You words,
Once so sweet,
Are now like
Knifes that make me
Bleed.

You stole my heart
When you ran away.

You have made me break my promise
Not to cut again.

You broke me
And I cannot be fixed.

I wish I knew a way to
Stop.

I love you.
I tell you this almost everyday,
But somehow, you don't believe me.

I love you.
You tell me this almost everyday,
But somehow, I don't believe you.

I love us.
We are the perfect two,
Somehow, I know that this is true.

I wish that I could stop your
Suffering.
I wish that I could endure your
Pain for you.
I wish that I could build a
Place to protect you.
I wish that I knew that you
Love me as much as I love you.
Zach, what I wish most of all is
That I was with you.

What a fool I was.
I honestly thought that you loved me.
Now, I'm back at square one
With my heart broken again.
Only this time,
I'm never falling in love again.

People think that my life is perfect.
My smiles are real.
My cover wrists aren't scared.
My eyes don't shed a tear.

People are wrong.
My smiles are fake.
My wrists are scared.
My eyes shed thousands of tears.

People think that my life is perfect.
My parents are sweet and nice.
My body is only bruised because I fell.
My spirit isn't shattered.

People are wrong.
My parents are monsters.
My body is bruised because of them.
My spirit is completely shattered into a million pieces.

"Amber, you're ugly."
"I know, Mom."
Please stop reminding me.

"Amber, you're fat."
"I know, Dad."
Can't you see I'm trying to be skinny?

"Amber, what is that on your wrist?"
"Nothing, Mom."
You wouldn't care even if I told you the truth.

"Amber, you only hurt yourself to get attention."
"I'm sorry, Dad."
No, I'm not trying to get anyone's attention.

"Amber, you are so pathetic and lazy."
"I know, Mom. I'm sorry."
I'm trying to please you by doing what you want me to.

"Your only here becuase your mother ***** me."
"You have already told me that, Dad."
I'm sorry I'm here.

"Don't call me your mother."
"Yes, Ma'am."
I always knew you hated me, but don't worry, I hate myself too.

"Why are you even here?"
"Becuase of Mother."
I honestly don't know becuase I should be dead.

I'm lost.
I'm losing my friends.
My family is horrible.
I'm losing my mind,
Trying to fight these thoughts of suicide.
Note I said trying,
But really its more like failing.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I'm tried of everything.
The lies,
The names screamed at me,
The hits I take.
I'm done with it all.
The only people I stayed for was my friends,
But I'm losing them.
I'm lost,
So very lost.

Baby, you broke me
And I can't be fixed
Because I'm missing you so bad.

Screaming
Crying
Help me, help me
No ones listening...

As I sit here, watching the sun set,
I can't help the flow of memories that come to haunt me.
I can't help but think of the times we watched the sun set together.
I used to be sad every time I sat on this roof,
But now, it is the safest place for me.

The sky goes grey
As it rains blood.
The screams of angels
Roar like the wind.
As the angels finally fall.

I have been weak.
I have been strong.
But sometimes,
You need to see blood.

I'm lost.
I don't know what to do.
People scream at me.
Tell me I'm worthless,
I'm a horrible person,
That I need to change.
But I can't.
I've tried and yet you still say these things
What am I doing wrong?
What can I do to become the person you can love?
What can I do to become the girl people won't hate?

Curled up in a ball,
Crying my heart out.
You said you would never hurt me,
But you did.

Trying to write my feelings away,
It's not working very well.
I can still feel the hurt.
I can still feel the pain.

Run
Hide
Be found
Cower as you wait for the first hit.

Welcome to my life.
Are you sure you want to hang with me?

Before we continue
Playing this game of
Love,
There is something you
Must know.

Before we continue
Falling for
Each other,
You must know that
I am only going to
Break your heart.

Before we continue
Writing sweet things for
Each other,
You have to know
That you can't love me
Because no one can love me.

Before we continue
On this
Path,
You know that
I will always love you and I am sorry.

I wanted a guy who would finally say
I love you
And actually mean it.

I thought that you were that guy.

You told me to be strong
And I'm trying to be strong.
But even the strongest diamond
Eventually **breaks.

My heart is racing
With fear
As I wait for the first hit.

I don't remember how this started
But
I do know how it will end.

After the last hit falls,
I will crawl defeated, to my room
And drown my sorrow in alcohol.

I never knew that you were hurting
Until you sent me that last message.

As I read that one simple word
It finally dawned on me that you were breaking.

I was so afraid and worried
That I was too late to help you.

And I was too late because
By the time I burst into your room, you were almost gone.

I tried to stop the bleeding,
But it was too late, no, I was too late.

As you died you weakly made me promise
To stay alive, if not for myself, for him.

I should never have made that promise
Because everyday I am one step closer to breaking it.

My mind
Is a
Dark place
Where thoughts of
Death
Are common.

I want to die.

So many years of
Pain
Expressed in a few simple
*Words.

Helpless against you,
I can't do anything, but wait.
Wait for you to say something,
Wait for you to tell me that you still care.
But, I know that I am waiting on nothing.

What did I do to deserve you?
Are you blind or stupid or crazy for sticking around?

What did I do to deserve your love?
That's right, I don't deserve it.

What did I do to deserve your attention?
I don't deserve anything from you.

Please tell me what I did!
I need to find out.

What you never knew
Ultimately destroyed me
And my whole life.

What you never knew
Was that I am a monster
That can't be controlled.

What you never knew
Was how I torture myself
Trying to be good enough to be a daughter worthy of you.

When push comes to shove
You will know that you deserve what comes next.

When push comes to shove
You will know what you did to me was wrong.

When push comes to shove
You will remember all the pain you caused.

And when push comes to shove
You will know that you won't survive.

All because of what you did.

When this poem ends and is posted,
I will be gone.
When you feel my absence
Listen to the wind and hear my laughter.
Look up at the stars and know that I am happy.
When you feel the sun on your back know that I am there.
When you feel peaceful know that I am watching you.
When you feel like flying know that I am lending you wings.
Listen and you will hear my voice.
Look around and you will see me in everyday objects.

I will never truly leave.
So when you feel my absence
Listen
Look
And feel.

Where's the fairness in life now?
I loved you,
But you never loved me.
I needed you,
But you said "*******."

Why do you insist on saving me?
Can't you see that I can't be saved?

Why do you invade my thoughts?
I keep trying to push you out of my mind, but I can't.

Why can't you leave me alone?
I don't want to hurt you.

Why can't you just hate me like everyone else?
It would be easy to.

I am a poet because
I have seen many things.

I am a poet because
My voice has been silenced.

I am a poet because
Poetry is my voice.

I am a poet because
I am screaming, if only you would listen.

As I sit here,
The words pour out.
Shining, shimmering.
Decorating the page with beautifully painful words.
A deep, scarlet red.
The words soak into the page,
Leaving their imprint on the readers.
Letting the readers soak up the emotions off of the page.
The pain,
The happiness,
The joy,
The amazement.
The words are pouring out of me
And I hope that they can help someone.

You.
Oh, how I despise that word.
Because of what you did to me.

You poisoned me a thousand times.
All without me knowing.
Because I was in love with you.

You made me blind
From the rest of the world.
Because you played me for a fool.

You are a monster.

There was once I time I cherished being with you,
But then I realized what you really are.

You are a monster.

I'm waiting for the day you finally say why you put up with me
And **** me.

You are a monster.

I know that now,
But I still can't escape.

You said that she was too fat,
But you didn't know that she was starving herself.

You said that she had too many scars,
But you didn't know that she cut herself so maybe, just maybe, she could feel alive.

You told her to die,
But you didn't know that she would actually try to die.

You told me that I would never survive,
But survival is my middle name.

You told me that I was weak,
But I'm still here.

You told me that I was too broken to be fixed,
But I have someone who is fixing me.

You told me that I could never be loved,
But I have someone who loves me.

You told me that I could never love,
But I have someone that I love so much.

You told me that I don't have feelings,
But I have more than you.

Zora,
Zoe,
Zoey,
Zoe Zoe.
So many nicknames,
But no matter what you were called,
You were still one of the greatest dogs I ever owned.
When my grandparents called today to tell me that you were gone,
My heart shattered.
You were with me ever since I was little.
You protected me.
You played with me.
You helped me through hard times in my life.
Now you are gone,
And yes, some people will say "she's just a dog, get over it and stop crying,"
But you were my best friend.
I can't replace you
And I feel like I can't live without you,
But I know that somehow I will manage.
It will be hard,
But I know that your spirit is still with me.
Zora,
I'm sorry I couldn't be by your side when you died.
I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye face to face.
I knew your time was ending,
But it didn't stop my heart from breaking.
Yes, I know,
You're just a dog.
But to me, you are more than a dog.
You are my childhood playmate.
You are my best dog friend.
You are my rock.
Although I guess I should say was,
But you still are my best dog friend.
You always will be even though you are gone.
I love you, Zora.
I always will.