Here is the song of my soul, which no one can hear,
It was safely hidden behind thick walls of fear.

To the sky I turn my face
There’s a dark cloud hovering over me
It wasn’t here for many days
So alien - and yet so known
Time to reap what I have sown.
In the black pool of my thoughts
Has it found the fertile ground.

Here I sit playing crosses and noughts
Against myself, afraid to make a sound
Something whispers in my ears
That love is a sin,
that I am nothing and can never win.

Deep in the mud I sink, struggling in vain,
Whoever tries to drag me out,
Gets ****** in a pool of pain.

I try to run but my mind stacks up
All ***** clothes of the old
All food I touch instantly turns to gold.
I run faster but can’t catch my breath
As if escaping impending death.
I try to sleep but the cloud sneaks in
I yearn for a dreamless sleep
A sleep which banishes thought
But every morning finds me awake with a frown
I wipe off inner tears and smile
Feeling empty, feeling down
I am nothing but a clown.

Swept away by the whirlwind of life,
A teacher, a daughter, a friend, a wife,
All those stare at a kitchen knife.

Wait! What is that breeze?
It calls back to joy, it’s May!
I lay the knife down and freeze.
And yet I do not know the way

I fumble forward through the dark,
They say the humble find the mark,
And yet it remains hidden from my sight.
Being already on the way,
I do not know what to say -
To go on, or to cease?
That is a question! Whether ‘tis nobler?
I cannot tell
Reason muffled by the inside hell.
I cannot find peace.

Every day, same battle, same foe.
I wait for the final blow.
The shadows of the present and the past,
Which I can’t outlast,
Will forever keep me low...