I've got eyes on every planet
weeping like watering holes, out of El Dorado.
only they're not golden nor heralding,
these eyes are wide and dilated
before a nameless, naked mistress with lipstick,
smeared between her inner thighs.

You thought that I was your special Siren,
a blind post script for your middle-class suburban soul,
with a girlish laugh and perfect teeth.
But, honey, I've eaten too many men alive in darker alleys
and I gave that up years ago because emptiness
only fuels the dead and I got sick of people
who never changed and always took the same way to work.

So please- dismiss those touching thoughts,
like some small school boy tardy to class
in the 1950s with knee socks covering scabs
and a case of fresh milk in glass.

Alas,- call off your self-designed verbal troops
for I am not your revolutionary cry, nothing you try
can protest the things I've been, willingly.
I should confide to you now that
Sisyphus, himself, already walked away,
with his head in between his shoulders and tears upon his cheeks.

Listen to me child,
I am no myth to be tempted,
Pandora opened my own box.

I think of all my problems.
I think of all my pain.
I think of all my sorrows,
Until I go insane.
I think of all the smiles I've worn,
Which hide sorrows underneath.
No one seems to notice,
That I go through so much grief.
My tears seem to keep flowing,
Inside my tired eyes.
Each time i want to tell you,
The words come out as lies.
These days I'm feeling distant,
Far away and weak.
My sadness pulls me farther,
From the happiness i seek.
I've just begun to realize,
That my hopes and dreams are gone,
I'm walking down a dead-end road,
Humming a tuneless song.

Depression is not sadness
Depression leaves a hole in your chest
Depression ***** everything out of you
Depression is not having a bad day. A bad day, a bad week, even a bad few months.
Depression lingers for years. There are no good moments. Moments of feeling "better" do not ever exist. Depression does not leave.
Depression will become your best friend
Depression will always be there for you
Depression is the tunnel with no light at the end
(Or at least, the point of view is)
Depression is not hope
Depression is not sadness.

Anxiety is not nervousness.
Anxiety is the sweat that bubbles to the surface of your palms
Anxiety is the clenching of your jaw
Anxiety is the shaking of your hands
Anxiety is not a few butterflies in your stomach
Anxiety removes your stomach
Anxiety makes you feel like it is not there. Food is out of the question.
Anxiety is dark circles under your eyes for months on end.
Anxiety is being over tired. Exhausted. But not being able to sleep.
Anxiety builds an Olympic racetrack around every part of your mind.
Anxiety then holds the next races there. Day races, night races, races that do not stop.
Anxiety is not one panic attack. Or even two.
Anxiety is not nervousness.

In between your ribs grow a garden of flora
Flowers bloom an sunlight filters through the bone
Every happy thought centers itself in your chest
And vines cage your heart
They cradle it and nurture it
Raising it up
So let's break that nasty habit, shall we?
Let's kick it to the curb
Pour poison all over those blooming flowers
Let the buds shrivel up and die
Nightmares swim through your marrow
Ingrained in your soul
And the sun sets in a rip roaring fire across your beautiful bony sternum
Darkness settles upon your heart
Cold air seeps through the skin
Your heart is frozen now
It's cracked in two
Your habit is gone along with the past and any emotion you've ever had
I wouldn't be worried or ashamed because
Because numb is better then feeling anything.

What a dark place our mind wanders to when we allow it to slip away from the blinding facade we portray.
The constant euphoria of a part of the world I so desperately want to be in-
trapped in the pool of contentment that this town urges.
I'm focused but drifting
      stable but wandering
      smiling but envisioning the smell of my suitcase when I dust it off and open it up once more.
Dreaming of a place far from the seat I sit in in the town I'm all too familiar with.
My body is here, but my heart is on the next outbound flight with no destination.

A smile on the lip
Tears in the eyes,
Scars on the wrists
A mouth full with lies.
A sad little girl.

The one who sits back the class,
The one that wears large huge bracelets,
The girl who doesn't speak
The girl that her eyes are filled with tears.
Her.
The pretty tiny sad girl.

She was tired,
She hates her life,
She wished to go to a new different world
She closed her eyes,
One two three four five.

And before everyone knows,
she was gone.