You can love with eyes open
Not fearing the possibility that
somewhere
someone
is laughing at what they call stupidity
but you know it as love

No one to throw dirt on his name
Kicking it in your face
Because they don't know enough to try to interfere
Oh don't dare interfere

People are nosey
Ooooh and when they know of someones past
they run
with it

See but this time around I don't have to keep my eyes closed
to avoid seeing something that may trigger doubt
that may break this before it starts

eyes just as open as my mind
eyes just as open as my heart

Call me crazy, setting myself up for a
Failure
But, I told him about you today
Better safe than sorry
Because I don't want him to interfere
He always was the extreme type
The guy that forever remains in the dark
Until that night when he texts you while your boyfriend is holding your phone
Or face times you at 3am and keeps calling because you normally answer
He even calls sometimes when you ignore just because its obvious your not sleeping
So yes
I warned him

"You have a boyfriend?"
"No, but I met someone"

Far fetched but
I've felt more for him these past 3 weeks
then i've felt for this man i've known for years
Because he has promise,
It's not purposeless

Not a way of making him jealous
But proving that someone out there
knows i'm worth something besides
sometime loving

Submissiveness:
       give into man. silence yourself. his word is final. rush to his beck and call when he is angered. we are wrong. man is dominant, and woman is soft. if man is the bone, we are the gushy cartilage cushioning his fall. body dominated and composed of bone, but we are the organs that keep the body functioning. forever being transplanted, while our men are broken. submit.

Purity:
       save yourself for man. wait for him with all your white so you are not tainted. innocence upheld. it is all for him, only him. wait for him to take it all, whenever he desires. be pure.

Domesticity:
        the home calls our name. it is our calling. our knees bound to scrubbing, hands tied to kneading because our family needs us. we are to be the slaves of our homes just as we were to the white man. permanency of pressing collars that are not our own. domestic labor.

Piety:
        we come from the rib of adam. without the presence of man we, ourselves would not exist. for this reason, we worship. we worship to reiterate our purity, to maintain our sanity when others challenge our virtues of womanhood. the lord is our shepherd. we uphold our lord. besides our husbands, he is all that we shall want.

womanhood.

It's not your fault that the stars told you to be vulnerable. You went from not loving enough, to smothering. Mistaking constant showering of attention as vulnerability. Hanging in the waiting for him to return it, only to realize he loved you more when you held back. You were more interesting. So you tried to soak up those showers and were unsuccessful because by then the stars said it was love at first sight, that you would feel enchanted to this person whom you barely know but you've already put so much of yourself into it that you'll believe it. You want to believe it. It's not your fault you just want to be loved. Why not listen to the stars above? They're closer to god, and god is love. You just assumed they knew.

I forgot how it feels to not be in the dark all the time
I grew used to it
Thinking maybe I had longer to go
Before the light came out again

Then he came with his light skin
Reminding me that I'm worthy of a great morning
every morning


It's exciting because he's so new
myneophyte
Yet, it's like I've known him in my past life
like i've felt it before
yet it still feels new

Meeting all my standards
Proving good things come to those who wait

I miss him.
But I don't mind waiting for mine.
myneophyte.

Learning

I have to learn how to love a busy man
Not a man that is busy loving others
But a man that is busy loving himself
Loves himself enough to
Leave me to focus on his assignments
Returning when they're complete
Loves himself enough to choose
His education over a few texts and facetimes
Promising it'll pay off in the end

Whether or not I'm around to benefit
I have to learn to love a man that is busy
being productive for the future
Sacrificing his social life
But always fitting me in
To remind me that when
Dynamics
Isn't occupying his mind
I creep back in

It has its perks though
You don't have to worry
about him straying unless its
with a math problem
him caressing anything other than
something he's built with his own hands

So when he disappears for hours
I sigh
Then remember and daydream
of him
headphones in
face in a book
reading about dynamics
sighing

As I sit in bed
headphones in,
reading
about Rosaura

See she was separated from her love too

He asked to read a poem.

All I heard was
"Show me the real you"

So personal we make these writings
If only people read them with as much love as we write them
Because for us these aren't merely love letters or confessions
These are us opening ourselves up and letting everything fall out
hoping maybe they could pick the pieces up and hand them to us again
rearrange them to fit exactly as they desire

"Show me the real you"
I cringe
Does he really want to see where I came from?
Who I loved last?
Where we all went wrong?
It's all so simple
until the past returns
and Even though we write just to conquer our pasts
We never want to look back and be those moments again

The real me.
The real me is in this moment.
I don't want him to be just another poem on the page
I don't want him to think he's just another
love letter
I don't want him to think I'm this crazy hopeless romantic that
misconstrues *** with love
abandonment with togetherness
caresses for self-esteem

I want to show him that I love fiercely
But I don't want him to know that I've been broken.

What do I show him...

My mom taught me how to be alone.
That doesn't mean I enjoy it because
Despite what she says I still believe
There's someone out there
For me

However
She's taught me to never back down
See she's a Sagittarius like me and
Oh how we cannot be tamed

So whenever I come back home to tell
her about so and so or whathisname
we never fret when I say he didn't make the cut
Because she knows who she raised

I like to be told good morning every morning
I don't like being told what to do, or how to do it
unless...
And if he does it wrong
He's a goner

Yes Mama warned me
She said never get strung out on the birds and the bees
There's nothing between a man's legs that is golden
Nothing that should make you forget who you are

Yes she told me
She instilled a power in me
The reason I lead
not flock
I call the shots
Be someone's backbone
But never settle for being just in the back
Make your face THE face
Be needed, on your terms

Mama told me never to let a man be my tamer.
I am mine before I am anyone else's.
Only I can do the taming.

The stars say that when an Aries and Sagittarius meet it's likely to feel like love at first sight.

We met.

Dear you,

Some people are complicated inside. They take work to be understood, like it takes work to master the courts, work to get through tough times, work to find love when you think the meaning itself has no purpose anymore. I'm here to remind you it does.

Someone once said when you need love, look to yourself and find what  you're looking for in you. Personally, I never understood how someone could find hugs, kisses, understanding, and comfort within themselves. I guess it wasn't until I'd been knocked down a few times that I started to get the point. Sometimes you are all you need.

See, that sounds weird, maybe even lonely, but when you look inside yourself, what do you see?
What are you made of? Who made you? Who got you to this point? That's where the love within you is. Find her smile.

She'll see you through.

Except he thinks I'm
Crazy
Weird
Creepy
But he laughs at my jokes
And tells me when he wants me closer
So he likes my crazy, weird creepiness
And I like his accent, his intellect,
his hair, his good

Finally doing things right.
The way you're not ashamed or scared to tell your mama about come Sunday morning.
Because you're waiting
Because he has goals and is committed to
Chemistry
So I know it's okay.
No hiding.
Because I'm a mid west rider
And he's an east coast soldier.
So we teach other new words
Expose each other to different worlds
Maybe we'll work.
We're different, we're good
We're new.
Good boys can be fun, if you're good.

You broke me, but I am not broken.
I am better.
One day we'll cross paths
And you'll see that I am better
Than you
Than us
I am evolving.
You broke me, but I am not broken.

He sings me love songs
Even though he can't sing at all
Because he knows it'll make me smile
As he tries to hit that note
Stroking my cheek
As I hold back laughter
Humming the tune as he leans in
Looking me in my eyes
Tilting my chin up
To kiss me at the best part
And get so caught up in kisses
He just lets the song play out without him

Happy Valentines Day

He'll want me when my hair falls right above the dimples in my back. Luscious enough to blow in the wind, strong enough that is doesn't fall out when he grabs it yanking my head further back so he can keep his balance.

He'll love me when my silhouette is equal to the coke bottle I sip from in bed when i really should be in a gym drinking water, doing squats and sit ups. So he can play with my lady lumps and compare them to mountains.

He'll miss me when my skin is as yellow as the sun that disappears come winter. When I'm as golden as the sand.

He'll never be able to do these things.

My hair is as coarse as twigs , it stands stiff with curls that he can grasp, but his fingertips will get stuck. They'll remain steady, and although my dimples in my back will never meet them, they'll give him balance. Never letting his fingertips go.

I'm as slim as a twig with 2 oranges attached. No other curves. But he'll fall asleep on my oranges, and watch as I nurse with my oranges. Never letting my family go pillowless or hungry.

I'm as brown as a twig. Never a redbone or yellow one. Just perfectly peanut butter. The in between. A sweet caramel that is a perfect topping to treats. Holding the sun in my skin, brown. Always reminding him that summer will always be in me.

He'll never love me.
Because the media doesn't show us twigs.
The perfectly imperfect that wish we could look like those women our men fantasize about.
Even though we love our smiles, our laughs.
We love our voices, we love holding hands.
They'll never love us.
Twigs get lost in the golden sand.

Fill those blanks in with complaints
Those silences
Something to be unsatisfied with

"Forever alone" we say
So we fill our minds with the idea that
No woman is complete without a man by her side
No matter how many times he's lied, or made her cry

"I just want someone to hold me" we say
So we let them fill our legs with their bodies
Our heads with love songs and insecurities
Stain sheets and interrupt functional thoughts with impurities

"He's no good" we say
But we answer when he calls
Faithfully
Responding
Always egging him on so we can have
Someone
Worth complaining about

"I love him" we say
When we really we just love the thought
of WE.

I need to break free.
All these commitments I didn't sign up for
Can't leave people behind because they
Need
Me
frustrating
The best word to describe the feeling
Someone pulling you back as you try to break free
They don't notice the strain in your voice
The resentment in your eyes
Because they're too busy belting
"Need me, want me, love me
Stay with me"
And all the while you're thinking
What if I don't want that?
But that's not an option
Because they're pulling everything out of you
Just for you to stay around unwillingly.
Experiencing misery
Feeling lonely in a room full of company
All the while just wanting to
Break free.

Bad habits of waiting around.
Always waiting because no one is ever ready.
I'm the person they stall time with.
Bad habits of always putting up of fight
Just to be broken down.
Because I love the feeling of being brought back up
Bad habits of being the person they waste time with
Then evicted from their minds as if I forgot to pay rent

I'm trying to learn how to be the person they'll never forget.
Trying to unlearn.

There's this myth that it takes half the time you spent loving someone to let them go. (Six)

Half the time to forget what you keep remembering. (the ***)

Subtracting yourself from the equation to see what's left. (a mess)

Twice the one night stands to fill the void. (quick fix)

Just six months to accept what you'll never feel again. (his lips)

There's a myth to letting go.

Six months to never remember. (never forget)

I'll send you a million song lyrics that speak in circles of all the things I want to say, but I can't.
Not again.
I told myself I'd never be here.
Again.
So i'll elude to the problem
If you don't understand
So be it.
I promised myself I'd never waste my breath or words
about a similar situation.
Holding on to someone that has no available hands, leaving me to grasping at whatever I can get.
I'll never be the odd woman out again.

All the wrong people invade my dreams.
I wonder why I let them crawl so deep into my psyche
Its been hours since my eyes closed, and I still see them, vividly.
They speak to me, and even hurt me in my dreams
As I lay in bed silently.
Its an evil power they have, controlling me without being anywhere near me.
Upsetting me without being within earshot.
They've become so good at it
They don't even have to try
My mind won't let them go long after I've dozed off
All the wrong people haunt me in my sleep.

No matter who comes and goes
There'll still be room left
He'll make the room
When the space gets too
Tight
Because it's been vacant for a while
Soon it'll be like he never left as he gets comfortable
Refamiliarizing himself with my room
Moving furniture around
Feng shui as our hips sway

It's been few months but there's always room left
There's always room no matter how long he's been gone
So I always save room because he always treats these thighs like his home.

I close my eyes and listen as their voices sing out about the real thing.
Nothing more beautiful than a love song.
The kind where you know the person singing feels every word.
They're singing by experience.
When they sing and you wonder who is the person they're singing to.
Yes, nothing better than a heartfelt love song.
They always give me something to look forward to.
Someone to look forward to sing to.
Someone worth writing a love song.

There she goes again.
Falling into those same habits.
Allowing him to fall into her because she wants to fall in love, even if it's just pretend. She allows him to fall in because it's been a while, months have passed, but the chemistry never ends. So she fills the night with those small moments that a person in love would cherish had they been sincere and everlasting. She writes poems from the little inspiration she gets just so she can live in the moment whenever she reads between the lines. It is not until the sunsets and rises that she realizes she's not meant to be in that bed. her muscles tighten as she forces herself to sleep, cautious to be silent and appear casual. Staring at the sleeping figure, feeling uninvited to cuddle him because the night has came and passed. She plots on how she can escape with the least amount of awkwardness or embarrassment. There she goes again. Living in the moment, falling until morning, mourning the night.

I feel guilt.
As I stroke his palms with my finger tips after we made riddles, poems, and limericks
But all I can think of is what I should call this figure. So I try to find inspiration drawing words from tracing his outline as his brush strokes my page. I hear riddles. poems and haikous as I wonder what exactly he can be defined as: my man, my fling, my boo? So we paint to draw a conclusion as I make limericks with licks and he adjusts brushes to make us, all the while the two vibe making designs. And at the end of this creative process maybe the end result will name him as mine.

I had to come clean with myself last night.
I was reciting the truth I always knew, that I always told, but this time to someone that would tell me the bitter truth. The kind I never would come to terms with.

So I admitted to my friend why all my past loves went wrong and how I was stuck on one. I revealed how i was still pursuing the impossible, making a fool out of myself, but still trying...just pushing aside that maybe somewhere in Wisconsin I'm being laughed at.

He asked me why, why am I so stuck? What's so great about this *****? And I got quiet as I slumped in his dorm with my hands in my pockets, chin in my chest. I don't know. You have to know. Well it was kind of the first time I truly didn't know. I guess after months of defending why you're doing something you lose sight of why you're doing it. I could only say "I hate to lose."

Yeah I added some ******* like "he was my friend. He was my first normal guy." But of course he had to add "so that's all you want is normal? Not great?" I thought about my pride. I thought about my past. I thought about my future. I thought about the paths that led me here.

I had a breakthrough. Now I can start moving towards the light.

I miss you sincerely every day. Every moment that passes that isn't spent just exchanging one word with you is spent reminiscing about the past. I guess you can say I'm lost. That's what happens when you live in the past right? Well, that's what I'm doing. Hopelessly remembering the first time you pulled me in by my red sweatshirt strings and I paused. Just staring at you so I could remember the one moment that would change me. Forever. That pause before I decided if I was ready for the mess I'd be getting myself into.

It just felt so **** good. I don't know if it was because it was spring or if it was because I had suffered from a break up 3 months prior, but I came alive again. I was living, laughing, always eager for the next time I'd see you and smile from ear to ear cornily. You'd laugh and I'd think it was the sexiest thing you could do. So we always laughed.

I'd tiptoe from your car to my door, trying not to wake my mom. And you'd.tiptoe from my door to your car to do the same. We were happy. Yes, the summer of 2012 was perfect. I grew to know I loved you, because you were my friend. A friend that listened to my problems, gave me advice, laughed at my jokes, and held me. You always held me, and all I wanted was to hold you down.

Here I go living in the past again. But those times changed me. The ache I felt was numerous: fall 2012; winter 2012; winter 2013; spring 2013; summer /2013, fall 2013; winter 2013. That's a lot huh? Well part was the jealousy of sharing, the other was your absence.

But this pain is my karma. When I say you changed me, I mean you still are changing me. It's like I run to pain as if I don't think I deserve happiness because it's always too good to be true. I've hurt people, and I've been hurt, and I thought all pain has a pay off. You taught me that. You always said we'd be good. Well we were, then I lost you.

As my first semester of college comes to a close, I'm lower than I started. As if I was running on this sugar high that college would purge you from my system. It didn't. It was like I was constantly trying to fill this void that was always there but the alcohol would always make more evident. Same with the ****. **** would cause me to over think to almost tears. Lead to me questioning what kind of person I am and what kind I want to be.

I've learned that you can't build happiness based on someone else's unhappiness. I also need to break the habit of covering my pain with new faces because it just leads to more confusion and messiness. My rebound turned to my romance. And what I felt can't easily be replaced. I feel low, to the point I look at myself and see a *****,used and left behind. Damaged goods. Repeatedly.

It's so hard to not exist in someone's world where they exist so much in yours no matter how long the absence. Yes, in that moment that you pulled me in by my red sweatshirt strings you changed me. Forever.

Someone that makes my heart flutter and my knees weaken. He gives me a feeling that makes my eyes soften while still staring intensely. Daydreaming about his smile as he speaks words unknown. Yeah, that's what I want. When he touches me nonchalantly for the first time, I want my heart to stop and stare at his hand just to believe its happening. Make him want me then now and forever, before he knows what's hidden. I want the fantasy that is the falling.

I wonder if I even want a response anymore. Because I always enjoy the challenge of being ignored. I'll complain about it, then still call you when I'm drunk, text you when I'm lonely. No response. And I'll go through my day as if I never was rejected. Neglect to tell my friends I had a relapse, that I'd been relapsing for 5 months now with no signs that there was even a good cause to fight for. Maybe I don't want anyone for my own, too complicated, too public, too much effort. So I like to intrude on things already in progress to be everything their missing, that thrill. But thrills only last so long. You taught me that.

She had eyes like a horse.
Big eyeballs, but lids that couldn't contain them.
Her eyes were all seeing, always wanted to burst out of the small slits.
Almond shaped, her family teased them saying she was Asian.
Such big eyes, but such thin slits.
As if there was something behind them that needed to be held back.
Almost as if God created her knowing she would need less space for tears to run down.
Those eyes trained her over the years to let the pipes of her mind well.
To fill until it was utterly impossible to keep the water detained.
Those slits were more like levees right before Katrina came.
Strong until a stronger force reckons with it.
They held it all in for her.
Slits that thought they were saving her from her own emotions.
Levees that were suppose to stop the water, Levees that save the public
However, they were drowning her.
An accumulation of emotions that only she had to face.
Alone, in her own ocean.
Oh, those small slits and her horse eyes.

It's snowing outside and
I'm in bed watching through the window
Singing love songs
Asking if I'll be cold all winter
In more ways than one

don't let the transition become the permanent

can i use you?
just to transition to my permanent?
can you lead me to my future
be my present
just a hand to get me through

can i use you?
kiss me as i wait for my prince
distract me from this heartache i'm running from

You can use me too ya know
I'll give you tenderness
when the world is too rough on you
I'll give you erotica
when you've become bored

I just wanna use and be used.

keep me

i don't wanna go back out there.
just to be cold and alone.
just as i am here.
might as well suffer with you.
be alone next to you
even if i know someone else was here
will be here
is here.
this spot isn't mine.
neither are you.

but don't send me back out there.
although i'll be cold and alone
with or without you.

helpless romantic
i am.
always anticipating my forever
infatuation
best described as
my sweaty palms
nail biting
fluttered heartbeat
excessive smiles

desire.

We're the same person, in two bodies
Going through the motions
Of emotions

So we dance
Showing the room what our exes missed out on
So they'll assure us that we're worth something

we lay in beds just wanting to be held
Only when it's too dreadful to go back
Home alone
Or we're too drunk to face our issues

We preach about self empowerment
But secretly we feel helpless when the sun goes down

We reach for our goals
But always wallow in the one goal that we obtained and lost

Best friends. Both going through heartbreaks.

April 6th: Our first time

July 6th: Our first I love you.

August 29th: The first time you said I was you everything, forever.

December 7th: The first time I tried to say good-bye.
                           It was too painful, it scared me.

May 2nd: The first time we spoke after a month apart, and my hands were shaking.
                  I missed you.

July 10th: Our last time.

July 15th: The last time we had a conversation.

July 16th-Present: Missing you, loving you, thinking about you.

All I have are these dates, and I find myself staring into space just thinking...
With your face committed to memory.
Wondering if any new dates will come..

Tune into another day, I do
Playing sentimental love songs that describe me oh too perfectly
"I can't get over you, you left your mark on me"
"I love you enough for the both of us"
"it's yours"
"you act so different around me"
"but i stayed down, i always stayed down"
i nod my head, as my heart aches with the bass

"running on my mind boy, running on my mind boy."

times like this I sit back and reflect on how many times
i thought of you today, i lost count after being awake for 2 hours.
No matter what I'm doing, you seem to surface
So i want to kiss you as I cross from Dayton to Charter
I want to lay with you as i walk back to my dorm
I want to punch you during Tae Kwon Do class
Run from these feelings on the treadmill,
but I always get tired after 2.5 miles.

Sometimes I think of you so much it scares me.
Because I've never been so stuck.
So reserved for one person because nothing
else feels right.
I feel like I took those embraces for granted because thinking
about you now gets me through...

So when some other is pursuing me
they notice I tend to daze off
because I'm comparing them to what I rather have.
And I flinch at their embraces because I still know
yours all too well.

Two months have passed, and I've thought of you
every single hour on the hour.

you just always seem to be onmymind.

I've loved him since I was 14.
Before I knew what love was
Or what *** felt like
He was my friend first
That dropped names such as
Beautiful lovely and gorgeous
That made me feel like more than a silly freshman.
He loved me before anyone really cared to know me.
Before my mind body and soul began to mature.
He cared enough to be patient
To let me know he was in it for my heart.
We always came back to each other
no matter how long
So I know he'll be back in December,
And I'll be loving him like I did when I was 14 as the days glide.

When I speak of my past loves my face always lights up because i reminisce to times of laughter,kisses, and bliss. I've been in love numerous times, but I question which exactly was the real one? Because you always want what you can't have...

Sometimes it's like I'm in love with my best friend,
because when we laugh we're equally obnoxious
He's always doing things a husband would do
the simple things
and he listens when I talk about my trivial female issues
and he learns to understand all my mood swings
and he ignores the sinning I do when he's not around
he loves me, and reminds me every time I need reassurance
as to why I am capable of being loved.

But sometimes I just want to live and take risks!
So I've danced with the devil a few times just to try the feel
that they say some men can bring, that feel they say will drive a woman to do
crazy things, and it in fact resulted in me doing some crazy things
like living in the moment
getting so ******* in love you forget what day it is
forgetting there is a whole world because in those moments
the world is you and him
with your legs wrapped around his waist
and your arms around his neck
saying you've missed him when only a matter of hours had passed before you saw him again

I guess it's possible to be in love with two people,
but if it came down to it you'd know exactly who you'd choose
even if he wouldn't choose you.

My love life is like my nails.
I can't really commit to a single shade
because when i look down at my finger tips
I think back to the times when a professional was
manicuring my hands, making them perfect

so these other shades don't really seem to fit
because I miss certain sections
accidentally paint my cuticles
my hang nails are everlasting
i always smear them before they dry
and leave an imprint that shows that I was impatient
and fell asleep

do you see what I'm getting at?
He was more than just a single shade
because from red to violet
they always made him perfect

now i look down at my nail bites and wonder
if my hands will ever reach that beauty my
nail technician would bring out
the same way I wonder if I'll meet someone
that brings the vibrance out in me
someone that makes me feel perfect

I can't commit to a nail color,
because no matter what shade I choose
it'll never amount to you.

I have a craving.
Just for that chocolate boy that left me back home.
I can't seem to let him leave my mind
because when I close my eyes he runs rapidly
through it, me just reminiscing.
Four times I've tried to find someone that is born with the
knowledge of my body's combination,
but they come up short, in more than just one
I didn't appreciate the relief he gave, until now.
Sitting here craving those hands, those lips,
that smile
Ugh
it's frustrating
a blessing and a curse
experiencing you, the best of you,
now i'm in withdrawal
just craving...

It's all about transitions.
That ongoing change that you always want to run towards
but when the going gets tough you
run back to reminiscing.

My departure wasn't a great enough reason for him to break the silence.
I wonder what his reaction was when he saw my number pop up,
I wonder if he sighed from irritation as he read the message and just erased it from the phone and his memory.
I wonder if he felt tenderness for a split second.
I guess I thank him in a way because he never wanted to hold me back, and I know if I saw him
I definitely wouldn't want to leave him.
So he forces me to let go of yesterday
And dive into tomorrow
Hopefully forgetting him one day at a time
Until I can look back and say
Thank you for forcing me to let go.

I won't tell him that in the time he was away I fell for someone else. I can't say that this someone made me fall crazy in love and I made him fall crazy in love back. It's just not meant for him to know that while he was away someone else was mine, and that I was for someone else. We'll never speak about how when we're together I just stare and think of that someone who broke my heart although you seem so perfect right in front of me. He'll never know how I really tried to forget that someone but his memory haunts me because he was so much a part of me.

It's too late for me to tell him I'm in love with someone else.

I have the slightest idea what you would say to me if I told you that you were the last goodbye I wanted to say before I left. That I wanted you to watch me pack as I told you all the things I needed to get off my chest for my sake, just to watch your ****** expression as the words poured out of me...finally. I wouldn't cross the line, I'd let the last touch be a kiss on the cheek or the forehead, something endearing to show that I grew up this summer, to show I wanted your happiness. For the past 3 days I've been in deep contemplation as to whether I'd ask to see you before I depart, or just leave and leave it fate for us to cross paths again if its meant. I wonder if I'll get those same butterflies you used to give me, if I'll hold myself back from kissing you because I know it'll feel so right. It always amazed me how our mouths just knew what to do, how our bodies just learned each other so well and taught the other exactly what to do.

I want a goodbye just to say I'm still not over you.

Always find myself comparing everyone to you...staring into deep dazes sighing just repeating "**** they don't make em like you no more"
You weren't perfection, you made me cry, scream, yell, sulk, slap and punch you.
But you made me laugh, smile, kiss, hug, and touch you way more.
I complained about you disappearing for hours at a time, not replying to my texts, not answering my calls, not making time.
Then I got tossed into this sea of fishes again,
And they made you look like a saint like Prince Charming.
So I'm wondering as I lay my head down tonight if I'll ever love someone the way I loved you.

Half way across the country
And he couldn't find the time
For me
To say goodbye or see ya later
But maybe it's for the better
Because then I would've had to believe it was going somewhere
And we all know when you care about someone you find the time
Until next time sirr...