I write because
you
inspire my voice
inspire my words

Sitting with legs curled
under cushions covering chairs
the sound of crickets

The goddess statues
turning and smiling
waving and moving
hallucinate

Glancing to the side
lights flicker through
burning candle light
fire

I never wanted for the
hopeless romantic in me
to fall in love so easily
seduced

Daily I would wonder
about
her holding me tight
her embrace
release

Maybe it was the words said
or days I would spend
my time wondering of
her

Maybe a place from home
inspired my spirit
enlightened my heart
beating

Happiness was no longer
a temporary state but
induced by every thought
I would have of
her

It's always about
her
she has become everything
nothing less

I sip my wine
I remember I'm in
love
Nothing can fight this
nothing will lose this
rapture

Her.

© Sia Jane

---

COME, BE WITH ME. SIT WITH ME AT MY TABLE; JOIN ME IN RAPTURE. AND BRING YOUR CUTE FRIEND TOO.”
― Daniel Keidl

Today is the birthday
of a love of my life.
Not 'the' (implying singular) because
love is never singular,
it takes two.

Today is the birthday of
a love through my life
who flies (implying graceful) stories from feathers,
who transforms planks of wood into
platforms and pulpits and potential.

Today his birthday, whose children are
the first romantic tragedy
the depths of a suffering soul
the honest daughter, punished
the honorable man, framed
the *** made out of the bottom
the poetry, carefully manipulated
from our once bare lonesome world.

Today is his birthday and his last day,
his life as circuitous as his shrine,
the citadel to his soul.
Today I celebrate and mourn him,
a love in my life since our first quiet encounter
in a bright second floor classroom.
I knew nothing of our tangled future
but this: he spoke, I listened and through the
tunnel of years between us the message stayed strong.

Today is his birth and death (not quite dead
but not alive) and I mourn for not knowing him
sooner or fuller and I celebrate
for knowing him still and yearning,
struggling to understand his children.

I love the way you look in the moonlight that filters in through the window
(I love the simple fact that you are here with me in the moonlight)

Your hair smells amazing
(I inhale you every chance I get in every state you are in and hold it in my lungs because I want it to intoxicate me)

Your hair looks fantastic
(it floats downward from the top of your brilliant mind and cascades like your thoughts, pours like your words in our half-drunk midnight conversations)

Your smile is so pretty
(when you smile at me it lights me up and makes me feel, if even for an instant in this time of my life that is so shambled and broken, whole)

Can I have a hug?
(hold me, embrace me, envelope me, if only to let me know you are real)

Let’s go to bed
(where I can confuse physical love with emotional, take refuge in confirming our relationship with *** because it’s easier than risking my whole trust, easier than leaving myself bare before you with the certainty that one day, eventually, you will tear my heart out and crush it)

No, that’s ridiculous. Why would you say that?
(I’m terrified that you know me so well)

I don’t think I can make it tonight
(I’m terrified that you know me so well)

Can’t we talk?
(I get it, you backed away because I did but I’m going to blame you because I can’t blame myself, don’t you see? Can’t you see how utterly self-absorbed I am but also woefully lacking self-confidence? I refuse to share any of this with you, I can’t let you know it but if you saw it I’d acknowledge it, at least I think I will, and you know me so well so why can’t you see it)

I don’t think we should see each other anymore
(please, please, please make me realize how utterly foolish I am. Please slap me and scream at me)

Say something
(your total lack of reaction destroys me more than anything)

You look really pretty
(so beautiful, majestic, magnificent and I love you. I love the tears I have made you cry so silently and I hate myself so much for this moment because of that. I love you and only now as you walk away do I realize it)

Fine. Go.
(the ease with which you leave is painful and will linger for years)

…
(Please stop walking, please. I was wrong. Please.)

Crush it
she said
handing me her heart

Like this?
I asked
showing her mine