You don't give up
it's not in your dictionary

there is no acting dumb,
feigning ignorance,
playing dead,--

you wouldn't
know what the words meant
if you put give
and up
together anyway

it's difficult
to conceptualize,
even when everyone
around you is shouting
it from the top of their lungs;
screaming it into your heart,
begging you to do

what cannot be done

simply because

it has yet

been born

hallelujah, it's halloween
our eyes are stitched shut
to hide those awful
things we've seen

they are lit
behind a burnt
orange film
screen

they play like movies,
these nightmares,
surreal and haunting

like acid drops
to the end of our
tongues

we trip like torches
towards the sun, our flames
merge into one another

we shine so bright

and burn everything
in sight,

all those hallmark cards
laid to waste, those dears
and sincerelys

now just faded
memories

thank the lord
who set every forest
ablaze

every animal
has it's fate;

a simple beating
heart is just a
red, plump
container

with a name

I promised I'd tell
no one about our
little secret. I keep
my hands clasped firmly
on my lap and breathe
in the air like it's
my last day on earth.
We signed a blood pact.
It was ten years ago this day.
My hair is much longer
than it was when you first met me.
And your legs are much
thicker than they were when you
bought me Usher's first album.
I still sing along to it;
do my best to dance like
he does in the music videos.
It used to hurt me, keeping
this secret you forced
me to keep. Said if I told
anyone I would go back to that
dark place; where claws
are attached to moving shadows;
they'll pull me in, you whispered
as you sat on top of me, and never
let me go. I trembled under your
weight. But held you tighter
that Sunday night.

the evening rolls
off my tongue like
a spanish R,

a click, hop,
and a jump
away, my mouth

makes a noise

in the midst of all
this silence

'you're right'

is not something i want
to hear, and it's feels
like hell holding it back

the spine crinkles

like an ******* of potato
chips that we kept
between the cushions
of the living room couch
for the entire winter

remember that day
when i promised i'd go
swing dancing with you?

i said my legs were tired
after my jog around the school
by our apartment, i ran

10 laps straight, remember that?

i lied,

i sat behind a tree
and cried

my eyes squeezed dried,
into a ****** pulp
and fried

my allergies, dear
they're acting up again
can we go next year?

you took it, like you
take everything, buried
it six feet deep,
next to the resentments
and regrets

labeled it,

under rather not
bother

you were right
all them years

said i'd limp my way
to your heart, and drag
it along the bowls
of an unnamed river

can't we just
burn our losses like
stars and start over
again?

find each other
in the tangled webs
our ancestor's
blindly wept?

suddenly, doesn't
feel so sudden
when you're loved one
is no longer ladened

she's free of the
significant other
burden

and i remain
a distant memory

the false beginning

of my own sincere
history,

this cocooned heart
of mine, so free, free

free of the precious
metal container

called misery

i thought we could do this
but i was wrong
at the edge of my seat
in nothing but a thong

i rubbed my *******
hard till they broke off
and fell

i rested my feet
on the desk, then
my *** went to sleep

all these numbers
in front of the camera

for your donations;
for money to spend
unwisely

who said
intelligence
couldn't co-opt
beauty?

for the sake of
the lord's embrace

my body relies
on the path
it chooses but
in the end
doesn't take

so here i remain
yours, on my knees
wet;

your torch
sets me ablaze

and i was wrong
at the start, the middle,

the last few drops
of tears offering no
solace

wake up
it's time for work
the arms are extended
labor calls, they tilt
like the antlers of a deer
an object,
no a thousand
pounds of nothing
awaits their arrival

as though they've been
waiting it out;

waiting for something
important to uproot
them from their dull,
but peaceful existence

it'll click
you'll wonder
it'll click
you'll wander
it'll click

you were there..

and it was a bright,
vivid place

it clicks

and you're gone

My wife hates it when I leave my clothes around the house.
she hates it when I hold a sneeze for too long,
she thinks I do it on purpose; she may be right
because I believe i was a full time birthday party clown
in my past life.

My wife complains to me about
how I spend more effort than I should scratching an
itch on my thigh; she scrutinizes me when I dig
under my nails and pleads for me to just clip them.

When she's not home her voice still remains; it rocks
back and forth like a lifeboat without any
tools for salvation.

I could never love anyone else. perhaps I'm all
dried up; much like the plums we keep in the icebox.

Forgive me,
I don't mean to be so honest.

It's just that i don't have anyone else to talk to at the moment.

i was fifteen when it happened
i laid there waiting for it to end
my body was like an acorn
waiting for the squirrel to steal
it away, only to bury it deep
underground where no one
could find me;
i was numb, but do you
know that feeling
when your shoelace gets
stuck around the peddle
bar and it's been spun around
so far already that it's too late
to stop? it felt like that
but much worse

i kissed the asphalt before
my lips ever touched
another pair of human lips

i only know what shards
taste like

don't feel sorry for me
though; it's the nature of
things

you get used to the sharp
edges, and that's all you
long for

i was twelve when i died
but i no longer mourn

I enjoy the way the light
shines on your forehead
like the sun scattering
arrows across the plains
of a desert

your unwashed hair
polishes it just right,

greasy and mirror-like

Your eyes are open
wide when you scrub
your crooked teeth
with the Hot Wheels
toothbrush;

I suddenly imagine
a navy blue 76 Chevrolet Camaro
speeding through
a busy-body city
with empty shoddy buildings
like it's the end of the world

Then there's the sound
of liquid crashing like
waves inside a tiny
tunnel

You turn off the light
and lay in bed next to me

'Your breath stinks,'

you say as you push
me to the side to make space

Groggy old me agrees;

you're just
as bad when it's
that time of the month

but I don't say anything

because I know how bad
it can be

I take my hand out of my pants
and bring it to my nose. I take
a whiff of the goodness
that is a hard day's work;
something is working hard
and it's got my girl's name on it;

My crotch and I are close
we've named each other after
the stoic philosophers,

I am Zeno of Cilium

and it goes by the name
Marcus Aurelius,

pompous *******, I know,

right?

We get along, some might
say we get along
too well

because we hardly
if ever, say goodbye
to one another

and instead bask in our
own joy, as though
God himself
erected such a
work of art

At night
it pulls me closer, and
whispers to my ear
it's almost time to release
the Kracken,

I say, that was before your time,
sir,

you got it all wrong.

Don't you mean,

liberate the sea men?

there are days
when you experience
a one, or two
second delay,

life is a little
on the laggy side;
the movements
follow alongside
sluggish, and
desperate for
rest;

days when you
tell your fellow
teammate to hold
back, but they continue
onward

determined
to attack

and when they're
dead from such
recklessness

aren't we allowed
to sigh off the
woes of the entire
universe?

am i,

your humble
speck

not given

at
least a say

in the matter?

you can bend my leaves
until they crack; inflict
creases upon my skin
until i'm no longer
readable

tear my spine
into a thousand
pieces and scatter
them across the bay;

where the sad girl
goes to lose
herself in thought,
'it's shallow' she thinks
as she stares deeply
into the pond

only the crushing
of gravel can be
heard beneath the
bridge

her feet pacing
back and forth,
traveling
like light
between choice
and decision

i throw empty
plastic bottles into
the water, making a
wish as they descend
towards their hell

i empty my shell,
or what's left of it;
break each
bone in half,
let my breath
hang in the air
like the death
of the sun

'it's worth it'
she says,

drawing lines
in the sand,--

only boundaries

the half-shattered

can see

hell:

i know it's a silly thought,
but one day i'm going to die

have i broken my
heart enough?

what's loss,
but another reason
to experience
more profound
joy?

if the arms cross out
the chest, who will
welcome the inevitable
snowstorm for me?

there will be a time
and place,

when i'm the
one to be buried six
feet deep
under this holy
joke of Yours;

alaska:**

the long lost strangers
will pass along
stories as though
they were fresh drunken
bodies on prom night

the skin peels, falls
to the floor and rots
there for all
the children to see

and they poke at it,
spit out a giggle or two
and then kick it to the side,
run back to their
mommies and daddies

and talk about it,--

the first footnote
to their long day

it was
another saturday night
they stood by the door
like vultures above
the carcass
hungry, their feathers
ablaze,
their tongues
swaying
church bells

the ring
so loud
it destroyed
the glass walls

they poured in,
their bodies
crashing
into each other
like waves

when one went
down, another
took it's place

after it was
all said and done

there were no words
to share, no memories
to be had

it was as if
they were born from
zeros, and went
back to zeros

where no
concept could
be formed

i bury myself
in memories;
it's the only way
i know how to breathe
without getting stuck

my tongue trips
up, when i do
my damnedest
to express my emotions

but i don't come close
to the perfect reasons,
hell,--

i wouldn't
know how to
stop
to begin
with

the rain came
down in torrents
i grew jealous
and sped home
as fast as i could
on two legs, two wheels
one flimsy frame

when i got there,
i was here and i opened
the door to find i had
nothing to fear

the house was empty
the windows boarded up,
and the sink leaking
as though it were
laughing at my predicament

i dug my nails into
my skin, punctured
a few loose veins
and let the blood
do it's thing,--

look pretty, embrace
the floor, and spread
like wildfire through
the cracks of the porcelain
skin

i fell to my knees
and wailed until the wolves
howled for silence
to return to me

and it did
but not without
fighting my screams

the noises in my head
refused to cease, and so
this continued on for days,
months, maybe even
weeks

until my beard grew
and sheltered me
from putting anything
in my mouth

my ribcage felt like
the talons of a hawk
clawing to get out

i wasn't me anymore;
the me she loved
and adored

instead,
i was much better,
albiet much worse
than ever before

i became the nightmare
i wanted to be

and sank in this reverie
until i could no longer
feel hunger

another tuesday morning*

i wake up with
a dry mouth, i turn
to my left and
stretch my arm out

i reach for her
but she's hardly there,
what's left of her
slips through my
brittle fingers

it's been a week
and now
she's finally
said goodbye;

filling the desert
valleys from day
to night

hardly anything
dare swims in the
trenches of my heart

i cry out from the
hollowness of my being,--

where the light
looks and feels
no different than
the dark

and all that remains
is an echo; like the
smallest stone that
forms ripples

on a lonely pond

at the end of
world

the bed doesn't
feel like a place
to rest, but rather
like a flu
you can't shake
off, or
an inevitable
sore chest

the mattress
is soggy with the
past resentments;
all those regrets
piled up next
to overdue tests

do I have
to wake
up and do
everything backwards
over again?

return to
the state
of normality

the fingers
retract, the keyboard
never taps,
and the silence
welcomes the space
back

as though
it were capsulized,

ready to be swallowed

when i was a child
i drew an outline
of my future
with broken chalk
across the side
of a road that
no longer exists

you see
when the eyes
persist
they reimagine
the past as some
kind of bad joke,
or a science
experiment

when i was a child
i was forced to make
love to people
who didn't deserve
it;

i guess asking
for permission
didn't exist back
then

or were we all too
scrambled in our brains
to get our bodies
to do what we say?

instead they just gave
into their instincts
and impulses

our tiny naked bodies
under ***** blankets;
tightened fists, kicking legs
and strained muscles

the trees outside
still swayed as though
they never had mouths
to feed, as though
they weren't desperate
to think, feel, or be
free

it all came so naturally...

when i was a child
i broke twigs in two,
kicked empty beer
cans, and poked
rollie pollies
in their bellies
until they got
sick and threw up

i laughed, cried
and wished that
i could die

i did this well
into my late
twenties

until i realized
i was going to live
for a long time

then i said **** it,
**** the world,
**** the creator
he, or she
doesn't exist

they were never
there to stop
my father
from his routine
abandonment

they were never
there to stop
my mother
from withholding
nourishment

sometimes
there aren't enough
words and wishes
to conceal the truth
from it's own existence

it has to live
in order for
me to die

perhaps, it's been a joke
all this time and i've
been to stuck up
to spare a laugh
or two

i smile more
than i often believe
i should

but at least
i know my body
is strong enough
to rebel against my fate

when my mind is
too afraid to make
the change

i lay on the bed
scribbling words
of adornment
with my pen

the sound it makes
reminds me of
bones that break

the scars,
they never heal
do they?

and so my
hands can't
help but seek
out other hands
to hold
and shake

time flies,
and the blood
stains on the sheets
remain

an empty plastic
bottled smiles
from the end of my bed

tells me it's goodnight
for good,--

nights
were never
my favorite
time of day
anyway

remember  when we were young?

i was a baby mammoth
and you were a giant squid;
at first we ignored
each other in the classroom
but paid close attention
to our awkward body language
by the parking lot
next to the jungle gym

you were just one syllable
and i was an entire conversation
the subject somehow landed
on the preservation of science
and the fall of religion

your eyes lit up when i said
i was single because you
were in a long term relationship

said it was perfect timing
because you were ready
for marriage

i scoffed at the idea
with my legs trembling
inside the mouth
of quicksand

you pulled me up,
told me not to worry
and reminded me
that the ending
was all part of the plan

my ***** swam like
a swarm of insects
into your gaping
wound; spilling
over the sides
of the womb
causing your eyes
to roll back;
you moaned
you were
ready to come
soon

we came to,
as two;
our bodies intertwined
under the gapped-
tooth moonlight
smile

this was our crime,
we were young at the time

now here we are,
older than life permits
the body to exist;

i admit, i wouldn't
want to share this
moment with anyone
other than you,

my feline friend

body's built
to starve, late night
accusations
and the magazine
pages keep
on spinning

land on page 99;
how to lose weight
or lack thereof

someone's yearning
for a ***** chai, grande
no ice

almond milky
way

tonight, it's about
mimicry, with no
soul inside

be free, a copycat
of an adolescent

wake up tomorrow
and prepare the head
for it's inevitable
face palm

ever feel
like you're
this close
from getting
your head
severed?

the body...

so neck
deep in it's
own impulses
and desires

how comedic
to call it ours

it's her body,
let her do
what she wants
with it

is like saying:

it's his
car
let him
crash into
a group
of children

the mind
and it's
desperate
need for
possession

to control,
to have and
to hold

to cherish this time
as though it
were never time at all

i say

let's watch
their wounds
bleed out
and see how desperate
they are to seal them

the infinite
is a simple speck

our complicated

mouths fumble
to spit out

she's
got a tattoo
of the alkaline
trio logo;
the heart
and skull
by the crease
opposite of her
elbow

she does acoustic
renditions of
90's punks songs
in the backrooms
of cafes around
the shady parts
of town

i'm not a fan
but an innocent
bystander

pierced by
bullet
and blade

hands cupped
over my ears
pleading
for the sound
to finally fade away

i just work here
and can't
handle it anymore

i get called
an *******

but i can live with that

$4 an hour
minimum

scouring
the nostrils
for golden
nuggets
takes a certain
skill

let's sing
along to
Lana Del Rey
songs

in our
best nasally
voices

we're impressions
of impressions
after all

so who
is really a legend?

the popstar
is just
a pop
without
her stars

and
we're all
in sync
with closed
lips

tonight

when i was
a child*

at night
i used to see
shadows dart
across the walls
in the gutters
of our streets

it wasn't
till i got older
till i finally met
those creatures
and called
them by name

some of them
have passed;
some of them
still live to this day

we don't get together
as much as we used to

but those filthy,
albiet, gorgeous
creatures

still live at the bottom
of my heart

where the waste of
my mind goes

don't mind
the burning
red eyes,
or the tears
streaming
like exhausted
snakes

down my cheeks;

I'm just here,
waiting (with
clenched fists
and trembling
ribs)

for your

sweet kiss
goodnight

i.

There are tiny
holes in the wall,

as though
the drill
was having
the time of it's
life not fulfilling
it's duty

It reminds me
of the time
I wore a brand new
pair of shoes just
to splash around
in puddles

We are the increments
of flesh caught in the
gnashing gears of time
and space

ii.

There will be a day
when you say
goodbye to me;

and I won't
mind the heartbreak,
I swear,--

I'll carry your
wicked smile
to the depths
of my grave

i pour water
into my dog's bowl
and watch as my
reflection wades
into the depths
below

this is solitude
at it's finest

as though
it were ******
resting upon
the belly of a spoon

ready to be
devoured

my soul is but
a figment of it's
own imagination

it isn't till
my dog yelps
for more water

that i realize

i am whole
within a hole

and this moment
of emptiness
is simply paying
the toll

just to be alive

Raise your awareness
up to the sky;

lower your standards
till they hit
rock bottom
and die

Make sure
each copper lid
has an eye;

make sure
each silver lining
isn't a lie

A shine for
a shine

makes the whole
world fine

Tomorrow
we wake up
bright and early
to nothing but
past memories

Lather, rinse
and repeat

till the *****
pile of laundry
is pristine

Our souls aren't
clean, nor
will they ever
be

That's how sin
came to be so handy

Tonight
we live for infinity,

hearts ablaze,
lungs torn apart
from all the
unnecessary breathing.

we do the best
we can
to ignore it;

run for our lives
till the end of time;

it's on the edge
of our tongues

sharp as a blade,

it sets our
tightly knit
mouths ablaze

yet it isn't true,
and it does not exist

this fatal word

the one that
tries desperately
to escape our lips

no,

we are an organism
that knows no boundaries;
an organism
that will never cease
to exist

we can make decisions,
but we don't
have to live with
our choices

we can exit stage
or wait for the
final curtain

it remains
in the soil
of our plump,
red hearts

saying it;
won't change
much

but at least
we have this
one opportunity
to do so

You got to step it up;

leave this
fragile
comfort zone
of yours,

there is no more
twilight here

Write what you want
to read

even if those eyes
don't clearly see

Your choices
are blurs on
the television screen

You chose to be honest
with yourself

Your
self

will

remember
this

You go it alone;

but in this sea
of loneliness
there are plenty
of visible hands
to hold

Wish for more
wishes; cry
as much as you
dare;

You no longer
have to try

Because no one
can tell you

what to do,
or what not to do,

without

telling a lie.

Yell over me,
cow jumped below
the moon

The dairy sets
in, bubble guts,
hollowed out
cigarettes, nicotine
fix -- breathe

it in

One more beer
for the road, no
let's argue
about it for a while

Go home, you're
not right
in the head, but alright
let's go ahead

Exhaustion
sets in

Tomorrow
opens it's eye
lids and

teases us
with sugar,
caffeine,
and distraction

Sink in like
a ship into
the present

Deeper, and
deeper till

the past is no longer
the past

but rather

a single
digit existence.

I unwrap the plastic
from your caramel
coated body; you're a bit
nutty, but that's how I like
it

You tickle the tips
of my ribs, leaving
me gasping for air
before the moon
sets

You're on the other
side of the screen,
pixelated, in and out;

stuck in place,

my dear
lost signal

There's no
cure for what
ails; I'm afraid
this is our lot

two chickpeas

in a dystopian pod

Yet

my lips do not
refrain from pursing
into a pair of moist
rosebuds;

desperately
awaiting your

sunshine ***.

20 minutes before midnight
strikes, the heart is racing
for it's dear life

you're standing on the side
of the road
watching me
run away from my
problems

The rats cling to the
streets, their bellies
full of spite
for the uprights

A shadow takes in
all the detail
from outside
the light

Holy, as it were

Holy, as it shall be
forevermore

My head
rests on the desk;

I pretend it's the *****
of my lover;

and I weep,
and weep,
and weep,

until the
scar riddled wolf

is ready to eat.

Sometimes I confuse
my brain with a heaping
pile of rose tinted
mashed potatoes

If only I weren't so
hungry all the time

I'd be fine, doused
in a fair kind of life

where everything green
on either side of the picket
line

has a fresh, polished
emerald shine

Sometimes I don't want
to wake up and do
anything,--

well except

for rubbing my eyes
till they turn
red to prevent
them from leaking.

If you feel it surge
through your body
and no one's around
to witness; then

you're home free;

in your bubble of
Truths, where the
crimson fiends
burst through the doors

and splattered
across the floor,--

You there,

wondering where
the heart has gone;

Your skeleton
knows no bounds
as it rests comfortably
between the jaws

of tradition

and sickness;

your sanctuary
of insanity

Only you know
the way out of
nowhere;

and only you
hear the screams

of the undying

thirst.

You know,
i am living
between blood
and bone;

a little swimmer
suddenly so
alone

sinking deeper
and deeper
until the unknown
is home.

And i stay here
as you breathe
out there;

because one day
i believe this will
all make sense,

one day
i'll have my riches;

spoiled rotten
right down to
the core.

Nevermore,
you caw;
my muscles
tied in knots;

knock, knock

my brain rattles,
rattles, until
it tips over
and falls.

We were here
all along,--

except i prefered
to stay lost.

You know,
I am stuck
between blood
and bone.

I as in *******;
year's worth of body coursework;
four seasons
of education

Mind wandering;
frustration of the Inguina

Liquids expanding,
collapsing, rising,
falling

action upon action
between two bodies

I as in wake up
tomorrow, alone
in an empty room

filled with tiny silences;
an open space mass;
atoms the size
of wet noodles

Inhale this lust,

mate, breed,

open mouth surgery

I as in can't take much more
death is calling;

carry on this legacy,
a past riddled with scars,

bequeathed upon your innocence

this agony.

The beeping of a cement truck
can be heard outside our window

The sun peaks through the drapes;
boots covered in dirt dance
along the fevered pavement

You're in my arms, on your side;
your hair  is like fine layer of
mocha beans before my face

I catch a small whiff of it
before you turn around
and look me in the eyes

And it isn't long,
after I kiss you
and ask what you
would like to do today

before you interrupt
all movement
(outside and in)

with

'You smell like
old Chinese food
right now'.

You are part of me, perhaps
ruffled pink feathers
that form a big fat
cheek

or the edge of
a cliff, sharp
and desolate;

my lovely
mountain peak

You are part of me,
when I am embarrassed,
stumbling over words
I never meant to say

Out of reaction,
our heads poke
of hills like moles

It's one apology after another

We are human, our mouths
communicate to one another

but while our minds form
thoughts to express, our bodies
say otherwise

We catch the eyes of others;
their gaze just as rare
and unique as our
mother's and father's

and like bridle, old branches
we give to the pressure
of being the apple of one's eye
for the time being
rather than love
what cannot be
heard or seen

You know, after all
you are a part of me,--

the rumbling, rousing
fisticuffs of my guts;

Push on, and on
until

death is the one

that signs the contract
across the dotted line.

If I knew I could have you
in a dark alley way,
behind a Latino
club, Desperado's
or something rather,
without any passerby,

no cop in sight,

I'd still decline

You see, it's not the opportunity
I want to sieze, but the heart
I want to freeze, and burn
it down like a suburban house;

and set ablaze all the green

If I knew I could fill your belly
with one, no two,

please you with
three little seeds

I'd refuse, give up,
sign off and leave

Tuck you like a memory
in the back of my jeans,
au revoir, Nacadoches;

My sweet American diet,
c'est la vie

For I am only a finite
creature, on the brink
of immortality

You could do without the
deceit, mi carnal amor,

with velvet blue sky
under your precious feet.

I'd give you all the passwords
to every account I've made online
if I knew for sure
there wasn't already a way
to access them

I'd prefer to shed
light on every dark
secret of mine if it
kept you close to my
mind, trapped
for all time

We're tangled
knots of misfortune;

such is the fate
of rosebuds
with sharp
emerald veins

And here I thought
we'd make it further
then I ever dreamt possible

Past the threshold
where the sun
greets the unknown
and shines a light
upon it

as though

it were never lost at all.

You're at your desk, sitting
on your favorite wooden
stool; the one with
the diamond shaped
chip on it's side

The sound of your
fingers dancing
across squared
platforms of symbols

and digits

A woman's voice can be
heard in the background;
as well as the clanking
of porcelain against
aluminum (all doused
in what seems
to be water)

You're a woman yourself,

But this doesn't bother you
in the least; because outside
the skin, inside the marrow,
flows an everlasting glow

the kind that gets you up
morning after morning;
gives you permission to
go, love, cherish

and hold

And as you get up from the desk,
the sun shining through the windowpane,
your blouse is lifted, revealing
a diamond shaped scar;

the only one you used to
despise having as a
child

I suppose what aches
the heart is a competitive
mind;

It's never win or lose,
but somehow feels mores
like the latter.

With dreams, come
the scenery of futures.

You close your eyes
and it's like you're there again;

crying over another broken heart,
or
better yet,
mourning over a father
who let the needle
love him too deep.

The mind is not
for or against
the concrete reality.

It persists
to perceive.

And what aches
the heart
is the breath
that competes.

It's like a boil on your favorite finger.

The scarlet liquid reaches
a tipping point
and when the ***
is about to spill
a hand, seemingly out of nowhere,
reaches out to catch it.

An open hand
is still an open hand
despite it being
melted right down to
it's bone.

No one want to love
and lose.

What has flesh taught us
but to let the skeleton
feel safe and comfortable
for the time being.

"We're all soldiers now"

And the blanket
comforts the child
one last time
before she
becomes the woman
she was meant to be.

You're my grandmother.

A statue at the sewing table.

There is nothing there

but the fabric of faded

womanhood;

your history is embedded deeply.

It's too late to make up for lost time.

Yet, I still mention your name

when I am writing sadness

across these walls.

Has what little joy

you kneaded into my

sides been torn away already?

You were my grandmother,

now swaying beneath the clouds

with skinny branches;

as though you were asking

for one last hug before you depart.

Shadow object
of destiny;

guide me
into the
multicolored light
at the end of
this dark tunnel
of mine

There is no
humor and sadness
to speak of;

only what is perceived
by two flickering
vessels of black
and white;

Even then,
the mind can
be so hard to trust
at times

Or so
I find.

I put his ***** in my mouth,
and he puts mine in his hand
and we laugh in unison
except my laugh sounds
like I'm gargling marbles
and his laced with
painful joy

We're on my mother's bed
and it's my fifteenth birthday;

The television is on,
and the sound of a
newsman fills the
evening air

60 dead and 5 others wounded
is all I can manage to hear

as he begins to make his way inside
of me, a silent joy consumes my
soul and I'm floating away to Heaven

I see God, and I feel him
fill me with contentment;
his hand is placed on my forehead
and I kiss his fingers
as they slowly leave my face

The front door shuts
loud with a bang and
my friend and I struggle to put
on our clothes;

It's father;

I've gotten
used to the loud,
calculated steps
he takes up the stairs

We both sit on the bed
and act as if we just finished
praying

The door opens
and he smiles,
and asks us
why we are
sweating;

but his eyes make his way
to the television;
he becomes distracted and tells
us with a grimace on his face
to go downstairs and
play a game

I grab my friend's
hand and rush
down the stairs

just to be alone with
him once more.