stop writing about me
stop breathing for me
stop dreaming of me
stop waking with me
stop speaking to me
just please
stop
breathing
dreaming
waking
speaking
(forever)
sorry
I didn't mean that.
If you jump, I jump.
(please jump)

I will ruin you.

    Set fire to your bridges
         Flood your basements
            Tear down all your walls
                Reek havoc on your nightmares
                   Destroy all of your hope for happiness
                       Until you beg for the sweet relief of death

I will ruin you.

                                                                    Just as you have done to me.

how passive aggressive
we're oh so pathetic
throw a punch at me?
I'll kick you where it hurts
right in your ******* pride
god forbid you are ever wrong
god forbid you are ever right
who the **** determines that
in the first place?
the first place
our lips met
parking lot
our bodies joined
hannah's bed
our love spilled
telephone wires
telephone ringing
good morning my dear
dial tone
stay away from him
he's better off without you
better off without you
better off without you
better off dead
did I say that out loud?
out loud
mustn't say it out loud
he'll hear you
here, you hide in the closet
hush it's just the cat
you are safe with me
I have you
in my hands
your hands
they smell like cigarettes
but you promised
so did you
yet there is blood on your leg
oh yeah, sorry...I tripped
tripped in love with you
on accident
my car accident
remember that
I was mailing your letter
confessing my love to you
love to you
love you
I still do
I never did
neither did you

.......

unfold brain like a napkin
separate thoughts from emotions
place them all in bottom drawer
seal with lock and key

power on
human mode
charging
battery full

some days are harder than others
today is one of those
days when driving my car into a tree
seems like a dream come true
days when I find resent
in waking up alone, or at all
days when the sun is shining
but I see nothing but darkness
days when I wish I would
spontaneously combust
days when my lungs are empty
from sobbing relentlessly
days when I pull the trigger
over and over again in my head

it's just one of those days.

the realization
that it was never really love
but it was just an idea
a seed that was planted
beneath infertile soil
with the hopes of a harvest
bringing color and beauty
luscious and full
but you see, my dear
a garden can not grow
without being watered.