I'm jealous!
I'm jealous of the way you see them and not me!
I'm jealous of the way you spoil them and not me!
I'm jealous!
I'm jealous of the air you're breathing with them...and not me!
I'm jealous of the distance that's keeping us apart!
I'm jealous!

My jealousy is superstitious,
It's way above us!
I wrote you down on a note, trying to connect with you,
But instead, I realized the distance between me and you!
Continents apart,
Oceans apart,
So far, yet everlastingly so close!

I'm jealous!
I'm jealous of the years I missed out on spending with you,
I'm jealous!
I'm jealous of the times I knew I saw you as something more, but didn't say anything!
I'm jealous!
My jealousy is ridiculously overwhelming!
But to think about getting jealous of you,
Gets my soul jealous for my heart being stolen by you!
My jealousy is disappearing!

He writes songs to cry out
He allows his tears to flow his lyrics
For time he's been holding in a river of tears
As a man, he shouldn't be weak because
Weakness is feminine
Weakness is threatening
Weak is a man that cries!
A weak man he would be labelled...
Silencing the cacophony of judgements,
He sat down in his room and attempted to write,
His hands started shivering
His fear was a crisis happening
Little did he know, he was fighting tears from flowing!
Teardrops expressing his sadness of this world
Teardrops grasping onto his pupils fearing ridicule!
He wrote persistently
But his rhyme turned soft
And his hands were lost
Lost in translation of a pool of teary words and torn paper
It was beyond him at this point
He shed out his tears
And cried out a lifelong of tears
They will never know, he comforted himself
They will never know the pain, he confided in himself
But as the saying goes,
His actions spoke louder than his words!
He let that song cry.

I try to play you like piano tiles
Slowly, carefully hitting every key
But sometimes I speed up and skip a note
Leaving you with an open door to flee!
Shamefully, I sit aside and gloom
Expecting you to tag along and perhaps help me bloom
I expected though!
Expectations do lead to disappointments
How did I allow that?
To play myself like that?
To miss notes and fly like that?
Now you're gone!
Dead & gone!

It hasn't been long since I recognized you
It hasn't been long since I opened up to you
It hasn't been long...since I appreciated you!

You were just another...thing I believed was close to me on an airmobile!
A thing that spoke with actions,
One day you're shining,
One day you're crying,
Another you're crestfallen!

There's an infinite number of people experiencing an infinite number of things in life,
And how you choose to simplify and complicate life upon me, by day and by night
1000s have expressed their emotions through people
Seeking their guidance from within
Neglecting your existence that's a win!

I poured a lot of drink in a cup that can only take so much!
I was too drunk to focus on the pouring, it spilt out till it was way past a glass touch!
A glass being a glass too fragile yet speechless,
Allowed me to pour and drown it away!
It never expressed, it just eased my pain
It numbed it and expected nothing in return!
But if drinking is bad and harmful,
Why do I keep pouring?
And how is my cup handling all the pouring!

June 12th
It’s been a month or so since my hiding
I’ve been talking to god a lot lately
Some are conversations asking for forgiveness
Asking whether this was all part of his plan
Asking if there’s ever a way I’ll be happy again
After all “it’s all in god’s hands!”
Clock is ticking and my patience is running
Trying to get answers
I think it should slow down
It might be running in the wrong direction

I’m stuck...

But I won’t give up
This is a fight
For my soul’s growth
Can’t abandon that!
I also can’t abandon it because it belongs to my parents
I can’t sell my soul to the devil
I can’t let them down by committing sins
I can’t let their heads face down in front of others  
I can’t!
It’s tormenting!

But...
Doesn’t that mean I have a soul?
It tormenting me?

Sorry god...
Let’s rewind
You do work in mysterious ways...
Which means, you can take something away that we love instead of giving more.
“Sometimes the Blessings are not in what he gives, but what he takes away.”

I need to think and we’ll talk again god
Thank you!

I'm tired of feeling like I'm chasing you!
I look for you but you're barely ever there!
I call on you but you're surrounded with noise!
I finally find you but it's for a few seconds then you're gone again!
It's tiring and embarrassing!
It's heavy keeping it in!
But,
I don't want to lose you and lose myself chasing you
I'd rather admire you from afar than say a word
I fear losing you more than losing me
I lost me a few times,
But I found my way back!
I think I am afraid of chasing you away...
You'd fear my obsession and escape!
Far, far away...

I'll sleep when I'm dead
I'll get the eternal rest I need
I'll get the eternal rest I've been longing for
I'll sleep when I'm dead.

I'll be able to shut down the world for good
I'll be able to silence my past
I'll dream of my future with god
I'll sleep when I'm dead.

I won't wake up again
I won't worry about a soul but mine
I won't walk again
I won't talk again
I'll be dead!

There's simplicity in being nameless
There's fun in being a mystery
There's uniqueness in being the special thought

I can use codes and letters and nicknames to describe you,
But I'd be labelling you...
I can use codes and letters and nicknames to describe you,
But I'd be exposing you...
I could...use codes and letters and nicknames to describe you
But I'd have others smiling with me in the thought of you!

You're my own...
You're the peaceful thought to my distorted mind
You're the light in my eyes that stays shined
If I were to describe it, I'd say it wasn't love at first sight, it was soul at first sight

I read the quote "people say that eyes are windows to the soul" and the only eyes I imagined seeing are yours
In them, I feel safe
In them I see love
In them, I'm at peace

Losing your way is like losing track of time!
Not realizing all the hours that fly by is the same as walking down an unending path
We sometimes tend to take our paths for granted!
We aimlessly walk around
We see new corridors of life
Some that shouldn't necessarily encounter us!
We continue walking though
The clock ticks and we keep crossing
Each corridor holds a meaningful lesson
We learn it and move on to the next one
The lesson of yesterday's corridor, eases the walk on tomorrow's one
As we walk, we plan
As we plan, we apply
As we apply, we admire
And the cycle continues till we shut down

"You always have so much to say in your poems, how come you quiet now?"
I'll tell you why
It's because,
I shift the words in my tongue to my paper,
It's because,
I marinate it well enough in my feelings for you to see a clear picture
I then watch and hear the "I relate to this so much, you couldn't have said it better"
Claps and snaps here and there almost as if it's a pastor reading a scripture
I thank you and tell you I appreciate your feedback
I watch you depart, and only wonder,
You still want my response to the questions you ponder?

Fate is a cunning act
It can bring you beautiful things
Yet sometimes leave you feeling attacked!
In a world of no balance between minimal and maximal effort,
I find myself fighting the truth of the matter and the beautified lie!
Wherever I turn, a knife is stuck on someone's back
Leaving them paralyzed and sadly attacked
Fate brings friends together
Teaches them that patience is a virtue
Later strikes and speed!
Fatally, grasping away happiness which was a pursuit
So why believe in fate, when it can bring beautiful things
But it's a cunning act?

Its art was so intense and intriguing
They named it deep!
Deep was its soul
Deep was its colour
Deep was its intensity!

Beautiful yet undervalued
Generous yet undermined!
So beautiful it irrigates the fields,
Assertively, gorging its four ends

Diverse cultures and religions it combined,
Uniting my residents it signed!
Black, White, Yellow or Brown, I shall leave no skin colour behind!

Young East African, I defined myself
In a Northern Sudanese tribe is where I content myself!
A Muslim Sudanese female, I elucidated myself,
Capable of fighting my black I confided in myself!

Privileged enough to stand for my rights
Thankfully never had to experience being held against my rights!
Stereotypically speaking, I shouldn't be granted my rights
But religion and culture protected my rights!

In this enormous land of green,
I learned how to be diversity competent,
North, South, East & West,
Different traditions and nationalities it held
I learned how it is viewed in the world and how it views the world,
Respect for its land and people is all it offered and asked for.
Nothing less than powerful & privileged it made me!

"My Africa" I called it,
With my heart, soul and mind I solely protected it!
I am proud of my culture and heritage!
I am confident that I will achieve with red, black, white & green colours
I am African!
It's my name!
It's my language!
It's my blood!
It's my rhythm!

I was afraid to fly
Spread my wings high in the sky
Exceed my limits and defy
All the boundaries on my mind
I was afraid to fly

I was incapable of believing
That one day I will be the dream I was feeding
I thought congratulations were only in order when succeeding
But I woke up today and for that, I'm cheering

I thought therefore I was
I thought that I didn't need a cause
A reason
A force
I thought therefore I was
I thought therefore I am

I switched gears and unleashed my fears
I challenged my mind and my soul
I broke mental barriers and chains
That told me I was not worthy as a whole

I grieved as though you were the one
But time, knowledge, and experience taught me it was a chapter of the plan
A plan I am in control of
A plan I wear as a boxing glove
To fight for what I deserve and what I'm worthy of

I switched gears
I switched the was to persevere
I thought therefore I was
I thought therefore I am