you ever studied constellations?
because speaking of,
there are more stars in this universe
that words ever spoken by mankind.

the size of astronomical numbers in a
true sense, IS the word itself
there are infinite ways to express this

equate the gravity of dropping one/ness verbalizing stanzas & sentences while deriving the universal mass of the human language.

thanks for leaving home dad.

things are better since they
were
bad.

had a rough time adjusting to walking in new shoes

but you've taught me so much now. and I wanted to thank you.

thanks for leaving home dad

I'll know to turn the lights out
it wastes too much electricity
too much energy

expended on something
unneeded.

I'll learn to not need you.

thanks for leaving home dad

I'll know not to leave the front door unlocked or the screen door open.

cause someone could just walk right into your home

walk right into your home
your life-
and hurt you.

now I'll be safer.

thanks for leaving home dad

now Ill know not to leave a friend
by themselves
if they're having a hard time

because I know it was hard to have no one to lean on
when needed em most

I'll be there for them.

thanks for leaving home dad.

now I'll know when to leave a relationship

see most times you stay
and you hope against hope
that they can change
but I've learned you cannot change anyone but yourself.

I can be happy alone.

thanks for leaving home dad

now I've learned to love myself
and to never lose myself
tie myself up into knots
and undo myself

everyday isn't the same
but I add another link to the chain

hey-
I just wanted to say
thanks,
dad.

I realize
I hate everything about you

Your immaturity
your "I'm always right," mentality

everything about you
annoys the hell out of me

when you pick me up
and you're ****** up
when you showed up to
dinner high

when you crashed the cart into
a car at Walmart
I ******* hate you.

when you broke my wrist
when you wrote a list about
everything wrong with me and
put it up on the fridge

I ******* hate you.

I hate when you whistle
off tune
when you say you'll be there soon
and 4 hours later you pull into
my driveway

never doing things my way
once in a blue moon
it's your way or the highway

I ******* hate you.

tried and true
id attempt to
write you love notes
waking up to find a list of chores
and the dishes not done

what's the fun in living together
if you can't share the good and bad
tired of you telling me about how I'll turn out like my dad

had I known what hate was before we met
maybe things would have been different
love isn't getting lost in bruises and blows
it's about sharing happiness and making it through the highs and lows.

I wish I knew.
thing is I still love you.
but with every fiber of my being seeing this through whatever that will be,

I hate you.
but please-
don't leave
me.

(inspired by Junot Diaz & ...life)

I. the scars are just proof// of the internal pain showing// the external blame it's blooming in brain. the more blows and strikes the more she bends her will to never come home that night for blame.

II. direct voicemail after numerous calls// like going through a lifeless withdrawal// she waits// anticipates// for when you may pick up the phone. so alone and waiting for phone calls ever fading// her voice trails off to a silent whisper// she knows deep inside no one will ever miss her.

III. palms are precious. hands cradling the future present and past// signifies how long you'll hold on to the mast or a sail of a sinking ship. in other words when your hand meets hers then draws away//she can feel the deterioration of a long lasted relationship drifting off some place.

IV. her smile radiates like a thousand suns. but her tears are a million in one. she'll cry oceans and rivers// she'll cry streams and reservoirs// to stop the hurt from creeping in when no comfort seems to create.

This is no secret- it is something to tell. appreciate her// respect her// treat her well. because my friends they come and the lines they go by// this is how you lose her// and now you know the reasons why.

I want to get drunk off of language
just one last time
words come out so much easier when intoxicated.

Much simpler than trying it the sober way
everyday I want to tell him I love him
I want to tell the truth
I want to feel like everything is acceptable
I want to talk to you

I want to come clean with no excuses
even if the truth hurts.

and from love to hate
to anger to trust
to that time I wanted to **** myself
but cowered over sleeping pills and razor blades blood stains and emergency first responders

I want to share things I am too afraid to share
things I hide away from plain sight

I want to hold him tight
I want to thank you for breaking my heart too
I want to share incredibly sad things in the dead of the night
I want to be brave
I want to be strong

I want to be intoxicated with life.
Even if seems wrong.

whatever you do,
don't go back
to what

b   r   o   k   e

               you.