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 Dec 2012 Alexandra of Old
Vivian
Tears of gin
Stream down my face
Pine needles scratch
My throat's embrace
On the words I once
Knew how to say
I'm hopelessly trying to
Reiterate.

Tuck me in
Lay me down
In the bed
I'll slowly drown
Your words are weak
They pass me by
I'm so so sorry
Liquor, I cry

Morning next
Mascaraed face
Turns to look
At her weathered mate
Thank you baby
I'm sorry I
Had too much to drink-
It's fine
*sigh
 Dec 2012 Alexandra of Old
August
You do not go to a house
Where things are practiced
To not practice them
What would be the point
Of going to that house
To sit there and not do anything
So, when you say, we should go
As a family
Even though not all of us feel
That the house is the right place
To be
That is false,
Because family does things
Together
With LOVE.
Not force.
© Amara Pendergraft 2012
What is one to do with a heart that’s been torn out? What am I to do but try to tease it back to life and stitch it up, I can’t very well let this piece of me die can i? Perhaps I want to the ache would end. This cold would finally end. I clinch the scared mess of tissue in my chilled fingers. The thing hardly gives a shallow beat anymore perhaps it’s already dead. I feel a bit like I’m already dead just a miserable empty shell that keeps wondering aimlessly. I think about how it felt to feel the warmth of my own pumping blood and I can’t exactly remember. I feel the muscle contort lazily in my hand. No it’s still alive I think. I bring it to my face balancing it on my palm worrying over its fate. And like that the fragile thing is snatched from me.
What should I say to him? You’re a pretty boy who stole my heart absolutely stole it and there’s little I can do about it. I so freely give it away to be trampled upon. Why would he even want it? Its scabbed over with fresh wounds layered in abstract patterns over deep puckered scars. My heart my greatest treasure has grown weary and diminished in its value after so much damage.  He must see that when you ponder its texture in your hands. Why would he choose mine to run away with? Why would he take something no one else has wanted for any reason other than to break? What does he plan to do with such a thing? I can take no more!
You’re going to hide it from me aren't you? He is going to leave me cold with that gaping wound in my chest ! He is going to leave like all the rest but this time I will not hope to mend my wounds, I will die!! Or worse I will live with this terrible ache, as a bitter cold person a used tormented person with nothing to give. Give it back! My panic ridden frigid fingers grasp at his arm and his warmth invades me. Electricity dances on my skin and my heart beats faster where it rests in his palm. It responds to his simulations in violent ways and I realize my heart is his. Hidden from me, or returned it will never truly be my own.I Could hardly keep it alive very much less induce a reaction like that. What matters now is my frigid touch against his heated chest. I feel it beat faster. His hearts never been taken or rejected never marked hardly neglected. A tinny mummer and that is all. I can’t even get to his heart, he never offers it. I’m scared I can’t tell if I have everything or if I will be left with nothing. Still I am enamored by the warmth; he is warm, so warm.
He places the ****** sputtering thing in his pocket. I lean against him for his warmth and he pounders me with his big blue eyes. I feel my heart beat fast dancing strangely against his jacket. I am as confused as he looks, with that beautiful smirk appearing on his face and curiosity burning in his eyes. I simply don’t understand. And I wonder to myself what it is I am doing.
“Why did you take it?” I whisper my resolve dissolving in his gaze.
“ To keep it safe,” he replied a disapproving crease appearing on his brow like he was remembering the textured scars running beneath his fingertips. “To keep you close” he murmured his eyes changing almost imperceptibly at his quiet confession. “Because I want it.” He finished his chin lifting slightly as if challenging me to refute it. I was too tired to fight for such a broken thing, and I knew I couldn't win. I was to desperate to want to think I could believe it. I rested there against him in silent thought, it was warm there. He watched my face equally silent as he wrapped his arm around me. My heart sputtered again as I pulled my face in closer against his warmth. I sat there waiting for it to calm I pressed my pink ear against him and heard another bombardment of heartbeats from the other side of his rib cage.  A hope I didn't know existed showed itself in my hidden smile. Nothing has ever seemed so scary, nothing ever so promising nothing ever so improbable. Perhaps I think to myself this is love.
An honest explanation of how I happened across my first real love.
 Dec 2012 Alexandra of Old
Sarina
Wotton Hill, you are a cage
for my wife’s deceased body and
my mind, blushing furiously as
I recall our times –

twenty spokes for those who
climb ladders backwards, the trees
leaves spilling into a driveway

and I would bundle the biggest
under my jacket, or my hat,
even a tulip for her bonnet’s tip.

She looked like a Redcoat,
and I, midnight’s dove,
lingering on some lane far from
our home, golden even for us,

fell back on a landscape of
solstice, each pine has a lady
inside waiting to be released for
God’s unheeding eyes:

when he weeps for his children,
I do not remember mine, but
my wife along dusty ways

and singing her seasonless song,
with every color flora against
her scalp, her retinas, her breast.

She looked her best when
she was guarding a sad head –
Wotton Hill bringing her face to
one heart-shaped windowpane

swaying in forest unhappiness
and now along this circlet,
my wife lays dead.
He loved her and she loved him
His kisses ****** out her whole past and future or tried to
He had no other appetite
She bit him she gnawed him she ******
She wanted him complete inside her
Safe and Sure forever and ever
Their little cries fluttered  into the curtains

Her eyes wanted nothing to get away
Her looks nailed down his hands his wrists his elbows
He gripped her hard so that life
Should not drag her from that moment
He wanted all future to cease
He wanted to topple with his arms round her
Or everlasting or whatever there was
Her embrace was an immense press
To print him into her bones
His smiles were the garrets of a fairy place
Where the real world would never come
Her smiles were spider bites
So he would lie still till she felt hungry
His word were occupying armies
Her laughs were an assasin's attempts
His looks were bullets daggers of revenge
Her glances were ghosts in the corner with horrible secrets
His whispers were whips and jackboots
Her kisses were lawyers steadily writing
His caresses were the last hooks of a castaway
Her love-tricks were the grinding of locks
And their deep cries crawled over the floors
Like an animal dragging a great trap
His promises were the surgeon's gag
Her promises took the top off his skull
She would get a brooch made of it
His vows  pulled out all her sinews
He showed her how to make a love-knot
At the back of her secret drawer
Their screams stuck in the wall
Their heads fell apart into sleep like the two halves
Of a lopped melon, but love is hard to stop

In their entwined  sleep they exchanged arms and legs
In their dreams their brains took each other hostage

In the morning they wore each other's face
 Dec 2012 Alexandra of Old
Ugo
Skyscrapers and mango trees wearing boxer briefs.

The tantalizing wind blows caressing paperclips and mortuary signs—
turning them indigo red for we all know that dead bodies are nothing but dead.

Hymns of love and soliloquies of the unconscious ego—
Id of our time but men of the past be our hero.
Leaving to wonder, if king Nebuchadnezzar was a crack-feign
would Coca Cola still educate penguins on the importance of Lesbian Existence?

For in this war of life, cockroaches are the real winners,
and the taste of excellence is only reserved for fire extinguishers —

so if nuclear clouds persist,
let the fire burn with love and you lay on the bed of oblivion
cuddling the moral that capitalism leads to schizophrenia.

So insure your sanity for free 99, this, with warm regards from yours truly,

                                                               ­              Rhizome of Golgotha.
-
                                 Even if the storm does cease, And in
                            your heart there lies in rapture, hope
                that next time with strength increase, we
             take torrential rains and winds disaster, live
                      to cast them off our hearts crusade, without
                       eyes wide open don't see the shore, the fear
in infinity infinities of unexplored ocean evade, of
                              who to trust I know no more. limitation.
I lay still
Flesh on ice
Bones are chilled

It's my price
For trying to
Be born again

I stole stars
Made the moon mine
Put their light in jars

I was divine
I drank the light
That I'd sealed within

And so I began
My second life
With an eternal glow

As my heart beats
The lights pulse
 In Morse code
          
But the sun mourned
All her daughter stars
And her son the moon

See their souls
Were within the light
That I'd consumed

"You must pay"
Said the goddess sun
To my illuminated self
        
"I'm taking your soul"
 My warm tears were
 The last thing I felt

So now I lay
In the cold snow
With an unfixed gaze

I am a wraith
Who sees only dark
Even in the day
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