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?
A Feb 2020
?
tentative
they tip toe
around the question
neither asks
for neither wants to know
February 10, 2020
.
A Sep 2018
.
A silhouette
serving no purpose
I try to forget
but just when I do...
You're there, yet again

Floating
in the center of my fleeting focus
reminding me
You're near
You're still here
On my mind
and in my heart
which breaks when I hear
Your Name

Have I ever
even once
even just for one moment
been the center of your world?
It would come as no surprise
if you've pushed me to the side
and closed your eyes to me
as you have before

They all say you'll leave
In time
my mind will learn to ignore you
I'll blind myself to you
I pine while time slowly binds
and heals these wounds

But what of my heart?
Sliced open and diced apart
If I took you back to the start
like you asked
like you wanted
would it even matter?
I think you'd still choose the latter
You don't jump
You just

float

in the center of my fleeting focus,
the center of my world
August 24, 2018
A Oct 2019
Crisp clean beats
in my speakers
resonate
I hold sacred
these hours to myself
October 15, 2019
Beg
A Sep 2018
Beg
Disorient me
Dizzy, deep beneath the sheets
You breathe in all my hushed, sharp shudders
Crimson colored
but you don't mind

Your soft lips tease my blushing neck
as strong arms pin me down
Surround me, drown me
Make me, break me
Hold me, hurt me
Eat me, beat me
until I plead you to stop

And then beg you for more
November 2, 2016
A Sep 2018
I was so sure I'd packed it all
Double checked the drawers
And surveyed the shelves
two or three times
But I left a piece of my soul behind

Three thousand miles
in Pacific Time
Couldn't change it,
wouldn't try
I’d hoped
if time remained
maybe so could I
August 6, 2018
A Sep 2018
Hearing their laughter
As I hop down the steps
Tomato toast
Powdered sugar
Keeping cards to my breast
Freshly mowed grass
And baby blue eyes
If I could
I’d stop clocks
on these moments
for life
June 25, 2018
A Nov 2018
She needs love
of a cosmic capacity
Something seventh level,
extraterrestrial

For she feels
this vessel
of flesh and bone
is a temporary home
she will molt one day
to break free
to higher ground
November 4, 2018
A Oct 2020
Hours pass
Fingers grazing glass
Denied
the touch of skin
I wait
I ache
I contemplate
Till sun meets sky again

I hope someday
Not long from now
I look back and understand
Why I had to spend these nights
alone
holding my own hand
October 9, 2020
A Sep 2018
She set you on fire
Turned your world upside down
Now I lie on your throne
but she still wears your crown
November 29, 2016
A Apr 2020
I greater fear the suited man
than sweet Gary George of Bradenton

His hazel eyes-
a sight!
prettier
than one thousand green bills

Broken down but not broke
Wealth in love and humility
He smiles at the summer sky
“What a beautiful day.
I am rich.”
October 20, 2018
A Jun 2019
I’m not as young as I once was
in stature or in soul
Tiny creases line my eyes
from time which takes its toll

Acne scars and freckles
sprinkle skin which once was smooth
But to go back to a decade past
is not something I would choose

The years have made me wiser
Made me kinder
Made me strong
Confidence is not in age
but instead an inner song
June 22, 2019
A May 2019
Golden hour
light like honey
Reflected
on a lake of glass
Ground around me stills
as I find balance
at long last

How does one repay
your sacrifice?
Nothing will suffice
but let me say
Thank you,
Thank you
because of you
I'm myself again today
March 3, 2019
A Jan 2020
In every interaction
a bit of sadness
knowing how far away
our transactions are made
Blush
eyeliner
and lipstick
fade
Sunsets on a city scape
I'd run there barefoot
if you'd only
meet me there halfway

Relax, relax, Halifax
It's only just a crush
But I keep your playlist on repeat
as days turn into dust
In the next life
we'll be neighbors
and meet when we're sixteen
I'll knock on your door
to borrow sugar
if you know what I mean
But for now
I die for your name upon my screen
In this existence
even at a distance
it feels so good to be seen
January 25, 2020
A May 2019
Degraded
Downgraded
My ego deflated

Configuration education
Sleepless nights
Memorization

Going for Great(ness)
So please pardon my lateness
to your parties outside
because I can't escape this

Evacuate
Evacuate
My breath escapes
Resuscitate

Tell me
What will you do
if I am not OK?
March 21, 2019
Her
A Jun 2019
Her
A flower
is not ashamed
that she came
from the dirt
But she never diverts
to grow back there

No doubt
yet no reason
No regrets
as she reaches
always onward
and upward
into the light
June 13, 2019
A May 2020
a familiar game
catch and release
never for always
never for keeps

new beginning
different company
won’t change the end
the inevitable flee
May 3, 2020
A Aug 2019
I don’t feel like myself
when it rains like this
I get caught up
and locked up
in all that I miss

How can something pass by
so slow
yet so quick
I try to hold on but
it slides through so slick

I’ll never be younger
than I am in this instant
Dissonance resonates
somewhere deep in my memory bank
I assure you
insurance won’t protect you
from this

What it means to grow old
I can’t say
but it shakes me
down deep to the core
I feel broken and empty
when I think of the girl
who once dreamt
bigger
than life itself
August 23, 2019
A Oct 2018
I am not okay today

I've been underwater
about five beats longer
than I would like
Starving for air
yet my lungs
are already full

My vision blurry
Fragments and flashes
of life
and light
and darkness

I am not okay today
For no reason at all
I am not okay

But I will be.
October 27, 2018
A Dec 2020
he is perfect
in almost
every way
except
he is not you
November 30, 2020
A Jun 2020
Perhaps I’m but a puzzle
Pieced together
Entirely
of those I’ve lived for
Those I’ve loved
And those that loved me
June 11, 2020
A Oct 2020
Black hands
as deep and rich
as her history
Carry white bags
full of groceries
and burdens
she shouldn’t have to bear
September 23, 2020
A Dec 2020
Equal parts with you
and without
How many more choices
till our chances
run out

Jump with me now
I don’t care if we break
But you don’t

so I won’t
July 10, 2018
A Mar 2020
Dominance
Submission
Power and control
The nauseating
push and pull

Attachment
to the waves
that drown me

deeper

darker

down

below
March 25, 2018
A May 2019
If it's the social that ails you
It's us who have failed you
The elitist holy grail
that we sipped, sits
inhales you

Rejected
We erected
this beast from the ground
Monuments replace common sense
We flip upside down
for a Followback
Double-Tap
Hashtag
and Name Grab
Will we ever

STOP

this fast train in its tracks?
This beautiful lie
This brilliant illusion
that you'll never attain
because it does not exist
April 8, 2019
A Jan 2020
shrapnel
little shards of glass
hardly a threat at a distance
red flags and warning signs
not to come closer
you know the closure
will sting like hell
but you put yourself
time and time again
right in the line of fire
these tiny heartbreaks all add up
til you bleed out all desire
to clean yourself off
and go out to war again
December 13, 2019
A Sep 2018
Lonely
in a room full of humans
Beats in my chest filling up capacity
Still empty
Aimlessly
wandering, wondering
Surely,
I'm making the right choice?
I may be
the only person I know
who writes poetry
in the club
June 30, 2018
A Jun 2019
I can’t decide
if I’m comforted by the fact
that every thought  
I’ve ever had
has probably been had
before

And I don’t know
which is worse
That we are, perhaps
incredibly,
undeniably
not special at all
Or that we incredibly,
undeniably
are
June 21, 2019
A Dec 2020
I wonder if the
leaves fear the autumn
of their youth in the same way
that I fear mine Or if they fall
in confidence shedding dead
weight and faulty fears

they’ve

held

to

all

this

time
on the subject of aging (and the societal pressure put on women to stay forever young)
A Dec 2020
I want my complexities
to dazzle my company
Make them think that this poetry
Easily flowed out of me
Like it was simple artistry
Like I don’t suffer from anxiety
Like I don’t know insecurity
Like I didn’t lie awake all of last night
feeling inadequate when I realized

This was all I was going to write
September 7, 2016
A Jun 2020
There are moments
When fire touches ice
Places
Where Earth meets sea
And all improbability
of Man and Woman
Melts away
Each time you sing to me
June 25, 2020
A Oct 2020
What is the hardest thing
about being
a woman?
He asked me
In sincerity

I thought
Meditated
Pondered
And debated
For many weeks
Thereafter

What is hardest
I replied
Is that I could explain

Every pain from my anatomy
Every smack on the ***
Every “*****” yelled towards me
Every law that was passed
Every asinine standard
I’ve strived for unseen
while the man I adore
ogles girls
on a screen
Every injustice
Every **** case unheard
Every “no” ignored
Every dream deferred
Every time I felt less than
A man

And you still could not understand
October 15, 2020
A Apr 2020
Barely afloat
A fountain flows
What once was so contained
now floods in puddles on the floor
Emotion clogs the drain

Can’t pick it up, or put it back
Can’t stop it once it starts
I overflow
I beg of you
Be still my beating heart
April 18, 2020
A Dec 2020
wine so sweet
at twenty- three
has since turned to water
that tastes of concrete

and I can’t turn back time
like I can no longer find
a backroad to take home

take me home.
December 28, 2017
A Jan 2021
I wonder if occasionally
we gaze up
in synchronicity
at the same night sky
as we lead
our own separate lives
A Jan 2021
sometimes there is no closure
though it makes your heart rupture
and your blood scream
you must close the door yourself
A May 2020
a silky black shirt
that had slipped

from her shoulders
was all that kept him

from the rest of the world
May 21, 2020
A Dec 2020
how can it be
that a chapter
so surreal to live
feels
so surreal to leave
?
on the subject of 2020 drawing to a close
A Oct 2020
it leaves me awake
long hours in the night
listed lies
of why
i am unlovable
October 5, 2020
A Dec 2020
Your eyelashes
lie closed
as you lie on her thighs
Seeped in comfort
you rest for a while

I wonder what she holds
that I could not find
Why her lap
became home
over mine
November 27, 2020
A Jul 2020
Degradation invasion
My ego’s deflation
Thoughts spinning vicious
No chance of evasion
Not a moment’s sedation
In my mind’s abrasion
Dreams once in bloom
Now burn in cremation

Greatest ally or foe
By my own design
I exorcise

and free my mind
July 4, 2020
A Oct 2020
I will not push you
to put pen to paper
to choose to call

It should never have been
a choice at all
October 12, 2020 (an ode to a letter he never bothered to send)
A Sep 2018
Tailored suit
Hot tea
LA
Mid-day
I had been waiting for something
and nothing at all

Highlighter ink and bold text
But you were bolder

You said that you would be remiss
but you don't know I've been dismissed
more often than not

Fascination and mystery
Your eyes see me much differently
But will you call?

And would I answer?
March 2, 2016
A Jan 2021
she will not be your
afterthought
your quarantine hit of dopamine

she deserves melodies
not staccato notes
pecked upon piano keys
by hands you’ll never let her hold
without recoiling

she deserves poetry
not slippery lines
dripped from lips like water
running
from a broken faucet

she knows better
she knows
running
is the only thing
that broken things
know how to do
A Sep 2018
I know now
it's the small things

the moments in between

Sunchips and FunDip
sand under my feet
The smell of the dirt
tired but sweet
As am I

As am I
June 2, 2018
A Sep 2020
a bitter aftertaste
that bites
right through
all the good I saw in you
September 9, 2020
A Oct 2018
Sometimes I feel
like an imposter
A self constructed collage
of my favorite bits
of other people
I wonder
if those I admire
are constructed as well
out of those they place higher

Fear
seeps into my brain
when I think of leaving this world
having done nothing of importance,
having made no difference at all
I wonder
Is it too late for greatness?
To push through the pain?
Is it vain to still pray
they’ll remember my name?

Sometimes I bleed
in the form of tears
for the memories
I can no longer recall
I wonder
if they’re stored somewhere
tucked away safe
resurfacing only at the smell or sight
of something lost
I’ll fight
to not lose them again

When I reminisce
about the many spaces
my atoms have occupied
I wonder
Who occupies them now?
Are there fragments of me that still remain?
Moments in time that stayed the same?

I wonder
blossom,
grow and change
I deconstruct
And then start again
October 3, 2018
A Apr 2020
Sensations stir
that haven’t in some time
A familiar feeling
forgotten far behind

Pin ****** tickle
What once was numb
You remind me
what I like about myself

— The End —