Disillusionment,
hope is burst, deflated floating to the frost bidden ground.
Grey is omnipresent here, there is no Land of Oz to drag you from reality;
just guilt just responsibility of a burden that was not mine.
To flourish in the dark is precarious, teetering on the edge of oblivion,
no safety net to catch your emotions as they swim in the depths of the ocean,
or shield them from the stream of logic residing in your currents.
Golden glitter sprinkled on my palm,your fairy dust is enticing but a drug I must stop.
The first step is admitting your addiction.
I have to give you up.
Let you go.
Put my memories somewhere close but far away.
Shake the remnants of the highs you gave me shining coins a midst the sea of dullness and focus on the downers,the lows that left me empty,wounded,
Blunted.
Often, I retrace our path that brought us here,our mistakes and trespasses  streetlights lighting up our way.
It's time.
now it's time.
I have nothing left to give.

Wading in murky waters,
I am unclean.
Skin discoloured,
My blood is stained.
Robin's tales
Heroism leaves no
change on this rainbow
of your Airborne life.
Blue widow falls foul of light.
I crave the sun,
but this cave is my cage
and sunshine is my prison.
Eroded hope weighs a tonne
breaking down my will
clouding my dreams.
Oh how I long to imagine,
Ideas be my bread.
Let me out.
The silence is deafening,
too many breaths
Let me out.
I long to dream the dreams of hope.

Hesitation enveloped me in bubble wrap,
My every word was watched in case it led to a trap.
You were in a cell I couldn't and still can't understand,
I reached for you but I was bitten
by two midnight hounds by your sides.
My faith you earned and so it was given,
from golden memories over time.
How I longed to storm the barricades,
and surface you up to the world of air.
Hammer in hand, break you out of reverie your frozen cave,
That embitters your veins and hardens you like sandstone not to care.
Will you forever stay a Princess locked in your own palace?
Letting armies of thorns cascade from pillar to post,
and draw blood from with that defensive line of malice.
I know you as more than this, than a wisp, than this ghost.
Meant to leave more on this canvas than a hand print my dear.
A full scale portrait is more suited,
But you've become what you once so venomously despised and held in fear ,
Any whisper of a conscience muted.
"Do  you love me?", you whisper,
And I - most certainly do,
But the more you demand it of me
The more it becomes less true.
So take away your armour and lay it for aside for me.
So I know behind it all you are alive and I was right to believe.

My love for you was boundless, it stretched from each corner of the earth.
I was blind to your faults, my angel with sapphire eyes.
A faithful minstrel singing praises of your worth,
Sworn fealty to you and I swore never to defy.

Yet your innocence was crumbling, left broken in your hands.
Happily I stood loyal by your side.
While I became less of an equal and more of a soldier to command.
Your valour slowly fading, now nothing to you was denied.

Suspicion took root in your once trusting nature.
Selfishness gained momentum
And swooped down in one quick gesture.
We your friends a corrupted sanctum.

But no matter how we sewn you up like a patchwork dress,
You lashed out with words like daggers drawing blood.
The seams came undone, the buttons flying under stress.
The more you withdrew, the callousness arrived in a flood.

Your fall from grace was longer than most
Up so high you must have touched  heaven.
But when you let life spear you and let the poison spread
I realised afterall you are a person. Just a person.

There I slouched,
hand barely supporting my head,
gazing wistfully at the sunshine, a midst study of the intercepts of ****** circles and lines.
Her condescending baby voice, wafted through the classroom like a stale stench.
Then you,
yes you,
starting pressing the calculator buttons so hard for one moment I thought you'd break it.
I pressed my hand lightly on yours and you met my gaze for a moment,
so in my supposedly light bulb epiphany,
I asked you for a spare pencil.
Your eyes lit up like my terrible idea,
and trouble was being spelled in your flecks of gold.
So, your hand reached in and very slowly lay
pencil,
after pencil,
until it covered the space between us on the gratified desk.
"Fourteen pencils and you can have them all" you said,
before that patronizing  squint swung in our direction
And the shouting began.

I do not need an altar,
or a statue to see your face.
It caresses me in the wildest winds,
shines down on me with golden faith.

As sure as my heart that's beating,
the same as I know night will fall,
when I lie in my bed turning and twisting,
to search for you, it won't be in the confessional.

I embrace you in my victories,
as I stand on the winners podium,
I will not deny, that I evade you
when Thantos corrupts life's equilibrium.

Your my hope that floods my veins,
the signpost that will guide me
The hand that held mine,that warmth,
when you brought me in love with that cup of tea.

Though I don't understand it
or your omnipresent divinity,
Whatever name you choose today,
which ever are the peoples trinity.
Just know,

I don't need a sermon
or sign to hear your voice.
I catch in the nightingales song, the rain like pelting notes on the concrete,
in the innocence of a child's first words, and,
when I hear it and I do
I cannot help but to rejoice.

I gazed at the world in black and white,
Always assumed I could tell wrong from right.
I could not have guessed what would change it,would be crazy messy
thing called life
How could there be a "misunderstood"?
Wasn't it one scale bad and on the other good?
I could not have imagined the blood stained knife being far from
clean as it should.
It's all grey,vast paint stroked grey covering the earth to the sky.
The light and the dark colliding to form who we are and all we feel inside.
I'll take my rose tinted glasses off and leave them by the bed and embrace a grey that surrounds us all to white and black I say Goodbye.

A light, like a faint glow
Flickers on with ever steady beat.
Unyielding though the wind threatens,
To end all with a single blow.

Scenes change, now on different template,
The same voices but foreign tongues.
Yet it stays alight, a bright spot
Despite frozen fingers, eager to end its fate.

Years pass, hundreds of arms
Surround the glow and it dims but never fades.
And in its neglect, in its shadows,
Locked away it stays,

A low-lit burn that distinguishes,
This place from the nameless cities and towns.
From when you first opened your eyes
Until you stepped on a white-wingéd falcon
And your feet touched alien ground.

You'll nest and make your own home now,
Different but familiar birds will sing.
Yet always a candle in your heart, never forgetting
Where you came from, where you first got your wings.

If love was blind,
we'd all stroll through life,
wearing rose tinted glasses,
faces worn from laughter lines.
We'd wear our hearts on our sleeves,
because there would be no need,
to keep barbed electric fences around
our fragile cores so they don't bleed.
There'd be a deficit of heartbreak,
No reason for our souls to ache
for the ugly monsters that rears their heads
as if it was the wrong decision to make.
Ignorance is bliss or so they say,
anger wouldn't seize control in the way
we lose our tempers like corks off champagne bottles
as love is blown away.
There would be no self destruct button,
we'd embrace the rancid parts of a person,
because what you can't see won't stain you
or strip love down to its origins leaving it rotten.
Yet I find love can be unconditional,
Battered,bruised and blunted
it can still flicker a flame in the embers
it defies all logical, an anomaly that's not rational.
When you feel this real tender love that is just kind,
whether its deserved there seems nothing that's enough,
to eradicate it's echo in the chambers of your heart.
A coin tossed wishful thought what if  love was blind...

One phone call later.
A swift valediction-
Volcanic silence erupts.
Animated adrenaline fires
through my veins
singeing like flames licking paper.
Just his voice,
his words have flipped my internal balance
and let the butterflies out of their cages.
So they fly,up up and up
around in perfect tea cupped patterns.
and I'm helpless just to watch their performance.
I don't feel like me,
More of a mysterious mirage that appears when you call
and when the phone clicks- it ends.
when I'm around you,
you my dear just you
I'm intrepid.

Even after all is said and done.
The war paint scrubbed off.
Family emblems desecrated into ashes.
What remains of us?
Simmering brass pots over roaring fires now calmed,
Seamless transitions from the fire of life to watery depths.
Scars that will never fade and marks that can't be erased.
No paint thick enough to cover up the pain.
We'll never know the stain, we leave on the earth.
That we might leave our blackberry juices seep into every corner.
It's easy to do,because we'll never know the hurt.
"PEACE" ,the seagulls scream, from one ocean to the next,
but we know better than to pray in vein.
For through white washed shutters we will see,
What we've left behind in our penultimate ******* heap.
Is this to be my friends, is this to be our legacy?

Let me go.
Please let me go.
Your iron clad thorns have struck too deep
and I'm struggling to free myself from captivity.
Have mercy.
I can't fix you.
For every time you bleed, I can't purge you of your feverish nightmares.
I cannot make night into day-your faith is misplaced in me.
My hands aren't made of steel,
I'm not whimsical, your fairy godmother donned in worn purple converse and a knitted granny jumper.
I've got more weaknesses than an Achilles heel.
Don't make me indestructible as I will fall,
and fall I will and you make the choice whether you add your chain to my link or cut your loses before you rust.
So let me go.
Let me go.

I know I don't tell you enough, that you sustain me
and allow me to breathe.
You are my shepherds warning and the peck on my cheek goodnight.
Your the heartening wholesome warmth at the rear of my mind.
Your arms are a welcoming sunrise after the night is endless,
and an immortal nightmare has descended.
I take you for granted like my drawn breath,
In the same way I know one second without you would result, in instant death.
You let me put my head on your shoulder,
when sticky shadows engrave themselves like tattoos on my skin
and leave a trail to follow that is the ugly stench of my sin.
I am forever indebted to you, for your constant stream of faith
Even when the firmest believers, suitcases in hand wordlessly have fled the state.
I offer you my little words of gratitude, though I know it will never be enough
to the love that you've  bestowed on me.
The love I did not earn yet you gave, as you picked me up and dusted me down and sent me out to believe.

Lying under natures blanket,
spelled the divide between our lines
Distinctive, bright guiding light
You burrow and hide to be cloaked in night.

Fondness may be your claws.
yet you don't follow the laws
of a constitution set in stone.
To be so gracious but you grace to be alone

Wrinkled star you dimmed your shine
for an less intricate fabric in the stream of life.
Naively seeking the movement in time
a dance to a blurred uneven keel
to somehow feel real.

Yet,your plastic thought erode the hope,
that was once your epitaph.
How are you so far removed,
from the bricks in my foundation?
You just enjoy the view.

Wading through the murkiness in search of your core.
I can't help but wonder what's it all for?

What's it all for?

We share blood you and I,
and have shared
golden pocketed memories, sticky ice-creamed fingers
back seats,smelly packs of cheese and onions crisps
and jokes about the two in the front arguing over directions,money- us.
Yet we couldn't be more polarized,
Your a young soul but your older,
you used to whisper scandalous grown -up things
and I  would swallow your information as gospel.
Under sapphire skies,
I'd follow you around just wanting your attention
and I know now how annoying it must have been
to have a whiny little sister wanting you to play Barbies.
And I won't lie,
I love you most days and hate you the rest
for all those times you'd beat me up(really just a punch)
and pronounce  me the Loch-ness monster and call me  fat.
It'll always be Love/Hate with you and I
I'm the chalk and your the cheese
but you make me laugh until my sides ache
and I know you love telling me the news of your latest exploit.
There's a camaraderie well that implied,
I've got your back and you've got mine.
we table tennis tease but we both draw a line
and we won't cross it.
because we share blood you and I,
despite nurture over nature
or blood is thicker than water
know this big brother
I love you as a person.

When I'm being weighed down,
by your heavy rain clouds,
I feel our time running out,
Is this our finale?

I feel like I'm chasing a ghost,
Tracing you along the coast,
a preciousness I treasured most,
What are we worth?

Recently,
I find time evading me,
like a forgotten dream
and I stand frozen in time.

I want to take a train back to Sunday Simplicity,
When I knew right from wrong ,
the distinction was easy.
So I won't circumvent, or pretend
that I want crazy.
but a crazy that's simple
and I know it's what you can't give me.

Casting astronomical aspirations into the perpetual abyss;
is like playing with fire and an arsenal of arrows
You can hit your target or by a mile you'll miss.
You swiftly fall into the trappings
of saving coppers for a rainy day
Unopened boxes still in their wrappings.
It's easier to look ahead,
Don't you dare turn your head around
to confront the lingering regrets palpable  instead.
Give me hope, future, give me dancing dreams
but I aim at the mountains zenith
and nothing is as it seems.
Blindly,stumbling into darkness
Hand reached out for something-
anything
to anchor me to this realness.
I ache to be the pioneer
for anyone who's hid behind
the pasts cloak and disappeared
To bow out of their performance before it's curtain call
Come back. give yourself a chance
to show them all-
that they were wrong
and your future is bright
because you
learn from whats been and throw yourself into this unwritten song.
So let this be my prophecy
We'll leave our stars more polished and repaired then before
To trust in tomorrow and hold hope dear
we'll make them see.