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Jul 2015 · 423
Relapse
Alex Podolski Jul 2015
I walk in and sink to my knees
You still have that affect on me
"No."
"Please."
"Stop."
I hate how you make me feel. Still.

I can feel your hand at my throat.
There is no anticipation now.
No pleasure.
No regret.
Just bitterness.

I hate that you're happy.
That you have everything you wanted.
I wish you still wanted me, just so I could take it away.
I want you to be as miserable as I am.
Do you remember what that felt like?

I do.
I never loved you.
I loved your misery.
Aug 2014 · 591
Orion's Belt
Alex Podolski Aug 2014
Jaime burrows her toes deeper into the sand.
She watches the sun sink slowly into the skyline,
it’s colors melting on the surface.
Waves churn,
blackness upwells.

It’s her third day on the beach,
her third day watching the color change.
She takes three deep breaths,
contemplating whether she should try to shake off the sand,
or stay sugar coated.

She stands,
takes three steps to the waters edge,
and sticks her sandy toes in the surf.
As silt swallows her feet,
she begins to sink.

She takes three more steps,
foam clinging to her calves.
The sand shifts beneath her feet, but it holds.

Suddenly, she stoops down,
scooping handfuls of water onto herself.
Sand streaks down her arms;
the hem of her dress clings to her legs.
She should sit.

Instead, she takes three more steps.
As her dress floats around her thighs,
she lifts her head, searching.

A wave slaps her back.
Soaked, she stumbles.
Another wave surges.
Her dress snags on the current,
she slips.

The salt stings, but she doesn’t struggle,
except to see three stars as she slips beneath the surface.
Jan 2014 · 647
Artificial Light
Alex Podolski Jan 2014
I tried to hide behind bright smiles, bright eyes
Thinking of the lies I’d tell tomorrow
Suddenly your love took me by surprise

I’ve found happiness is the best disguise
So few tend to question sorrow
I tried to hide behind bright smiles, bright eyes

The moment we met, you saw through my lies
No time to discern between friend or foe
Suddenly your love took me by surprise

Though time together is difficult to characterize
Moments with you begin to make me glow
Still, I try to hide behind bright smiles, bright eyes

Yet I find myself willing to sacrifice
Open my heart, let my emotions flow
Suddenly your love takes me by surprise

Time and again, I try to compromise
You force my eyes open, to see, to know
I try to hide behind bright smiles, bright eyes
I’m defeated by love, a welcomed surprise
Dec 2013 · 679
Fuck. I need you.
Alex Podolski Dec 2013
****.
I need you.
I know it's been said before.
I won't bother trying to say it one way more.
But ****.
I need you.
Dec 2013 · 499
Bubble Theory
Alex Podolski Dec 2013
Ever since you explained bubble theory to me, I've been more aware
Of bubbles joining and breaking
Of people joining together.
People faking.

I've been avoiding you.
For almost 24 hours now.
I was scared the next time we met, you'd have your bubble and I'd have a fence.
Only just now, I've realized it's much worse than that.

I'm raw.  Exposed.
And you're in your **** bubble.
I've let myself become vulnerable to you.
The damage is done.

I can't touch you.
Because every touch is a promise of what could have been.
What won't be.
A reminder that you shouldn't mean nearly this much to me.
And that despite all your pretty words, and they are just words:
I am nothing to you.

Even as I write this poem, I want to deny that it's true.
This is me, screaming that I want you.
And though you'll never see, I can't help but hope
That maybe, just maybe, when I showed you this site you took note.

Though I know sometimes it's wrong, being with you feels right.
There's this feeling that I'm trying to fight.
I'll do my best never to act on it,
But what I really want is to steal your first kiss.

There.  I said it.
And since you know me so well,
figure out whether it's better to kiss or to tell.
Feb 2013 · 578
Breaking Clouds
Alex Podolski Feb 2013
I broke through the clouds,
I transcended the storm.
All the while I thought I was escaping doubt,
Rushing with the wind back to your arms.

I found I don't need your refuge.
Rather, you don't offer me refuge.
You are the storm.
In trying to escape, I only became ensnared in your downward spiraling funnel cloud.
Feb 2013 · 1.5k
Mascara
Alex Podolski Feb 2013
I took off my makeup before I cried,
In hopes of preventing streaks.
Mascara is a tricky thing.
It hides between lashes.
Streaks are expressions of my pain.
Feb 2013 · 402
(Don't) Change (Too Late)
Alex Podolski Feb 2013
I believe in love.
Or I started to recently.
I haven't had the chance to tell you yet.
Now I might not get to.

I think I love you.
As much as I know of love.
I haven't had the chance to tell you yet.
Now I might not get to.

I'm so sorry.
I knew I would hurt you, but I didn't mean to.
I told you.
I just don't think you heard me.

Please forgive me.
I can change.
Nov 2012 · 911
Untitled
Alex Podolski Nov 2012
To the boy who crosses the brickyard with sorrow on your face,
Come cry with me.
To the girl who crosses the brickyard sassily tossing your hair,
Come strut with me.
To the guys who cross the brickyard arguing,
Come debate with me.
To the professor who crosses the brickyard worrying,
Come share your troubles with me.
To anyone who crosses the brickyard wearing sunglasses when it is cloudy,
Come hide with me.

Come fill me with your emotions, your troubles, your cares.
I am just an empty shell, waiting to be filled by those around me.

Let me live vicariously.
Alex Podolski Nov 2012
For a moment I was Cruella DeVille.
****
         Sultry
                    Sophisticated.
This time is wasn't your scent that lingered
In my hair,
                  on my clothes,
                                          on my breath.
I left it there.
I want you to notice,
                                   to comment,
                                                        ­ to realize
that you have no power over me.
Not now.
You can, but you won't.
Not now.
Perhaps later when your bitterness doesn't envelop me,
Like now.
At least this cigar isn't bitter.
In fact, it's sweet.
Nov 2012 · 444
Selfishly Giving
Alex Podolski Nov 2012
I give you piece after piece
But they aren't pieces of my heart.
The more you take, the more we grow apart
But the sad part is that you don't even realize,
That the pieces, though they once were alive
                                                                                                   are dead.
Slowly I'm becoming just a shell,
And although I know you only mean well,
I'm now just a shadow of myself.
I want to me, and I want to be yours,
But it seems I don't know how to be both anymore.
I'll give you myself in time,
and though you may initially think everything is fine,
I hope one day you'll realize I'm gone.
I hope you wonder when everything went wrong.

The sad part is, I won't even know what to tell you.
Oct 2012 · 2.8k
Inadequacy
Alex Podolski Oct 2012
I cried, but I didn't understand why, so I laid there for awhile in thought.
As I became one with darkness, I realized:
I feel inadequate.

I am smart.
You are smarter.
I am strong.
You are stronger.
I am stubborn.
You are stubborner.
(Not that I'd ever tell you to your face.
I've got to keep up appearances you know.)
I'm genuine.
But you are moreso.

So when I told you that I think I love you,
my feeling of inadequacy grew.
I don't want you to admit to feelings that are untrue,
but I wish you could decide if you love me too.

I can't tell you any of this.
You'll draw back inside yourself.
So I'll continue to hide it.

I hope I don't shrivel up and die.
Alex Podolski Oct 2012
People like to bother me because I am short.
They don't realize that though my physique may be small,
I'm short when I'm angry.
There is no use for flowery, flowing phrases.
I say what I mean, or at least what I mean for the moment.
I hope to hurt you, but only for a second.
I don't realize words are stoves,
                                                          though you touch them briefly, they leave burns.
Don't burn me.

— The End —