Meeting you was like an assassination
The moment you spoke
I felt the recoil
Point blank shot between the eyes
In one instant I was alone
Plenty sufficient at self-mutilation
I was content
To wander alone in my own thoughts
My personality cold
Chilled by the ice of the desolation
Of unreleased sorrow

One minute I am still
Content
Meandering hopelessly in my world
Then there was you
Your first word was a slug
Dressed in copper it sank in
Sending shockwaves through the gray matter
I took the hit
My skull accepting the whiplash and allowing me
Some semblance of strength to move

I had no chance to heal before I was hit again
Your touch was electric
A million volts multiplied by the fluid
That is your glowing stare
The sound of my name on your tongue
Becomes a garrote
Taking my breath from my lungs
I can’t speak in your presence

All that I was because to die away
The lonely man who sought shelter
In the desert of loneliness
Blown away
Bleeding out in the back of my mind
All who I thought I was
Gone
In the blink of a muzzle flash


Meeting you was like an assassination
The man I was
Destroyed
Some other man sauntered off that day
Someone I don’t know yet
But am striving to figure out

I am a writer
The type of man that sits up late
Begging the cursor that flashes and taunts me
To just move and let a random alphabet follow
And take the form of the visions that force their way in my mind

I am a god
I create worlds and men
With a thought I give them ambitions
And without another I fill them with suffering
Yet I find that they are usually the ones in control

I am a madman
I devise horrors and inflict them
On my creations for nothing but amusement
But on occasion I have a small moment of clarity
And I spare my people, a small reprieve before they suffer more

I am a writer
A man who is dispelling nightmares
By releasing them onto the page in hope
That one day he will feel like he is his own man
And not just another creation on someone else’s page

The heavens did weep when they made thee
The most beautiful creature any man doth see
Skin that is, was, as smooth as a marble floor
Your voice as sweet as wine that I needed to hear more
Your gaze melted me like ice thrown upon a flame
My soul soared high whenever you said my name
But fate can be a witch, so violent and cruel
Pushing me around and making me look quite the fool
The gods envied you for your beauty and your love
So they trapped you in yourself, making a crow from a dove
They broke your spirit and wreaked havoc on your faith
And kept me from saving you by placing me in chains
Then they took you back to sit like a dog, poised at their feet
Taking from me the kindest soul I ever did meet
The gods felt great envy when they created thee
Envy so great, they stole my only goddess from me

I am the darkness
I am the thick black mud
That corruptly consumes your every thought
That seeps into the cracks of your porcelain psyche
And stains the self-righteous purity that you claim to love

I am the puppeteer
Tugging on your strings to move you forth
On the sordid little journey that you call your existence
The hand, forced up through your *** to grab your vocal cords
And stifle insatiable mutterings that you can not help but to gush

I am the fire
That glows in the pit
Of your infernal gut every time
You gaze upon the vileness that is
Your own reflection, looking upon you just to laugh

I am the blood
That falls upon the tile
Like God's tears as he gazes
Upon all of his creations and realized how wrong he was
In giving life to those who would rather ****** it back in his face

I am the emptiness
That you feel as you stand
Upon your wooden pedestal, prepared
To give it a solid kick and change it into a stairway
Into an eternity, devoid of any contact from those who made you suffer

I am the guilt
****** upon those you leave behind
As they struggle to find an ounce of reason
Fumbling to come up with a single logical answer
Behind your fleeing escape into the eternity filled blackness

I am the madness
That crawls into those who remain
And wallow in the filth and puddles of self-pity
Telling themselves you're still beside them as you lie
In your darkened hole underneath the sole of the weeping

I am suicide
An act beyond all human greed
Selfishness that claims no equal as those
Who are blind enough to lose sight of any and all hope
Take the easy way out while their loved ones struggle to breathe on

Nighttime
I’m staring through the eyes of a monster
No control
His movements are not mine as he stalks
A victim
She stands there unaware of his presence
Too silent
He’s upon her without a word as I try to scream
Bludgeoned
Brown carpet turns black as she quickly becomes nothing
But a stain
I scream in silence again, helpless as he reveals her form
My mother
Dead from hand and hammer, I want to cry but I don’t own these eyes

He knows I watch because he wants me to see
He’s silent because he knows I’m listening
He acts because he wants me to know

His purpose
To tear down my life until I’m buried in its rubble
Forgotten
In my grave that I must share with his conquests while
He’s building
A teetering tower of friendly familial blood and bone
I must watch
As he goes on to place to place, home to home
Slaughterhouses
They become. Walls repainted red, carpets blackened
My loved ones
Reduced to nothing in several silent sloppy seconds
I struggle
But I can do nothing; I’m a prisoner in the mind of another

I want to scream but these lips do not move
I want to run away but the feet move forward
I want to look away but he makes me see

Flash of light
I’m standing in the middle of the forest
Finally free
I see a light in the midst of the dark dank dead and run
A house
I recognize it but I cannot place it in my mind
Not alone
I look at the road behind me and see the monster I was
Terrified
I just stand; my eyes are liars for what is there cannot be
I’m paralyzed
Fear runs through my veins, chilling the blood and freezing the bone
Knife in hand
The monster moves forth, vicious visage illuminated
My god
It’s me; standing there coming forth like a storm on the plains

He looks like me but my eyes beg it not to be so
He moves like me if I could command my feet again
He sounds like me, I know, though he does not speak

I can move
I end up in his path but he is undeterred
I am nothing
In comparison, I am but an insect trying to stop a dragon
I am begging
Screaming at him, to leave her alone and take anyone else
Who is her?
I know but my muddled mind won’t share the knowledge
He keeps going
So I fight. Strike myself upon the jaw but it is but a pinprick on a god
Fighting
For the very soul of the woman I know not from the devil I have become
Uncaring
The monster just walks until I become an annoyance and he strikes back

His knife is buried in my gut up to the hilt
His eyes are dead, dark reflections of my own
His expression is empty, caring not for this easy victory

Nighttime
I lay bleeding against a tree watching a monster
Forgotten
Slipped from his mind like yesterday’s shopping list
A house
He enters and I hear her scream while I die defenseless
Who is her?
I try to remember but all that comes forth is a migraine, I feel
Bludgeoned
Like my mother at the hands of the monster. A tear falls
My loved ones
Lie in shambles as the final structures of my life crumble
My god
Why must I die here in a tomb of sorrow constructed by myself?

I awaken, terrified, feeling for a wound that never was
I stagger, terrified, to the bathroom, washing my face of the nightmare
I look up, terrified, for I do not see myself in the mirror
I only see that of the monster and I’m terrified
Because he is smiling