One day I'll be better, and smarter and more loving
One day I'll be stronger, and resilient and noble
One day I'll be open, and honest and comforting
One day I'll be daring, and rebellious and wild
But right now, right here, today
I'm ******* ******

Human breath is such a basic thing;
In, out
In, out
It's simple,
Essential
But what if I told you I didn't want to breathe?
Would you think me strange?
Crazy?
Pathetic?
But what if I told you I wasn't worth it?
The oxygen,
The space,
The waste

I am the obsessive;
The organised and irrational
I am the compulsive;
The repetitive and pedantic
I am the anxious;
The cautious and paranoid
I am the sleepless;
The exhausted and restless
I am the dejected;
The alone and scarred
I have issues;
This is my cry for help

We lost all that we had
to a boy who lost his life
We gave all we had ever wanted
to a boy that would soon die
We lived a life of sin
to give a boy all we could give
Now he's dead and gone
and I'm counting what we're left with

To be free of this beast,
And his weight on my chest
To cut off these chains,
And their grip on my wrists
To let this hope dwindle,
And leave me with tears
I will do anything,
anything,
As long as I'm not here.

There is nothing better,
Nor truer or safer,
Than somewhere where no one is odd
We're all the same here,
Extroverts and introverts alike
United in force and a thousand strong,
We all sing the same lyrics,
Scream over the same shredding guitars,
And dance to the same drum
Boom. Boom. Boom.
I'm home.

I hate you anxiety
I hate you with everything that I have;
Every tear and scar
Every broken heart and shattered fragment
I hate you anxiety
I hate who you make me;
Timid and reserved
Lifeless and trembling
I hate you anxiety
I hate what you take away from me;
Every smile and laugh
Every happy memory and photograph
I hate you anxiety
Because you've embedded yourself within me so deep
I'm not sure the old me is here anymore
I don't smile or laugh
I don't grasp opportunities
I shake and cry
I hide and make excuses
I can't breathe or function
I can't even pretend anymore
I hate you anxiety 
Because you're ruining my facade;
You're breaking me open and leaving me dry
You're destroying me piece by piece
And I'm too scared to stop it;
Go figure.