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Alexis Martin Jan 2011
There's just something about these late nights

that scratch at my skin
and claw at my heart
pull at my hair
and tear me apart.

I yearn for you.
my lungs miss your breath
my body aches for your touch
my eardrums cry for your voice.
I will do anything.
apologize for your mistakes
beg you to take me back
sacrifice my own heart.


Please come back.


Oh God, not this again.
There's just something about these late nights...
Alexis Martin Jan 2011
Mirror, mirror
on the wall.
You show me
too much skin
too many flaws.

Naked.
Inside and out.
(all out)
Exposed.
Good and bad.
(all bad)
Revealed.
Triumphs and defeats.
(all defeats)

I want to cover up.
Wrap myself in strength,
In light.
Crack open the shutters,
the sun cascades onto me
Illuminates my pigments.
And in this moment,
this moment of bliss,
I feel
beautiful,
infinite.
Why can't everything be this perfect?

Then,
the moment ends.
Back to reality
back to being ugly,
fleeting.
I stare intently at you, mirror.
Maybe my lifeless eyes will burn a hole
right through you.
Right back through me.


"Who am I?"

I ask you, reflection,
like you will respond with something
unpredictable.








"You are a thing of beauty"



















Mirror, who took you to be a liar?
Alexis Martin Jan 2011
Laying on the bed
our bodies inches apart
our minds miles apart.
Your hand brushes against mine,
sandpaper on glass.
I shudder, I hope you don't notice.
You always do.

"You're different"
If only you knew why

Your eyes hold sadness,
I avert mine.
How can I look at you anymore?
I can hardly stand to feel your touch.
Oh, how I longed to be touched.

"Are you okay, hon?"
If only I knew why

Your pet name make me nauseous.
Morning sickness?
Mourning sickness.
The death of this
love
is so
tragic...?
I guess.
Like a romantic novel?
Sure.
But,
I have never been a sucker for romance.

"Do you even love me anymore?"
If only you knew how

You were my hero(in)
Like a lost puppy,
I was a lost soul.
You found me, starving
for love.
You took me under your wing,
Under your sheets.
Oh how magical it all was.
Was.
But,
the fire is out.

"Please...answer me"
If only I knew how

Please stop begging,
you're only hurting yourself.
You look so broken.
Like a child, you stare at me
Wide eyed.
Longing for answers.
Your blues have faded to pales.
I blame myself.
How can I hurt you like this?
Oh, right
I have no heart.

"I love you"
****

I wince,
like I was just pricked with a needle.
I can't do this to you.
Besides, I am not ready to fall asleep alone
Again.
I manage to swallow my pride
and utter those four God-forsaken words.

"I love you, too..."





*I'll just fake it



for a little while longer...
Alexis Martin Jan 2011
Remembering.

Monday morning, the call came in.
All falls silent.
Drop to my knees.
Gasping for breath.
This can't be happening.
You can't be
gone
But you are.
You left this earth
                                    life
                  ­                        body.

                                  ­              I just miss you, that's all.

No warning, no tell-tale signs
You just up and left
It wasn't your time
How could this happen?

                                                 I just miss you, that's all.

Look up at the sky
I feel you
But I can't see you
I can't hear you.
All I see, all I hear
is the sound of people around me.
Everyone's sobs clash into one
We are one broken heart,
trying to remember how to beat.

                                                   I just miss you, that's all.

The stars shine even brighter
You gave them your light.
You will always be our light.
The rush of this wind
is sending shivers up my spine.
My spine...
I seemed to have lost it when I lost you.
Please help me find it again.
Please help me find you again.

                                                  I just miss you, that's all.

"Stay strong, strong for everyone else"
That is all I keep hearing
What do they know?
Are they not feeling this, too?
This emptiness that you have left.
But how can I blame you
Who the hell can I blame?

                                                  I just miss you, that's all.

I am selfish.
I want you back.
We all want you back.
Aren't we all selfish?
No, God is selfish.
He took you, took you for himself.
But who can blame Him?
I would take you, too, if I could.

                                                     I just miss you, that's all.

Standing on my own two feet
Never presented such a challenge.
Help me stand tall again.
Stiffen my bottom lip.
Nothing seems to function like it used to
You took my strength with you.
Why would you do that?
I know you didn't mean to.

                                                    I just miss you, that's all.

I want to see you again.
Want to smile again.
Want to feel again.
Want to believe again.
You are so far away
In the atmosphere.
You are so close
In the air that fills my lungs.
Breathe in, breathe out
Consume me.

                                                            ­**I miss you.
Written for you. Three months still feels like three days.
Alexis Martin Jan 2011
Get me out
out of this skin
out of these bones
out of this mind
out of this soul.

I need out
out of this place
out of these walls
out of this circle
out of this all.

I need to feel
feel alive
feel loved
feel wanted
feel you.

Make me feel
feel warmth
feel serenity
feel something
feel anything.

Show me a spark
a spark of hope
a spark of light
a spark of joy
a spark of life.

Give me a spark
a spark of trust
a spark of wisdom
a spark of strength
a spark of passion.



Wrap me in your love, surround me in your light.
Pull me out of this darkness, help me win this fight.
I can not do this alone anymore.
I surrender, I surrender.
Alexis Martin Jan 2011
Talking to no one
Because no one talks to me

Listening to no one
Because no one listens to me

Loving no one
Because no one loves me

Trusting no one
Because no one trusts me

Relating to no one
Because no one relates to me

Crying to no one
Because no one cries to me

Leaning on no one
Because no one leans on me

Caring for no one
Because no one cares for me

Having faith in no one
Because no one has faith in me

Looking for no one
Because no one is looking for me.








No one is here, no one is there
Oh please, just be my no one.
Alexis Martin Jan 2011
Break down.
Look at everything around, and all I see is you.
You are my past, you are my present, you are my future.
You are my worst, you are my best.
You have made me, you have destroyed me.
You build me up, up, up.
You knock me down, down down.
My thoughts, they revolve around you.
Your gravitational pull, it is far stronger than my will to leave.
I fell for you, in all your infamy.
How can I leave?
How can I stay?
Please don't force me to choose.
You can't expect me to.
You know how weak I am, how quick to give in.
Quick to forgive, quick to forget.
You never had to deal with consequences, it always came so easy.
How great it must be to live your life.
I was here when you needed me, here when you wanted me.
Did you ever need me?
Did you ever want me?
I'll never know.
I have always known.
I say I love you.
You say okay.
That's how it should be, right?
Wrong.
So very wrong.
But you were never wrong.
How could you be?
I never allowed it.
You were perfection, my obsession.
But you are a killer, cold blooded.
You murdered me, claimed my heart as your prize.
But,
I love you.
No, I loved you.
You have me.
No, you had me.
I have chosen,
I am breaking free.
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