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Ahnis Duit Jun 2010
Sometimes I cut myself to show that I don’t care
Then I realize no one else does either,
So I cut myself again.
Sometimes I cut myself when I wish I could cry
I’d rather see my blood drip,
Than the tears from my eyes.
Sometimes I cut myself just to know I’m alive
I’d rather tear my flesh out,
Than let your memories thrive.
Sometimes I cut myself, to prove that I’m an atheist
God is inside everybody,
So god is bleeding with me.
Sometimes I cut myself ‘cause I like the way it flows
I wish my blood would scream on its way out,
And let the whole world know.
Sometimes I cut myself just out of habit
There’s nothing I can do to distract me when,
I think of how I let you win again.
Sometimes I cut myself imagining my wrist was you
Bleeding all the bad blood out,
So I could start anew.
Sometimes I cut myself deeper than I should
Bleeding out all my secrets,
Wading waist deep in my regrets.
Sometimes I cut myself and whip it with a belt
Pain doesn’t feel like pain,
When pain’s all you’ve ever felt.
And sometimes I cut myself again and again
To squeeze in all the pain,
Hoping to live one lesser day
Ahnis Duit Jun 2010
I watch my blood swirling in the water
I lick my cuts and reach for the plug
The way you pulled the plug on me
And as the last dregs of red
Cling to the sink,
I feel my convictions drain away
Through the decayed insides smoldering,
With the pangs of guilt.
I pick up my blade again,
To purge myself of you
And as my blood rushes through the rat-infested gutters;
The final bits of my aspirations falls
Through this hole in my heart.
The fluorescent light,
Flickers in the grimy ceiling overhead,
Like these trains of thought,
That don’t want to end, but
As the blood gurgles in the
Necropolis of this rusted, decaying city
I’m dragged away out into the polluted night sky
Whispering of the words you’d put in my mouth,
Blurring into the things I wanted to say
And the pitfalls I step into, take
You further away from it all.
And I’m left gasping here with lungs full of dirt.
And the blood drips into the water
Like crimson blossoms opening up,
A vortex of blank white
Echoing of a happiness long gone by
Haunting my eyes,
Like the dried blood on my skin
The stench of defeat wafts up the drains,
Staining my hands with your sins.
I look up from my trance into
The ugly facade I’ve learnt to call my face
And I clench my teeth at this deceit
And all I get,
Is this wretched wrist to turn my
Dreams to reality.
Ahnis Duit Jun 2010
Normal day
Gone awfully wrong in a second, but I’ll take a few minutes
If there’s no torture, where’s the fun in it?
Suppressed emotions
Never learnt to let go, in a frenzy, satisfy what’s inside
Enter your dark home and cut the phone lines
Hush, baby, go to sleep
Don’t even bother to scream as I pour
Hydrochloric acid down your throat
Final breath
Twist your head, look me in the eyes
When I slash the jugular, see the fear before he dies

Where is my mind?
I don’t control what I do, Father forgive me
Save me from these demons so ugly
Intense pleasure
Didn’t think mad men had feelings?
Offer your blood, still warm; to the master of otherworldly dealings
Crawl slowly away
You are not dead? Maybe missed my mark
Watch my trusty axe as I massacre Noah’s tiny arc
Grab my wrist
While you push me away, your fingers go through
Pleasurable pain, opens up last nights wounds

Very bad luck
My old red truck, you’d like to hitch?
Day after tomorrow, they’ll find your limbs in that ditch
Let’s play a game
Here I come! Can you outrun bullets?
Oops not too fast, better duck before I pull it
I am sorry
Rest in peace, don’t want to hurt, I have sinned
But you must pay for my folly, because I didn’t
I really am nice
Why can’t you see? I’d tell you my tale
But all you do is beg, plead and wail

Girl next door
Looks like my girlfriend, happy-go-lucky, overfriendly
Here’s a lesson, don’t talk to strangers, I can be quite deadly
High pitched scream
Block out the noise, cut off source
Skillfully crush your trachea, without much force
I am a ghost
Where do I sleep? What do I eat?
Blood’s rich in proteins, maybe a kidney for a treat
Life and death
Do unto others before they do unto you
Why don’t you just give up living and walk in my shoes?
Ahnis Duit Jun 2010
I never meant to hurt you,girl
I never meant to bring you to my world
now you're in the corner crying
I swear someday it's gonna be fine
You can blame me,because it was all my fault,
these wounds will never close, so pour in the salt
I'd be lying if I said I feel guilty
I don't care about you, and that's just me
You took me in just the way I was
Your twisted lover, rebel without a cause
Now you'll pay for what you've done
I'm not gonna send child support for my son
I usually never regret what I say
But I do love you and I'm ashamed
to leave you alone in such a mess
One day you'll realize that it was all for the best
You're good girl and you deserve much more
I'm a psychotic druggie, who sleeps with ******
there is no excuse for being insane
You're my angel, but you couldn't make me change
I cannot let our love unfurl
I never meant to hurt you, girl

— The End —