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Alex Podolski Jul 2015
I walk in and sink to my knees
You still have that affect on me
I hate how you make me feel. Still.

I can feel your hand at my throat.
There is no anticipation now.
No pleasure.
No regret.
Just bitterness.

I hate that you're happy.
That you have everything you wanted.
I wish you still wanted me, just so I could take it away.
I want you to be as miserable as I am.
Do you remember what that felt like?

I do.
I never loved you.
I loved your misery.
Alex Podolski Aug 2014
Jaime burrows her toes deeper into the sand.
She watches the sun sink slowly into the skyline,
it’s colors melting on the surface.
Waves churn,
blackness upwells.

It’s her third day on the beach,
her third day watching the color change.
She takes three deep breaths,
contemplating whether she should try to shake off the sand,
or stay sugar coated.

She stands,
takes three steps to the waters edge,
and sticks her sandy toes in the surf.
As silt swallows her feet,
she begins to sink.

She takes three more steps,
foam clinging to her calves.
The sand shifts beneath her feet, but it holds.

Suddenly, she stoops down,
scooping handfuls of water onto herself.
Sand streaks down her arms;
the hem of her dress clings to her legs.
She should sit.

Instead, she takes three more steps.
As her dress floats around her thighs,
she lifts her head, searching.

A wave slaps her back.
Soaked, she stumbles.
Another wave surges.
Her dress snags on the current,
she slips.

The salt stings, but she doesn’t struggle,
except to see three stars as she slips beneath the surface.
Alex Podolski Jan 2014
I tried to hide behind bright smiles, bright eyes
Thinking of the lies I’d tell tomorrow
Suddenly your love took me by surprise

I’ve found happiness is the best disguise
So few tend to question sorrow
I tried to hide behind bright smiles, bright eyes

The moment we met, you saw through my lies
No time to discern between friend or foe
Suddenly your love took me by surprise

Though time together is difficult to characterize
Moments with you begin to make me glow
Still, I try to hide behind bright smiles, bright eyes

Yet I find myself willing to sacrifice
Open my heart, let my emotions flow
Suddenly your love takes me by surprise

Time and again, I try to compromise
You force my eyes open, to see, to know
I try to hide behind bright smiles, bright eyes
I’m defeated by love, a welcomed surprise
Alex Podolski Dec 2013
I need you.
I know it's been said before.
I won't bother trying to say it one way more.
But ****.
I need you.
Alex Podolski Dec 2013
Ever since you explained bubble theory to me, I've been more aware
Of bubbles joining and breaking
Of people joining together.
People faking.

I've been avoiding you.
For almost 24 hours now.
I was scared the next time we met, you'd have your bubble and I'd have a fence.
Only just now, I've realized it's much worse than that.

I'm raw.  Exposed.
And you're in your **** bubble.
I've let myself become vulnerable to you.
The damage is done.

I can't touch you.
Because every touch is a promise of what could have been.
What won't be.
A reminder that you shouldn't mean nearly this much to me.
And that despite all your pretty words, and they are just words:
I am nothing to you.

Even as I write this poem, I want to deny that it's true.
This is me, screaming that I want you.
And though you'll never see, I can't help but hope
That maybe, just maybe, when I showed you this site you took note.

Though I know sometimes it's wrong, being with you feels right.
There's this feeling that I'm trying to fight.
I'll do my best never to act on it,
But what I really want is to steal your first kiss.

There.  I said it.
And since you know me so well,
figure out whether it's better to kiss or to tell.
Alex Podolski Feb 2013
I broke through the clouds,
I transcended the storm.
All the while I thought I was escaping doubt,
Rushing with the wind back to your arms.

I found I don't need your refuge.
Rather, you don't offer me refuge.
You are the storm.
In trying to escape, I only became ensnared in your downward spiraling funnel cloud.
Alex Podolski Feb 2013
I took off my makeup before I cried,
In hopes of preventing streaks.
Mascara is a tricky thing.
It hides between lashes.
Streaks are expressions of my pain.
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