Hug a black boy while you still can.

Before he's ripped from your arms,
Torn from your womb
Thrown into a cell
Beaten in an alley
Hung from a tree
Shot down in the street

Hold him and pray for his safety
Pray for his return from the gas station
From school
From work
From life

I held a two year old and as he tried to squirm away I thought of how much love I had for someone in such short time
How this body holds so much value to me and so many others
He matters, he's only two but he matters just as much as any other human being.
His black skin beams along with his smile and I couldn't imagine life without this black boy.

So why can't our government see that?
Why can't they look at our black boys and love them unconditionally?
Protect them unconditionally?

Our black boys matter.
Hug them while you still can.

Day 1 of 365 Happy Days
Summed up with a song by Sara Bareilles


I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground.

But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

It's like she read into my heart and let the cries reign.

I made this promise to myself that 20 would be the year of me.
Self love, self worth, self focus.
That in this year I would reflect on what truly is my purpose on this earth and how I can live out that purpose.
I promised I'd detach myself from anything that brought me pain in my teen years closing doors that I too long always kept partially cracked hoping something or someone would love me enough to eventually slip back through.

I swore I'd asexualize myself and turn off any urge to love someone with all of me..
That may sound unhealthy, but I reached a point where it's so exhausting I have to rebuild the strength back up to let someone new in.

I thought this day was a test to show how much love was out there for me, and I received so much love.
I had this expectation that that love would be shown by the one person I needed it most from.
I was mistaken.

I swore I'd let it go if today wasn't what I needed.
It wasn't.
Just as nineteen is gone, he is too.

Happy birthday to me.

I don't remember anything.
A blur of friends and drinks
Dances and laughs
You fell in the mix, but I don't remember
I just woke up smelling like you.

Crave me when the world is repulsed by all I have to give.
Show warmth as the flurries dance on my eyelashes and my breath becomes visible.
Remember there is only one of me,
And all of me wants all of you.

Dear old me

I'll do this for you. You remind me of how far we've come...together. I fought for us to get here and I will carry us on my back to make sure next year the new me will continue the legacy of progression.

I don't judge you, you taught me so much about what I didn't want to be that right now I feel overwhelmed with blessings to be standing here happy with how we've managed to keep it all together.

Can you believe we've been at this for 20 years now? Scares the **** out of me too. But we've done pretty good for ourselves old me. I can't wait to see what we'll continue to do.

What is it like to be real friends?
Can we do it?
We used to know how but that was before we were face to face
Facing attraction that we can't seem to avoid.
I don't think I can because when my mind daydreams it always comes back to that Wednesday morning
That night we slow danced
And so many others
Is it possible?
Because last night you said you love me like the real kind
(And even though I don't know what that means)
I think I feel the same way
So are we kidding ourselves
Or am i just delusional misreading memories and words you say?
Morphing them into what I want
Confusing myself more along the way