this heart of mine
she said it is no use
she is stuck haunted and taunted
by an ex flame
use to the abuse non physical all demanded and mental
wish i understood
single life once again
shattered hearts
duct tape
sewing needle and thread
  wish i understood this heart of mine
  from the past
no reason to mend  tape falls off, and i cant sew
leave it shattered on the floor
this heart of mine
she said it is no use
she is stuck haunted and taunted
by an ex flame
use to the abuse non physical all demanded and mental
wish i understood

taking a break more stuff on my plate that needs sorted through.

However,  a friend of mine Mara Kennet look her up she is in here.
is a poet, writes childrens books, writes and produces  plays in Russian and Belarusian. She helped me write and granted mines not that great....
she is awesome ,If you understand  her languages she has a lot of stuff she has written. Coming from a friend you learn alot from her.

I tip my Hat off to you Mara  you are doing fantastic  , until later when things sort out once again. bye for now  
alan

from the past one message  in 21 poems
21 poems 6 thousand words
some shallow, some deep
no one can ever   go back to change these
but it   comes back to you in many ways
may be  in a flash or over a period of days.
even years.
nothing in order   ,  never is when  learning  new ways, and new things
  a lesson of what to or not to do  with this new you or me  
  each step is a new step it may take a few steps forward and a step back
and knowing  when to twirl    or to side step. or when to let go and when to catch.
it's a lesson of knowing  who we are inside before   the opening show
we are the writers of our own  and with that it takes time,   failures and growth  
from the past one message  in 21 poems
the message is different to everyone it may seem we travel the same path  each path is different in so many ways
from the past one message  in 21 poems
mistakes are made ,plans change uncertian dreams   but most of all just be you and welcome change.
from the past one message  in 21 poems
(start of   the new poems or writes) 2/22/2014 to the brighter future

I can't wake up
from this dream of everything grand until i take step
then i keep falling and falling
unable to grab hold of anything, unable to talk yell or scream
falling and falling
I can't wake up
I tried and tried
all I do is fall and fall
sometimes it seems so much easier to just end it all.
then maybe I can wake up from this dream that has encased me for so long
I keep telling myself you will wake up soon, its just a dream but the years pass by no ground in sight.
to talk but no words are heard , just the passing of the wind
as I keep falling and falling
is there no end , or am I just stuck somewhere inside a dream
I can't wake up I need to breathe i need to see it's just a dream
but I keep falling and falling
can't wake up

I stated what  has bothered me over time
always hear just do things right.
   it could have  been my blindness
or facing my dismiss

  some  poems i place  carried dust until i opened them
some still  trying to come up

but a blinded artist can not see the beauty he  can create
unless  he opens his eyes for just a speck of time.
nor can a  musician  play  if he can not hear  the melody he plays.
nor can a heart beat if it is closed to whats out side or the mind work  with all of its realm  to truely show whats inside.
   i am not always going to be right    as much as some has wanted me to be

  but i am a person who still beleives in creativity.
time does play a role  anguish and pain if allowed takes the stage
    i am a friend that truly cares but left  stuck in the background because of someone else..
  i am the starving artist  who has many times been told my work needs a gallery  so i give it away  to those  dear and close to me.
    and now i am just a distant memory.   so i
vent

2/10/2014

my appologies for the previous poem" why".  i have had mixed comments else where but really  look at it, thats what  alot of people see. it isnt about me or even you we are all different,  the biggest thing is  lets just get along. an no longer push people into a corner   or  push away because they dont do exactly the way you or i do. i lost many of friends on both sides of this .  my  biggest  part about who i am  is i  have a heart and i care , i would bend over backwards to help and  there are many who  know that to be fact. some  walked away  as if i did them wrong.   i started getting very frustrated and angry. i even put down my artwork for  a while ,   and really it never needed to be this way. so again sorry if i offended anyone i just needed to vent  
alan

Good Luck to  the worlds OLYMPIANS in Sochi ,Ru.
you are already  our winners !!!!!!have fun thats what it is really all about, the medals are the prize. Just being there is  an honor and life time experience.  congrats and good luck to all !!!!!!!!!!!

friendships are important to me
it's a window of endless possibilities
yet  i am different
i do not agree  with some activities ,
i lived around  druggies
and around the gay society
i am straight
I don't need these activities  to rule my life
it shouldn't
i am learning  we all are different
even then it shouldn't hinder who we are as a person
you say my soul has darkened because i disagree
no  it hasnt  i promise you that
everyone wants respect yes, but when i said no, or hey back off i am straight
i know no other way to say thats not my game.
then i become the hated or dubbed the hater so then i play the part
friendships are important to me
it's a window of endless possibilities
yet  i am different
i do not agree  with some activities ,
i lived around  druggies
and around the gay society
i am straight
I don't need these activities  to rule my life
it shouldn't
so why is it such  a big deal
for you to push and i am to stay quiet
why ..
i find myself the minority now
because i disagree with the lifestyles
the activities were hated long before and now they are the norm
why
my soul never changed   i just disagree with some activities
like you disagree with my  cigarettes and coffee
why



By alan spivey 2/5/2014