You want to be the one they choose
Want to be the one they look to
To be they one they cherish
Be the one who makes them better
The one who they hold at night when they think about all the things they want
And realize that it's you

You want to be... The. One.

to my thirteen year old self
do not worry
they did not mean what they said that one time when they were mad and told you that you were not loved

to my thirteen year old self
do not cry
he is not the most important thing and you deserve to be treated much better than the way they treat you

to my thirteen year old self
don't lose focus
you have so much more to work for you are better than everything you tell yourself

to my thirteen year old self
pick yourself up
you are not low you are not bad you are not worth nothing you are worth so much more

to my thirteen year old self
put the bottle down
trust me the pain will get much worse and you are going to be much stronger than you'll ever believe

to my thirteen year old self
breathe
tomorrow is another day and you are getting better with each passing one. just breathe.

I used to sit quiet
never finding the ability to defend myself
My voice was an empty box that was always searching for the words to say
But lacking what it took to say them
they called me weak

then I found my courage
the only thing I could do was speak up
I refused to be treated like I wasn’t important anymore
They called me angry

They broke me
Picked, and criticized till I didn't need them to do it for me anymore
I spread out the outline of my mind and erased every self-loving part left
they called me emotional

I hurt
for I was aware of the presence of my flaws and emotional dilemmas
It was impossible to imagine that anyone was on my side when even I wasn’t
They called me sensitive

My tears fell easily
My walls had been beat so weak that even with all the strength that I could imagine they still hold none
The paint cracked and chipped at the corners of my heart, revealing the hollowness underneath
They called me dramatic

I will sit quiet
and they will not call me weak
They will find no strength imaginary or real left
Every flaw analyzed
Every action criticized
they will be satisfied for they have stripped me of everything
I will call myself nothing

I kissed your hand once,
Held it against my chest,
And whispered "mine"

Instead of leaving the word
Imprinted in your skin,
I tattood it on my lips

Because even now
When the word seems
To no longer be true

I whisper it over and over
Hoping it may one day
Hold meaning again

She used to smile and laugh
And you would smile back
And say
I'm glad I can do that

And now she cries
So you put your head down
And pretend that
You don't see the damage

But one day she'll smile again
And you will turn away
And ask yourself
Why did I let her go?

You tell me of your fears and you're inability to love the person you see in the mirror
I tell you I will teach you and we will over come those fears together

I tuck and pull, shifting in on myself so as to hide more skin and my weakness to you
You hold me putting your head to my heart to calm me, telling me that it's where you want to be

Finally together and more damaged than ever
We will help fix each other