Latiaaa

Latiaaa Nov 2018

You pushed me away like I was drug you had to wean yourself off of

Latiaaa Nov 2018

If I knew that was the last time I'd see you again, I would've held you in my arms longer.
I would've told you what I thought of you.
"I like the way you lick your lips and laugh as you look away"
"I like the texture of your hair"
I would've admired you a bit longer,
Held your hand tighter; hoping you wouldn't let go.
I would've asked you more questions.
"What do you think of...this ?"
"Where do you feel like you're headed?"
I would've kissed you longer.
Just a bit longer.
I should've played more music, talked a bit longer.
Who knew our time together would cut this short.
God put you in my life for a short period of time to show me there's still hope.
There's people like you out there.
I barely knew you,
But felt you on a level that could've grown to beyond the unknown.
If only I could've felt your warm face against my hand just one more time.
Just one more time...

Latiaaa Nov 2018

Once I was 19 years old

I groaned and cried till he looked upl at me
Why are you crying?
You've wounded me...
Wounded you? How?
With your words,
You cut me like a knife not only shattering
My every thought of you
But gouging me with evil.
You hurt me.

Latiaaa Jun 2018

Start Over

He can start over with someone else,
but it won’t be the same because she will buy him food expecting him to eat it,
not knowing that he doesn’t like being spoiled.
She won’t appreciate the way he jumps in his sleep,
she will just think it’s odd.
She won’t think his cleft chin is adorable.
She won’t know he hates it himself.
She’ll feel many tiny scars on his back and think “Oh my god that’s gross,”
but I think it’s perfectly human.
She’ll notice that he wears the same Krispy Kream gray sweater over and over and probably pick on him for it,
but I loved it.
I love the background history on it.
I don’t want her to hear his god awful bad singing imitation,
or get to experience his white people music playlist and hear him jam to it.
I don’t want her seeing him when he wakes up when he’s all bright eyed and bushy tailed.
She won’t know where the scars on his knees and legs came from or why he hates Gyros.
I don’t want her to notice the way he stares at you when you don’t even know he’s doing it.
I don’t want her eating food naked with him in the dark after a long session of love making.
She won’t know why he loves James Bond and Indiana Jones movies so much.
She’ll probably go insane not understanding that he has bad trust issues and that you should take time with him and be patient,
he’ll trust eventually.
I don’t want her knowing his deepest darkest secrets or why he doesn’t wear bowties anymore. Why he’s obsessed with Illuminati or why he can’t grow a lot of ****** hair.
If you don’t love his widows peak or his long eyelashes,
let him go.
I know he messed up and didn’t know how to treat me sometimes,
but I can’t see him move on and let someone read him the way I did.
I can’t let anyone know him the way I do.

Latiaaa May 2018

9 Months

March,
my life was in shambles. My feelings were distraught, and my mind was in another dimension.
April,
same as before. Grief, pain, misery, anger.
May,
denial. I denied this ever happening to me. How could it happen to me? No way. I’m Latia Jackson.
June,
summer time. I tried to distract myself with people and events around me, but even that didn’t work. Everything and everyone reminded me of him.
July,
I told myself everything was going to be okay. My tears were not consistent thankfully, but I still felt sharpness. I even ran into you on my worst day and I told myself I wouldn’t run.
August,
to get away from it all, I flew away for a bit. I surrounded myself with people who loved me, and I love them.
September,
my birthday month. You’re back in my life and still till this day I don’t know if it was a mistake or a blessing that it happened. But you left, for good.
October,
I was over it. I knew now that since you were gone for good it was time for new beginnings. So, I chopped my hair and got a tattoo.
November and December
they were nothing but smiles and happy moments. Emotional detox cleansings and new faces.
January,
new year new me they say. That was the truth. I vowed to leave all this behind and focus on the real picture, me. No more tears, no more worries, no more what ifs. It took me 9 months to get to where I am, and I was not going to let anything ruin it.

Latiaaa Apr 2018

My Dream

I had a dream.
I was there,
you were there.
We were there with your mom at her house helping,
You bragged about having a bigger refrigerator than hers,
more food to eat,
more room to do whatever.
How you didn't want to be there.
I rolled my eyes and continued helping.
In my head I was proud you had gotten a place of your own.
We were all in the kitchen.
I remember telling a story from our past about how we ordered so much chicken,
it went to waste.
That was the only time you and I had a connection and made eye contact.
Time shifted.
There was an art festival,
and you just happened to be there with your current girlfriend.
Talk about showing off...
Flaunting her around was a lousy way of getting my attention.
I was not moved.
I woke up in laughter and realization that you no longer have power over me.

Latiaaa Mar 2018

My Tattoo

You were there when it all happened.
I dreamt of having a tattoo for years,
my day had finally come.
You decided to come with me and my sisters,
so I can have the moral support.
So many thoughts ran in my head,
"I change my mind..."
"I want to go home.."
"I don't know if I can do this!"
But you pulled me back to reality telling me if I didn't do it now I'd regret it forever.
I did it.
And you were there.
Holding my hand tight as the needle chafed against my bare skin.
I wanted to cry,
but I wanted to show you I was a big girl.
I can handle this.
Yes,
You were there when I got my first tattoo,