I watch the sun sink into tomorrow
and remember when
it first kissed todays mornings sky
my youth lays behind me wasted
time killed
and all the numbers of the clock
dead in my blood covered hands
what a strange journey it has been
what a beautiful voyage

I almost drowned in a swimming pool
when I was four
or maybe five
pulled out of what could have been
my watery grave by a stranger

as an adult...
I almost intentionally drank poison

not that long ago...

saved by a storm
and a yard full of frogs

maybe I just imagined it
or maybe I am just lying
because I can’t remember
the whole truth of the situation
or just don’t want to admit it
but it seemed that over the sound
of the hard falling rain
and booming thunder
the frogs were saying
the frogs were singing

"don't go
don't let your heart bleed out
from what will one day only be a scare
stay a little longer
this pain is only unbearable now

stay

see tomorrow
it wont always be so bad
it may get worse too
we won’t lie

but stay

rock bottom isn’t always hell
sometimes its lower
the bottom of a bottomless pit
the sinking center of the heart of despair
an ugly place
true

but stay

put your head down
sink to the bottom
drown
stay down
until your ready
ready to come back up

the pain will follow
it will be part of you
sculpt it into a trinket
tattoo it over the scar it leaves
a note to remind you
whenever the pain becomes unbearable
it will only be unbearable for a moment
a moment that will feel like eternity
but only for a moment

every day of your life
may not always
seem worth living through
but in the end
all together
they will be
all the good
all the horrible
the blend of torment and comfort
we promise in the end
it's all worth it
it's all worth it in the end"  

a lot for frogs to say
there were a lot of frogs that night
and if they had not been there
maybe I wouldn’t be here
in this here and now
watching the sun
bloom tomorrow into today
and I’m glad
I’m glad I’m still here

we are just insects trapped
in crystalized amber
unable to move away from today
broken clocks strapped to our wrists
believing in something that doesn't exist
forty hours a week to survive
the illusion we've made out of life
blood and bones worth less
than the cogs in a machine
pointless spinning in circles
hamsters on the wheel
rats safe in the maze
happy to fight in a cage
over scraps of cheese
waiting for our beds
to become coffins
we sleep with lies in our hearts
afraid of our reflection
as it still holds onto
the last remnants
of a dying dream
what a monster we've allowed
the new american way to become
a false ideology
only ******* and breeding
to keep the all mighty dollar alive
love only a mask
and an excuse to avoid
the feeling of loneliness
as we become more
and more alone together
no one is left with the quite desperation
to walk the path less traveled
as we move like pawns
one square at a time
chasing the carrot on a stick
that will only lead us
to our death beds
with nothing more than a chest
empty of anything but a few crumbs
and like insects we crawl along
a moebius strip that only leads
to us repeating today
day after day

and there it was
playing out it slow motion
a flip book animation
of the white picket fence dream

two people so perfectly in love
it could only exist
in the paintings of a fairytale

and how strange to see
my face painted in this dream
to see such a foolish grin
plastered on my lips
to imagine myself happy

to see love once again
living and breathing in my chest
to feel my heart alive
to feel longing and desire
roaming in its chambers

if only I could be so careless
to abandon reason
to ignore my aging bones
my autumn years

to be so brave
to give into the hopelessness
of hopelessly falling  in love

to be daring enough
to tell the truth
to stand before you
to hold your hand

to hand you my heart
knowing you could not hold it
they way it is desperate
to be held by you

to let it get broken
and then to watch
every scattered shard
still sing your name  

if I were only braver
if I were only younger

maybe then I could believe
that a love this perfect
could jump off the pages
of a flip book animation
and find us both living
a life made up of the love
only painted in fairytales

How lucky am I...

just to know you

to be touched by your kindness
to witness your grace
to be struck with awe
and wonder by your beauty

to feel love once again
beating wildly in my heart

I wish I was younger...
I wish I was braver...

I wish I felt I could give
as much back to you
as you have already given me

you...
you who are much more than beautiful
much more than inspiring
much more than I could wish for...

dream of...

so much more
than my heart dare imagine

yet here you are...

smile warmer than the sunrise
wider than the moon

eyes carved out of the dreams
of the stars dancing
in the milky way

what sweetness pours
from your soul
what promise and secrets
live in your lips

how many lifes would I give
how many times
would I play the role of Romeo
to just once touch
the soft skin of your cheek

to know your love
even at the price of death

that would be no tragedy
no tale of grim romance

for who other than you
could be as perfectly beautiful
as every definition
known and unknown
for the word love

Our lives are delicately finite
we have so little time
not one of us
is guaranteed another tomorrow
and no matter how many times
the earth may spin on its axis
or revolve around the sun
the truth is
all we ever have is today

one long moment
one small breath of eternity
we are here
we are gone

photographs frozen in time
falling like leafs caught in the wind
all in this brief glimpse
of the ever after
happening all
in the here and now

insects trapped in amber
children building sandcastles
too close to the waves
fools setting clocks
trying to measure the time
when time cannot be set
or measured

our hearts are so fragile
a dangerous thing
to find beauty in
and if there is not
beauty in our hearts
there will be no beauty
in our lives

and what is more beautiful
in our hearts
than its ability to love
its natural calling to dream
to long
to hope

our hearts may beat in our chest
but our hearts also live
in the pulse of infinity
rise and set over
the horizon of forevermore

the one thing in our life
that is not brief
not short
is the love we can create
for each other
for our selves
for the world around us

this dangerous
this delicate
this beautiful world

though it is not always
so beautiful
not this world
not our hearts

as we often forget
how delicately finite our lives are

how wasteful we become
with the moment
when we forget
that they are so few
that we forget
that they are precious trinkets
that can wither
rust
fade away
in the blinking of our eyes
if not tended to
if not remembered
that they can only stay young
in the memories of our hearts

how careless we become
with the love in our hearts
that we let it sit still
that we leave it to stagnate
that we forget to share in it
live in it
that we forget we have more
we can create
always
beating in our hearts

forgetting is something
we must always be conscious
to remember not to do

for when the end comes
when life meets death
on the sidewalk
where we come to an end

it will be on a day like today
because in all truth
today is all we will ever have

She taught the sun how to rise
how to warm the day
how to fill the day with light

she taught the birds how to fly
how to turn the breeze
into a song
how to spread joy through the world

she taught the moon how to smile
through the darkness
how to sing sweet soft lullabies
how to comfort our dreams

and she taught our hearts
how to beat
how to dance
how to live
and most importantly
how to love

And though it may never be real
it may never come true
I can dream of you
and find a place
of perfect love
an eternity of bliss
where I hold all of heaven
in my hands
as I find all of heaven to be
living and breathing in your heart
and in all this ache
in all this longing
what pain could I not bear
to be able to love you
even if only in dreams