I...
I don’t know you.
I knew you, my knives knew you better.
You like this aciculate butcher placed slanted upon your cheek?
I do.
I can whisper a thousand words in your ear.
Flushed and corrupt.    
But I can never do such thing.
I could sit and watch you hold your neck in fear as your hands paint me a picture.
I smoke a cigarette between my plump lips.
I sit there.
I look good in all livid black.
Sometimes, I think about what my knives can really do to you.
With my broad raccoon eyes, I look down at you in disgust.
I pull the bed sheets to reveal what could be your body agonizingly arranged.
Below zero.
Why waste my makeup on someone who has no heart to give.
My red lipstick will never smudge.
Don’t I look dainty sitting in nothing but in my bra? Watching you suffer.
Branch my heel in your throat.
Bend and curve, I hear your bones fracture as I jab deeper.
I like the smell of fear.
I don’t have friends, they disappoint me.
Claws are the new nails,
And I **** you up.
I got a pocket knife.
I like to chuck it out once in a while when thinking of you.
Hushes my nerves.
That black cat you saw in the alley last night,
That was me.
How about we ****** you and harvest your organs for beer money.
I like that.
You remind me of my favorite serial killer.
I have favorites.
I invoke thee.
Someday you will ache like I ache.
I have happy dust to make that happen.
My ****** up boots against your blasted head looks appealing to me.
I just look illegal, don’t I?
I need coffee and a donut for this.
Laughing hysterically while you spin full speed in agony on my marry-go-round.
I make violence look good.
I wonder who’s more evil.
Me.
Shall I say I’m the queen of death?
My heart has barbed wire around it. Protection is the key.
Your life was just a blank canvas until I made art out of it.
Don’t play with my fire,
It’ll burn you alive, baby.

I'm such a freak in the head.

Telling me I'm crazy doesn't make you sane.

So shut up.

I'm hurt.

But reality, you're in most pain.

Bad blood.

I am death, personified.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Do you think I'm sadistic now?
I invoke thee...

I hope.

I make violence look good.
I wonder who's more evil.
Shall I say I'm the queen of death?
My heart has barb wire around it.
Your life was just a blank canvas until I made art out of it.

People draw with silver.
It comes out red.
Magic?
People walk with gravity.
They end up weightless.
Magic?
People eat a day
The food disappears the same day.
Magic?
People have good balance.
Yet end up on the ground.
Magic?
People aren't magicians.
They use what's around them to get out of life.

Don't be mad, just feel.
Feel how I felt those days ago.
Don't care, learn.
Learn what you did so I don't have to say it.
Don't worry, realize.
Realize your wrong doings you didn't know before.
Don't say "okay," prove it.
Be a mature man and take full responsibility of your actions.
Oh wait, you're still a immature child.
You shouldn't be riding the big boy bikes if you can't handle it.

You thought we were friends.
You thought we were cool.
You thought you had the world in the palms of your hands.
You thought things were given to you so you can break them.
You thought love grows on trees.
You thought you were a man.
You thought everything was okay.
You thought a smile and a wave can help.
You thought life would move on your way.
You thought you could run away from your fears hoping to ignore them with a false smile on your face everyday.
But guess what,
You thought wrong.

I sit in a cold lake.
"Why are you sitting in a cold lake?" They ask.
"That's the only way my heart will continue to beat."
I don't get sick. I never get sick.
I bathe in cold lakes.
"You might get sick! I tell you, you might get sick!"
I tell them I don't care.
I tell you the truth, I'm perfectly fine.
My teeth my clatter, and my skin might fade into a cool blue,
But my heart still beats.
"You're insane, you might die!" They tell me.
"No, no I won't. Of all the pain I've been, my heart can tolerate such cold and bitterness. This lake doesn't phase me."
They yell get out.
I stay in.
Reasons behind my meanness, reasons behind my smiles, reasons behind my trust issues,
I sit in a cold lake where my heart stays cold and I don't feel for anyone. Anymore.

Your fingers wrapped around the camera,
Clicking and snapping every moment.
Me.
Fogging up the lenses.
Laying, slaying, posing, showing what I can do for you.
The white flashes strike every bare skin and strut.
I stand and change positions just so you can capture every glimpse of beauty.
No actresses, actors, scripts.
Just raw films. Raw image.
Let's make a movie with these clips.
I'm the model. You're the photographer.

There was a boy, blue drowned eyes with the horse hair rooted from the top then drooped in the face.
Hair so itchy and greasy,
It caused acne.
He was thin, sideways toothpick and collarbone shown.
Isn't his fault he doesn't like the taste of sour dough bread and tap water.
People at school abuse him.
They don't understand why he wears the mustard stained turtleneck every Tuesday,
There's no washing machine.
Socks are worn through every winter,
They start to soak and mildew.
His toes freeze up.
He clutches his stomach and bites his lip,
If anyone heard the grumble they'll wonder.
There are no games at his house, no swing, no back porch.
No carpet to rub on, no Christmas.
Instead,
He wears his flannel pajama pants that flood to the knee.
His mama and pop love him so much,
They squeeze into a home with one room.
The boy gets the room.
The boy's heart is as big as it'll ever get.
His compassion for dance,
His compassion for learning.
He may not have a penny in his holy pockets,
Or a brush for his knotted hair,
But with the support from moma and pop,
The boy can have sky blue eyes that don't drown.

Please come home,
For I have weakened over time.
This constant clinking in my head won't go.
I struggle to stay sane.
People speak with the spice of words,
Yet their words don't stop me from coming back.
How can someone drop a feeling?,
Drop a heart note?
I am failing at a quest that is easy.
Help,
And come back home to me

You don't deserve a poem.
Since you're such a *****.
You don't need the comfort.
When all you do is ignore it.

I like you.
But I like you too.
We wonder, for awhile

It smells like summer. The good kind of summer.

Next stop, outer space.
I take pictures with you in bed,
All white and silky. All cold and bright.
There's a gravitational pull in this club.
I didn't think you'd leave me,
But I knew.
I'm not feeling anything, today was pretty numb.
Beer, depression, flower crowns in your wasp like hair.
I jiggy on down to that dub.
Makes me happy.
Strudels, makeup, that cute lil stain on your cotton polo.
You're ready? For this marriage?
So I can wrap my little arms around your ripped waist. You're mine.
I'll never eat.
Cookies, gummy bears & worms,
All of that is lovely, but not without you.
Tickle me with words.
Cherish me with gold that cannot be seen.
Fill me up, but don't let me down.
Throw my summer hands up in the warm sky.
Feel that shaky breeze in my hair as my neck bends back.
Is that BBQ I smell?
Ride that convertible with the hood down.
Blast it.
Crop tops and two boys in the back.
Why not take a trip to California?
I don't have much,
Brain is fried to the dark meat.

Tonight, this lonely night. I stay up in the mist of darks.
Thinking about you.
You were the light that led the ways to wonders.
As I sit in the dark, I reminisce the speck of life we had.
So short, yet felt so long.
My heart aches for your warmth to surround me. Your arms twined with mine.
I miss your soft delicate lips that felt as if kissing a daisy.
Who cared? You cared?
You stretched your heart out to the ones who needed it.
Your soul was, and is, a ball of entertainment that can entertain a universe all at once.
I miss those hands that were cold to the touch,
But yet wonderful to grip.
You were the one I can mess with your chin,
You were the one I can run my fingers through your thick curly plush hair.
You were the one I can show my odd abilities to, and you wouldn't dare look at me strange.
Can I take a moment to inhale your sweet succulent aroma,
Reminds me of love.
I lay my head on your shoulder,
My eyes glance at what can be the future for me.
Yet, Has left me here to question is there anything out there for me...
You were, and will always be, the one that crosses my mind in a snap dream.
I sit here in the mist of darks,
Thinking about you while my stomach churns and heart aches.
Will you come back, will you?.

Is it bad to have a slight crush on your friend?
You guys are like family. This isn't right.
You tell yourself you don't like that person,
But the heart always interrupts.
You're sad when that person isn't there,
You're happy when you guys are hanging,
Songs play in your mind, mess with your emotions.
You create false scripted scenes in your head, hoping it'll happen.
These feelings need to go,
Before they tarnish a wonderful friendship.
That person doesn't feel that way,
Not that you know of.
It just wouldn't be right,
But it feels so right.
Is this why I'm sad?
Just keep putting them feelings down,
Don't let them out, before you tarnish up inside.
Goodbye for now, crush.

Christ is in control everything bad that happens is for a reason. So whatever you may be going through right at this very moment, stand fast do not be afraid and whatever is happening never give up. For there is a reason even if we do not know what it is, trust and stand firm.

Let me know now.
I can't wait hours and hours with my head overflowing with so many deeds.
If it's bad, it'll hurt like thorns and knives,
But it's good to know.
If it's good, my mind will settle and I'll be happy.
This long progression always happen.
God told me to wait. Don't expect too much either.
Things can go left and right, bad or good. Just don't give up.
Just let me know.
Let me know so I'll be prepared.
Let the bird chirp now before it's too late.

They say be happy.
When you are,
They judge you.
What is life?.

They say laugh,
When you do,
They look at you weird.
What is life?

They say smile,
When you do,
They frown up.
What is life?

They say be you,
When you approach it,
They judge you again.

What is life if people don't like the way you live.

I'm fed up. Why am I not treated like a queen?
I feel so left out. Why am I not treated special when I'm committed.
It's like I'm the side order, or just another.
Gets me so sick, I choke on madness and pain.
But they wouldn't care.

I thought you were mine, you said it. I thought I was the one.
Guess I'm not.
Why do I have to be the hidden one no one knows about?
I can't be known?
You said you loved me, that was a pure lie.
I feel betrayed, hurt, replaced, used, abused, embarrassed in front of my own family.
I was trying to prove them wrong, when all along they were right.
Now the anger is in me.

I want to cry till my eyes can't shed another tear. I have the urge to cut.
I want to hurt, I want to feel pain.
I just want to be loved till I know it's really real.
Everything once told was a lie.
They use me then throw me.
Cheat on me then lie to me.
I don't see the results till I feel it. The question is,
Why can't I be loved?

I can't deal with liars. This is journey is rough enough,
it's hard to move on.
Everything that was once did, all fake.
I'm always the faithful one, trusting, good, sweet.
I try to be there in hard times,
But they use me for granted.
They shouldn't deserve good, they need to go to hell.
Pure hell.

And burn.

Excuse me if I'm annoying. I just love you. That's all.

I'm so use to pain,
It's like a dealer use to drugs.
Swallow yourself with hatred words,
Like you'd do with pills.
Inject sorrow like narcotics.
Snort the heartbreak,
As if it's coke.
Take breaths of depression and exhale them.
Drink your tears as if alcohol.
Pain is a addictive drug.
Once you're hook, you're use to it.
It hurts once in a while, but that's how all drugs are.

No matter how much you plea and cry,
The memories will not appear back.
The heart wrenched days and the guilt trip days were good.
The soft peck days and the love set days were also a treasure.
Memories run for a reason.
Not to get away, but to stay longer.
The more you think the more you cry.
Memories cherish every ounce of feeling.
You can feel them with your own fingertips.
Some people like to sway from memories.
Other try to recount it.
It's like a spin cycle.
Your memories hold the gold that rest in you brain.
Don't deny or hate it.
It's life.
Memories are faster than the speed of light.

Dolphins, black tights, sombrero,
The red lipstick stain on your napkin.
Dancing on the table, high in the navy blue air, bass grinding.
Shiny white teeth, swirls in your eyes, lines everywhere.
You pull those suspenders close to you.
Drinking that moscato in your right hand.
Pinkie up.
Nothing but a boss in that chair,
Turtles touch your feet,
Nothing but in your boxers that Saturday evening.
I really don't care what you smell like.
You remind me of careless unicorns in a dark party.
Growing, laughing, crying, singing in the shower.
Music bleeding through your body.
Sadness, tears, curled up in the warmth of the cool blankets.
This is what flies in my head, I throw it on a paper and call it poetry.

I'm walking away from where I started.
I'm dropping behind the nest and moving on.
I'm taking a foot further and experiencing.
I'm leaping towards the light.
I despise this new comfort zone,
But I have to do it.
When you step out of the darkness, there's light beaming on your soul.
Make that change,
Even if it hurts you and the ones you love.

I don't like you. But I like you. It's complicated.

I want to stay, but god has plans for me, so I shall go.
This hurts more than anything, but I'm growing and adapting.
The pain, tears, stress, anger, is all worth it.
You're not gone, you're busy for 2 years.
You won't be forgotten.
You were the glue that held the broken pieces, you can't be invisible.
Things will change and rearrange, but will never change what's in the heart.
There's a bond, hold on to it.
It isn't fun, life wasn't made to be fun.
It's how you live it, that makes it fun.
Don't give up.
Please.
Once you're done, you can always come back.

Is it really hard to love?
Not love as in the cherish womb you were in, or the precious care of family and friend.
Is relationship love hard to cope with?
Is there really a special someone out there for us?,
Sitting on a deck swaying side to side.
Or does love even exist.
It's hurt to know that no one is loving you.
No one to hold or share a kiss.
It hurts to know  that it's hard to find it out there in a big world.
But don't give up, love has to be shared.
You'll find it.

When I steep down,
My heart disappears and I feel weightless.
Confused, scared, excitement spins in me as I'm falling to my death.
I feel weak,
Tears trickling down my face,
So cold.
I close my eyes to avoid the fear in me,
But yet I'm still afraid.
When it's done,
I laugh.
How crazy was I to think I would lose all my identity.
It's just a roller coaster.

The air is mellow,
lights are dimmed.
Everyone seems to be faced blank.
Aroma of coffee beans and jazz,
the floor incrusted with sweat and dancing.
Fingers strumming,
fingers snapping.
Fingers playing,
heads mellowing.
The crowd is covered in berets,
my pen wrapped in tight of my hand.
I feel the sensation to fly off.
That's poetry.

Day 1
He texts her in the late of night
"Was I regret?"
She texts him in the early of  mornings
"No, but..."
Then there was silence.

Day 2
The days drag like the bare feet of a person.
No reply.
Why should she care?
It isn't her business.

"It's not my fault..."
I kept telling myself.
My head was spinning, stomach was churning, throat was parched.
I didn't mean for it to happen.
"We were just having fun..."
He said.
There was no intimacy, no attraction, no reality.
The air was soft and the sun was dim to its point.
I thought it was a fun evening.
I got a massage, and that's where the turning point came.
Of course I was nervous, but I winged it.
"......"
We both thought.
Justin Timberlake was in my head
"You could be my baby
When I look at my lady,
Girl, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothin crazy
See all I want you to do is be my love."

But I kept telling myself, it's not my fault it happened.
That shindig was kept quiet.
Only between the people.
Hey, I'm a teenager.

The anchor has rose up from its deep weighed level pressure. It isn't as heavy,
I can hold it with one hand.
I can use it for important uses.
The anchor may have rust stains, rugged edges, bent tips, and crisscross seaweed,
but i can use it.
This anchor has been through steeps of rubble and underwater debris,
But i can use it.
Nothing can pull my anchor back to the bottom drenches.
It'll stay up, thank you very much

Like paper boats,
Love floats, then when it's damaged
Soiled
Crinkled
Damaged
Torn
Old,
It sinks and fades away.

The truth is, there is no line. There's only your life, how you mess it up, and who is there to save you.
Or who isn't.

Sometimes, the key to making progress is to recognize how to take that very first step. Then you start your journey. You hope for the best and you stick with it, day in and day out. Even if you’re tired, even if you want to walk away. You don’t. Because you are a pioneer. But nobody ever said it’d be easy.

As the snow falls softly onto your cheeks, I dream of a better place. One where the moon doesn't disappear as morning comes, the purple haze won't leave and you will stay forever to die in my arms. Pain can be placid as each droplet glides along the crevices of your body. My tone is indiscreet, each fleeting syllable formed perfectly on my lips, but as they touch yours, we make sweet music together. Your face is close as I speak words that I longingly hope you will never forget. Our limbs entangle as the song cascades, never to end, much like the book in which we write. Each chapter carefully crafted in my hands. Sometimes I wish you had written me, my heart a page beneath your hands, droplets of ink sprawled helplessly over my being. The chapter has finished now, though, when do we start to write the next? Or has our time of making music come to an end.

I asked myself, how can love hurt this much? It's like we throw ourselves with our eyes closed. Except we don't actually throw ourselves, because we have no control. That's it, love orders us, and we don't handle it. We don't have a choice. Love may carry us to the heights that take our breath away. Love may push us to the depths of my heart not saved.

Coffee ring circled on the desk
All you can think about is getting out of there.
Tie loosens, nails biting,
You stare directly in the clock's eyes.
Time stretches.
Computer screen goes dim
A blank reflection of yourself appears.
The clothes on your body tightens,
They stick to your skin like melted dew.
Deep breaths heal the soul they say
All you wanna do is just go home after a long day of working.

Life is hard. Be silly.

We cut people up. We move on. We don't have time to worry about the blood, death, or the way people feel.

Why can't he fall in within the others?
Why does he stand out like a perched willow tree aching for deep attention?