I beleive
  small things
are the biggest  things in a persons life..
I beleive
In love at first  sight and  also love at the third
I beleive
in  family is not always  from blood
but from  the heart of  special people who choose to be a part
I beleive
in angels
are everywhere, even  when times are down they are around
I beleive
in the sparkle in  ones eye
is the magic of ones heart
I beleive
a smile is golden
but  at times is has to shine from with in a persons heart and radiate out
  I beleive
in friendship
even from afar  may not  hear  from them often but just to know the person is there
I beleive
in miracles  
I beleive
in Santa and  his sleigh
I beleive
age is  a number of chances by the years count of the many chances to get   things just right to shine above the many failures to  step foward with success
I beleive
in myself
so that I may inspire others to  beleive as well
I beleive

Standing at Heavens Grace
                                                                                                                                                  By Alan Spivey

My horse and I  were riding the fence line  just as my boss ordered me to do, he said  “there’s a tear in the fence line somewhere out  there  we are losing our cattle I need you to find  the tear and  mend it be on your way .  Then get back here I have more chores for you to do” that was two days ago and still no sign of any tear.  My horse is hungry as well as I, and we both could use some water we are so dry.
  We ride some more tired and sore, still no sign of any tear.  Then I see something ahead we walk up to what we saw there is an old man sitting on a bale of hay alongside the fence line we have followed for days.
I said old man is you lost or something.  There is nothing here for miles away so may I ask   why are you sitting on a bale of hay?   I asked the old man, with that hay that you are sitting on may I give some to my horse he is very hungry, and could kindly use something to eat?  The old man said, “Son, yes you may.
I then said I am somewhat hungry in addition, would you by chance have some   jerky to chew.  The old man then replied back   saying “ son I have better coming your way stay here a bit rest  there’s buffalo  heading your way , but warning  there’s a white buffalo behind the one you are to shoot don’t shoot the white one, let him come to a rest before you take your shot.
  Then the old man got up and walked away, and then he disappeared just like that.  Sure enough just as the old man said the buffalo and the white one arrives I was amazed, I have heard stories about this   animal but I never once thought I would ever live to see it.  I let it come to rest as I raised my rifle to shoot the buffalo just ahead of the white one.  I took my shot just then the white buffalo started walking towards me and  as  it was walking it was changing when it   came to where I was standing it was the old man  and there before us was a table as far as you could see of food and drink.
For that was the day my horse and I had died and we were standing at Heavens grace

Memories, just faded memories
                                                                                                                                        By alan spivey

Looking out my window, Eleanor is playing on the old rope swing that’s hanging down from the old oak tree.
Mary is walking up the steps from going into town to open my front door. The horses are whining and ready to rest from their long   ride. The carriage so black and shiny stands there with pride.
The Calvary just passed on their way to who knows, since I can’t move to see what’s going on, my bones are crackling I am getting old.
Memories, just faded memories,
Eleanor isn't there  the swing has fallen years ago the old yellow ribbon  Mary tied  for her husband  who never came back home only a little piece  still shows on that old oak tree.  
My doors swing open and closed with the wind, my window has since been broken. I ..  I still see Mary and Eleanor but they never come through my doors or play on the old  swing.
They just fade away like faded memories.
I am  old my bones are crackling  I am falling down  more often for I am their house I am whom Mary’s husband made for her before he  went to war.
Memories, faded memories

Silence
Fighting to get ahead the distance is despair
No one listens or seems to care,
Push, push away arm yourself for another day
Silence
Heart lays burdened upon the floor
Let it be his lesson
Silence
Only fools choose to speak only for something to say
Meaningless as it may
Silence
Has everything to say
  Belittled and whittled until nothing left
Like the phoenix bird
Death is reconstruction, re birth
The fires of life shall be heard
From the silence of the night
Silence
Days turn to night where the fight is
Is it me or are you who seem to pursue
The anguish of the night
Or is it just me trying to survive
Silence
Unbearable but only for those who are right
But growth be as it might shall overcome in time
Silence
Who is right?
Written by alan spivey 6/14/2012

Talking to the inner child within

Hello, Self
I called your name many times and knocked at the door. You didn’t answer in the past so I figured I would try one last time. I am glad you answered this time.
I know you are mad and scared , I left you alone  as did the others, from the rush of everything I didn’t look back to see if you were following me, when I finally  looked back  you were nowhere to be found.
So I dropped everything and started wandering place to place looking for you, searching through people some good, some bad. Some people helped, some took away. So I kept on searching, I almost gave up when I heard a little child cry , I kept listening and listening no one was around, people left or walked away. I was feeling as if I lost my world. So when I heard the child’s cries.  I started looking  around still no child to be found then I sat  back down and put my  head in my hands   thinking looking around still hearing the child, closer and closer it seems to get. I felt my heart jump at one point something startled me.  The sound was coming from within me, the child and the cries; I started feeling the pains, the anguish. The remorse and despair was so thick trying to find you was tough the more I searched the thicker it became.  Then I realized what it was I was seeing the inside of myself , how can this be I thought then I realized  I let  things get to me over time, and let people hurt  and cause  me pain and sadness along the way. I wasn’t enjoying life or living a dream I was encased without escape, encased by those who pushed and shoved, demanded and scorned until it built and built a scar of hurt and pain. Work and work, do my say don’t think.  When I started doing my own thinking that’s when I heard   your cries.
It took me a little while you know and loss of many good people and help along the way, but I am here and have been knocking at the door for some time, and yelling your name; so again thank you for answering the door this time, I was almost out of ideas as to what to do next it would have been a long road back to nowhere.
  Can we talk? Would you like to tell me what is on your mind and your thoughts all this time?
If it is yes ,  get your shoes I know it’s been a long time since you have been out , and I will get you some sunglasses to protect your eyes until you become accustom to the sun  ,  but first as I kneel down  to  his level so he can see me face to face , will you  ever forgive me and accept my apologies for  all those many lost years  when you should have been   with me and not  hidden deep inside.
If you are ready lets go  we may even go get some ice-cream, do a little fishing ,play in the mud puddles during the rain and maybe even after; what do you say? Sound like a good plan. Play games,  lets meet people together  who knows  who or what we may run into, but I am here now with you and this time everywhere I go you are with me and if you are slow that’s find  we have plenty of time.  Come on lets  go see what’s  out there  are you ready  this will be new to you , let me see  it through your eyes this time where my eyes are weary you have  to yet see it all so maybe you will see something I have overseen.
Thank you for opening up the door. I love you

.

                                                                                                                       Written by Alan Spivey 5/31/2012

I didn’t leave to say goodbye, I left to stay alive
Every waking moment you’re on my mind, yes the distance greater
Way much farther; than what we both had planned.
Always come back we both have said many times along the way
Had I not left I would be homeless, near death. I already was thin skin and bone.
I didn’t leave to say goodbye, I left to stay alive.
Now you hate me, I question myself should I have stayed and died?
Or homeless, no work to be found for the cost to have a roof over my head
I didn’t leave to say goodbye, I left to stay alive.
I have stated and asked many times come with me where ever it will be my friend.
Come travel let’s see the places new to you and old to me, yet just as beautiful as our friendship is to me
Magic waiting in the leaves, I hope soon you will see.
I didn’t leave to say goodbye, I left to stay alive

Interview with the Tortoise and the Hare after the race
Commentator: Hare, you had the race may I ask what happened back there.
Hare: no comment
Commentator: but Hare? You had the tortoise by a mile   and as the day progressed, the distance grew shorter. Why, Care to comment?  
Hare: no comment.
Commentator: Ok   let’s talk to the tortoise maybe he can fill in the blanks about the race.
Commentator to the tortoise:  Tortoise would you mind telling us about the fine race you just won?
Tortoise:  Sure my pleasure,  but  forgive me I am slow and it hurts my neck to  look way up at you can you sit where I can see you  a little easier.
(Commentator adjusts   to where the tortoise can see him easier)
Tortoise: Thank you much easier, it really hurts my neck to strain,  any way you asked me to tell about the race.
Well I sure thought that hare had me beat he took off in a flash, me and my short legs  I couldn’t keep up, all I had on my mind is cross the finish line. I knew he had beaten me just by the way he took off from the starting line. But during the race there were times I saw him sitting on the side line talking to people or rummaging through stores along the race route.
I thought ok maybe he needs a break he is running very fast, then by the time I pass where he is at the time I passed him he was running ahead of me once again. Again I thought just get to the finish line at least I  can say I finished the race I can’t turn back now , see I am not a quitter: the tortoise states I was asked to race  against him, knowing he is  seven  times faster than I will ever be.
But something was driving me to continue the race, not to give up take pride in each small step my little legs gave me. Soon again I saw the hare sitting on the side line this time he was asleep.
Funny I thought this is no time to sleep this is a race he is surely faster than I am , he should have already been at the finish line by now I could see the  small red flag way off in the distance, why did he stop here when he is  only a little ways away from winning the race,  I do say I did have to stop  for a minute myself there as well. Poor legs are very tired at that point. But the hare never moved much less saw me sitting right next to him while I also took a break.  So I got up and continued to walk towards the finish line. And here I am the winner of the race.
Commentator:  so at any point did the hare say anything to you during the race as he passed you?
Tortoise : yes , well more he laughed at me as he ran past me and at times would say  : he won the race he won the race.
Commentator:  ok tortoise do you have anything to say to the people watching the race?
Tortoise: well, I guess:  never underestimate what you can do when you put your mind to it. And maybe
Focus on yourself and the task at hand, and everything else will fall into place.
Commentator: Thank you tortoise and very well said, and Congratulations on winning today’s race.
(Commentator to the crowd: ok I will try one more time to interview the hare to hear his story)
Commentator: Hare, one more question if I may ?  Would you mind please tell me your side of the race activities today. And how do you feel about the outcome of  the day’s events.
Hare: Ok , I will answer these two questions  that seems burning in your ears to find out  why the event as it be. I lost the race can’t you see to the tortoise so low to the ground .
How can that be I am faster than he? I passed him at the starting gate and took a break and talked to my fans along the way, then when I saw him coming I took off running passed him by   as if he was standing still     and as I turned around a bend in the road, I took a break and grabbed something to eat and looked around the stores, and bought a few things but I have to go back and pick them up. You cannot run a race with hands so full of bulky objects you know.
So when I saw the tortoise  coming near to where I was I started running once again  this time  I was sure I had won I saw the finish line not far ahead and I  had left a lot of space between him and I so I could rest  , so I closed my eyes  I did not know he had passed me and won the race so when I woke I looked around I did not see him so I was certain  he was still a ways behind me , I did not realize the time was so late so I ran   to the finish line expecting to win the prize . Only to see the tortoise was standing by the trophy.
Commentator: I am sorry to hear that Hare. Is there anything you would like to tell the people watching the race today?
Hare: Yes,  I am bigger and faster than the tortoise is yet he won the race fair and  with honor.as for myself I looked at my size as a definite way to win a trophy that would sit on my mantle only thing I wanted really the race wasn’t  anything.
And along the way I  spent more time  thinking and doing other things instead of focusing on the race ahead. I was so sure I had won and had time to play and chat along the way. I was wrong to think a tortoise could ever win a race against a hare
I guess pay more attention to the thing in front of you at the time, all the other pressing things can be dealt with after a race if it is important enough and you remember to go back to it. Slow down and stay focused I guess  that is what I am trying to say.

                                                           ­                                                   Written by Alan Spivey 6/11/2012