I lost myself in a sea of sorrow.
I lost my sense of direction,
I don't know which way is up or down.
I lost the only people I care about because they left me.
I lost the will to get out of this sea.

When we were five,
We met for the first time.
You both were always gloating about how you two were one day older than me.
We grew to be great friends
And for the first time in my life,
I felt like I belonged.
We promised that we would be there for each other.
The twins and me.
Always protecting each other.
Always helping each other.
Always saving each other.
Always together.

And now we are fifteen.
And both of you are gone.
A ghost that I can't bring back.
We always said that we would protect each other,
Yet I didn't protect either of you.
We always said that we would help each other,
Yet I never helped you.
We always said that we would save each other,
Yet I didn't save you,
We always said that we would be together,
Yet where are you now?

Now I am fifteen,
All alone in my own world,
Waiting for the day I will join you
And finally feel like I belong again.

Love.
What even is the point?
I've been betrayed.
I've been stabbed in the back.
All because love has blinded me from what is really there.
I was told that I was loved,
Yet left the very next day.
It blinded me until I was forced to see the truth.
I don't trust love anymore.
It just plays with my emotions.
Forcing me to love someone,
Knowing that they will leave me.

A million thoughts
In my head.
All focusing on
You.

A million thoughts
Turned upside down.
All because of
You.

A million thoughts
Sharp as shards of glass
Focused on everything
You have done.

All I was to you was a
Mistake.
I know that now.
And now,
I'm broken.
A broken mistake.
You were right.
I am a
Mistake.

I'm staring at a monster.
I don't know what to do.
I'm standing alone with no one to help me.
I must do this.
I must beat this.
For if I don't,
I fear I might die.
This monster is already killing me slowly.
All the words it whispers into my ear.
Fat, Ugly, Worthless.
How am I to beat a monster that is right?
It numbing my emotions to where all I can feel is nothing.
It is destroying me,
But I must destroy it.

My illusion,
My Mistake.

You made me think that you were such a nice guy.
Turns out that you were just another guy that hates me.

My illusion,
My mistake.

My pretty little mask
Hides my face,
Protecting people from my sorrow.

My pretty little mask
Has a smile and bright eyes,
But it's been painted on.

My pretty little mask
Is breaking,
And now hints of sorrow are shining through.

My pretty little mask
Has disappeared
And now there is nothing left to protect anyone from me.

No one sees the tears in her eyes.
No one sees the scars on her wrist.
No one sees the bruises on her body.
No one sees how much she's hurting.
No one sees how she stares at a knife, longing for the silence of death.

Time seems to stop
As I sharpen my knife.
Maybe its better this way.
Now you don't haver to pretend that you love me.
Now you can be free of me.
Now you can smile and be happy,
Especially now that I am out of the picture.

Yin and yang.
Night and day.
Dark and light.
Water and fire.
Moon and sun.
Cold and heat.
Death and life

We live in a world of opposites.

Would you remember me
If I was gone tomorrow?
Never to be seen again?

Would you remember me
And all the great times we had?
Or would the memorys fade out of existance?

Run
Run
Run
There is no escape.

Run
Run
Run
You cannot hide.

Run
Run
Run
Your demons are coming for you.

Scaredy Cat
Scaredy Cat
Afraid of little me.

Scaredy Cat
Scaredy Cat
I'm insane, you better be afraid.

Silence.
No one wants to hear your voice.
No one wants to listen to the words you have to say.
They just want you to stand there and be silent.
And with every word you choke back down,
They win.
Because you stayed silent.

Silence.
It fills you up and eats you alive.
You want to speak so bad, but you don't.
But every word you don't speak
Feels like acid.
It burns, it hurts,
And yet you don't do anything about it.

Silence.
Maybe it's time to stop the silence.
Maybe it's time to fill the air around you with words.
Maybe it's time for you to take your life back.
Don't think, just speak.
Do not care about other people.
It's your life and no one has the right to silence you.

Silent.
I have to remain silent,
Or else there will be consequences.

Silent.
I must suffer in silence
Because if I don't, I will get hurt even more.

Silent.
I must die in silence,
Because majority rule.

Silent.
I must apologize silently
Because I could not stay, even for you.

You gave me a red rose
To symbolize your love for me.
You gave me a black rose
To symbolize that you are leaving me.

You went onto someone else
And left me in the past.
So, I am angry and coming for your
Head.

You were not my first mistake,
But you will be my last.
Many people have done this to me.
Now they are skulls locked in my closet.

Their skeletons grew
Because of the roses that were tossed in.
Their skeletons kept
As a reminder to everyone.

And up their femurs
Came the vines.
Round their ankles
Slept tired time.

In their sockets
Napped with hate,
And in the ribcages
Snored the love.

And as I threw
More roses in,
I wondered if loving the bones
Was a sin.

Lub lub...lub lub.
I feel your heartbeat,
As my hand rests on your perfectly tanned chest.

The moonlight illuminates us like a spotlight.
The night is still and silent,
As electricity crackles in the air between us.

I have learned to cherish these precious stolen moments.
First only taken for the thrill of maybe getting caught, no real feelings at all,
But then morphing into something more, something real.

For our forbidden love can only be shown by these,
Stolen moments.
These stolen moments spent together.

As the night ends and the day begins,
We are pulled apart,
By the world.

As we leave each other's arms, crying quietly,
We both know we can never be together,
As much as we wish to be.

Stop.
Just stop.
Stop blaming me,
You're the one who was abusing me.
You're the one who hurt me.
So just stop.
Please.

It's strange, isn't it.
One minute you can be friends with someone,
Only to be hurt by them the next.

It's strange.
One minute you are happy,
Only to want to cry the next.

Everything is strange.

You had my heart,
Back when We were younger,
Promising "We'll never part"
You were my suicide lover.

I'm Running out of Time,
In my heart you're still Alive,
In my Dreams,
**** Reality, I mean
We had it all,
I Fell Hard,
You Caught My fall,
Tell me,
Where'd it all go wrong?

And I keep telling myself lies,
"I'm fine, I'm Fine, I'm fine"
But you're, no longer,
mine.

My Candle shines Bright,
But you always outshone me,
You were so full of life,
Had such a sweet Personality,
Love and life are such a battle,
Why'd you quit the Fight?
Little ray of Sun,
Why'd you have to be done?

Darling we had come so far,
Underneath the same stars...

And I keep telling myself lies,
"I'm Fine, I'm Fine, I'm Fine"
But you're, no longer,
Mine.

Life wasn't so bad,
Back When You were here,
You kept me from going mad,
And Chased out all my fears.
You were always there for me,
In my Darkest times.

And I keep Telling Myself Lies,
"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine"
But you're, no longer,
Mine.

Amd Baby if I Could,
I'd turn back Time,
To tell you Once more,
"I love you, It'll be fine"

But I Guess that its okay,
You've found some Better days,
But I Wish you couldve stayed.

Darling, We had come so far,
Underneath the same stars...

And I keep Telling myself lies,
"I'm fine, I'm Fine, I'm Fine."
But you're, No longer,
Mine...

Pulsing,
Throbbing,
Beating.
I can feel it.
My heart.
Beat-Beating in my chest.

It's telling me that I'm alive.
Shadows of doubt are fading away with every
Beat-Beat of
My heart.

I am alive.
I am free.
I am who I choose to be.

This will be the last time.
The last time I think of you.
The last time I feel pain.
This is the last time.
The last time I open my eyes.
The last time I see your face.

In the middle of a field of daisy's
Runs a river made of tears.

The river of tears grows everyday
Because of the tears cryed each day.

The days pass and it grows and grows,
Filling the field with sorrow.

One by one the daisy's die
As the river of tears overflows.

Nothing.
A vast expanse of emptiness.
There is nothing.
Only me and these winding thoughts.
Down,
  Down,
     Down,
Thoughts swirling down into the abyss of my mind.
Always remembering what has been said.
All the hopelessness I want to forget.
Anything I onced hoped to happen, but never did.
Down,
  Down,
     Down,
Hello, dear thoughts,
I welcome you to my mind again,
I have become accustomed to these dark thoughts.
I will survive these thoughts.
Down,
  Down,
     Down,
Here we go again.
Here in this blank abyss.

Tic, tock.
Tic, tock.
The clock is running out on you and me.

Tic, tock.
Tic, tock.
I'm sorry because I know that you blame me.

Tic, tock.
Tic, tock.
Stop blaming me for your mistake.

Tic, tock.
Tic, tock.
Your abuse has stopped.

I wanted a guy who would finally say
I love you
And actually mean it.

I thought that you were that guy.

I'm lost.
I don't know what to do.
People scream at me.
Tell me I'm worthless,
I'm a horrible person,
That I need to change.
But I can't.
I've tried and yet you still say these things
What am I doing wrong?
What can I do to become the person you can love?
What can I do to become the girl people won't hate?

Screaming
Crying
Help me, help me
No ones listening...

Breath in.
Breath out.
You're fine.
For now.
But how long can I stay hidden?
Soon they will find me.
I don't know how much longer I can bare this pain.
Its more than just emotional,
Its physical too.
But I have to hide it.
The bruises on my arms,
"I just fell."
The scratches and cuts on me,
"It was my cat."
Lies.
It was them.
My parents.

It hurts.
It hurts when you are betrayed.
Especially if the one who betrayed you was the one friend you have known for seven years.

But you know what they say.

The worst thing about betrayal is that it doesn't come from you enemies.
It comes from your closest friends.

Fade.
I'll fade away from your memory.

Don't worry.
You barely even remember me now.

I don't know what to say.
I can't speak,
You have taken all my words.
I can't find the words to describe you
And how you make me feel.

There is only one thing I can say:
               I love you.

How many times are you going to yell at me?
I didn't mean to.
I just was looking at the knife
And then the next thing I know,
You are here screaming at me as you bandage my bleeding arm.

How many times are you going to scream at me?
I didn't mean to.
I was born
And look at me, I was a mistake from the beginning.
And yet it still hurts when you scream at me
Because I know that you truly don't care about me
And you will leave me just like they did.

Pathetic.
Disappointment.
*****.

Ha.

I thought you were supposed to be my friend.
All that time I spent by your side.
Every single time you left me and I stayed by your side.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND!

But no, you had to ******* mess with my life.
You had to make my other friends hate me.
You had to make me want to die even more.

What a wonderful friend you are.
You said we would be together forever.
You ******* liar.

I'm screaming,
But no one hears me.

I'm screaming,
But no one cares to save me.

I'm drowning,
But no one sees me.

I'm drowning,
But no one will save me from myself.

You say I'm insane.
You are right.
I am insane.
I am broken.
I am shattered.
I am absolutely insane.

Words, thoughts
Tangled together in my mind,
Waiting for the one little push
That makes me fall off the edge.

I'm lost.
I'm losing my friends.
My family is horrible.
I'm losing my mind,
Trying to fight these thoughts of suicide.
Note I said trying,
But really its more like failing.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I'm tried of everything.
The lies,
The names screamed at me,
The hits I take.
I'm done with it all.
The only people I stayed for was my friends,
But I'm losing them.
I'm lost,
So very lost.

"Amber, you're ugly."
"I know, Mom."
Please stop reminding me.

"Amber, you're fat."
"I know, Dad."
Can't you see I'm trying to be skinny?

"Amber, what is that on your wrist?"
"Nothing, Mom."
You wouldn't care even if I told you the truth.

"Amber, you only hurt yourself to get attention."
"I'm sorry, Dad."
No, I'm not trying to get anyone's attention.

"Amber, you are so pathetic and lazy."
"I know, Mom. I'm sorry."
I'm trying to please you by doing what you want me to.

"Your only here becuase your mother ***** me."
"You have already told me that, Dad."
I'm sorry I'm here.

"Don't call me your mother."
"Yes, Ma'am."
I always knew you hated me, but don't worry, I hate myself too.

"Why are you even here?"
"Becuase of Mother."
I honestly don't know becuase I should be dead.

People think that my life is perfect.
My smiles are real.
My cover wrists aren't scared.
My eyes don't shed a tear.

People are wrong.
My smiles are fake.
My wrists are scared.
My eyes shed thousands of tears.

People think that my life is perfect.
My parents are sweet and nice.
My body is only bruised because I fell.
My spirit isn't shattered.

People are wrong.
My parents are monsters.
My body is bruised because of them.
My spirit is completely shattered into a million pieces.

I have a stalker.
But the thing is,
I know who he is.

He is my 'friend.'
Or at least I thought he was.
Spencer...

Grab me.
Follow me.
Watch me.

I want to tell you stop,
But you won't listen.
You won't stop.

A strong night breeze blows my hair away from my neck,
Exposing the scars on my neck.
The moon watches silently as its cold light glitters off my knife.
A cold breeze blows against my back,
Carrying the words "Hurry up and die."

A night breeze blows over my still and silent body,
Carrying a shrill scream.
A boy leans over my body, crying silently.
The stars combine to show my very last message to you.
'I love you. I'm sorry. I had to. Please don't hate me. Goodbye'

His words screamed louder than her demons,
But what she didn't know was that he would leave her
And let her demons destroy her.

No
One
Cares
That
I
Am
Slowly
Dying.

Thousands of
Missiles
Are aimed
At my heart,
But yours
Was the first to
Strike.

Shattered screams fade into the background
Seconds pass, though it feels like hours
I can't seem to remember your smile
The sweet sound of your laugh, ringing out through the room
The way your eyes glowed the perfect hue
The way your hair flowed in gentle waves
The way you lit up the room just by walking in
Your presence was not loud
But it called to me
I was captivated by you
Our moments spent together, our silent song woven together
It was not enough
I was not enough
Now all that is left of us is in shattered memories
The shards laid bare with no one left to see
As my memory fades into the night
Maybe those shards of memory might help me to find my way back to you

I've run out of words to say,
The pain is taking over,
All I can do is feel,
And I can't speak at all.

I feel like I'm drowning
In a river of tears.

I always wondered what you would do
If I walked away from our  friendship.
But now, I don't have to wonder.
You walked away for me.