Hi this is Helen. I can’t get to the phone right now
because, well, I think I’ve finally found sleep!
So leave me your name, your message is important to me.
Just wait for the beep

…………

Hi, it’s Darcy…. Ummm I’m sorry I had to cut and run
but, you see, I’m nearly 16 and well Mum…
I’ve got to go there is a big bad world out there
to explore. Mum, I love you more

…………

Hi, baby girl, it’s your Daddy and I’m really sorry
that I have to tell you over the phone that I’m
not going to be here in six months, you know,
the cancer, well it’s grown but that’s enough
about me. What beautiful sights in the world today
did you see? I love you

…………

Hi Helen, I’m sorry I missed your birthday yesterday
And being your best friend and all I should have been
there, but well, you see, there’s this guy and he’s
super special and if I’m not around him I know I’ll
just die, what do you think of me with him, what
should I do?…. Oh, Happy Birthday, I love you

…………

Helen, this is God and I’m umm, really sorry I
haven’t been around much to make you smile
I haven’t been ignoring you but admit it… You
haven’t talked to me in a while… What I’m trying
to say is that if you just give in and take the bitter
pill I’m trying to make you swallow then we could
maybe start again. Hey! I’ll just ring you tomorrow

…………

Talk to the face!

Erase

Silent treatment
to silent screams
Pick a song
for me to interpret
and I'll play the game
but all the same
I'd prefer your mouth to open
and your words to spill out
from the hidden closet
where you hang your armour
Open up your armoire
and take your big boy ******* out
I don't usually allow
just anyone
to punish me, literally
but in the silence
the whip falls sharp
my silent screams
blend with the violin and harp
symphonicaly, it's a tragedy
emotionally it's a travesty
Physically a diversion
down the same old road
Ya are whatcha ya are
it's nice to know

Every day, the cracks in the sidewalk
draw my gaze, because, not because
I'm afraid of stepping on them
but because I'm afraid of tripping
The cracks themselves, in terms
of wishes don't bother me
I won't ever break my Mummas back
It's how they seem to raise above
the norm of a flat surface to navigate
Trying to make this idiotic body
fall, just sprawl lifelessly, is the crack
But I am born of more studiousness
I don't want to look up from pavement
into laughing faces, amidst concern
gasping with feigned indifference
I want to fill each crack with perfection
from my heel, from my fingertips, clawing
away the empty earth that filters between
and settles, hidden beneath crust and dirt
I want to open the crack to study it's girth
to reveal what it hides, unseen
If there are worlds yet undiscovered
they are hiding in the cracks of the
Sidewalk of Life
Stumbled upon by one who wants to dig
and get their hands *****, on their knees
because they fell, laughing on the way down

don't think about the way he held you when he saw you cry for the first time. don't think about his smile when you turned around and caught him looking at you. don't remember the sound of his voice whispering your name to see if you were still awake at 2:48 in the morning. don't recall how perfect and warm his hands felt on your body and how gentle he was with you.

don't.

remember him shooting down your ideas and making a mockery of your opinion. remember how he called you pathetic in front of his friends and laughed as you tried to shake it off. think about how he told you that he was glad that you two could joke about anything with each other, after he called you a *****. realize the distance he created in the final weeks in the countdown to snipping the thread that delicately bound your heart to his.

remember him telling you that he never loved you. remember him treating you like a child, remember him calling you beautiful only when you laid on your back on his rough flannel blanket, staring at the ceiling until he decided he was satisfied.

remember waiting for him to text you and call you and talk to you, remember him ignoring you and making you feel worthless.

don't remember how his eyes sparkled when the sunlight hit them in the right spot. don't remember him pulling you close for a kiss.

(i was only in love with the idea of you)

I ran across the car park as the train pulled away.
The wind blew into my face and made my eyes water
And with it came the smell of hot oil and metal
That stung my nose
And it lifted me.
It picked me up
And placed me on the platform at Southampton station
8 in long socks and a blazer.
Holding my mothers hand
The station master grinned and sweated,
Grime on his forehead
Smoke on his breath.
He pulled off the cap
And the cylinder gushed
A cloud of ***** steam across the concrete
And I hopped back as it touched my legs
All aboard! All aboard!
Pushed forward
I stepped up
Looked up
And eyes smiling he lifted me
Across the gap at Southampton station
Unsteady as the train shuddered
My hand clung to the rail
Through the door I faced a forest of legs
And black shoes
And briefcases
People were so much bigger then.
I turned
And through the doorway
She seemed so much further away
She waved and blew a kiss
And I just stared wide eyed
As the station slipped sideways
And the gaunt faces of the other passengers
Became a blur.