tongue tied
knots of guilt
taste like him
taste like you
replace you
I'm trying to
he ****** me hard
better than you
he kissed my forehead
but I still felt you
the *** stained sheets
lead to blood stained wrists
I don't know what else to say
I hope this ruins your day
in one way
or another.

two years ago today
a part of me was murdered
and it took two years
to see what happened
to relive it over and over
to be haunted by it
to admit it
to vocalize it
and now I sit here
with the ashes of my past
and I want to die.

I wonder what that is like
to always feel something
when your lips touch another's

I remember what your lips meant
they represented comfort and
always left me gasping for breath

I have kissed others since you
left a tiny imprint on their body
but never on their heart
like I did to yours

I hate you
you are less than dead to me
you are the ground that I spit on
you are the ashtray that I put my cigarette out on
I ******* hate you.

Who the **** do you think you are?
Stealing up everyone that used to be mine.
Like you are some kind of special
You aren't.
You are horrid
and vile
and hideous
both inside and out.

Oh how you make
my skin crawl
my blood boil
my head ache
my hands quiver

I don't wish death upon you
for that would be a luxury
I wish heart ache
eternal heart ache
one that can never be healed
no matter how many kisses
how many *****
how many promises
you will forever be alone.

I cannot sleep again.

the sound of the sprinklers
almost calms me
but then I remember
that it is just synthetic rain

I tried to put the fire out
but your words are like gasoline
and my paper heart is no match
for the flames that consume it

A familiar line dances across
the frontal lobes of my brain
(about three years and a day)

my love for you no longer exists
my love for you no longer exists
my love for you no longer exists

if I say it enough
I'll start to believe it

I want you.

I want you on top of me.
I want you inside of me.
I want your hands holding mine.
I want your bones breaking mine.
I want your eyes capturing mine.

I want you.
I want you.
I want you.

(just one more time
then I promise you
that I will never
want you again)