I have developed
an utterly unfortunate habit
of caring too much
for people who don't
care too much for me
they don't understand
the way that I care
and that I can't help
but care way too much
A simple hello
would suffice

I was 19 the first time I felt it
I saw a photo of the Golden Gate bridge
And wanderlust stirred in some little used corner of me
For the first time I saw the attraction of moving
Changing, leaving, discovering
Doing all of those things that I am no good at

I like to dwell
My home is built out of the people I let into my heart
And without them I am a gypsy
Aimlessly pacing the world
Learning to be lonely I have found home in little places
Instead of people

I found home under a parasol of green leaves
That drenched me in a misty, *******
I see home in the handfuls of seaweed that I send back into the ocean
Letting the tide ****** it from my hands

I could build a house out of places and memories
Instead of living in a home that is held together by love
Because my people keep abandoning me
And so I keep trying to rebuild something, anything

But too many repairs make it so that places and people collide
Leaving me nowhere to dwell
If I step in a place I stepped with you
It is no longer safe
It has been poisoned by a happy memory

Sand slaps against my feet
With the echoes of the
Footprints that I left before

The hollow ring of the
Departing tide
Reverberates through my toes

The constant steely water
Always comes
But never really goes

Is there anything more beautiful than a tugboat?

Earth and sea
Swallow me
And I am home
This place makes me a mermaid
Magic in the sea salt
Returns me to my childhood
Who can resist the trumpet call
Of a castle in the sand?

I hear laughter on these shores
In the waves
Hidden in cool, splashing bubbles
When I disturb the mighty rock fortresses
Of the scrabbling water bugs

I fell in love on this beach
A veil of sea **** awaits me
And I will carry a bouquet of
Sky and Salt

Glass pane painted
the colours of the ocean
not the deepest hue
not the shade of the shallows either
the in-between
limbo blue
you can't see the surface
or reach the bottom
down is up, up is down
empty, eerie, but full
of you
this is the sky
with an arrow shot
through each point where the glass breaks
an arrow aimed straight and true
opening a window
and letting the celestial light
shine through
these are the silver people
that we paste in our windows
that we place so far away
out of reach
to say the least
but they have their own eternal fires
that burn through the blue
and the water
through me
and through you

I hate you almost as much as I hate myself
You lazily question
"Where's your mind?"
If you have to ask then you already know that it's gone

I spit out the tried and true excuse  
"I'm just tired"
And I hate myself even more
When I hear the generic, cliche lies
Falling from my lips
As easily as yours fall on mine

I resent the fact that I'm giving you anything at all
My words were not meant for you
And you remind me again that
No amount of loneliness
Justifies kissing the wrong lips

"You have a beautiful body"
Oh, *******
If I fall asleep I can pretend
That your arms belong to someone else

And so I went on a bicycle ride
Straight like an arrow
Towards the water
Because
This one time
I went there and it was quiet
and nothing made sense
Today there was a building
Building noise into the silence
So it wasn't the same
I saw a muskrat
For the very first time
And the water was different
but my head went quiet again
And I stood there alone
Surrounded by the world
none of them noticed
when I laughed