One day I will walk past the mirror and not check to see if I've gained weight overnight. That day I will not stare at my body until it changes.
I'll come to accept my form is mine, and I'll be loved for it. I have been loved for it.

*who ever told you that you curves and lack there of weren't perfect? Why did you believe them?

What is it when you can talk to someone straight for 9 hours?

How do you explain it?

I woke up dreading coming back to a place where we can't be who we are in those long conversations.
A place that brings out the worst in us.
Was it you that I told that I love so much?
No,maybe it was someone you could see yourself falling in love with.
hm, I thought it was you.
it was. I just didn't want you to take it back.
A break from everything. No one to tell me what's best for me and my heart. No resentment, no pain.
How do you explain knowing you can only love in one moment?

Relapse

I laid in darkness for hours, tossing and turning last night
Thinking and overthinking
Rethinking all at the same time
Coming to conclusions that I make myself believe

Then I have a bad day and nothing can quite ease it the same
And for that conversation I could forget everything that's happened and it's just like August again.
Relapse.
Lawd help me.
I know Rome wasn't built overnight.

Day 4
And I missed you painfully.
Laying in bed missing all the times I came home to your face(times).
It became my favorite time of the day.

Then I have to remember that guy on those facetimes isn't who stands before me now.
In love with someone I haven't seen in a while.

So whereas I used to fear giving a person space out of fear of being forgotten, being lived without, being replaced,
Today I realized if I am any of those things, I would be them regardless if I separated myself or not.
I will not love out of fear.
Distance and time and if it's meant to be it'll be.

Day 4
And I missed you painfully.
Laying in bed missing all the times I came home to your face(times).
It became my favorite time of the day.

Then I have to remember that guy on those facetimes isn't who stands before me now.

In love with someone I haven't seen in a while.

Day 2

For a second I felt missed as you yelled what was wrong with me

Then I watched your eyes roam
Then I watched hers watch you walk away.

Maybe you missed me until you saw her again.

When I have children, I'll tell them of the day I lost hope.
It was the day after my 20th birthday, snow filled the ground
as sadness filled our hearts
resentment contained our minds
anger raged in our throats

I'll speak of a name they probably would never know
because the history books will try to erase him
I'll resurrect his memory to remind my children what kind of world we live in.

I'll look in their brown eyes trying to explain that white criminals are those that pledge to protect us, better our lives,
while black criminals are monolithic, black people, blacks that lie dead in the street.

I'll warn them that guilt will forever be perpetuated on them because of their skin.
As murderers walk free, not guilty of a single ******* thing.

Not guilty of killing, letting his body wither for the public to see.
black bodies laying in the street
similar to those black bodies that once swung in the trees

blood on the pavement
blood on the leaves
the blood of our seeds

I'll remember this day
hearts breaking