there is a certain sadness
and a certain beauty
in finding treasures from our past.
that old CD
that you used to listen to on repeat
over
and over
and over again
beaten up and scratched
until you wore it out
no longer fits into your music library.
that t-shirt that you wore to every musical audition
just for good luck
no longer fits around your sides.
and that photo of you
and your high school sweetheart;
where is he now?
his letters stopped coming at christmas time
about three years ago.

nostalgia is a friend
and a foe
but it is sometimes
one of the only things
that can keep you the happiest
when you've no where else
to travel.

birthdays are funny
people gather
and give you presents
just to celebrate another year of your being.
and it's strange to think
that people actually care enough
to write you cards
give you scarves
or other handmade things
just because it signifies another year of life.
but i love my friends.
and i love the people who surround me
and i couldn't say how i got so lucky
to have them all in my life.

i am sick
with what feels like a bad cold
mixed with a horrible flu
yet you still have no fear
in placing your lips against my cheek.
you bring me warm soup.
you laugh into my thermos
and you hold my hand
because nothing else matters.

childhood
is full of once in a lifetime experiences.
it is full of smiling,
living in the moment,
not worrying about bills or mortgages,
or gas money or grocery shopping.
childhood
is something we always wanted to grow out of
moving away from our barbies and bionicles
and trading them in for make up and playboys.
even though, sometimes,
when heads were turned away,
we dug up our favorite plastic friends
just to see how they were doing in the darkness.
childhood
is something we always wanted to leave behind when we were children
become big adults
with our fancy clothing
happy homes
and lack of vegetables.
and yet we forget
that childhood
is, simply,
full of laughing.
and fully grown
i now live on the memory
of my sandbox sidekicks
and their laughter.

i have been around the world
trekked through the amazon
battled dragons
fallen in love
and saved mankind
all in three hours.
what have you
done today?

when i am home alone
my separated parents off doing separated things
i drive my car around the neighborhood
looking at the christmas lights.
i do this in silence;
i want nothing more than to just gaze at them
remember the sheer awe and beauty
of a couple little lightbulbs strung together on wire.
it used to strike me as odd
why people hang lights anyway around christmas time
but i soon came to realize
it's because it brings people closer together.
neighbors whom you have ignored
are now helping you find power outlets.
friends of your wife whom you used to detest
are now handing you a plate of cookies, smiling and wishing you a safe and wonderful christmas.
i see this all of the time.
and it makes me smile to know that
just by a simple arrangement of little blue-bulbed lights
we are all, actually
family.

please, just try; love me.
love me with all of your heart.
here, take mine: it’s yours.

i believe in summer days.
i believe in the ever-changing seasons.
i believe in the fact that hot chocolate is always better with whipped cream
and that you are not drinking it correctly if you do not have a milk-stache.

i believe that your fingers will intermingle with mine again.
i believe that i will feel my heart race in my chest,
just one last time,
before you leave me
to go on your next adventure.
i may be a fool for continuously loving
a man that is never there
a man that is a shadow
only in a solid form in my dreams.
but.
i would rather love this shadow
knowing that he will always return to me
than to never love
at
all.

when the world starts throwing bricks through your window,
with nothing but words of fear and hate toward you,
go outside and greet the perpetrators with a wave and a smile.
invite them in.
embrace them with loving arms and kind words.
because at the end of the day,
these perpetrators can sometimes be our own selves.
so wear the clothing that makes you feel good,
believe in the fact that what goes down must always come back up again,
and find excuses to smile.
being happy
are really just different words
for being yourself.

it was three years ago
when you kissed me on the cheek on the sidewalk
during the light snowfall
that would later become the biggest storm of the year.
but we didn't know that.
all we knew
is that you soon found your hand
gripping mine
and we both believed
that it was not the mittens
that were keeping our palms warm.

i hope you're well,
that you accomplished everything that you wanted to
that your lips met another's at the drop of the last second of the year.
i hope that you set resolutions
but not too many
for you are already perfect the way you are.
and i hope
with all of my heart
that as the years past
and the colors fade
and the settings change
that you will always
always
always
try
to remember me.

it's three in the morning
and all i can think about
is how somewhere
near or far
the moon is reflecting onto the ocean
and it's beautiful.

i am
forever home
when
i find myself
with
you.

sometimes at night
when i lay awake in my bed
with my hands folded on top of my sheets
i find my thoughts drifting to you
and taking comfort in the fact
that you are inhabiting
the very same planet
that i'm on, as well.

she
will always
be forgiving;
she
will never
be forgetting.