Lately
I wake up in
a state that cannot be found
on a road map
and I wonder why
you are not there
   where are you these days
          getting drunk with your friends
    why did I love you
I have no ******* clue
    but still
          night after night
    I dream about
death
and I dream about
you

a cigarette burn
on my thigh
and mascara stains
on my sleeve
-

my darling,
the universe is never perfect
for more than one night at a time
   -but why?
because sweetheart,
if every single night was perfect
then the flame would lose its spark
   -but I love her
   *-I know

perhaps I will bundle up
and read some Bukowski
and listen to the rain falling
-
perhaps I will daydream
of falling in love with you
of you falling in love with me