The "i"'s of this keyboard know me better than the eyes of anyone I know
This aloof computer has seen me ***** ugly thoughts while "in real life" I don't bat an eye
I am a wounded owl in the night
fearing- free of reason- the sudden dawn
You might be able to help me, but the scars reappear when you leave,
the only magic trick I believe in anymore
(knowledge spoils and sweetens)
don't pity me when I say I can never be loved
You only love one shell of many

I learned the smell of disappointment
By drinking  scotch with you.
Shimmering new
Tossed carelessly
Into a simmering stew.
A cold so hot it's blue
I didn't know if I should kick off the blanket
Or wrap it tightly around my neck.
Sprawled out on the deck
I knew no morals
Swimming through the corals
I knew no mortality
I learned the smell of futility
By drinking scotch with you.

I find myself writing life lessons,
Only just to inform myself,
I'm only in high school,
But I simply don't belong,
I am okay with that,
As I walked by the lake today,
I heard everyone talking,
About me as i passed by,
I felt down,
I then realized,
Maybe it isn't me,
It's them,
I can walk down by the beach all alone,
Without shame and I can enjoy it,
I grew stronger,
I am independent,
I do not feel the need to put others down,
I only need one love and one friend,
That is what i cherish,
I have the most precious love,
The most loyal friend,
I love how my life is going,
I can raise my head up and smile,
It's sad that it takes such bravery to smile,
I do it,
I am brave,
I know who I am.

Young people,
sit restless and anxious,
wandering nervously,
sweats all over,
armpits, foreheads, shoulders
people late for this, for that,
to there, for them, who or her or him,
tapping desks, thumping feet
staring on their cell phones
burning their behind against the chair’s friction
making money with their hands on their chin
Hot tea turned cold
vacant chairs awaiting
empty stares and swell sighs
at the unwavering Exit sign.
Sometimes feeling the grief of waiting
and hearing dripping anticipation.
Never gives up.
Ten years of waiting
in the same little tea house
serving the same drinks to
different people; for ten year
finding — and on a Sunday evening
a boy asks for my name.

I wish you’re a robot,
I would open you up,
cross some wires, blue to red
flip some switches,
push some buttons,
tighten some screws,
until you didn’t act so automated
until you loved me.

How long the minutes seem
Sitting in the stream
Of thoughts going rotten
Of ideas long forgotten

My stomach is rumbling
But my hand just keeps bumbling
Along the lines of the paper
Until the rhymes start to taper

But the genius I must ration
Because my mind is lost in some other nation
Somewhere deep inside my head
For all I know it is dead

I can’t seem to do the assignment
Something is wrong with the alignment
Of me in this school of strife
And the position I’m in for the rest of my life

For some unfathomable reason
I feel as though I’m just breezin’
Through these hours upon hours of classes
Time going slower than molasses

But I have to drudge through it
Even though I want to say ***** IT
Because I’m bored out of my skull
But with out it my life would even more dull

tonight i
lost it a little
and it's not even night
it's morning
just to be clear

start over...

this MORNING
i
lost it a little
and i don't know
how to be better

i talked at a white shining light
on my computer
i vented
at a webcam
for thirty minutes
and i looked myself in the face
and tried to tell me it'd be alright
but the words choked me
and i couldn't
get them out

and im not trying to be an overdramatic
*******
a whiner
or a ****** kid
i just have abandonment issues
and cutting
and wantingtodietoomuch
issues
and i feel like everyone is biding their time
waiting
to leave me
and i feel like
i can't sew up the child-sized holes
in my dad's heart

and it's ******* father's day
and i can't even do that
i can't ******* replace
the nine other kids
that should be here
i can't make up for that
i am just
one person
one daughter
and i cannot make my daddy
better
and i
hate
it

happy
*******
father's day