They always say the first year is the hardest
When is the first for anything but hard
A flower cant bloom if it's not a seed
A seed can't bloom if it's not tended too
How our first  summer was seemingly blue
But our love for one another carried us through
Regardless of the type of day, I am thankful we didn't fall astray
For I would do it all over again if it met growing even stronger with you
I love you

Picking Tiger Lillies in the summer breeze
Packing our favorite drinks and candies
Heading to the beach
Laughing and singing our favorite melodies
Playing catch and swimming until we are content
Eating blue moon ice cream while holding hands
Running home to watch a few horror movies
With the remains of our candy
Laughing and playing the games we always do
Scrabble, Guess Who, or Egyptian Rat *****
Who knows if we are going to ***** but I can't imagine
my life without you.

I wish I knew where to go
Lost in a sea of dead dreams
Trying to hold onto me
Screaming
Shouting
Wanting to be free
But I can't seem to escape
Just an endless purgatory

Sorry
For holding  yourself worth hostage for what you could provide
You yearned to protect  others from knowing your pain
Sacrificed relationships for the sake of sounding sane
Sacrificed your dignity and humanity for a few dollars
Yet I can still see the dollar in you  through all your pain
It's exhausting...

Sorry
For giving your a false sense of pride
For isolating you  when you felt the most pain
I just wanted to protect you
From drowning in all the  self-doubt and pain

Sorry
For trying to find whatever comfort a bottle could provide
It felt safer than being viewed as weak
I felt stronger when I had a few drinks
But in reality, I was just trying to disconnect from everything
It's not your fault it was what you were taught

Sorry
For all the bad decisions and relationships we damaged
Who knows if those relationships were real
Maybe they weren't since they aren't here
But were you really there or just existing I can't answer that
We will just call it even I guess
I can't change the past but I will always wonder what could've been

Sorry
For all the self-hate
You weren't shown what self-love looked like in the first place
You can't blame yourself
You were a blank canvas just seeking validation
You ran to find it but instead, you found anger and hate

Sorry
For letting others write your narrative for so long
In reality, it was already being written at the birth
Totted as smart and strong in public
But dumb and weak in private
The lines got blurred from time to time

Sorry
For tolerating and letting those narratives hold you
Felt safer to comply than to fight
I can't blame you
Because those narratives were reinforced every step of the way

Sorry
I just wanted the best for you
I did what I had to protect you
Once Again I am sorry

Thank You
You did protect me and I will be forever grateful
But its time to let go
Some dreams die but others are about to bud and bloom
I love you but I am no longer you
I don't want to miss another season because I couldn't accept what we have been through
I will forever miss some parts of us
But its time to start anew

I feel in the wrong
I have been swallowing my heart
Torn between what is and what could be
I wish I didn't feel this way
I don't feel broken
But oddly incomplete
Why do you feel like the missing piece
My wife  already loves me endlessly
Yet I constantly daydream about us three

one warm summer night
you and I were strangers
our minds danced the night away
while your soul ignited mine

I use to think three was a crowd
Slowly you came into our lives
Quickly you stole our time
When you are around
Hours turned into minutes
Every weekend wasn't long enough
How I long for those times