I wish I could hold your hand.
I wish I could stroke your little cheek and kiss it.
I wish I could hold you tight.
I wish I could tell you everything will be alright.
I wish you knew you're smart.
I wish you knew you're strong.
I wish you knew you were special.
I wish you knew you'd live.

There is a clock on the wall which oversees the room. It chimes on the hour to remind us of jobs to do.

5am and the Aga needs lit. My father bent over scrapes the coal loudly until the fire submits to his will.

I listen from high up in my single bed. I thumb the cream blanket and close my eyes again. It's too cold yet to get up. Maybe the fairy's are still at the tree. Don't look. They'll see you.

Your smile was beautiful. It runs through my mind like a freight train.

Chug chug in the night.

Chug chug went the summer. On sweltering days we prepped and ran and joked and cooked and laughed and cleaned and teased.

Long evenings gave way to carefree nights. We sang at the top of our lungs and laughed till our faces hurt. We danced without fear.

Outside we breathed in cigarette smoke and the sea air. Summer night broke into morn, the birds began to sing. Chug chug went the year.

This was the best time of my life, and you my dear will forever sing and laugh in our hearts.

How was I to know you'd watched me,
moving, cleaning, talking, smiling.
I make you nervous, made you stutter.

You're frustrated, angry, tired,
But a wave of calm rolls over you,
When you see just a glimpse of my body.

There are so many things to love about me.
I never knew them, until you told me.
You've been here the entire time.

I think God saved me just for you,
I should have died too many times.
He has a plan for me and you.

Whispered conversations behind half closed doors,
They're talking about me, talking, more and more.

If only I didn't see the ceiling melting towards me,
Would they still me talking, about what I've come to be

It started as a child. Rush rush went my brain.
Spinning, dizzy, I knew early that I was insane.

And here it is. Endless white coats, long strip lights.
The darkness has taken my mind, why can't I fight?

Where do I begin and it leave off.
My coffin is beginning to nail.
I don't believe I'm even real.

I fell softly through your arms,
Upon a broken verse,
The devil's breath was wondering,
And all I did was thirst.

For more and more I leaped and wrenched,
Through your arms wicked,
And all the softness that once was
Had slowly, painfully flickered.

A hurricane that ripped and roared,
Came softly down my face,
A soft, as soft, as meaningful,
As once was your embrace.

Down my fragile shaking body,
A familiar breath surrounded,
I wished all to disappear,
The terror love has founded.

My wings break apart,
I need you beside me. Although,
I know, there's no foundation,
I fall again softly, through your arms,
With Adoration.

Placid waters graced by an angel
Of gold and pearl and white,
those gentle hues reflecting,
a haughty prince by sight.

No questions to the prince,
Why do serene and noble.
Does he not become restless with the placid waters?

The swallow flits and dives
Up and down closer to the ground
Travelling as always together,
Laughing away through summer nights.

I wish the swallows would not taunt me,
and laugh at my plans.
They do not know the darkness,
I hold within my hands.

As black as night in day,
As all that fell down past,
A Raven soul came galloping upon my broken path.
Never did I want so much
that Ravens hard stone face,
A light deep founded in his eyes
enclosed around my space.

A love so understated, I hardly caught my breath,
I will be lifted and encaptured to my very death.

And have you ever heard,
That Ravens have no soul?
They are a black coal messenger
That do for Satan toil.

Deep inside there is a knowledge,
that only I do love.
My Raven has a pearl strung soul,
He is a Holy Dove.

Tick tock, Tick tock,
I've seen your smile,
I'm still a child.

Miles away from the horror of my past
You were soft and kind.
Day and night for months on end,
I stared into your twinkling eyes

grasping hands, burning passion, bodies melted into one
And there was love.
thundering heart, breathless love.
My darling, my love, my prince, i'd falled into a storybook.

Tick tock, Tick tock,
the first summer, i feel like a real grown up.
flying over to see you.
I find out about her.
Heart splits, head breaks,
blood rushes from my wrists onto the bathroom floor.
Chest is burning, eyes are burning, wrists are burning.

Im crazy, its me, im too much in love.
i have no one, no friends, its you, only you.

Tick tock, tick tock.
I'm an adult now.
bills, rent, graduate jobs.
Our home is filled with memories of us.
It smells of us, it speaks of us, it begins our family.

My whole body shakes, my breath is short and sharp.
there's another, another, another.
you call her the same names you called me, my darling.

the sea spray is stinging my face, the tears are stinging my eyes.
goodbye my home, my life, my everything.