Morals are learned
from the person that means the most to you in your life
She taught me how to live
regardLESS of what others thought
she taught me how to be one of the others
and let people live how they want to
REGARDless of what I think.
she taught me to shoot for my dreams
no matter how big or small.
Be outspoken but not too.
be nice and sometimes too much.
cherish every moment no matter how sad.
keep calm and cook on.
she taught me how to do something for someone
that someone mostly being her.
She taught me to take people in as if they were my own.
Care for them
feed them
house them.
she taught me to search and find remarkable people.
She is remarkable.
She cares for the earth and the continuation of the human race
more than any mother or father loves their child.


She's getting up there in the ages.
old as the dust bowl
old as Woodrow Wilson through Barack Obama
old as the true spirit of Council Grove
She started Council Grove as far as I'm concerned.
She can and will live as long as I am alive.
I will continue my life for her.
I will stop being mean for her
I will never attempt to allow the world to end for her.
She did it for not only me,
but her son
her daughters
her grandsons and granddaughters
her family that isnt of the same blood
and even for you,
The clueless reader.
Let me break it down for you
so you know what I say is true
Helen Judd made a ******* difference.
How about you?

The possibilities are endless.
of how to live
how to breathe.
I only know my way.
My way to live
to breathe.
Day by day.
night by night.
never gonna stop.

I
am on the way to recovery.
never cured
but always getting better.
But beginning to recover from this
is like beginning to run a marathon
It feels like
I will never reach the end
Oh!
The end
the end sounds so sweet.
I can feel it!
I can reach it!
I'm 4 steps
just feet away
But then I remember why I'm running
I see her face in my head
I snap out of it.
And I appear
back at the starting line.

I am high on forever
and counting.
Time is of the
essence of life
but not when you're high
on forever
and counting.
forever is not
just something you can blow off.
It is not for never
it doesnt stop
it is not time.
It's forever.
Like my feelings for you.
my friendship
is forever
and counting.

sitting here makes me realize
all the things I could be doing
if I wasn't sitting here

If I wanted to,
I could go outside,
walk around a bit.
I could go to my car
drive to the airport
and go anywhere in the world.
There is no greater feeling
than being in an unfamiliar place,
not knowing where or how
you are going to
eat
sleep
talk to.

It is scary but its exciting
isn't it?
you might become a different person
one who is better
now that you know how to survive
in unfamiliar ground.
you might just find happiness.
you might find sorrow
you might never want to go back.
Thats where I am at.
Im happy and I never want to go back.
But I want to go see what else
Is out there for me.

If something is really bothering you,
god will not save you
you CAN pray,
but whats the point when
the only true thing that will make you satisfied
is never having that thing happen
in the first place

since that will never happen,
you should just give up.
it sounds bad
but it is the only true thing to do
to get your fears and bad thoughts
away from you

if you want to still be alive,
make a ******* friend
you cant find happiness after losing someone,
until you fill that gap with someone else.
dont pray.

That

Does

Nothing

you might feel better for a second or so
but once you realize that that person is not doing what you prayed for,
you will see like me.
and never go back

If you insist you must,
pray for me,
it wont make me feel better
but if it makes you think
that i am loved more
or that god will save me,
that god will make me see the light,
do it.
I dare you.
See if it helps me.

For Who left me
never in solitude
but in gratitude of me
for helping them in their troubles.

Though I moved away,
You left me
my mind
Here
To die and rot
or to live and thrive

You cared so much
about what was happening around you
you never seemed to see me

I am right HERE
never ceasing
never leaving
never escaping the opportunity
for you to fall back into me

I know it will never happen,
but hey,
we both know what lying is all about right?