I wish I could pull you into my heart
so you could see
how beautiful you make it feel
how it has found heaven
here in this breathing moment

and if you could just feel this
this heart beating as your own
that never again in your life
would you have to question
what true love feels like
because true love
feels like you

You’re going to have to
break my heart soon

we both know that

and thats ok

I always knew this was the only path
we would travel if I dared walk it
if I dared expose my heart
if I dared tell the truth
of how I felt
how long I have felt this way

I hope you know
I will still feel this way
I will not curse your name
I will not be angry
I will not walk away
from what we have built

if I were to grow angry at your rejection
if I were to be spiteful
that would only make me a liar
that would only expose my feelings
as nothing more than a lewd desire

you are more than beauty
more than light
more than inspiration
how did fate cross our paths
how was I deemed worthy
of your presence

I am not worthy to love you

but hopelessly I do

and always will

even after the inevitable
breaking of my heart

I am frightened beyond belief
Of these feelings consuming me
My heart soars to your heavenly beauty
My Soul sold to hell to find the pain of your darkness
My body trapped by the earth between us
And all of me drowning in this raging storm
A bottomless chasm of emotion crushing down on me
So much beautiful love that every part of me hurts
And I'm terrified that I will lose what I don't even yet have
Your smile
Your touch
Your kiss
Your love...

And I'm afraid of myself
Im afraid of this impossible beautiful mad mad feeling
This crazy that paints a smile on my face while I sleep
A smile that won't wash off
Im afraid of this unexplainable and unimaginable happiness
That spreads through me at your every thought
I fear myself running
Myself denying
Myself hiding
Myself lying...

Pretending it isn't real
That it was all just rhymes
Of nonsnense and make belive
That I'll just turn my back
And disappear
That I'll slip into the arms of future regret
Because it's all too beautiful and I can't stop the doubtful whisper
Telling me I don't belong here
That no matter what I do
How hard I pray
Or wish
Or dream
Or hope
I will never know
Your smile
Your touch
Your kiss
Your love...

And that cold soft whisper freezes me to my core
And I tremble in terror
Afraid
Afraid to say
Too much
Too fast
Too soon
Too late
Too slow
Too little

I don't know...
Maybe I'll just cry
And never sing a lullaby
Or I don't know...
Maybe I'll just die
And never speak another lie
Or I don't know...
Maybe I'll just let it burn
And let it fly away like a bird
Or I don't know...
Maybe I'll just **** all my pens
And never have to feel again
Or I don't know...
Maybe I'll just go to sleep
And dream the whole thing again

Kiss this earth with me
for where you feet have walked
I have found that heaven is
where you stand upon the ground

For a brief moment all my troubles disappeared
And I fell in love as if you were here
But it was just a picture that stole my heart

You can see Heaven in the eyes of a baby
You can see Hell bleeding in the fields of war
You can hear Heaven in the songs of children
  laughing at recess
You can hear Hell in the sound of industrial machines
  tearing the earth to pieces
You can feel Heaven in the mist of the crashing waves
  of an endless shore line
You can feel Hell in the teeth of all the hungry mouths
  on countless streets
Heaven and Hell hand in hand
Heaven and Hell seamlessly integrated
Heaven and Hell walking on earth
But what if we feed the hungry?
But what if we healed and nurtured mother earth?
But what if we traded bullets of hate for seeds of love
  and sewed up the wounds and forever closed the fields of war?
What would we then have here on earth?

The spilling of ink
The scaring of paper
Short bursts of thought
To keep the mind from cracking
Or the heart from breaking
A slow procession of tears
A soft murmur of love
A fear brought out of the skin
A secret confession
Repetition of words
To sew wings to the soul
And let the pain go
In an ocean of blood
Another lost love sleeps
  in a graveyard of ships
A dull blooming flower
devours the hour
Time is sluggish and still
  when sitting on hands
But fast and fleeting when
  chasing the seconds that tick

Broken dreams and useless feet
I'm not half of who I use to be
But I'm still sleeping
Planting somethings old
  and somethings new
Not everything sprouts
And maybe there is
And maybe there isn't
A universal truth to clichés
Or maybe we're all just prone to
  making the same mistakes....
Over and over

The skeletons go marching on
The endless circle of war
Just obeying orders
Giving up the life's of our son's
  and daughter's
It doesn't matter why
Mothers need to cry
To keep this hate alive
Love and peace are used as an illusion
To keep the world producing
More bullets
More bombs
More excuses
To keep the skeletons marching on

If only I were him and you were her and she didn't live so far away and we were all too busy to write about and long for love because we were all too busy enjoying its beauty and living in the center of its deepest depths and our thirst never came from a lack of desire and it all turns cliché as I point out that we are only who we are and knowing that still isn't enough to answer the question of who are you but an endless dream of a kiss that I will never receive and I find myself sleeping and napping just to watch it repeat on the walls inside my marrow over and over again and again...

My last chance to rage
My ink bleeds dry on the page
My final last words

You are the devil
In my thoughts
The angel I want
In my heart
I want to be sinnful
Inside of you
I want your wings to save
My soul
I need  to be good
I want to be bad
I want to make you smile
I want to hear you moan
I want your love
I want your lust
I want them both
To feel the same
I want to cry out your name
And feel your weight above me
I want to see an endless love
In your eyes
As you look into mine
No more empty seas
No more lonely dreams
And all it would take
Is to ask the devil
To be beside me here
And accept that the angel
Has already taken control
Of my heart

How do we save a world that doesn't know it needs to be saved from itself or even worse just doesn't ******* care to be, a world full of people who are more comfortable with the idea of living with fear and hate in their hearts than the thought of looking at the world through kind and compassionate eyes, people clinging to old ideas passed down for generations and the latest religious fade and diluted dreams of national pride were no one is really purely this or that but all a bunch of mutts whose grandparents ****** on all the different continents but since their parents ****** under some specific flag they want to believe their better than some one else because their parents ****** under some other flag and it gets all jumbled up and none of it really matters because the only reason any of us are here was because we got lucky when we won that first race of our lives after shooting out of our dads **** into our moms ****** and that little miracle should be enough for us all to go around high giving each other our whole ******* lives even if it was just blind luck because lets face it we had no idea what was going on when that happened but somehow we lose sight of how strange and bewildering and beautiful the creation of each one of us was and how lucky we are to be here and between the then and the now we somehow let the precious gift of time go to waste on things that have little to do with what life should be and somehow as we have the opportunity to make the world a better place, a more peaceful place, we are doing the exact opposite, we have the chance to learn from one another and about each other on a higher and easier scale than ever before but instead of communicating with thoughts and ideas and dreams we let fear drive us forward and we continue to spread hate with lies and bullets and bombs and wars and there isn't any need for any of it but we stay complicit and turn the other way and we avert our eyes from the homeless and the hungry and the abused and the abandoned and we make ourselves feel less guilty by blaming the victim without bothering to hear their story because if we stopped to listen and stopped to look and see who they really are we might realize that they are more similar than different and that their lives matter as much as our own and we are all just a bad throw of the dice from life taking a turn for the worst and we forget that nothing in life is guaranteed, not its length, not its quality, not the good vs the bad, none of it, but we walk around as if death is on our side and we have all the time in the world and the world is crumbling before our eyes and we are at a war with stupidity and somehow we are ******* losing and all you need to do is look at the big orange baboon "running" America and the horrific people he's surround himself with and the hateful **** being spewed out of the mouths of some of his supporters... its nothing short of heartbreaking, I mean really ******* heartbreaking, from the tiki-torch carrying polo shirt khaki pant wearing white supremacist, who are easy to joke about but non the less dangerous, to the random people yelling at anyone who just happens to look foreign in a public parking lot, not knowing that their parents ****** under the same flag and in fact they have ever right to be here but you know why know the facts when its easier to hate and its all just too much to believe but here we are moving backwards instead of forward and I sure as hell don't know how to save a world that doesn't know it needs to be saved or doesn't want to be saved but for what it's worth I'm not going anywhere and I'm here for you or anyone else who needs to be seen or heard or loved because the ship might be going down but we were all born swimmers or we wouldn't be here in the first place so lets swim and remember how strange and bewildering and beautiful it is to be here and make the most of what little time we have left because a day or a year or decades will all pass in the blink of an eye and if we can't put out the fires let the ****** world burn and dance in the glow of the flames

Love poems are all horse **** or hindsight
it’s either all made up
or not realized until it’s walking away

and what an *** it has
so ****** beautiful

and we don’t see it until it struts away
leaving us dumbfounded and drooling
counting our mistakes
instead of sitting next to it
counting our blessings

Fly away little bird
My love is not a burden for you to share
It is heavy and dark and made of broken pieces of hearts and dreams
You have a much better life to live
adventures waiting
My life belongs to the desk and pen
The brush and the haunting blank surface
Grey colors and falls embrace
I know it would be eternal paradise
To spend time with you under both sheets and dreams
To breath in your scent hidden between thighs and breast
To wander hand in hand
Through the halls of your heart and soul
To feel your beauty flow endlessly throughout my blood and control my pulse
... sometimes fast... sometimes slow...
breathing easy through sleep
panting heavy inbetween dreams
kisses soft with hard teeth
bleeding slow
where fingers traced words of love
during torrent moments of lust
nirvana found under the razor tip of your tounge pressed against
the life seeping out of my skin
only fools would mistake this as sin
but its not the place for me to find or spend my autumn years
Your love has better days and things to do
I am only a dream away from death
Sitting at a cold desk
Watching lost colors drown out the corners of the surface once blank
Painting the last words of a dying dream

Just a figment of a dream
lost somewhere in a fragment
of my imagination
sold to a pound of flesh
for a heart of sin
and a love forgotten

and inbetween the this and that
of facts and reality
I drift aimlessly through the ocean
of blue and grey mist
in the spheres of your eyes
and wonder who was dreaming who

if none of this is real
and if you're not there
and I'm not here
what is forgotten
must have been remembered

and somewhere the devil
must be laughing
at the cost of what I do
by doing nothing
instead of daring
to become something more
than what I am

is it worth the price
if all I have left
is a figment of a dream
lost somewhere in a fragment
of my imagination

Momma..
do I have to ****...
momma
do I have to die...

Yes baby...

why?

For freedom...

what's freedum?*

It's an illusion baby,
It's just an illusion...

If there is any gold in my words
It is only because I stole it from the mines of your heart
If there is any beauty to my thoughts
It is because they came from my dreams of your light
No more reason to live
When I've died here in this most beautiful death
My heart forever yours in this single moment of eternities breath
Inhaled
Exhaled
Infinity passed and frozen in place
Never more alive for the dying
Never more inspired from the loving
Never more anyones
Than I am yours

The seven letters in her name
No other need to write
No better way to scribe
No purer way to compose
LOVE so lovely or as well
Than when I write them down
And dream of her

No letters could be gold
Other than the five you find
Hiding in her rhyme
So sweet with honeys blood
As beautiful and true

He knew when looking in her eyes
that heaven would not be
waiting for him on
the other side of his death
but he had already found
every cloud and every corner
and every secret nook
that heaven held
because he found it there
in the colors of magic
dancing in her eyes
and singing from her heart

I’ve seen you sitting quietly in the corner
of coffee shops and bookstores
watching the world turning all around you
I’ve heard the nervous shyness
in the soft sound of the words
you rarely speak and the words
that never quite make it past your throat

I know how scared of love you are
I can feel that fear in my own heart
we both carry that heavy weight
of having a plethora of love to give
and no one to give it to
or more specifically
being to afraid of giving it
whenever we find ourselves
desperately in love

why do we let fear sit so closely
to our hearts
if we never take the risk
of our hearts breaking
how will we ever know the joy
of our hearts being seen
I see your heart
I have seen your heart for so long now
that I can’t remember a time
of not knowing what it looks like
what it sounds like

I’ve been there ever time
it has pounded against your chest
trying to break through your ribcage
so it could give itself away
to the people you wanted to tell
that you use the letters of their name
to spell the word love

when you weren’t looking
I snuck through your sketch pads
I’ve read their names and all the poems
you were to shy to share
I’ve been that person for my whole life
unable to share through an unbearable shyness

I know how long you have been alone
I know how comfortable solitude has become
I know the comfort of silence
in a world that is big
on the ceaseless chatter
of small talk

I know you have a lot to say
I know you keep those words
locked safely in your heart
I know they are weighing your heart down  

If its not too awkward
you could let me share your corner
and we could read some books
and forget about the coffee we ordered
until it is too cold to drink
but drink it anyway
and sit still enough to feel the earth
turning all around us
and we could trade our hearts
for a moment

or a lifetime

and talk without saying a word
and learn each other’s language
and then I could show you
that I spell the word love
with the letters of your name

I want to give you the alphabet
and every syllable and punctuation and exclamation mark
I want to build you a stage out of the bones
dying to get out from under my skin
and watch you make the world a better place
a softer and safer place
I’ve seen you do it before
and I know I will watch you do it again

there is nothing more beautifully alive
than when you are up there on the stage
a slight tremor in your voice
as your hand trembles
holding that piece of paper in your hand
and with all the fury of nature you exhale

your heart comes flying out
and fills the room with such a gentle warmth
that it feels like a Christmas snow is falling outside
and the fire place is crackling and popping
and snapping inside all of us
and the hot cocoa is just about cooled off enough to drink
and we drink it all in

every painful truth you paint from your inside
every broken bone of your past
all the heartache in the ghost of the tears that haunt your cheeks
the madness in your sanity of pushing
and shaping your dreams into a better future
where everyone is loved for who they are
no matter who they are
and everyone can love who they love
no matter who they love
and kindness is the only rule anyone follows
and for every one person that has a hungry mouth
their are two people not just willing but eager
to cook a meal for the belly at the bottom of that mouth
and no one is homeless
because everyones heart has opened up
into something much bigger than a fist
and there is no stranger too strange
that we cannot invite them into our homes
and help them find their feet
and give them a pillow and place to lay their head
and all the cogs in the machines of war and industry
have been melted down
and minted into pennies for the wishing well
and everyone gets a turn to wish
and every wish comes true

now everyone
everyone do me a favor
put your hand over your chest
do you feel that?
That electricity
that booming thunder
that thing keeping you alive

that heart

that heart is you
and in that heart is the universe
with the power of every star shining at night  
and the heat of every burning sun throughout the day
and the song of every named and unnamed moon
do you feel it
do you feel how we are all connected
how we all need each other

how that heart
how that universe is part of us all

how we all belong
we all belong to the here and now

Skyward Fireworks
Explode against the twilight night
And every night
Inside my heart
An infinite love
Burst inside
My heart
For you
You are my
Only holiday
My every day
My only way
My one love
My true love
Is you

They say we must fight to have peace
we must be prepared for war
we must be willing and ready...

and I wonder...
where is the math
in what equation
can this possible lead to peace

where does a gun plus a gun
add a plane and a tank
drop a bomb
subtract a life
multiply the bodies by death
take a way the future
from the boys pretending to be men
minus the weight of blood
from the additional price of pride
weigh the value of the stones
planted above the freshly dug graves
count the number of tears
from the grieving mothers
collect the broken pieces of the hearts
from the children that will never know
the voice of their fathers
divide it all up
and let the wealthy enjoy the feast
provided by the misery we endure
as we sacrifice our children
to keep the peace

the peace...
where is the peace in this
what war was won
that defines this as peace
and who was the winner
who did the gods favor
on what side did death
cheer and rejoice in

how many graves do we have to dig
and fill over and over again
how many children crusades
will we watch before we admit

god ******

there just ******* kids
killing kids
our children
murdering one another

how long will we purposely allow
this ****** definition of peace
to perpetuate the hate
that keeps war alive
this ugly excuse that does nothing
but bury any path to peace

to love

to humanity
learning to be humane
to one another

fighting for peace
will never add up
to the end of war

There is something about the sound of the tip of the pen scratching along a sheet of paper as it leaves behind a trail of letters shaping words that build sentences that fall into lines and paragraphs to record history or sew dragon wings on the heart of a butterfly or confess love or declare war or rearrange the rules of chess as that small vibration that resonates gently from the scars being carved into the pulp of the page through the scalpel precision ink flowing freely with fingertips holding the blade softly as it travels and races against the blood flow in the arm and hits the heart hard and fast and soothes the soul and cools the temperament of the minds eye that is staring blindly ahead to the empty space still left on the page second guessing whats to come next from the sound of music and rage as the point hits and slides and lifts and soars and taps and pushes and glides and cuts and scars letters into words into fairy yarns and painted poems and broken dreams and lost hearts and open roads and dead gods and living sin and it all begins with something from the sound of a pen kissing its dream down on the heart of the page

Heart of hollow bone
And decaying flesh
The weight of love
Still floods within
No longer can the pulse be found
As storm and wind
And dream and cloud
Still rage and crash and scream aloud
Worms of dust and ghost cocoon
Rivers rushing honey blood
Desires passion bleeding red
Still anchored to this shore of love

No picture tonight
No sound tonight
No words tonight
I'm in too deep
Way too deep
Just one more look
Just one more listen
Just one more read
I'm too weak
Way too weak
So beautiful
So kind
So sweet
I mustn't weep
I have to weep

I miss the hard wooden floor beneath my
  bare feet
I miss the flying and fleeting moments of
  improved steps
I miss the unknown becoming known
I miss the repetive count that revealed the
  unexpected
I miss the music and the rapid heart beats
I miss the sweat and the blood and the
  aches and the pains and the heartbreak
    and failures and triumphs and success
I miss the stage and the stage freight
I miss the wings and the spot light
I miss the pitch black silence
I miss the roar of the crowd
I miss the life and the love and the
  feet that use to be mine
When I was part of the dance

She smelled of earthly verse
and soft scented lust of poetry
and her name burned
in the forest of the tiger
where pleasure was forged
from sins desire
and sewn into petals
made of flesh in shape of flower
and what god or man would dare
to venture and give prayer
to offer their heart to sacrifice
for the blessing
of the kingdom and universe
she keeps hidden
beneath her *******
where love is found
in the scent of her earthly verse
and lust for poetry

I fell in love in the wrong state of mind
I stared without looking
I fell without feeling
I dreamt without sleeping
Maybe it was the heartache
Maybe it was the alcohol
Maybe it was the grey smell of loneliness
Maybe it was the careless combination of all three
I don't remember now and I didn't care at the time
You looked at me the same way I looked at you
In that way that said nothing really mattered, none of
  it, and hell couldn't get any worse than this
So you took my hand and we left
And we went to places, ugly places
Areas not fit for the living or dead
And we danced without heartbeats
And we ****** without flesh, bones grinding
  in an empty abyss
And we got trapped in the lie of it all
And we did horrible things, horrible beautiful things
And we fell in love, with all the madness and the insanity
  and cruelty of it all
And it was the kind of love that lasts forever
That is until we both remembered that nothing really mattered