoritative
Can't you see that I am the only one that preserves you barely free Will?
Or has your lie been told so many times you believe it truth

You've turned my cries of hurt into unfair apologies
And I've allowed this belittling as long as I can stand
I have fought the battle for the two of us so far
Because you said you wouldn't be long

But long has long passed
And your feet seem more solidly where they are
You never send word of your expected arrival
I'm stranded, alone, loving a man that shows no love

So I call to you, in the only way I can
To say I have dropped your sword as well as mine
It's your turn to practice this free will you apparently have
Choose if you are to run after me, or are to remain.

Sinking through the the grounds upon which you stand to the fires of the prison we all know below.

Sorry for not sleeping
I guess I should realize now that no matter how silent I move
You still hear everything that passes through my mind
I guess I want to believe that you're able to cut me out
And get some sleep for yourself
We can both agree that's not the case
I could see from your face as you fled my company

You know me- I'm a optimistic pessimist
Realizing all too well the ****** situations
Then unintentionally uncovering the good too come
I wish you could see through my eyes
Just like they do
Then you'd see although we're no better than zombies
Our love has not only connected us, but made us one

We feel the same things
And though your words oppose my own
I know now they don't come from your lips
Their taste is flavorless
As their sound is foreign
They don't caress me upon hearing with breaks of cooling breath.
Baby, I'm sorry, we'll sleep tonight.

I introduced myself just a few days ago
And now we've become one and the other
New friends with a history from creation
I'm told in past lives we were lovers
And reminded that we are first life soulmates
Made for each other
Designed together only to be torn apart
Each life we spend our time pulling our puzzle pieces back together
Where I end we begin
When we finish humanity is born

You should just say goodbye
Try to forget me instead of pretending to
Move on by walking away. Physically, geographically
Not just sexually I know that's easy for you
But it's impossible for me

We are meant to be
Our bodies perfectly fit together as our tree branches entwine
I found a triangle marking on my back just as on yours
It's as if we were created just for each other
And I'm reminded with every heart beat that calls your name

I love you
With the purest and truest love ever imaginable
You know that wont die
And I know you can feel it too, because you want me to stop
But you know I can't, and won't

I gave you my heart and my all
It's not meant for anyone else
I cannot take it back for it would just rot by my side as a corpse, unliving
One day becoming another ghost that kills me, when now it is the one thing that keeps me alive.

I've said what I had to say
-or rather- I've typed it
I did it while you were sleeping
But I know you felt the words as they trailed behind fingertips
I only told you to read the poem to avoid ruining your game

We both know the words are immortally indented in your skin
Because whilst typing it was you who was on my mind
Allowing you to see and hear all in that moment
Even if you don't like what it is
Even if you won't do anything about it

I've been too involved in the war
So much I've managed to drive you away from me
Making you forget who I am
Only showing you who is within me as if that is all I am
But I'm still me

I'm still that girl you fell in love with
Who still remembers you saving her in times of need
The girl that you helped become a woman
Who you helped to realize her destiny
I'm still her, I'm still me

I became that being who I embody
And I know now I did it wrong
Because instead we should in fact be one
Our hearts uniting allowing my love to  grow even greater
Giving strength to me and you

I was a fool, I can see it now
Fighting for us by fighting against you
When it is what is within you and no part of you with whom my war should be waged
And in harming you I scar what we are

I silence their words that escape your lips
Yet in silencing you are unable to denounce thy father
Star  crossed lovers, we hold the power to break this spell
So I apologise for my actions so recent
My Romeo, I give you once more my true loves kiss

The man I love is a great one
Though he is still destined to become a good one
I admit that times have tested my patience
Waiting for his buds to blossom I have survived a thousand storms
Lightning striking from fogs that bear his face look over me
With the thunderous roars proclaiming him their soldier
But godly vision have calmed my fears again and again
And the sight of our souls roots and branches remain unbreakably entwined
But though he is great, so too is he bad
But the heavens reassure me of how it will be
How it should have been

I know my blessings could wipe his slate clean
But it would be selfish of me to cleanse just him
It would bring consequences of a hellish nature
Devils claiming me prejudice would add fuel to their fires
Luring more innocent souls ignorantly to their side
I wish I could tell him why I seem to ignore his pleas
Trapped by fear of his response the words never escape mind
So many times truth has been met by dismissal
I am a victim of unjust rejection

I knew I had something within me
But still I could never make it rain, most of the time
And when the thunder replied to my calls
I felt a thrill as its roar gave me confirmation and confidence
When instead I should have had no reaction
No doubt in expectations

Then, last night, as I lowered inhibitions and heightened awareness
My hands, correctly folded, received writings faint and soothing
Difficult to read the sensational inscriptions
I focused that usually avoided mind on the italics
Words, sometimes repeated, became clear and understood
Believe, and anything is possible
I guess knowing is nothing without belief

So now I walk the streets in my daily rituals
Giving attention and devotion to cries of any origin
But I believe now, more so than I did before
And as I exhale sighs of sympathy and comfort
Not only breath escapes my human lungs
But winds that carry those woes spoken in whispers

It's a unfamiliar feeling, yet I know I've met it before
But saying those two words in recent times has been quite different
Quite the laughing matter in fact
Spoken in thoughts cynical and sarcastic
My insane laughter numbing the cold hard truth of a sleepless night
Distracting myself from the impending hours in battle ahead
good morning indeed

This morning however met with those two same words
Is not greeted with that all too familiar awkward laugh
But instead a calm head, and awakening smile
I remember this feeling but still I approach it timidly
For it is a distant memory that left me all too abruptly
So- I won't hold my breath in assuming its staying a while
But I will rejoice in this brief moment that I can say.
Last night, *I slept

Yes my love I am still awake.
Yes indeed, I am in the same routine
Yes, you're right, I haven't eaten enough
Yes I've finished the bag
And yes, I have bought another

You're wrong in saying that I am trapped
You're cruel to criticize without even advice
You're ignorant to think that I am weak
You're cowardly not to stand by my side
Because its you who are imprisoned

I am strong enough to fight your battles as well as mine
I have enough faith to keep focused on my true goal
I have ample love to give me infinite sustenance
I believe completely and that should give you reason
I have my poison at my own accord

The  roots of our trees as locked together
Our branches shade both of our souls
Nests are built on our joint branches
To cradle infants we are yet to home
You're bark is darkening
Your stump growing frail
Come back home and realize your love
Don't **** the key to humanity's resurrection

I know you are part of my destiny
So I haven't cried as much over our separation
True, I did cry an ocean of tears
But not so many to drown the grounds I stand upon

I said words of frustration
And whispered cries of surrender and desertion
But I am open to emotions and those words allowed release
-But- what I suggested in heated state of mind was just that
Suggestions, not proclamations nor plans

You know I tend to submerge myself in evil waters
In order to rise from them with strength even greater
Those shouts you may or may not have heard were the waters I was wading
And now, I am back to the heavens with a heart more unbreakable

Refreshed and replenished with the purity of home air
I remain sure of the decision I made that day
Don't worry, I am still certain of my true love for you
No-  More certain of everything

I guess it took all those months to realise it
I needed to break down in strengthening
To lead the way to the point of exhaustion
Because now, it's your turn to stand ahead

As I deep down predicted, my words did not gain action
Although reactions were clearly achieved
Though words were controlled and questions avoided
Your eyes that trick you, are as always unable to deceive me

I guess what I am trying to express
Is my undying true love for you
My heart is unbroken, despite what I said
Still holding you within, still cradling our infants to come

Yesterday I was consumed in manic thought
Trapped amongst the ruins of the kingdom lost
Spiraling without direction in turbulent cyclones of an even greater hurricane
I've ridden so many possessed winds before
But these gusts were more than tumultuous airy waves
They were furious fireballs scorching past my cool skin
So fast I could not make out their purpose
I could not decipher the reason I was so lost in these thoughts
But I didn't want to escape this storm
I wanted to weather it

You watched me from the observatory
And although you read the forecast as clearly as I
You refrained from offering shelter, even if my refusal was certain
I grabbed at the lettered sparks trailing the flames flying past
And collected incomplete sentences that burnt into my cupped hands
Enough to fill the blanks and grasp a vague understanding
Enough to finally speak what was heavy on my mind
To break the silence of feeling your loud eyes upon my troubled thought
And to voice words you already knew were coming

We listened to a song the previous day
Lyrics already  retained gave way for her spoken words to be remembered
And I remembered them, and in mind they echoed calling my attention
Encouraging my comprehension to  call upon understanding
To push speculation in order to pull out thought in a single thread
My mindful spinning wheel kept turning as the threads emerged
And rolled of my tongue in woven sentences
Yet you didn't pick up the ends to help me fold my tapestry of fate
Truthfully it grew and your unmoving feet bore down upon it
You had to go before you trampled all of our future

Have I not made myself clear?
Because each day the slate I write upon seems wiped clean
And my words read by your eyes have fallen to the same fate
I am brought to my knees once again, legs battered and weaker than before
Weakened furthermore by your considering  my voice unworthy of being graced with your hearing

This cycle is far from clear and circular
For your words cut through the curves taking the line elsewhere
Creating a maze of countless spirals forced by feigned confusion and diversion of ill intent
You have loyalty to your commander and keep disguises already known in play
Believing your presence proves fidelity and earns trust

But I am not lost in this web of manipulation
Just disoriented in your maps of honor and intention
But My hands still bear the route i follow
The lines compasses leading me honestly back on course
While the map you bear is no more than unreadable markings that you claim direction

Once the lines  alike mine were visible
But with constant trampling and pressing of fingers
All that is left is a dark mound
Corpses of lifelines  that are no longer followed
Yet still you spend time making pictures out of linear denial

But I see reality, despite your claims of my insanity
You hold nothing but ruins
But continue to stare and declare its superiority
fingers alone cannot rebuild your kingdom
The decay grows and your roads to heavenly future diminish

Just a word
No not even that
A mere gesture to convey your open ear
Or even a breath to show your consciousness as I speak
Not much
Not a lot I ask for to feel my words still hold worth
Still remain spoken
To be heard and then understood
Rather than inscribed to only be manipulated
So many have met such a fate
Consumed by the carnivorous mind
Chewed up by the sharp teeth of darkness
And spat out in bullets by the trigger of your own tongue
Guns don't **** people
Nor the shooter who takes life into their hand
I bear so many wounds
And still I remain a target to the never ceasing attacks
Which in ending still manage to keep injuries accumulating
No shooter to be proclaimed murderer
No gun found to cause death
Guns don't **** people
Thoughts however do

That moment the bass drops in a favorite song
Submerging your body from the core inside the musical trance
The first few strides in the open air after days of isolation
Open eyes opening once more as the daylight kisses them
A smile appearing where your lips were caressed by another's
Blossoming as your fingertips trace the fresh tracks of a kiss
The soothing heat that spreads through your body
Bringing a cool breeze gushing from your core within
You didn't have a drop to drink to feel this drunkeness
You sit in silence yet the music is still felt
You were never imprisoned to feel the freedom of open spaces
And your lips have been untouched for days unnumbered
But the memory is still there, fresh as the grass beneath your dreaming feet
As refreshing as the waters of a forgotten stream lightly touching your palms
Bringing a sorely missed kindred spirit back to its other life
Complete in it's entirety and clear in view
Without lacking in touch, smell or others alike
Oh love, it's real, more real than we could ever fantasize.

I have to be more careful with my words
Or rather the wording of said words
I have to take a leaf out of your book this time
Instead of slamming it shut each time you open it before me
Despite how ludicrous and unbelievable your avoiding answers are
There are only so many ways I can rephrase the question
Before insanity beats honesty by numbers from the infinite variations
So I'm not giving in quite yet as I said in frustration
And although from our argumentative conversation I failed to learn
I was in fact enlightened, brightened, given light
For my answers and questions stand strong and unchanged
Strengthening in stillness at every returning question you fire

I may not be the Right, I may not have the Right
Your belief might be silenced
My belief may be misunderstood
And though no result came of words spoken
And methods remain unsuccessful
The conclusion is always the same despite the uncountable alterations
So as I close this file to open one unfamiliar
I sign off with three last words
I am right

Through strengthening I've uncovered equal weakness
As foreseen I am unbreakable
But I didn't expect to be alone in my invincibility
I had hoped you would stand beside me upon the raised platform
It was our unison that completed my defenseless impenetrability
So why do I remain alone?

Although their attacks bear no injury nor effect
This heightened state also calls for heightened sensitivities
And their strikes although unsuccessful still leave a stench in the air
That no illuminating gold light can vanquish
No matter how deep a core or heavenly a space it ignites from
Their space is hollowed by their loveless attacks

Their very presence leaves black holes in their passing
Their ripples still managing to wave upon me
Despite failure I still can feel intended actions upon my every existence
Just as physically as if their fantasies were fantasized
Yet still I pick up shovel and fill natures wounds with love of my own
They cannot harm me anymore, yet still I bear injuries of their making.

In time apart my heart did not grow fonder
For there is no more fondness into which can be grown
Your absence from my side did not fade you from thought
For memory and foresight kept my loneliness company
My love did not weaken under the weights of doubt and suspicion
For the tricksters stupidly take refuge in my mind
That constantly changes, continues to run
Their images planted remain nothing but a blur
That even in my noticing would bear no detriment
For the love they seek to hinder is far from the battlefields they have chosen

They fight a war in the darkness of their shadow
Tripping themselves and killing their own men
Searching for the light they strive to put out
Their torches of destruction giving more flame to my fire
Burning brightly in the fields out of their reach.

You don't need to remind me
Don't you remember me?
That I am not one to easily forget things-
Good, or bad-
True- you did keep me off the streets
But the money you gave wasn't what I needed in the first place
I never asked for it in the beginning
-nor the many things that came along with it.

You constantly proclaim your good deeds
Which are satisfied by my genuine  thanks
As well as uncalled for honest words of appreciation
But it seems that words and memory are not enough for you
Because you continue to tally up the score
Scratching them deep into my now hardened skin
-No, I will never lose sight of that memory, my love
But the truth, will never be let go to be kept in sight

I don't know how to describe it
This thing I am holding on to
It's so complete in itself, a single truth
But at the same time it is so many things
I hold it so carefully, a crystal ball perfectly fitting my hand
And when I gaze through the absolute clarity
I witness a thousand stars within
Lights of hope that one day will illuminate our skies again
Little ***** of fire burning
So immortal as my love for you is
A universe that is always within reach
That I offer to all to gaze upon freely.

If I can hold onto unnumbered heavens
Surely we can lift up the one we already have

Sleep is not my friend
Yet I continue in my attempts to woo it
This unrequited love tires me
But I cannot rest for rest itself is my enemy
We remain star crossed lovers
Whilst separate we are pulled from each other
Yet when reunited our union is always bliss
Dreams are created as if children of our partnership
And hours pass watching them grow and flourish
In awakening I mourn the departure of the fully developed dreams
An emptiness flickers within that grows throughout the day
Sleep leaves me, for my longing pushes me to the verge of insanity
I am no longer attractive to its eye
And so here I lay as I do every morning
In hope that sleep comes home

Just by chance the taxi drove a little too far
Merely by impulse I decided to go inside
The fluorescent entrance was conveniently right in front on me
why not called temptation and my feet obeyed

Just in curiosity I strolled down unnecessary aisles
Simply by nature I left my soul bare
Swarms of negativity and hummings of positivity flew through me
so what my faithful reassurance comforted me

Just as always I returned insult with compliment
Eyes as ever looking deeper than fantasy
And then I saw her, shredded clothes and body worn
look closer winds whispered from a land unseen

Just in loyalty my eyes studied this woman
And in love I recognized purity that I strive to wield
The evil whisperers are hypocrites in their claiming her *****
and wrong they are too for all I see is light

Our conversations are scarce
But my love for you ever present
You respond to questions of silence unsatisfactorily
Answering in echoes of the question I just posed
You're right, I did not initiate conversation
And in an ice cold world I would feel blame for my loneliness
But, you see, or maybe you don't realize
That I am a woman who loves purely
Maybe I'm old fashioned but I have my smile to prove
That loving in its truest form gives happiness beyond belief
So I stay a woman, and you remain my man
Be a man my love, for I stand behind you always
Act first for I am busy loving.

I'm baffled at your confidence
I would have thought such cunning equaled in intelligence
You prove me wrong yet again
By assuming your words similar in advancement to manipulation

Your arguments have not progressed
As my ability to weave in and out of conversation traps
Like a robot your speech is limited
Triggered by topic of interaction

Your inability to compute my well devised arguments renders you repetitive
"You speak in riddles"Is a line heard much too often
As are those clever attacks questioning my mental stability
But they're too often, my dear, too much you *question your own

You don't have to remember me
Or mourn my departure from this world
In fact, don't even think back fondly to moments shared
Just let the memories come naturally as those with the living
Because I too, can just as easily come

Don't pick up a photograph and let go of a tear
This ritual brings about nothing but ghosts to feed on sorrows
I appreciate the sentiment, but really there's no need
Because I'm here still and quite fully alive- maybe more so than you
And that's not how it should be

Although your cries show that love is still within
I get quite insulted from time to time
Because I stand before you, and sometimes call out your name
But you ignore me and denounce me non existent
I have no eyes, yet it is you who is blinded

Why don't you come anymore?
Because I've been waiting for so long
We used to play by the stream and climb the trees
Our joy nurturing roots of others who are mourned
Don't you want to visit the crop we together tended

You remember how to get here
Yet you never make the journey
This place is more beautiful than I remember
And I've saved my branches just for you
I'm still here, still waiting, to lift you from where you stand

I guess you could say I'm different
But I see myself normal, the way others used to be
Rare interactions condemn me to a snob
But dig deeper and you'll see its insecurity
Choosing the company of men labels me a threat
But in truth I'd rather be the object of lust than take neverending beatings
I often stare in silence, people assume judgement
But I'm searching for that goodness which remains hidden in so many
My words overheard suggest to all a preaching
But a preacher I am, and I remain unashamed to admit it
And back my words come, stoning me for seeking power
But it's not power I preach for, it's you.