Its hard to believe
that what I want
doesn’t want me.
it’s hard to think that I,
wasn’t
and am not,
good enough.
See, I want to know,
and to believe so
that I will be
and should be
and want to be
happy.
But I know that
I wont
be
and that I shouldn’t
be
and that I don’t want
to be
happy.

Knots.
Knots caught in the upper left corner
of my eye
roped and tangled like wild vines.

typical
and over cynical,
trying to break what sought me in the beginning.
trying to break what tied me, confined me, designed me.

Tried,
denied for the love
and the soul
she deserves.

create me,
break me
taint me

Why dont you just
bless me
make me a saint.
One of
Nothing and of no one.

created i stand
but unlifted i bend

And maybe all I want from him
is that death defying silence.

yellow autumn burns
hot
molten
scarring
the feel of searing skin, ******* burning
soldering
molding to burn me whole
corrupting the corrupted

I wish I was a soldier,
battling pride and bullets
machine guns and picture frames
maybe if I did, I would die for a reason
a ******* reason, but a reason none the less
instead of dark hands that tie ropes and open bottles
hands that retreat for pathetic fears
that scars entrap golden bracelets
for god's sake I wish I was a soldier
battling pride and bullets
machine guns and picture frames

nothing sounds the same
underwater, ocean cracks
overdone and full of shame
pathetic hopes and unreal dreams
lose motion in undone seams

in reality, nothing sounds the same
shoot bullets and shoot relics
but dying realities fade
to nothing on endless days