Why would I say such a careless thing
what right do I have to be so reckless
so foolish
to give you something so heavy to hold
something bigger than I could ever be
something I could not hold on my own
to give you this burden
and hope you would see it as a gift

this broken
this ******
this bruised
this used up part of me...

the boy who never speaks
the deathly shy one
always afraid
always trembling inside
the coward that I keep so deeply hidden
no one could know
he is the largest part of me

the quite one
finally has something to say
someone to say it to
the words that always
get stuck in his gut
and never make it up his throat
and out his mouth
set loose upon your ears

and why
what good could these words do
when passed from me to you
would it not be better to keep them
to lock them up
in the chambers of my heart
what could I possibly hope to gain
by giving you something

so broken
so ******
so bruised
so used up

when I know you deserve
more than I can give
better than I can be

is it to push you away
to send you out of my life
to make it easier to pretend
that there is nothing I want to say
nothing that I am
completely desperate to express

is it only to watch you break
what is already broken
bleed what is already ******
bruise what is already bruised
find no use in what
has already been used

so I can quietly walk away
as if I had said nothing at all
felt nothing at all
and go back to my comforts
of quite solitude

I pulled the book off the shelf
ran my fingers down the spine
and then up again
feeling the magic bound within

I wept inside with tearful joy
my heart listening to the happy songs
from the pages waiting to be opened
read intently
gazed at endlessly
and finally turned

I held the book to my chest
hugged it tightly
as tightly as a mother
hugging a child
she thought lost to war
a husband hugging his wife
afraid if he let go
he would wake
and find his wife
had just been a dream
a child hugging everything
and anything

this book that is as much of my heart
as my hearts own flesh and blood
this book
the first book that taught me
life and love are so often the same thing
in all of their beauty and joy
all of their desperation and despair
love and life
pressed between
and printed on
the pages of this book

a good friend
a friend from long ago
an old friend
that will never grow old

the book opens
and my heart applauds

The morning light only became beautiful
as it reflected off the soft skin of your face
the smile dancing playfully on your lips
the dreams still awake in your eyes
and what light could be more beautiful
than the radiance of the song of your heart

to witness such splendor
to be a spectator of such graceful miracle
if this is not heaven
the room you adorn with dreams
from the flowers of eternity
then there is no heaven
there is only you
you and love

I watch the sun sink into tomorrow
and remember when
it first kissed todays mornings sky
my youth lays behind me wasted
time killed
and all the numbers of the clock
dead in my blood covered hands
what a strange journey it has been
what a beautiful voyage

I almost drowned in a swimming pool
when I was four
or maybe five
pulled out of what could have been
my watery grave by a stranger

as an adult...
I almost intentionally drank poison

not that long ago...

saved by a storm
and a yard full of frogs

maybe I just imagined it
or maybe I am just lying
because I can’t remember
the whole truth of the situation
or just don’t want to admit it
but it seemed that over the sound
of the hard falling rain
and booming thunder
the frogs were saying
the frogs were singing

"don't go
don't let your heart bleed out
from what will one day only be a scare
stay a little longer
this pain is only unbearable now

stay

see tomorrow
it wont always be so bad
it may get worse too
we won’t lie

but stay

rock bottom isn’t always hell
sometimes its lower
the bottom of a bottomless pit
the sinking center of the heart of despair
an ugly place
true

but stay

put your head down
sink to the bottom
drown
stay down
until your ready
ready to come back up

the pain will follow
it will be part of you
sculpt it into a trinket
tattoo it over the scar it leaves
a note to remind you
whenever the pain becomes unbearable
it will only be unbearable for a moment
a moment that will feel like eternity
but only for a moment

every day of your life
may not always
seem worth living through
but in the end
all together
they will be
all the good
all the horrible
the blend of torment and comfort
we promise in the end
it's all worth it
it's all worth it in the end"  

a lot for frogs to say
there were a lot of frogs that night
and if they had not been there
maybe I wouldn’t be here
in this here and now
watching the sun
bloom tomorrow into today
and I’m glad
I’m glad I’m still here

we are just insects trapped
in crystalized amber
unable to move away from today
broken clocks strapped to our wrists
believing in something that doesn't exist
forty hours a week to survive
the illusion we've made out of life
blood and bones worth less
than the cogs in a machine
pointless spinning in circles
hamsters on the wheel
rats safe in the maze
happy to fight in a cage
over scraps of cheese
waiting for our beds
to become coffins
we sleep with lies in our hearts
afraid of our reflection
as it still holds onto
the last remnants
of a dying dream
what a monster we've allowed
the new american way to become
a false ideology
only ******* and breeding
to keep the all mighty dollar alive
love only a mask
and an excuse to avoid
the feeling of loneliness
as we become more
and more alone together
no one is left with the quite desperation
to walk the path less traveled
as we move like pawns
one square at a time
chasing the carrot on a stick
that will only lead us
to our death beds
with nothing more than a chest
empty of anything but a few crumbs
and like insects we crawl along
a moebius strip that only leads
to us repeating today
day after day

and there it was
playing out it slow motion
a flip book animation
of the white picket fence dream

two people so perfectly in love
it could only exist
in the paintings of a fairytale

and how strange to see
my face painted in this dream
to see such a foolish grin
plastered on my lips
to imagine myself happy

to see love once again
living and breathing in my chest
to feel my heart alive
to feel longing and desire
roaming in its chambers

if only I could be so careless
to abandon reason
to ignore my aging bones
my autumn years

to be so brave
to give into the hopelessness
of hopelessly falling  in love

to be daring enough
to tell the truth
to stand before you
to hold your hand

to hand you my heart
knowing you could not hold it
they way it is desperate
to be held by you

to let it get broken
and then to watch
every scattered shard
still sing your name  

if I were only braver
if I were only younger

maybe then I could believe
that a love this perfect
could jump off the pages
of a flip book animation
and find us both living
a life made up of the love
only painted in fairytales