i hate you. i hate your eyes, how they seem so big but get really small when you laugh or smile. i hate your smile, how big it is when you're laughing. i hate your hair(how u spike it once in a great while then just let it grow out and lay flat on your head) i hate your laugh(its different every time) i hate your hands, the fact that you have calluses on them from working out. i hate the way you dress, you used to be skater but now since you're on varsity you dress **** cause you think you're cool. i hate your room, the color of your walls are terrible. i hate the way you walk, with your nose in the air and your little bounce with each step. i hate the way you talk, the tone of your voice. i hate your car, the way it suits you but its so girly. i hate how we met, how cute it was. i hate the story of how we started going out, people think its adorable but all it does now is ruin my day. i hate how you treat me nowadays, how i might as well be an average face in the sea of people, not meaning anything, not even a glance as you walk by and talking to me at least as possible(short and annoyed) i hate how fast you moved on, the day we officially broke up you went over there. how you call her baby and yr one and only. the weird thing about one and only's is that there's only one one and only. I hate that you were so perfect, you treated me like a princess and i didn't appreciate it. I hate how i changed you and how you've changed. I hate that you say you feel a certain way and how you know you act differently. i hate that you tried so hard and acted like nothing was different after we broke up and wen we went on our one year date. i hate that you wrote me that book as a gift and that it was like 16 pages long. i hate that i read it like every single day after we broke up the second time. i hate that you gave me any gifts at all while we were going out. I hate that you wrote the memo book and how we wrote back and forth to each other. i hate that you tried to make everything better when you knew something was completely and utterly wrong when we were in the process of breaking up. i hate the way you used to stare into my eyes and smile, the gaze never seemed to end but i didn't seem to mind, even though i started to blush. i hate the way you used to hold my hand. i hate the way you comforted me when i was upset, how close you held me. i hate how warm you always are and how safe i feel when I'm with you. i hate that you came to my brothers graduation party. i hate that you used to look happy when you saw me and i hate that you never do when you see me now. i hate that you gave us another chance. i hate when you say ill always care about you. i hate when you say that we can just be friends right now. i hate when you say that u don't know what "us" of there is left. i hate that you're throwing the closest bond I've ever had with someone away. i hate that you're so sorry for everything you've done to me but keep making it worse. i hate it when you kiss her, it makes me stomach burn and my heart shrivel up and die. i hate that you probably feel the way towards her that you used to feel towards me. i hate that you love everything i hate about her. i hate when you defend her, as if she's the victim. i hate that you're feeling like this towards her so quickly. i hate how you are with her. you're a completely different person and everyone sees it but you. i don't even recognize your personality anymore.i hate that you don't want anything to do with me. i hate that your parents love me, because i love them and seeing them reminds me of how happy i was when they used to consider me part of the family. i hate being in my house, because there are so many memories within each square inch. i hate all the memories, every single one of them. i hate that they're burned in my mind and they won't go away. i hate all the plans we made for the future together. i hate that i know little facts about you and that i can tell what you're thinking by the look in your eyes or by anything at all. i hate that we were each others first, because now there is apart of me that you will always have. i hate your kiss, how soft it is. i hate that you're terrified to be anything else besides what we were, perfect. but the truth is, nothings ever perfect, people change, but if you truly love someone and want to be with them you adapt because you refuse to lose them. if you can't or refuse to do that, then maybe what we had was never as perfect as we thought it was, or even relatively close. I hate that I'm the only one trying. i hate that you want me to be happy, even if it involves me being with someone else. i hate how easy it is to love you. i hate that no one will ever compare to you, that nothing will ever compare to us. i hate that i will always love you, but what i hate the most is that you ever loved me at all. but weirdly, the only thing i'm able to accept is that you will read this and not even think twice about it or reply.

i never thought my life would turn out this way
never thought that i would be controlled by someone else
never thought i could be in so much pain from just seeing someone
never thought my heart could pound so hard from a single thought
never thought i would be so uncertain
never thought i could be so betrayed
never thought i could feel so empty
never thought i could hurt so bad
never thought i would actually have to check if my heart was still beating
never thought there was a chance i could never be repaired
never thought i could feel so weak as i was getting stronger.
never thought that it would all turn out this way by meeting you....

i wonder why it's so hard to forget,
when that's the one thing in the world i would give anything to do.
i wonder what i did,
to make you act as cold as you do.

My heart no longer functions as it should,
whatever pieces are left of it pump endless pain.
it circulates it through every vein in my body;
its driven me insane

now that your gone
i see it all, it does nothing but amplify it
do you really think i deserve this?
and if not, then why do u inconsiderately intensify it?

i look back in regret,
they all told me you were perfect and i made a mistake.
i tried to fix it,
but all you did was dangle your heart like bait.

i want someone to hurt you,
make you die the way i do.
but my biggest mistake doesn't justify
the hell you've put me through.

is it possible to feel so weak,
while you're supposedly growing stronger?
i want this hurt to end
i can't handle it much longer.

you may be with her now
and your personalities might click
but we'll always be each other's first loves
no matter where our feelings may sit

someday you're gonna look back
and have to live with the guilt of what you've done.
but the only difference between ours will be,
the weight on your conscience won't be able to be undone.

and so i sit here and wait
for this hurt filled nausea to subside
yet even though i hate you,
you've never left my mind.

and so my biggest fear,
now that you've pulled the trigger on the gun;
is that if you call in the future,
will i fall into your arms or run?

im not thinking of you, i promise.
i cant be thinking of you, i wouldn't dare.
because if i were thinking of you i would think of everything.
i would ruin all the healing i have done and refresh the feelings.
i would think of all the memories we have
and every detail of our history together.
i would think of how perfect we were.
i would think of how happy we were and
how this time last year, everything was completely different.
but if i were thinking of you, which im not, i would also think of pain.
i would think of how you broke my heart and ran it over with your car.
i would think of how you completely threw away something so perfect
and tossed me aside like your ***** laundry.
i would think of how you didn't hesitate when you moved on
and didn't think twice before you made the decision that would lose me forever.
i would think of whether or not i cross your mind or if you think of me as often as i think of you.
So if you were wondering if i was thinking of you, don't worry, im not.
i promise.

I don't know anything anymore.
I'm sick of this feeling and im sick of you.
If you ever call me another cutesy nickname
i will punch you in the face

If you ever try to come back after you realize no one will ever love you like i have,
i will slam the door
Don't even think about bringing up old inside jokes,
i will have forgotten them by then, ive already began to

Forget about trying to fix things cuz you know we're meant to be together,
you can only try to fix something so many times until its completely broken.

You're insane if you think we get past this,
even if i do forgive there will be no forgetting
Don't bother saying "i miss you"
because all i've been doing is running away, i can't wait to move away from you

But the worst thing you could possibly say is " i love you"
because im not completely sure yet if this wall i'm trying to build against you will still be standing.
As much as i wish you could be standing on my porch right now on your knees, my door's been open too long and the best thing for me is to turn the lock.

I'm done standing around waiting for this miracle that will never happen.
"Love is like glass, sometimes it is better to leave it in pieces rather than trying to put it back together"
There is a line between being friends and always being there for you.
It is a fine line, but a line none the less.
You drew it with an ink of lies and coldhearted decisions.

Love is like a mirror
it reflects truth and it hides nothing
you find yourself in it

But after awhile, you grow tired of the same old reflection,
So you break it, shatter it, hoping its for the best

Soon you realize compared to life without it, you long for it again,
to see that reflection, where everything made sense

So you try to piece it back together,
With each piece of glass it feels more and more like home, yet the cracks are still there.
It seems slightly different, though you press on, hoping for the best.
In return all you get are cuts and scars, and nothing you do seems to help

Finally, you realize it's not even worth it
The pain of the cuts are not worth the comfort of the reflection you used to know.
You have no other choice than to give up and to walk away

Now you wish you could just go back in time
and stop yourself before you tried to fix things.
Tell yourself to just leave it there shattered,
Because the damage you were left with is much worse than
the damage you initially caused.

Like a black hole, you **** me in.
My curiosity pulls me leads me,  just to find out where i might end up.
Even though i will regret it, i can't help hoping you will take me somewhere i've been hoping for.

My nine lives are running thin, so tell me why i still jump from my highest peak?

The ones I love warn me to steer clear,
but there is something irresistibly charming about you,
whispering in my ear to throw myself into unpredictable nothing-ness
Almost implying my life will feel incomplete if i don't take this chance

Something always brings me back to you,
it never takes to long.
No matter what i say or do,
Your vacuum stills makes its way back into my universe.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains.

This blackhole will be the death of me.

Footprints may no longer be visible, but they are never erased
To move forward you must first leave and it seems my feet are glued to the floor
I know what's best and i know what i need, but its hard to accept that none of that involves you
If you're no longer mine what am i so afraid to lose?
Maybe because everything i do is in someway for you

I didn't break my own heart but i handed you the hammer
So many things made up in my mind are a result of lingering hope and vague words

Under my feet is air made of bricks, pulling me down making me weak for you
I find myself repeating like a broken tune
I know this means nothing to you, but i remind myself that it is one more minute i am spending time with you

I am counting every kiss, yet keeping my distance
You make my heart skip a beat, yet rip it in two simultaneously

Each and every time i move on there is not a day that i don't think of you
I end a relationship and instead of hurting over them, i fall back into hurting over you

i constantly excuse your intentions
i give into my pretendings, which forgive you each time without me knowing,
they melt my heart to stone.

Every single time I turn around to leave i feel my heart begin to burst and bleed
So desperately I try to link it with my head, but instead I fall back to my knees
As you tear your way right through me i look past pain once again

I see through your charm, but your smile sparkles like a ray of sunlight through water
And you can find me like butter on the floor

Following my heart leads me down the same pointless path
Yet i can't help but look for a sign pointing me in the right direction

Why do you steal my hand whenever I'm standing my own ground
You build me up, then leave me dead

How can you make someone feel your love when you're the only one still in it
3 years and still crazy for you