You told me to come out of my head,
and I told you I was a prisoner there.
You told me I had the power to change it all.
I told you that you didn't understand.
You insisted I could ignore the thoughts that haunted me,
and then I tried to believe you.      
I was a goner for sure,
but you spoke to me like I meant something to this world.        
And I think you saved my life again.

**** everyone who hurt you.
They were never worth your heart.
**** everyone who turned on you.
Everyone who left after they promised they would stay.
**** all your so-called "friends"
who wanted nothing more than to see you fall.
**** everyone who changed.
Everyone who swore they were different from
everyone else.
**** all the people who lied.
And those that did it behind your back, continuously?
Goes double for those backstabbers.
**** anyone who ignores you.
You aren't worth their time?
They aren't worth one more thought.
**** heroes, you don't need them.
You can be your own.

she loves you with her whole heart
but isn't it way too easy to make her fall apart?
in some numb trance from the words you said,
she kept on her clothes and lied down in your bed.
few words spoken and nothing close to a touch.
you probably didn't know that your words hurt her so much,
because she faced away from you and silently cried out her whole heart.
it's just way too easy to make her fall apart.

Must have been something I did, right?
Or have I just convinced myself of that because I am still completely sure you're flawless?
It's funny, but it's really not, how quickly you changed.
Is it the boy? Come on. Boys are silly. You told me that.
Was it because so many adore you, that it simply wasn't fair?
Or did you get ******* over too many times by those who swore allegiance to you?
Maybe you're just too busy. Yeah, that's the one I tell myself the most. I hope it's that one.
Or did you realize you don't have to care anymore?
You never really did have to. But I thought the world of you when you did.
Why would such an amazing person spend minutes and hours
trying
telling me how to survive
improving me
just to leave?
Maybe this is a test that I'm just barely passing by not saying anything.
Trust me, I am d y i n g to say something. Everything.
But it really does seem like you're gone. I don't care what they say.
They never really knew you.
Maybe I didn't either.
Maybe I am mistaken for thinking you cared.
Maybe you were just being nice. You were so nice.
I won't be angry, though. I can't be. Because you still helped.
Your words saved my life. You told me to be still and suddenly the world was clear.
What did I do? Did I ask for help too many times
without following through?
I tried, I swear to god, I tried so many times to just.. listen.
To stay in one place with one solid thought,
and I tried to make myself better.
Maybe you gave up. That's okay. You wouldn't be the first.
But no matter how many times I say that I am over it, and that I don't need you,
I'm lying. Lying to myself and anyone else who dares mention you to me.
I'm sorry if this is just me clinging to you because you saved me once.
I'm sorry if it's pathetic.
But I'm also really sorry if all the things I think are true.
Because if you really have changed,
if it's not just me,
if you lost that incredible person that you used to be... well,
that's something everyone should be sorry for.

Heartbreak and loneliness,
poetry and sad music,
depression and hopelessness.
That's what I'm good at. Experienced in.
I've always planned for day it didn't work out.
I thought of the songs I'd listen to,
the lyrics that would take over my statuses,
the sad, sad words that would fill my journals.
I would cry at the quotes from movies
about love and loss.
I wouldn't speak to anyone else,
I wouldn't start anything new for quite some time,
because,
well,
I wasn't going to get over you.
I wouldn't be ready to move on for such a long time.
There would be an era in my life devoted to you
and the hole in my heart
and the playlists about you
and the darkness in the middle of the night
and tears pouring down my face
and screaming in frustration why I couldn't keep you.
All I've envisioned for the past year
and three months
and two weeks,
was the horrible, awful time I was going to have
when you left me.
But I never planned for the day that you would stay.