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Aila Natasha Aug 2012
Every time
I give you something
You drop it
And step on it
Kick it
Ignore it and dismiss it
So what will happen
If I give you
My heart?
Aila Natasha Aug 2012
Everyday I saw them flying
Heard them screaming
Cursed their noisy presence
Resented the danger they presented to my wards
The baby fish that I was charged with
One tourist commented that
"Kingfishers sure are beautiful birds"
I agreed solemnly (out loud) but privately I didn't agree at all
Didn't see any beauty in their white and grey feathers
Didn't hear it in their coarse shrieks
Then today
I was taken aback by a strange shape flapping and struggling above the water
It was one of them, one of the kingfishers
Somehow he had snagged his wing on a fish hook and was dangling helplessly
I saw blood and torn flesh, my approach simply made him more frantic
I tried to pull the hook out but it was viciously intertwined with the creature
My hand brushed incredibly soft and downy feathers
His eyes were wide with panic, his thin, powerful beak open in bleak desperation
I put my hand out to lift him
His black claws put pressure on my hand, relieved pressure from the fishing line
and allowed me to extract the lethal hook from his ruffled, ravaged wing
He flew, he was scared of me,
he fell back to the water
I was ready to save him but he was swept out of sight
I stood there thinking
How terrible for a creature of the sky to die in the water
How scared he must be to be surrounded by the wrong kind of blue
Sinking instead of soaring
Then I saw a kingfisher suddenly fly up behind me
It might have been the same one but I'm not sure
Logic tells me that it must have been him
But my heart remains sad
and tells me no
Aila Natasha Jun 2012
Firstly:
There is a balance
that regulates karmic disturbances.
If something good happens to you
inevitably, something bad will happen too.
The number of good things
is equal to the number of bad things.
One big good thing may be equivalent
to many small bad things,
but it all evens out in the end,
no matter what.

Secondly:
The trick is to learn to be content.
Not sad not happy,
simply attain a level of contentment
that you can reach even when you are alone.
If you have this foundation of contentment
you will never find yourself sinking too far
beneath the surface.

Thirdly:
Reject anything less than the sky.
Find the person that is the hurricane
to your rain.
Never be happy to accept the bad things
or to be merely content.
Defy all of the expectations that hover over you
like a dull drizzle.
Escape from anything
that feels normal and mundane.

Fourthly:
Never make a decision that
you believe is wrong.
There is nothing worse than
doing something that you cannot justify,
no regret more powerful
than the regret of betraying your heart,
going against your morals,
allowing someone else to make your choice
and use your voice.

Fifthly:
Tell the truth.
Don't say anything unless something needs to be said
and don't bother to say anything you don't mean.
Speak from the heart.
Don't do something if it means nothing to you.
Let people tell you their stories.
Never interrupt because you never know when
someone is telling you something
that is difficult for them to say.

Six
Never be less than what you are.
Don't make yourself smaller
to accomodate others.
Believe that you are a person worth knowing.
Believe that yours is a life worth living.
Know that you matter

Seven:
If you want to be loved,
be loveable.
Acknowledge feelings of jealousy
and bitterness
but don't let them poison your thoughts
or motivate your actions.
Never act spitefully towards someone who has hurt you
because one day you might be the one doing the hurting.
Never assume you know the reasoning
behind someone's actions or words.
Remember that people don't necessarily mean everything they say
and that the things they do
aren't binding or permanent.
Feelings change and grow or disappear.
Consider this:
would you rather be loved falsely, or rejected truthfully?
And this:
we don't always love the people who love us, so why would we want
to try and force someone to care for us if they don't?

Eight:
Realize that your actions affect others,
and that your actions can have repercussions
beyond yourself.
Treat people the same way that you would like to be treated,
and don't be afraid to do stupid things
if it makes someone smile.
Small interactions can mean the world,
a simple hello will often suffice.

Nine:
Don't forget about your family.
They are your roots and they love you unconditionally.
You do not necessarily need to like them,
but you need to save a little space in your heart for them.
Do not take them, or anyone else in your life,
for granted.
Things change, people get sick, accidents happen.
Be sure that all of your words are kind so you can
Make sure that your last words are kind.

Ten:
Forgive easily and quickly.
Give unlimited second chances.
Apologize even if you are not at fault.
Reach out your hand, even if no one reaches out for you.
Do not hold grudges or seek revenge.
There is no conflict without cause, so
Do not be or create the cause.

Eleventhly:
Never forget how to view the world through the eyes of a child.
Earn the respect and friendship of children.
Be someone that you would like to introduce to your
seven year old self.

Twelfth:
Don't show your heart to just anyone.
But if given the chance
unleash the universe that lives inside of you
every forgotten corner and supernova of emotion
Share the chronicles of your life
the dusty memories and vibrant moments of impact
woven together into the fabric of your life
A fabric that is always changing
and never quite complete
Aila Natasha Jun 2012
Anticipation can be sweet
but it quickly turns sour
if it amounts to nothing
Are you gonna
Kiss me
Or not?
Not.
why did
you hesitate?
why did you turn
A sweet memory into
A sour disappointment?
There is no perfect moment
Aila Natasha Jun 2012
There is nothing more powerful or more dangerous
than Hope
Even a thin, barely existent, nearly transparent wisp of it
can be devastating
It's a mist that floats into your mind
infecting your brain
with possibilities and images
of what should be, what could be, what will never be
Entirely plausible wishes and dreams
that leave crippling wounds
when they don't come true
Aila Natasha Jun 2012
Fly
I made your words into a paper airplane
And flew them out my window
You were supposed to be on that airplane too
You were supposed to vanish from my mind
My feelings were supposed to disappear in a fatal crash
I was aiming for total nuclear destruction
In hopes of annihilating your sweet presence
But all that you are and all that I feel for you
Simply spiralled slowly into a deep, hidden place
nothing died, nothing perished
You remained very much alive
Aila Natasha Jun 2012
I don't know what I should call her
But whoever she is
She isn't me
This is the person that the world sees at first
Poor world
Having to put up with this
Boring, flustered, awkward, rambling
little girl
Until the real me finally manages to
Break the walls and crumble the door
That separate everyone from who
I really am
I think it might be worth it to wait  
For the real me to show up
But the question is
Who has the patience to stick around until then?
Because lets face it,
She often shows up Late
Sometimes it's hard to escape from my cage
Sometimes they don't want to let me out
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